LeviTheRizzler

June 2016

Ilya was waiting almost next to the door, excited for Shane to show, so when the doorbell rang he was opening the door in a second.

Except, instead of Shane's gorgeous face with lovely freckles, was Cliff Marleau.

"Marley, what-?"

But Cliff was already entering his home. "Roz, I don't think you should go back to Russia this summer. Or at least not right away. Listen man, we're worry about you. The team knows that family is complicated but man, when you go, you completely disappear."

Ilya was shocked at first, then really moved by his friend's obvious worry, but mainly he was fucking pissed. He needed to kick Cliff out of his house before Shane arrived, but how? Cliff was like a dog with a bone, or whatever the stupid saying is.

"Marley, stop! I'm not going to Russia." His friend halts mid sentence.

"You're not?" Cliff smiled as if this was the best news. Fuck, Ilya loved him and his team.

"Well, I am but not right away. I'm going next week. We can talk about this another day. Now I need you to go."

"go? Why?" And that's when he really took a good look to Ilya and his house. "Wait, you were waiting for someone?"

Ilya doesn't answer, because his mind is a mess of red alerts. Shane must be so close, now.

"You never do this, Roz. Who are you waiting for?"

"Jane!" He yelled, because fuck his life, and Cliff smirked. "Montreal Jane is coming and you know how shy and particular Jane is. I need you to go, now."

"Dude, of course. I was so right about her." They both go to the door and Ilya was all but kicking him out when they stumbled into someone.

Right at his doors steps.

Oh, fuck. Ilya should have waited until November, as originally planned. But he was so excited to show Hollander his home. He was so fucked.

-.-

Cliff had never been an intellectual, but he wasn't dumb. He was just smart in other ways. That's how he found out about Montreal Jane and how important she was for Roz, since the very beginning.

He also knew his friend was dealing with too much, so he never pushed. Roz wasn't ready to committ or share, and that was ok. For a while.

Last night, talking with Connors and Carmichael, they agreed someone should talk to Roz about Russia, so Cliff volunteered. Rozanov was more than just a Captain, he was their Friend. The guy that help Cliff organized Connors grandmother's funeral. The guy that went to all the vet's appointments when Carmichael got a dog. The man that was there for Cliff for so many important things, he can't even count.

So, he was pleasently surprised when Rozanov agreed to stay for a little while. He and the guys could arrange something to talk about Russia, finally. But knowing Montreal Jane was coming??? Dude, that was the Best fucking news. Only now, Shane Hollander was about to ruined it, by being there . Just like Cliff.

"Hollander?" The guy looked just as shocked as Cliff was. "Listen, I don't know what you're doing here, but we need to go. Roz's girl is coming."

If anything, Hollander looked even more shocked by the news. His eyes wide Open, his mouth half Open.

"Yes, I know, shocking, but Montreal Jane managed to do the impossible." He put his hands on Hollander's shoulders and was about to push him around when Roz almost knock him to the side.

"Shut your face, Marley." Roz pissed off face melted once he faced Hollander. "Hi. Umh... Marleau arrived like, five minutes ago. Uninvited."

Hollander's panic look also soften a little. "Oh."

"He was worried about me. Stupid thing really." Roz was nerveous now, Cliff never saw him like that, but it was understandable.

"Not stupid, man. But ok, we need to go. This girl is the reason Roz doesn't sleep around anymore."

Which aperantly was the wrong thing to day, cuz Roz glared at him with anger. "Fuck, Marleau. Just shut up."

"You don't sleep with other people anymore?" Hollander's voice sounded weird, and Cliff wonder outloud "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"Hollander had an ad to shoot in Boston, I invited him. I'm good that way, yes? My house is better than a hotel." He all but pushed Cliff out the door and grabbed Hollander's arm to pull him inside.

Only he was a lot more gentle with the Montreal Captain. "Now, go Marley."

But, no. Cliff was not going to let Rozanov use Hollander as am excuse to pull back from Jane. So he grabbed Hollander's other arm. "He can stay with me. You are not going to ruin things with Jane. You really need to talk to her."

"what the fuck, Marley?"

"Rozanov."

Again, wrong thing to do, Cliff had never had such a hard time reading his bro. Something was obviously missing here, cuz Roz shooting him daggers with his eyes. They were outright arguing now, Hollander saying Rozanov, louder everytime, but Roz was not listening.

"You have to talk to Jane, man, for real..."

"Rozanov!"

"...Take your hand off him, Marleau or I swear I'll break your bones. You're not taking him away-"

"Ilya." Hollander didn't even shout, not really. But the moment he said Roz's name the Russian stopped arguing. All the fight left his body and Cliff had front row tickets to the most sureal situation.

