Attack on Tit

Sticking your tongue into the junction of your upper and lower teeth, you swung your sword with purpose. 

Thwack!

The enemy did not relent, casting his arm over his head to shield the blow, while the other arm jutted its own weapon out towards your hip. With practiced ease, you maneuvered your body to spin, using your own momentum to propel yourself forward. Your blade slotted in the space between his collarbone and neck, pinning him down onto the ground with your knees. It was here that you had him, one more slice and he would be gone. 

Eren’s green eyes widened as he looked up at you, soft tufts of grass displaying around his head like a crown. “Did Mikasa show you that and not me?” He asked as an obvious surrender, tone shifting into that of concern instead of determination. “I told her that you two training together would do more harm than good.” 

He pushed himself up, face only a few inches from yours when he grinned childishly. “I mean, it would do more harm than good for Armin and I. You two would be unstoppable if we all got into an argument.” 

You laughed, setting your training sword on the ground in order to crawl off of him, looking in the distance at the other cadets sparring in the low evening light. A moment later you held out your hand, to which he grabbed and used your leverage to anchor himself up, brushing the dirt off of his tan pants. “You seem too cocky for someone who was put on their ass a second ago,” you muttered. 

Around you, the field buzzed with the humming sounds of cicadas clinging to the trees, the dull percussion of training blades intercepting once in a while over their song. The evening sun hung low, bleeding gold across your friends face. 

“Seriously,” Eren continued, panting for breath, “whatever Mikasa is showing you, she definitely skipped over with the rest of us.” 

“Maybe she just likes me more.” 

A snort was heard nearby from Sasha, who was sitting cross-legged in the grass, nursing a bruise blossoming along her jaw. Next to her was Connie, muttering an apology for hitting too hard to cause harm. You took a moment to admire the scene in front of you, soldiers paired up with one another as they practiced their sparring before calling it a night, taking the last bits of light until it was replaced with the moon. It had been a month since you and your friends had joined the Scouts, desiring the freedom that came from being outside the walls. The Battle of Trost was still fresh in all of your minds, enough to where sometimes you would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. 

The scattered conversations around the field began thinning and practice swords eventually lowered. You could see the weight of their exhaustion in their shoulders. Towards the end of the day all of you got sluggish, sleep so close yet so far away. 

Sasha groaned dramatically. “I think I’m dying.” 

“You say that every time someone touches you,” Connie said. 

She stood up from the ground and looked down at him, giving him a light kick. “Because all of you are violent.” 

You smiled despite yourself, hand reaching to your shoulder to rub absently. Everything hurts lately. Bruises were layered over older bruises before they had the time to fade, muscles sore from drills specifically were designed to push recruits until they collapsed. Hange had cheerfully informed all of you during breakfast this morning that the pain meant that your body was learning, to which you had to physically hold Jean so that he didn’t throw a spoon at them from across the mess hall. 

Eren began to say something else, which you half listened to while your gaze drifted to the far side of the training grounds. It was there that you saw Captain Levi, standing near the wooded perimeter fence. One hand rested against the hilt attached to his hip while the other held him steady against the wood. He was watching the group to your right, and then in an instant, he was looking at you. 

Heat crawled unpleasantly up the back of your neck. 

It had become a recurring problem over the past two weeks, where you always caught his attention at the worst possible moments. His attention always shifted at times where you were idle, like now as you stood talking with your friends while you were supposed to be training, or the night that you were ordered to clean the mess hall floors and took a little bit too much time filling the bucket with water. It was as  though he could sense the exact moment that your focus slipped. 

You looked away first. He was difficult to look at directly for too long. His gaze was sharp in a way that made you feel abruptly aware of yourself. Your posture. Your breathing. The dirt on your boots. Though, it was too late. Out of the corner of your eye you could see him moving closer. The conversations began to dull almost instinctively, quieter in the way that you all became whenever Captain Levi crossed the grounds. Everyone tried to make themselves look busy. Sasha stood up from her sitting position while Connie pretended he was fixing the laces of his boots. Eren grabbed his sword from the ground along with yours, handing it to you. 

Levi stopped a few feet away from your group, his gaze sweeping across your groups scattered training swords and half-resting soldiers. His mouth twitched. 

Disapproval. 

“That’s really interesting,” he said in a flat tone. “I don’t remember dismissing any of you.” 

“We’ve been training for over three hours,” Eren muttered under his breath, as if to only say it to your group instead of the Captain. The moment it left his mouth you could see the regret on his face because Levi heard him anyway, and you could see your friend reconsider every life decision that led him to this moment. 

“And somehow you still can’t fight for shit.” 

You bit the inside of your cheek, the fleshy skin anchoring you hard enough to stop yourself from smiling. 

Unfortunately for you, Levi seemed to notice that too. “You think that’s funny?” 

Amusement vanished from your expression. “No, sir.” 

“Hm.” 

You knew that he didn’t believe you and for one unbearable second, his eyes lingered on you. Cool gray analyzing your face with the same focus you had noticed him giving broken equipment or badly cleaned floors. Your stomach dropped, preparing for another snide remark thrown your way, another way that he could spot out your lack of attention or drive. 

Instead, his gaze fixed downward to the sword hanging loosely at your side in your hand. 

“You’re holding it wrong.” 

Your fingers instinctively tightened around the grip of the base. “I—” 

“In real combat you would lose two fingers trying to catch it once it falls out of your grip.” His voice was straight as he spoke, like he was bored. “If you weren’t already impaled by the enemy.” 

Heat rose to your face. Levi extended his arm toward you expectantly. And for a second you only stared at him, blinking in confusion before realizing that he wanted your sword, which you quickly handed over. His finger brushed yours briefly, the contact of calloused fingers dragging against your skin before he stepped back. It was less than a second, but it still left you aware of your own heartbeat thumping in your chest. 

He rotated the sword in his grip, like it was made for him. He was confident in the way that he held it, as though he would be able to do considerable damage with a sword that was dulled for training. You watched as his fingers curved against the hilt, thumb pressed into the leather handle to steady it. 

