Life after them

I don’t know what to do about you.

liking him is like being sick: it hurst so much you forget how it was like to breathe normally. you spend weeks in bed. you stay inside, and don’t see people for thirty six hours straight. you don’t remember what it was like to be fine. it comes to a point you forgot you were ever once ok - you don’t remember yourself before this.

but the truth is, heartbreak, like any other type of sickness, will pass. and you will be ok. fine. good.

you will stay in bed and rest, take care, drink medicine and eat soup. and one day you will wake up and you will be able to breathe again.

and just like that you will know that you are over him.

I have always been told I have bad handwriting. And you know what? Who cares. I don’t, and that’s all that matters.

It snowed today. 

And I finally realized

i’m healing

away

from you

you blame women and tell them it is their fault if they fall in love. 

you place the responsibility in others and make them feel guilty.

a swedish guy i kissed once told me i was like pure white snow

he said i had a calming effect for his heart

to this day, i wonder if you also feel that way

the good thing about heartbreak is that once it is broken, you can fix it

i like you but i need to exist without you, before you

as a woman i have mastered the art of disappearing shrinking my body so as to appear smaller leaving space for others as if i didnt own or deserve any of it

i have forgotten how it feels like to occupy a whole room

maybe that is why i like you because i feel like i exist when you look at me

you were so afraid

of feeling,

you forgot

you had a heart

please 

don't hate him

for reminding you,

it is not 

his fault

“if you see this, i’m already yours”

i like you

i want to shout it to the boy in the flower shop tell him i can't buy roses today because i have spent all my water in feeding my heart

tell the lady in the metro that i need two seats today one for me and one for the idea of you

tell my bed that you won't be coming back because she will not be able to let you go

I sometimes see something so beautiful

it makes me want to cry.

That is how I feel about

you. 

Going back.

i don’t want to like you 

if I do, i will remember everything you say

every word stuck in my head 

(even the bad ones)

every laugh tattooed on my skin

(even the mocking ones)

 i don’t like you

 when we meet,

i will try not to look at you.

ignoring you has

a placebo effect

for my heart

 i will not like you

 i repeat it in my head

whilst I think of you

dream of you

remember you

 i like you, and

it is bad

i see you

Mondays.