Hollander pulled his arm from Cliff's hold and just stared back into Roz's eyes. They looked intensely at each other for a while until Hollander spoke again.

"Lets go inside." To Cliff's utter shock, Roz nodded and followed him in. So Cliff did too.

"I am sorry." Roz started but Hollander shook his head. "He's worried about you. It's ok."

Then again, the staring that for some reason seemed like something close to... Longing? Cliff shook his head, what was happening?

"Did you really stop...?" Hollander started to ask, but even Cliff knew what he was trying to say.

"I've been busy." Roz shrugged, trying to look cool, but his face gave him away.

"See why he needs to talk to her? He can't even admit it to us. But the whole team knows by now how gone he is for Jane." Aperantly Cliff had a death wish, because he couldn't shut up.

But instead of trying to kill him, Roz nervously stared down, looking embarrassed.

Hollander stepped closer and that made Cliff realised just how close those too were.

"Do you trust Marleau?" Roz nodded firmly still not raising his head. "Then maybe... Maybe we could... Umh..." Hollander stumbled with his words but Roz seemed to understand him, cuz he looked up with wide eyes and such a... Hopeful Expression? Seemed like hope and so many more feelings Cliff was having a hard time recognizing.

Again, they stared at each other in silence and ... Mmmmm... Maybe there was something more right here, in front of Cliff. Something so insane his brain refuse to name.

"Shane." Roz said with fondness and adoration.

Hollander smiled a little, "Ilya."

Fuck, what the hell was this?

Then Roz turned around, grabbed Shane Hollander's hand and broke Cliff's understanding of reality with his next words:

So he works to get the pronunciation down, and finally springs it on him one day when Ilya’s just come in from the lake, hair air dried and floofy and he’s all open limbs and soft edges.

The moment the words fill the space, Ilya goes silent, and tears start to fall. Shane panics, and closes the gap between them to hold his husband close with a crushing grip.

‘What’s wrong? Did I not do it right? Did I say something bad?’

Ilya stays quiet for a moment, trying to control the inevitable break in his voice when he speaks. When it comes out, it’s wet, and wounded, like blood seeping out the mouth of an injured animal.

‘No, no. It’s ok- my mama, she-’ another small sob. ‘She used to call me that. I have not heard it in a very long time.’

Shane knows he doesn’t need to reply, or to fill the following lull.

He just needs to stand there. Solid and unyielding.

Ilya maintains that the wedding with the Pike children is their wedding anniversary, while Shane insists that the day they got legally married is. Consequently, they each plan the celebrations on the day they feel counts (and it is a constant competition of trying to one-up what the other one planned).

Shane is also of the belief that their relationship anniversary is the day Ilya called himself Shane’s boyfriend for the first time but Ilya counts from their conversation in Tampa, which is when they became exclusive (regardless of the fact that this was not discussed between them). Again, they celebrate both days.

They both want to celebrate the first time they told each other they loved each other but Ilya insists that the time he said it in Russian over the phone counts, so two separate anniversaries it is.

Ilya insists on celebrating the first day Shane flirted with him and Shane agrees because the first day they met is a special occasion, although he still maintains he wasn’t flirting ("Shane, you shook my hand twice" "I am not having this argument again"). So they also mark their draft day, as the first day Shane picked up on the fact that Ilya was flirting.

Of course they celebrate the CCM shoot day, it was their first kiss, their first sexual experience together, the day everything changed, but they also celebrate their anal-versery and the first time they fucked without condoms.

Ilya insists on marking the day they met on the ice for the first time as the first time he beat Shane, so Shane decides the day he won Rookie of the Year (the only award either of them has that the other has no chance of ever winning) deserves to be celebrated.

Ilya maintains that the wedding with the Pike children is their wedding anniversary, while Shane insists that the day they got legally married is. Consequently, they each plan the celebrations on the day they feel counts (and it is a constant competition of trying to one-up what the other one planned).

Shane is also of the belief that their relationship anniversary is the day Ilya called himself Shane’s boyfriend for the first time but Ilya counts from their conversation in Tampa, which is when they became exclusive (regardless of the fact that this was not discussed between them). Again, they celebrate both days.

They both want to celebrate the first time they told each other they loved each other but Ilya insists that the time he said it in Russian over the phone counts, so two separate anniversaries it is.

Ilya insists on celebrating the first day Shane flirted with him and Shane agrees because the first day they met is a special occasion, although he still maintains he wasn’t flirting ("Shane, you shook my hand twice" "I am not having this argument again"). So they also mark their draft day, as the first day Shane picked up on the fact that Ilya was flirting.

Of course they celebrate the CCM shoot day, it was their first kiss, their first sexual experience together, the day everything changed, but they also celebrate their anal-versery and the first time they fucked without condoms.