“You’re compensating too much with your wrist,” he stated, like it was obvious. “You’ll never get a good slash on a titan with the way you were holding it. You’re better off just standing in front of it and letting it eat you.” 

“I wasn’t that bad,” you muttered. 

Levi’s eyes squinted.

“No,” he agreed, an amusing lilt to his voice. Would he actually compliment you for once?

“You were worse.” 

Typical.

“I don’t understand what his problem is,” Eren said to you, passing a piece of bread your way from across the table. The mess hall was filled with multiple different conversations, all ranging to wildly different things. Though, after your encounter with the Captain on the training yard, your group was focused on debriefing what had happened before he let everyone go for the night. You caught the bread before it could bounce off your tray, tearing a piece from it and plopping the bit into your mouth. It was still warm. Across from you, Armin winced. “I think the Captain is like that with everyone.” 

It was typical for Armin to try and see the bright side of things, even when it came to your brooding Captain. His words comforted you more than you let on, giving him a sympathetic look before returning your gaze to the bowl of some type of stew in front of you. 

“No,” Jean interjected. “He definitely enjoys being mean to her specifically.” 

You shot him a glare. 

Jean raised his hands up, one of them holding a spoon as he said, “What? It’s true! He just insults us. She gets a play by play of everything she did wrong.” 

Eren kicked him underneath the table. “You aren’t helping.” 

Despite reminiscing about your close call with the Captain earlier, you felt some of the tension you had been holding begin to loosen. The mess hall buzzed, steam rising from bowls that smelled like vegetables and broth. It felt normal, or as normal as things could feel after Trost. Your gaze drifted absently across the room, watching your fellow soldiers crowd together. Some laughed too loudly, others were falling asleep hung over tables, a few just stared at nothing. 

“You know,” Connie started, “I think the Captain paying attention to you is probably a good thing.” 

“That’s the worst thing anyone has ever said to me,” you replied flatly. 

He grinned, but leaned forward. “No, listen. Captain Levi barely notices most people. Or doesn’t care to notice people.” A beat. Before he said, “Maybe he just thinks that you have potential.” 

Jean pointed at you with his spoon. “Or maybe he thinks you’re going to die horribly.” 

“That too.” 

Eren raised to your defense again, but the argument blurred into the familiar background noise of the table while you tore at another piece of bread, dipping it into the broth. Potential. You doubted that it was that. There was no way that the Captain was picking on you because of that. He probably thought that you were a dumb little girl who wanted to play with swords and decided to join the Scouts to try and make a name for yourself. Or maybe he thought that you had a death wish, and he was trying to teach you that even if you die, you would die fighting. You hated that you wanted to prove him wrong. 

With every fibre of your being, you just wanted to prove him wrong. 

You wanted him to look at you and think you were capable instead of careless. 

Sasha said something to you and you pretended to hear it, a reluctant smile tugging at the corner of your mouth. A hand came and laid on your own. Eren. “He’s just a dick, don’t take it personally, really,” he said, trying his best to comfort you. “He needs to get laid.” 

Mikasa scrunched up her face. “Ew.” 

Connie burst into laughter loud enough to turn a few heads from the nearby tables, while Jean nearly choked on his drink. 

Armin looked horrified. “Eren,” he said weakly. “You can’t just say that. We should not speculate about the Captain's personal life like that.”

“Why not?” Sasha asked. 

“Because if he hears us talking about this we’ll probably die.” 

After the bit of laughter had settled down, Armin forced a subject change. 

You couldn’t sleep. 

You tried to reason with yourself that it was the bruise that was blooming on the back of your thigh from taking a fall earlier that was making you too uncomfortable. But you knew that it was because of the nightmares that plagued you the moment you closed your eyes. In the darkness, Trost waited for you.You saw blood spilling across the stone streets, dust and smoke making everything blurry. ODM gear screamed through the air alongside your fellow soldiers begging for help that never came. Titans wandered through your thoughts like gods at the top of the food chain, mouths opening and eating soldiers between rows of teeth. And afterward, the vomiting. The regurgitated mangled bodies on the ground because its stomach had become too full. 

With a quiet exhale, you shoved your blanket away and sat upright. Carefully, you swung your legs over the side of the bed, the wooden floor creaking faintly beneath your feet. 

Maybe fresh air would help. 

You moved through the halls, pulling the door open just enough to slip outside. Once the cold air hit your face, the sharpness grounded you. For a moment, you stood there beneath the moonlight and breathed. The air was almost sweet smelling. Unlike the air you were used to behind the walls that smelled faintly of smoke and livestock. The grounds looked entirely different at night. Softer. The noise of the day had stilled into silence which left only the trees to rustle their song, the occasional owl hooting. 

Your gaze looked upward toward the stars. So many people had died beneath this sky, so many people that you weren’t sure you could remember all of their names anymore. 

The thought settled heavily in your chest. 

“You’re going to freeze to death standing out here.” 

You nearly jumped out of your skin at the voice. And when you turned your head, Captain Levi was there, sitting on the steps near one of the other entrances, half-shadowed by darkness. He was impossibly still. You wouldn’t have even known that he was there if he hadn’t made you aware of it. In his hand, there was a teacup. You could see the steam rolling off of it. 

You crossed your arms against your chest instead of answering him, gaze drifting toward the stretch of trees in the distance. The forest looked endless from here. Almost consuming. Neither of you spoke to fill in the silence, which should have felt uncomfortable. Instead, however, it settled strangely still between the both of you. 

He spoke again. Slightly louder this time. 

“You’re useless to me if you get yourself sick.” 

You considered immediately going back inside. That was probably the smart decision, because the thought of being alone at night with Captain Levi felt inherently dangerous to the peace you tried to keep in your mind, especially after the disaster that had happened earlier during training. But a part of you knew that leaving now would make it look like you were afraid of him. Which, for the record, you absolutely were, though, not in the way that he probably thought. 

“I’ll survive a little cold air,” you answered instead, keeping your voice firm. Though it was after hours, he was still your Captain. 

