it's rotten work

yeah the reason ilya’s depression gets worse in ottawa is not because he hates ottawa and hates the centaurs. like don’t get me wrong it doesn’t help that he’s suddenly in a new place and on a shit team. but that’s not the problem. the problem is that he’s spent almost a decade playing the game of ‘well if i had what i wanted then i’d be fixed’ and then he got what he wanted - his dad is gone and he doesn’t have to go back to russia or have contact with his horrible brother and shane loves him and he loves shane and they’re going to be together now - and unfortunately it didn’t fix a damn thing

Buran Orbiter

Borzoi

PHRASE ADDED TO INVENTORY!

like we must never forget how much shane scares ilya. shane turns those big wet trusting brown eyes on ilya and gives him a little forehead smooch and ilya has to ghost him for six months because he’s so freaked out like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa why are you acting like I’m a nice guy who can be trusted with your trust!!!!!!!!! I just thought it was hot to deflower the nerdy uptight virgin I didn’t know the nerdy uptight virgin was securely attached and thought it was okay to love with his heart wide open!!!!!!!! those kinds of freaks should come with a warning label!!!!!!!!!!!

Enough of this. Now put on caramelldansen

And yes I am continuing my campaign to end Tanner Dillon's NHL career. Shane watched Dillon fail his man at every turn the entire season and a half he was Ilya's winger and he's been manifesting an ACL tear the entire time. Shane has dreams where an anvil falls on Tanner Dillon's head looney toons style and he wakes up with a smile on his face. Tanner Dillon gets traded to some Western Conference team the season after Shane arrives and Shane, who has been coping so badly with that man on HIS FUCKING LINE, literally goes home and plays Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead on their sound system while bouncing on Ilya's dick (White socks. Baseball cap.) BEST sex they have had all season. Actually wait, order of operations is this: Go home. Bump the tunes. Call Yuna. "JUST HEARD THE NEWS. WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK. Did I use that right? Okay good. WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK." Open Instagram. We'll miss you man. Good luck in Colorado. The Centaurs won't be the same without you. Voice memo from Ilya sent two minutes later from their own backyard where he's running Anya's energy out. "[Thirteen seconds of hysterical laughter] Baby you cannooooot." Call Hayden. "Thank fuck. Swear jar. Holy shit thank fuck. Swear jar. Shane get your man OFF you while I'm on the phone." CLICK. Ride 'em cowboy.

There's never been a fandom ghost like Cliff Marleau. He's a vampire. He's an ally. He's a latent bisexual. He a little confused but he got the spirit. He's imprinted on Ilya like a duckling. He has three sisters, all of them lesbians. He is 42. He is 28. He's French Canadian. He's from Florida. He is being psychosexually tormented by his best friend's thot husband. He is Hollanov's platonic third. He has a beautiful, terrifying wife. He's made out with Ilya but they were in Paris it's chill. Of course he's slept with men he's a fucking hockey player. He is Ilya's ex-husband.

Shane leaning into Ilya’s ear to whisper something making his husband choke on his drink while they’re at some fancy fuck event filled to the brim with hockey players & management. Anyone who caught the moment thinks Shane just said something sexual (good for them) but in actuality he said that Crowell’s wife looked like she was planning a murder-suicide and do you think there is anything we can do to push that timeline closer?