Ilya insists on marking the day they met on the ice for the first time as the first time he beat Shane, so Shane decides the day he won Rookie of the Year (the only award either of them has that the other has no chance of ever winning) deserves to be celebrated.

“oh!”

shane feels ilya jump beside him and quickly tightens his grip around his husband’s arm. his eyes shoot down to the floor looking around for the danger. what he finds is an enthusiastic golden retriever of one or two years old snuffling the back of ilya’s knee. deciding the threat isn’t actually threatening in the slightest, shane lets go and steps away so he can observe ilya’s reaction from a distance.

“why hello!” ilya earnestly giggles in delight and shane falls even more in love with him than should be possible. ilya scans left and right quickly for any indication of who’s dog this is. he lands on a printed picture of the retriever laminated and stuck to a nearby shelf. the sign below it reads ‘say hi to our shop dog! she’s friendly!’

“ah, you are a working girl, i should have know,” ilya grins, squatting down to her level, “and what is your name?”

he fights against her constant excited wiggling to twist around her magenta collar, a distinct metal jingling filling the air. ilya gets a hold of her tags and his whole face scrunches up in deep offense.

“sugar plum!” ilya exclaims, disgust evident in his voice. shane has to shove a fist in his mouth to stifle his laughter, “oh no, милая девочка* that is… unfortunate.” he starts to scratch behind her ears and her drooling tongue enthusiastically tries to lick his left wrist, “sugar plum is not the name of a sophisticated lady like you.”

sugar plum, completely oblivious, flops over happily on the linoleum floor so ilya can scratch her belly.

“hmmm, there’s yelena. good name. have you seen the black widow movie? yelena is blonde and very fierce like you,” he’s rubbing rapidly over her fuzzy ribcage and she’s pawing at him for more, “how about zlata? you know what zlata means?”

his hands stop and sugar plum-yelena-zlata blinks at him once, twice before barking impatiently.

“gold, yes! what a smart dog you are! shane, did you see-“ he looks up for the first time, eyes immediately clocking the phone in shane’s hands, “you have been recording this whole time?”

shane nods and his phone nods with him. an evil smile threatens to cross his face as he waits for ilya to realize his plan. ilya turns back to sugar plum when she jumps up to her feet again, shakes herself off and pads away. shane can see the exact moment it dawns on ilya.

“asshole!” he shoots up and points an accusatory finger at shane’s face, “you will show none of this to anya when we get home.”

his smile finally breaks and shane is practically buzzing with pent up laughter, “she’s going to be soooo sad. so betrayed by her papa, i guess she’ll have to cuddle me tonight. sighhhh.”

“this is parental alienation, shane!” ilya grabs for shane’s phone but he’s just barely able to leap out of the way, “i will sue!”

—

it makes me want a 5+1 story with 5 times shane went to a centaurs event as a "friend" of ilya's and the +1 as either him attending as ilya's partner or as a centaur himself.

the first time would be at the end of summer, right after the end of the ottawa summer camp. wyatt asks shane how long he's going to be in town for before he heads back to montreal, and he says it'll be a few more days, and hayes says bood is hosting a pre-season bbq and shane should totally swing by. he's hesitant, but the fact that it's wyatt who invites him and confirms with bood that it's cool vs him clearly tagging along with ilya that makes him risk it.

the boxing day party would probably fall as time 3 or 4? i haven't decided what the others are yet.

but through these 5 parties, shane slowly gets to know the cens and their partners, sees how different the culture is from montreal, gets to know these people ilya talks about for himself, and slowly lets his guard down.

for their part, the centaurs get to know shane as a person better and not just The Shane Hollander™️and they also can't help but notice that their captain, who's always so busy on their days off, is conveniently always available if hollander is also around.

by time 5, most people have figured out that something is going on between them. everyone has pet theories about if it's serious or exclusive or new, but they're trying to tip-toe around it and not let shane or ilya know that they suspect something. it doesn't help that ilya brings anya, and she seems very familiar with shane.

Planking. Everywhere

Making a music video to “Like A Boss” by The Lonely Island in the Raider’s training facility

ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, multiple times, always shirtless. Some of his notable nominations include a Raider’s assistant coach, Gritty, Shane Hollander, and then-sitting Vice President Joe Biden

The cinnamon challenge (fucked up his breathing for days but refused to acknowledge any discomfort bc Russians Do Not Do This)

Ghost pepper challenge (he ended up crying, made Connors delete the video, and threatened all present to secrecy)

Chubby Bunny challenge (Marly won and posted the video himself)

Gallon of milk challenge (Marly threw up and it was decided the video was too gross to post)

Ghost pepper challenge, again (went the same as the first attempt)

Harlem Shake in the Raiders locker room, obviously

Mannequin challenge during a Raiders practice, also obviously