Levi made a quiet sound against the rim of his teacup, a sound that seemed like half agreement and half dismissal. “You recruits are all stubborn in the exact same way,” he muttered. “You’ve barely spent any time out of here and you think that you can survive it.” 

“I survived Trost.” 

“If I hadn’t come and protected you and your friends while you tried to pull Yeager out of that titan, you would have died. And we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.” 

The words thrummed through the soft air like a chord struck wrong. Your jaw tightened immediately, fingers curling against your arms. It was cruel. You tried to reason in your head. He was cruel. He spent all of this time trying to beat you down and even when you were off-duty he did the same. Images of that day came back uninvited, like you were asleep again, and you could see Eren’s titan collapsing, you could feel the absolute desperation that you had felt while trying to break him free before more Titans arrived. And then Captain Levi, cutting through them like it was just another day. 

“I know that,” you answered, something defensive behind your words. 

“Do you?” 

Irritation flooded you. 

“Yes.” 

It was then that Levi stood from his spot on the steps, stretching his legs for a moment before walking closer towards you. He looked different now when you saw him in this low light now that you could see him completely. Less composed, less sharp. Like for almost a moment he wasn’t the strongest soldier that humanity had ever seen and he was just . . . Levi. He stood before you, teacup lazily slung in between his fingers of the hand that rested beside him. You stepped back a pace, and then another, wanting to put as much space in between him and you so that he wouldn’t see just how terrified you actually were that day. 

“You say that,” he replied, “but you throw yourself into training like you’re trying to prove something. You overextend your swings, you ignore openings, and you stop thinking when your emotions get involved. If you want to survive more than a week when we go on our expeditions, you need to start thinking like a soldier instead of a scared little girl. Or maybe you just have a death wish. Is that what you want?” 

The words were like a slap to your face. It knocked you in the same way that it had on the training field. Something sharp twisted violently into your chest. You always hated the way that Eren blew his top off before thinking about his words first, always chastising him while you were supposed to be considered the more level-headed one. But Captain Levi had struck a nerve, one that you couldn’t find in you to settle. It wasn’t what you wanted. You didn’t want to die. You wanted to survive. Levi watched you carefully, gray eyes fixed on your face with that same unbearable focus. He was testing you, you knew this. 

“You’re angry,” he stated. Baiting you. “No shit.” 

“You need to figure out what you want. Then you’ll become a good soldier.”

Levi stepped closer, and this time you didn’t move back. He was close enough that you could see the push and pull of his chest raising with every breath he took. You could smell the faint smell of tea leaves and clean linen beneath the cold night air. If you looked down even slightly, you would notice the way his fingers rested loosely around the porcelain cup. You kept your eyes fixed stubbornly on his face instead. The corner of your mouth raised for a moment, trying hard to keep your emotions underneath the surface, pretending that your skin wasn’t crawling and heating up at the same time because of how close he was. 

Silence was deafening. Even the owls had ceased to hoot. The trees were listening. Understanding. Your eyes watched his, a connection pulled so tight that it felt as though it could snap at any moment.

“If that’s the key to becoming a good soldier,” you asked softly, “then you must have gotten what you want, right, Captain?” 

The muscle connecting his jaw to his throat tensed. You wouldn’t have even noticed it if you weren’t so close to him. 

“No.” 

The answer came immediately. Like it was the only thing keeping you from tearing open his ribcage and examining his heart on a silver platter. Flat. Certain. The answer lodged itself somewhere beneath your sternum, your body keeping it for later. Levi looked away first, breaking the eye contact that had briefly connected you.

“Go back to bed,” he said. 

Then, after a beat: 

“Before I write you up.” 

The cicadas started to hum again.

The next few days passed in a blur, constellations of different moments that could only be equated in the same way that more bruises and more aches made its way on your body. Training. Cleaning. Repairs. More training. The Scouts did not seem particularly interested in whether or not recruits were exhausted and although you could complain, a part of you liked the routine of it. You were able to get lost in yourself and you always were doing things with your friends. You were barely ever alone in the things that you suffered with. 

At least now you had stopped waking up screaming. That counted for something. 

When you were in those moments where you weren’t with your friends, your thoughts betrayed you and you thought back to that moment with Levi. 

Then you must have gotten what you wanted, right, Captain? 

No.

No. A single word that danced through your entire body if you thought too much about it. No. Spoken so plainly and so sure-of-himself. It lingered, lodged deep inside of you no matter how many drills you threw yourself into, or how many hours you spent scrubbing blood from training gear or patching tears in your uniform or Eren’s. Captain Levi had looked at you that night like he saw directly through you. 

And worse, sometimes when you laid in bed and thought about the way that the moonlight cast across his sharp features, you came to a mutual agreement between yourself. 

You had seen something in him too. 

“Move your arm.” 

Eren grabbed your wrist as it twisted to tie the last of the laces against your brown boots, leaving them to fall flat. You were sitting on the edge of a bench outside with him before you were supposed to run drills with your ODM gear. 

“Ow.” 

“You really need to take better care of yourself.” He brushed his thumb over a bruise.

“You are possibly the worst person to have that thought considering how hard you pushed yourself all through basic,” you teased, snatching your wrist back from him and continuing to tie your shoes. Morning light spilled through the makeshift shades, catching along both of your bodies. Eren frowned at the bruise for a moment longer, like it had personally offended him. 

He opened his mouth, but he was cut off by Mikasa. “We’re going to be late.” 

Your group walked briskly to the forest edge, the path worn into the grass that had been walked through by probably hundreds of soldiers throughout the years. All to the same spot in the middle of the forest where you practiced slipping through the air with your ODM gear. The morning air smelled damp, last night’s rain storm helping to emit dew and pine. Somewhere high above, birds called to one another. 

After Trost, all of you had become almost painfully attached to one another. Which wasn’t a bad thing, even though soldiers were supposed to stay unemotional and professional on the field, you couldn’t help the connections you had made along the way. 

Even Jean. 

