Life of a dance kid

As a 90′s kid, it blows my mind that origami youtube videos exist. You can look up any model and watch a pair of manicured hands assemble the thing in real time, in full color, in 3D, with cheerful flute music in the background. When I was little, you had a library book with no words and these esoteric little dotted lines and arrows and it was just you, your hands, your paper, and the cruel, uncaring eyes of God.

The song “Hotel California” is basically a bad Yelp review and a 3 minute guitar solo.

#the drinks were tasty but I got stabbed here 

i just saw my cousin on tinder can i die shes gonna know i’m gay

WAIT THAT MEANS

“my battery is low and it’s getting dark” is so hauntingly human, so crushingly lonely. I can’t articulate the deep, profound ache that sentence evokes. It’s acceptance and defeat and terror and sadness all at once, all from one tiny machine we asked to explore the stars for us.

Me, looking back at how many books i used to read: I love that bitch, she was going places.

Not Everything That Crinkles Is a Snack For You - A novel by me, about my pets

time: *makes me bolder* children: *get older* me: *gets older too*

I was a professional juggler for like five years and all of my friends politely pretend it never happened.

Sometimes I will be holding three or more similarly sized objects and they will all shoot me the kind of warning glances typically reserved for cats who are about to swipe a fresh and crispy fish stick from a small child’s hand.

I gaze wistfully at a basket of apples and they all think, “Don’t you FUCKING dare,” so hard that I take psychic damage.

Not elegant enough to be a vampire…. . not jock enough to be a werewolf.. ..

goblin it is