Black Friday does not exist.
Controversial shitboxing time: Black Friday isnāt real.
Well, okay. It exists. Itās a real name affixed to a real name on a real shitshow of a calendar system used by Western civilization. (Iām using the term civilization loosely here.)
But: Iāve been watching. I am a paranoid shopper, mostly because I hate shopping, so Iām not going to spend my money on something unless I know Iām getting a deal. This means I price-watch, even on things Iām not currently in the market to buy. The only market I donāt do this on the regular for is cars, because we already know the prices are inflated. Thatās what haggling is for. (Always. Play. Hardball. Be willing to walk away. If you need financing, get it before you go to the dealership. You want to be in control, not them.)
Black Friday isnāt fucking real and hasnāt been for at least the last five years. This week in particular has been fun: Iāve been watching them advertise sales for their early Black Friday specials, and the prices that are the āsaleā price are the same or higher than they were the week before, or the month before. Hell, one year I think pretty much everyone and their neighborās dog raised prices prior to the sale and then lowered them back down to normal in the name of Black Friday. In fact, I think that was the first year I really noticed the trend.
Now, donāt get me wrong. There USED to be Black Friday sales. Legitimate ones. I worked in those fucking stores, so I knew those prices, and I knew if theyād been legitimately dropped or not for Black Friday. Toystore and retail, your primary Black Friday offendersāI walked those trenches, my dudes. I saw true Black Friday prices for items whose prices had been lowered just for that day.
This year, I have seen exactly ONE Black Friday deal where the price was legitimately lowered $100 below its normal going price.
None of the others. They have claimed price dropsā¦except these price drops? Yeah, the items in question were already that price. Nothing changed except the advertising. Iāve been looking for BF deals, tooāyou never know when you might see something that other people are in desperate need of, yāknow?
Yāall, there aināt shit except a one-day sale on a pair of Apple earbuds that are still hella overpriced. Just let it go. Maybe if we all refuse to fucking participate, theyāll either bring legitimate BF deals back, or ditch the idea entirely. Itās stupid and itās gotten people killed and encouraging greed is a sin in like a lot of religions, so maybe we can step back a little.
This isnāt to say donāt buy shit. I mean, the way our society is set up, some of this is shit we actually need. But donāt be fooled by the bullshit. Shop around. Price-watch. Donāt leap for the fancy bold print, because just like the cake, itās probably a lie.
Anyway. Stay home on Friday. Youāre not missing anything this year. If you see an honest-to-fuck Black Friday deal, buy the damned thing online at 3am and then go the fuck to sleep.