A sharp whistle cut through the forest, and you fiddled with the last of your gear while staring forward at the noise. There were older Scouts there looking like they had been training for a while already, ODM gear attached to them like they were made for it. In the middle, Captain Levi was there, obviously the source of the whistle to gather everyone's attention. Morning light shined through the trees overhead into fractured pieces, catching against the metal canisters strapped to his thighs, illuminating onto the dark green cloak hanging from his shoulders. 

Levi’s gaze swept once across the larger group of recruits that had gathered, expression unreadable. When his eyes passed over you, you could’ve sworn that they had slowed. Barely, but enough for you to recognize the faint glimmer behind them. And then they moved again, mouth open to state, “Today’s drills will be focused on maneuvering through dense coverage. Meaning that if any of you idiots decide to slam yourselves into a tree, at least try not to break the equipment while you’re at it. They’re expensive to make.” 

You heard Connie stifle a laugh from behind you. “He definitely practices saying those things in the mirror.” 

“Pair off,” Levi ordered. “If I watch any of you nearly kill yourselves today, I will make the next drill worse.” 

Everyone immediately disbanded the group into pairs, Eren slotting himself beside you. Not that you minded, training with Eren was easy in the same way that breathing was. You knew each other’s habits too well after all the training you did together in basic. It was you who helped him, along with Reiner and Bertholdt, to train on the ODM gear that kept him in the military. He knew that you always favored your left side, and you knew the exact second that he was going to do something stupid before he even thought about it. 

Around you, soldiers began to launch upward through the trees one by one, the familiar sound of the ODM gear firing with sharp metallic bursts. You had always loved this part, the moment right before taking off where gravity seemed to loosen its grip on you. Eren nudged your shoulder. “Race you to the far marker.” 

“You will never beat me,” you chided. 

“If you have enough time to flirt during drills, you clearly aren’t training hard enough, Yeager.” 

Captain Levi. 

Before you could even look behind at your Captain, you shot up into the air. “See you there, Eren!” 

“Not fair, you didn’t tell me you were —” Eren’s voice dulled into the trees as you swung forward. 

The world launched beneath you, gas hissing sharply from the canisters strapped to your hips while your wires shot forward to the trees, catching thick branches in their wake. You had practiced so much with this gear that it was as easy as walking. Past you would be proud, knowing how hard it was to gain the skills that you used so effortlessly now. Momentum grabbed hold while you swung between the trees, sunlight breaking across your vision. Release, fire, anchor swing. It was freedom. This was why you endured everything else. Nothing else mattered in the world when you were flying through the trees. 

When you made your way to the first marker that had been slashed into the top of a tree, you took the time to look behind you. Eren was a few meters away from you, his green eyes looking into yours as you turned the corner for the next portion of the route. 

A grin had spread across his face. “Oh, so now you wanna slow down?” He shouted. 

You laughed softly. “You’re just too easy to beat. I wanted to give you a little help.” 

Eren gained enough speed to almost catch your shoulder, shooting through the trees side by side with you for several seconds. This has always come naturally between the two of you, the movement and the instinct of it all. Eren angled sharply around a branch and for a split moment he was ahead of you, attempting to cut you off before the next marker. 

Absolutely not. 

You fired an anchor higher, slinging your body upward instead of around. You soared right above him perfectly, your stomach flipping with the sudden height. A laugh escaped him, loud and unrestrained. You hadn’t heard him laugh like that since Trost and that thought made your chest soften. It was good. This was good. 

“Watch it!” A voice cut through the forest, suspiciously close to you.

When you looked forward, there was no mistaking it. Someone cut right in front of you, the move almost perfect if you hadn’t been lost in your own thoughts. Instead, their wire crossed dangerously close to yours. In an attempt to slow yourself, you angled a hook farther down, as low into the trees as possible as the metal of your gear shrieked. 

It wasn’t enough though. Wires collided with a metallic shriek that almost sounded violent. For one horrible second, momentum yanked your body sideways while the tension of your gear snapped beneath you, a singular wire holding you up on the branches that broke under the weight of its tension, snapping in two. Trees blurred together as your balance disappeared entirely. 

You closed your eyes, waiting for the impact of a tree to hit your body. But it never came, instead you felt the curve of another body hit your back, a strong arm catching around your waist on instinct just as the two of you slammed through a cluster of lower, yet still large, branches. Leaves exploded around the both of you, the sound of splintering wood cracking through your ears. 

The ground was next.

Pain burst across your shoulder as the impact knocked the air from your lungs. Damp earth smeared against your uniform while the world seemed to be rolling in a collage of green and blue. You leaned your head forward, the sound of ringing in your ears overcoming any other noise until you finally seemed to have some grip back on reality. 

Breathing. Close enough that you could feel it against your skin. A part of you almost wondered if you had crashed into Eren during the fall, since he was the closest person to you at the time. When you rewound your memory, you could barely see the person who passed in front of you. It could’ve been Eren. It had to be Eren. 

Your eyes blinked open slowly, vision swimming for a moment before finally focusing enough to understand exactly what you were looking down at. 

Captain Levi. 

One of his arms remained wrapped tightly around your waist, instinct having forced him to catch you before the both of you hit the ground. His green cloak was twisted around you, branches and crushed leaves tangled through the fabric of his uniform. His fingers were dug hard enough through the harness that you could feel the pressure of them. It was apparent that he kept holding on before the both of you had slammed into the ground. 

You were sprawled almost completely over him. The impact had tangled you together in a mess of limbs and ODM wires, one of your thighs resting between your legs while your chest pressed up against his own, so close that you could feel the weight of his heartbeat between your own. In the chaos of the fall, your hands had twisted into the front of his grey shirt, clinging onto him even now as you struggled to catch your breath, your knuckles white. 

Too warm. 

Too close. 

Leaves continued to fall all around you, a considerable hole in the canopy of the forest, allowing for more sun to come peeking through than normal. There were several leaves caught in Levi’s dark hair and a stick poked right out of a hole that had formed in his shirt near his shoulder. The forest floor was littered with bark and snapped branches, obvious evidence of a disaster. Your racing heart was slamming blood so hard into your veins that you could hear your pulse. Levi was staring directly up at you, eyes sharp and narrowed beneath strands of hair that had fallen out of their neat place, splaying across his forehead. 

