Yike

Fortune Teller reading my palm: It just says “yikes.”

in 2018 we start opressing people who like their hot chocolate with water

if youre lactose intolerant you can stay but youre on fucking thin ice

I eat the powder straight from the pack

Hey do you know how horrible what you just said was

She was poetry, but he couldn’t read.”

His name was jarred hes nineteen

*80s pop playing as I lay dead in the middle of the woods*

he’s not reading this

Who?

Jared, he’s 19 and he never fucking learned how to read

i could write essays about andy samberg’s influence on incomprehensible millennial humor but the gist of it is that every snl/the lonely island bit he’s ever done (specifically the mm watcha say sketch but i could point to others) laid the groundwork for all the nonsense jokes we make today and we should be thanking him

On this day 34 years ago Will Byers disappeared.

I can’t wait until like twenty years after weed is fully legalized and nobody cares anymore and comedians have to make real movies with real jokes

my piece of shit uterus every month once it realizes that i’m not pregnant: this bitch empty YEET