The hand around your waist shifted, tightening reflexively before it seemed he realized he was touching you and released it to fall onto the ground. Your own hands unclenched from his shirt and you stretched your fingers, ignoring the way that you could see ten fingers on one hand instead of five, an obvious sign that you hit your head a little bit too hard. His gaze flickered from them to your face. 

“You’re bleeding.” 

Were you? Blinking a few times, you quickly sat up and assessed what you could see of your body, still sitting on top of him, your hips slotted against his own. When you reached one of your hands towards your face, it was then that you felt the gash on your cheek, splitting down your cheekbone and stopping, before another cut was felt on your top lip. Blood speckled against your fingertips, maroon in color, still flowing out. You turned your attention back to Captain Levi, who widened his eyes like he was trying to motion at something. Like he was trying to say — 

Get off.

You scrambled backward, elbow slipping against the wet leaves beneath you that you almost toppled sideways. Pain flared from your shoulder, but humiliation was the only thing that you could feel. “I —” your voice cracked, making you clear your throat quickly, mortified while trying to untangle your ODM wires from his and somehow making the knots worse. 

Levi sat upright in one smooth motion while you were fighting for some sense of dignity on the forest floor. Dirt was streaked across one of his cheeks while leaves seemed to stubbornly stay tangled through his hair. He looked deeply offended, though not as much with what happened with you but with the uncleanlyness of the whole situation. You probably would have laughed if you weren’t actively feeling as though you would die from the humiliation of it all. 

So instead you fought with the tangled mess of wires, the metal cables groaning angrily in protest. He watched you for a few moments before reaching over. 

“Stop,” he said, flat and immediate. “You’re just making it worse.” Levi leaned closer as his fingers moved through the wires while you sat there and pretended that you didn’t notice how close he was again. His knuckle pressed briefly against your thigh and he pulled against a particularly stubborn knot near the harness of your hip. He hummed in annoyance and you wondered if he had been in this situation before with anyone. If anyone had felt his pulse thrumming through his  body like you did. 

The thought hit you so suddenly that you recoiled from it like it had physically hit you. Your eyes fixed on his hands, noting the way that he was becoming more irritated the more that he loosened one knot and moved onto the next. There were callouses along his knuckles and the pads of his fingers and you hated that you took so much time to map the contours against his skin. He gave one final sharp tug against the last cable and the wires finally snapped, shifting your body slightly forward from where you sat. 

“I— Captain I’m so—” You stuttered out. 

“Save it,” Levi interrupted, hands braced against the harness at your hip for a second longer before he let go, standing up despite the obvious wince spread across his face. It created enough distance between the both of you that you finally felt as though you could breathe properly again. “We just have to wait for someone to come and help. I really don’t feel like lugging your concussed ass all the way back to base. And with the way you screamed, someone should be coming soon.” 

He didn’t help you up, but a part of you didn’t want him to. The thought of standing up almost made you want to vomit. You stayed where you were on the ground with the crushed leaves, one hand pressed against the cut on your cheek while trying really hard not to acknowledge how violently your head was pounding now that the adrenaline of the whole ordeal was wearing off. You tilted your head back and forth to try and ease the tension in your neck, watching as the forest seemed to magnify and tense the more you did it. 

“Will you stop moving?” Levi told you, scoffing and shaking his head, crossing his arms across his chest. “You’re making things worse, again. Stop.” 

A sharp metallic hiss echoed through the trees. 

“Finally,” Levi stated. 

Commander Erwin landed first, wires retracting smoothly into place. His frame towered over you for a moment, staring at you before looking at Levi, obviously expecting some type of answer for what happened. Then from the trees you saw Hange begin to land, falling into the ground with not as much ease as Erwin, but still with a similar commanding authority. Erwin looked around the clearing that the two of you had forcibly made along with the shattered canopy and broken branches barely hanging on the trees. 

“ . . . I see,” Erwin said carefully. 

Hange’s eyes lit up behind their glasses with immediate excitement. “Oh my god,” they paused, spinning in place while looking upward through the trees. “Did you two fall from there?” 

“No,” Levi said. “We teleported.” 

“Really!?” 

“No, you blabbering idiot.” 

Hange seemed to barely process the insult and instead crouched directly in front of you, hands reaching for your face with unsettling enthusiasm crossing their features. “Oooooh, nasty split on the cheekbone,” they said, tilting your chin carefully to see it more clearly in the light. “This is awesome, we can finally see what type of injuries happen when someone falls from that height! Can I—” 

Erwin stuck a hand up. “Maybe we can keep the scientific questions for later?” 

You looked at Commander Erwin with a puzzling look. “Woah,” you said, your vision begging to fuzz and blacken. “Why do you have two hands on one arm?” Your body began swaying farther to the ground with every passing moment. 

Somewhere, far away now, someone said your name. 

Then, nothing. 

The last thing you could see was the dirt on the forest ground getting closer and closer to your eyes. 

A deep ache throbbed behind your eyes, spreading towards your jaw and neck, reaching to your shoulder and seemingly finding a home there. It pulsed beneath your skin, feeling unbearably hot like something was trying to push out of it. Your body ached in strange places, soreness stretching to places you had never thought they could reach before. At least you could feel your heart thumping. That had to count for something. 

There was the inexplicable smell of alcohol and linen reaching your nostrils, causing your brows to furrow. Slowly, consciousness began to drag you towards some sort of light, eyelids feeling  impossibly heavy despite you forcing them open. A second passed where you looked towards the ceiling, the soft lantern light emanating across the wood. 

“Hey,” a voice came from beside you quietly. 

You blinked, slower, enough to turn your eyes toward the chair sitting near your bed. You turned your whole head then, feeling the softness of a pillow behind you. It was Eren. The moment that you made eye contact with him, relief hit his face, making your chest tighten painfully. He had clearly been sitting there for a while, slouched against the wooden chair beside your head with his arms folded over his chest. There were dark circles around his eyes and he looked so, so tired. 

“You look awful,” you mumbled weakly. 

Eren let out a tiny laugh. “That’s what you decide to say after being unconscious for almost two days straight?” 

You stared at him blankly. Two days? You tried to comprehend losing that much time, and you failed miserably. The only thing you could remember last was the forest spinning, Commander Erwin talking and Hange examining you. And then there was nothing. You squeezed your eyes shut, the movement sending another throb through your skull. 

“Don’t do that again,” Eren said, leaning forward in his chair. “You scared the shit out of everyone.” 

Your mouth twitched. “Everyone? 

“Yes, idiot. Everyone.” 

Something warm bloomed inside of your chest. Quiet footsteps echoed somewhere outside of the room, other soldiers returning to the mess hall for dinner. Everything felt too calm to be true, though that’s how infirmaries had always felt to you. Detached from reality, a place of rest. Your gaze shifted back to Eren. “How long have you been sitting there?” 

He shrugged his shoulders. “Only a few hours. We’ve all been taking shifts. Commander Erwin thought that it was unnecessary, but Captain Levi gave us the okay. He was the one who lugged you back most of the way.” 

Your brows furrowed. “Captain Levi?” 

Eren nodded once, stretching in the chair. “Yeah. He said that someone should stay in case you woke up confused. Maybe he actually felt bad for what happened.” 

You stared at Eren, a quizzical look on your face. Captain Levi feeling bad for anything felt almost absurd to think about. It wasn’t impossible, there had to be some humanity locked deep within him behind his cold gaze. But . . . it was strange to think about. Like trying to picture a wolf apologizing to a sheep after biting it. You shook your head, no. It didn’t make sense. He was probably just trying to cover his own ass after what happened. 

“He doesn’t seem like the type,” you muttered, something lingering oddly in your chest. Because despite everything, like the insults and the sharp remarks, and how he always seemed like he was one moment away from throwing half of you recruits into a wall — he still caught you. He still carried you back. And apparently, he still made sure that someone stayed behind while you were unconscious. 

Eren hummed. “He’s actually been checking in on you. Maybe he doesn’t hate you as much as you think he does. He stopped by the infirmary once in a while to ask if you’d woken up yet.”

Heat reached your cheeks and you were lucky that the light was dim enough to not show it. 

“What did he say?” You asked. 

His expression flattened slightly, clearly trying to mimic Levi. “Is she awake.” A pause. “Is she dead.” Another pause. “Why is Hange still here.” 

Both of you erupted into fits of laughter.

Eren spent the next few minutes catching you up on some of the things that happened while you were unconscious. Everything seemed pretty typical, but a part of you knew that Eren was just trying to make you feel less bad about skipping whole days. He told you about all the people that came to see you. It seemed like you had made more of an impact on the people around you than you even noticed. Armin fell asleep in the chair beside your bed while trying to read to you (something about Hange saying familiar voices would take you out of your sleep), Mikasa threatened Connie at least twice for making too many jokes. Jean apparently complained the entire time he visited, but he had also been the first person to volunteer to watch you. 

It felt strange hearing all of it. Not a bad strange. Just incredibly unfamiliar. 

Before you had joined the Scouts, you hadn’t ever really stopped to consider what it would be like to belong somewhere. Truly belong somewhere. You had been pushed out of your home in Shiganshina by Titans, and forced to live the life of a refugee in a place where no one wanted you or your neighbors. Joining the military was a last ditch effort in order to stay with your friends at first, but now you couldn’t imagine yourself anywhere else. Being here had stitched everyone together in a messy and uneven way, something that would probably never fully come undone. Even now, waking up in the infirmary, there was someone sitting right beside you, waiting for you to wake up. 

“See? You’re not allowed to die now. Too many people would be annoyed about it,” Eren said, pushing your shoulder. “So don’t let something like this happen again, or we’ll think that you’re just doing it for attention.”

“You’re evil,” you stated, a grin on your face. 

Eventually, everyone heard that you were awake again and your friends came to visit you. That was, until Hange kicked them out and said that you needed your rest. Connie had attempted to argue, but Eren and Mikasa dragged him out by the collar with promises that they could come back and visit in the morning. As much as you wanted to stand up and leave with them, you knew that it was best to take it easy. You were still getting your strength back. Soon enough, you would be back on your feet. And everything would return to normal. 

Right? 

The evening had fully darkened now, moonlight slipping pale and silver through the infirmary windows. There were a few remaining sounds of soldiers moving through headquarters and somewhere in the small office that was nearby, you could hear pages turning. Hange, most likely. They were probably going over documents of her research until it calmed them to sleep. Did they ever sleep? You really weren’t sure. 

You shifted slightly beneath the blankets, trying to reach for the cup of water on the table beside the bed. However, you immediately regretted moving too much when the pain flared in your shoulder. Hange told you that it had almost been dislocated, and that you were lucky or that would have had you out of commission for a few weeks. Through your winces, you were able to take the cup and take a big gulp. It felt good down your throat, obviously parched from being asleep for two days. 

A quiet scoff came from the doorway. 

“You’re actually awake” 

Levi stood near the entrance of the infirmary, arms crossed over his chest while leaning against the doorframe, expression unreadable from so far away. From what you could see, there were bandages wrapped around one of his forearms that disappeared beneath the rolled sleeve of his white shirt. He walked closer now, crossing the room with the same authoritative drive he used when crossing the battlefield. Once he was at the foot of the bed, you could see the darkened bruises blossoming on the pale skin of his collarbone. He looked tired behind his eyes. 

He looked less like the untouchable strongest soldier and more like the man that you had been in the forest with, who had enough forethought to grab you so you didn’t end up with more injuries than you already had. A part of you wondered how badly he was actually hurt, and before you opened your mouth to say it, you thought about how it was better not to ask. 

“Hange said that your shoulder is still unstable,” Levi said. 

You glanced over your body, the bandaging wrapped beneath the straps of your black knitted tank top a testament to just how unstable it was. You shrugged with your good shoulder. “I’m hard to kill.” 

He huffed out a breath that almost sounded like a laugh. His eyes were still looking at you and you almost felt like a bug under a microscope the way that they scanned from your shoulder to the cut that was already half healed on your cheek, your lip still cut and busted in one area. 

“You’re reckless,” he said finally, though it seemed to be less of an insult because it lacked its usual bite. “That isn’t the same thing as being hard to kill.” 

Your fingers tightened around the blanket in your lap. “You make it sound like I did it on purpose. I didn’t. I promise I didn’t see you there until it was too late. It was a one time—” 

He spoke your name, which cut you off from your half assed explanation of something that you weren’t even sure you were remembering correctly. Your name sounded weird on his lips. You were used to him calling you cadet, or soldier, or anything other than the name that you had been born with. There was no sharpness behind it either, just a soft syllabuled word like he had said it so many times before. Your heartbeat stumbled awkwardly beneath your ribs. 

You desperately wanted to know what he was thinking. Did he think that this was all your fault? Did he despise you for giving him injuries that he wouldn’t have if you had been looking where you had been going? 

Levi seemed to realize that he had been staring too long at you, because his expression began to harden again, putting an invisible distance between the two of you. “You’re off training for the next several days,” he said. 

Your face dropped immediately. “What? I’m fine.”

“You’re not using your ODM gear until Hange clears you.” 

It was a clear order. One that you knew you had to obey. 

The next two weeks passed strangely. It wasn’t slow, but also wasn’t quick. You were banned from ODM drills and almost all drills that didn’t have the gear either which, frankly, felt worse than your obvious head injury and your shoulder which had practically healed completely. While everyone else was off training in the forest or doing sparring drills or going out for small expeditions, you were stuck doing everything else. Inventory. Repairs. Cleaning. You were sure that if you had to wash the windows one more time or count another potato, you were going to explode. 

“He’s doing this on purpose. I’ve been fine for at least two days now and I’m still a glorified maid,” you complained to Sasha, scrubbing blood off of a set of blades that had been used in the latest expedition to kill some Titans that got too close to one of the walls. 

Sasha glanced over at the far side of the room where Levi stood, reviewing some paperwork beneath the dim lantern light. “Maybe he just likes staring at you.” 

You dropped the blade into the water bucket. Scrambling, you sifted your hand through the liquid to try and find it while saying, “What?” 

Sasha shrugged, like it was the most common thing in the world. “I’m just saying. He keeps assigning you to everything that keeps you very close.” 

You finally found the blade at the bottom of the bucket and pulled it out with an irritated splash, water dripping down your forearms while you held a scowl on your face. You told yourself that she was being crazy, that he was just keeping you close by in case your brain decided to hemorrhage or something like that. You spent so much time in your head, that was the whole reason that you had gotten hurt in the first place. 

You really needed to stop reading so much into things. 

And you really needed to stop looking for him every time you did something for some type of approval on his part. 

Unfortunately, your body decided to betray your mind, because even after telling yourself all of that, your eyes drifted toward the far side of the room where Levi was standing. The room was busy with soldiers doing menial tasks like cleaning gear and washing clothing and Levi still managed to look entirely separate from all of it. Completely self-contained, not worrying about anything around him. He was so sure of himself and his entire life that you wondered how long it had taken him to get to this point. You had heard the rumors about him, possibly too many rumors that you knew not all of them could be true. Though all of them had at least one thing in common with each other: he used to be very well known in the criminal underground before joining the Scouts. How he got to the Scouts was a bit of a mystery. Some people said that it was because he was bored being a criminal, and others said it was because Erwin took him captive and made him join the Scouts. 

Regardless, it all came down to the same idea that Captain Levi was incredibly different than almost everyone you had met before. 

The dinner bell rang and everyone was quick to finish or abandon their work. Once you polished the rest of the blade in your hand, you and Sasha walked into the hallway and met up with the others for another delicious meal of some-sort-of-vegetable-soup. You slid into your usual spot beside Eren, nudging him with your elbow before digging into your meal. 

“Oh, hey,” Eren said, nudging you with his own elbow in response. “I missed you out there today. It feels so wrong to see you just stand and feed the horses all day.” 

You sighed. “Tell me about it.” 

He laughed quietly beside you, the sound warm enough to pull a smile across your face. This was normal. You needed normal, especially lately. You listened while your gaze drifted absently across the mess hall. There were more soldiers coming in now, crowded into nearly every single table. And despite your better judgement, your eyes found Levi in the crowd. 

He sat near the farthest table from the entrance near Commander Erwin and Hange, with one hand curled around a teacup while the other seemed to fiddle with the same papers he had been looking at earlier. Your gaze lingered for only a second before you looked away, although it was too slow that you realized Eren had noticed. 

“You okay?” he asked. 

You blinked once, feigning indifference. “Hm?” 

“You zoned out again.” 

“Oh,” you said, shrugging. “Just tired, I guess.” 

Eren studied your face for another moment and you wondered if he could see through your lie. Another moment passed before he said, “You’ll be back to training soon. Don’t worry.” 

You nodded vaguely, lowering your gaze back towards your soup before Eren could say anything else. Around you, the conversation was shifting between if Connie could survive out in the wilderness alone while Sasha argued that he would die within hours. They kept talking while you tried your best to eat your food as fast as possible, longing for your bed and a good night's sleep. At least then you could begin to hope that you would be able to train in the morning. 

“Captain!” Armin exclaimed, looking at you, which made you raise your eyebrow. But then you heard the sound of shifting footsteps behind you, and it was then that you realized Captain Levi was standing right behind you and Armin was looking at him and not you. The entire table straightened, Connie stopped talking mid sentence and Mikasa lowered her fork from her mouth. Even Jean looked less interested in arguing about his wilderness survival now that Levi stood behind your shoulder. 

You turned in your seat, watching Levi look down at the table with an unreadable expression. His attention lingered briefly on the rest of your friends before settling on you. 

“Are you done eating?” he asked. 

You blinked once, glancing down at your mostly empty bowl. It had only been ten minutes of you sitting down, was he really going to make you do something else? You could only imagine what he was going to make you do now. Muck out the stables? Clean the floors near the bathrooms? You almost shivered at the idea of having to get your hands dirty like that. “Uh, Almost,” you replied. 

“After dinner, go to the library.” 

Your brows furrowed. “The library?” 

That dusty old place? What could Levi possibly want you to do there? You were sure that the room hadn’t been touched by any soldier since the military started using headquarters again. How could it have gotten that dirty? 

“There are old scouting formation records that need to be reorganized. It’s impossible to get records to Commander Erwin in the sorry state it's in right now,” he spoke. When he saw the quizzical look on your face, blinking a few times to make sure you were hearing him correctly, he spoke again. “You’re not training. Which means unlike anyone else, you shouldn’t be tired. Perfect for staying up later to do some paperwork.” 

Eren muttered something under his breath but you couldn’t hear it. You were too busy trying not to overthink the assignment or the fact that Levi had thought of you specifically for it. Again, you reminded yourself that you were thinking too much into things. It was a simple assignment, something that shouldn’t take too long and then you could go back to your life. And as far away as possible from whatever feelings you were having being near Levi for too long. 

“I can do that,” you replied. 

Levi sat farther into his heels, his eyes traveling from your eyes to the soft bandages that poked out of your uniform from your shoulder. He watched for a moment longer before walking away through the mess hall, boots echoing softly against the wooden floors. 

The library smelled of mildew and leather, a place that had a considerably less amount of foot traffic just by the looks of it. There was a fine line of dust along the top shelves where books that hadn’t been touched in years laid in wait. Luckily, those ones seemed to still be in chronological order. The ones that needed attending to were on the middle and lower shelves. It was clear that the groups of military who were here before left in some type of hurry, different papers strewn in between each book in a disorganized array. 

You dragged your fingers along the spine of one of the books while moving through the shelves, eyes scanning the faded lettering stamped along the leather bindings. Lanternlight glowed softly through the library, stretching shadows between each row of books, the heavy wooded doors fading any distant muffled noise. It felt almost abandoned, in the way that churches were quiet. 

A strange sort of heaviness settled in your body while you scanned each text looking for proper dates. Every single book in this room represented years of work, years of people fighting for the same thing that you were fighting for, and years of hope for a better life. Most of the soldiers that were in these past formations were probably not alive anymore, due to such a high casualty rate in the Scouts. Your gaze drifted to one of the papers sticking between two books, pulling it free and scanning the handwritten notes that covered the page. Words from a different time. 

To your right, Levi was sitting at the head of one of the many wooden tables, scanning over documents himself. It seemed like he was looking for something, the way that his long index finger traced the faded lines of text. If you watched him for too long, you found yourself staring at the vascular contours of his hands, a vein or two sticking out against his pale skin. The finger he was using traced so delicately as to not disturb the pages beneath it. 

You wondered, for a split second, if that finger would feel as delicate tracing the vertebra of your spine. And instead of the usual mortifying feeling you had thinking about your commanding Captain that way, all you could do was replay the motion over and over in your head. Your stomach twisted in on itself, the familiar feeling of heat rising to your cheeks. 

To try and combat this embarrassment, you looked back down at the papers in your hands, setting them down on the table and beginning to order them by date. Your fingers moved quicker than your thoughts, trying so desperately hard not to think about Levi touching you in any capacity beyond dragging you out of life-threatening situations or carrying you from the forest after you passed out from injury. It was one thing to notice that he was attractive, unfairly attractive, but it was another thing to imagine the exact way that his hands would roam your body while standing only a few feet away from him. 

Levi sighed, a sound that caught your attention in the intimate space between the two of you. When you turned to look at him, he had his hand running through his dark hair to the back of his neck, an obvious tiredness in his actions that made you wonder why he insisted on doing this tonight instead of tomorrow in the morning. Your memories flashed back to that night you had been outside with him and how late that was. Perhaps he also had trouble sleeping after all of these years. 

“Something wrong, Captain?” You asked, trying to make polite conversation regardless of your splintered and fractured feelings towards him. His hand paused briefly where it rested against the back of his neck before dropping back down to the papers. There was such a pregnant pause between your question and his answer that you almost thought he would ignore your question entirely. 

He leaned back into his chair, the creak of wood under the legs of it. “Headache.” 

You pretended that you didn’t hear the gruffness of his voice when he said it, the low timbre scratching right into your bones. It was such a common, simple word, and yet you were reeling from it. It took everything in you to not ask him more questions, to dig into how he was feeling, how he felt about what happened between the two of you in the forest. So, instead you tried to go back to work. 

It was hard though, because you could hear the scrape of Levi’s thumb against the old paper whenever he turned a page, or the quiet shift of his boots against the floorboards. You could hear the occasional low exhale through his nose when he realized how worn the words were on the page of whatever he was reading. You wondered if other people noticed these things about him too, or if they were too busy being afraid of him to even think about it. 

“I’m sorry,” you stated before you could stop yourself. Your eyes drifted back to him, watching him roll up one of his grey sleeves. “For what happened in the forest.”

His finger stilled against the page. 

You continued. “During the crash you got hurt because I wasn’t paying attention.” 

Levi stared at you, silence stretching thin. Maybe you shouldn’t have said that. Maybe you should have just kept your mouth shut so you could get out of here and stop thinking so much about him. He was your Captain, it was so inappropriate to even think about thinking these incessant thoughts about him. 

“You really need to stop thinking so much,” he said. An observation. If this had been a month ago when you were just getting to know your Captain, you would have probably taken it as almost an insult the way that he said it. Knowing Levi now, you knew it was just his nature. Levi stood up and put the book he had been reading away on one of the middle shelves, leaning against the wood afterwards to look at you fully. 

Your fingers twitched. “And what?” you asked. “You don’t think about mistakes after they happen?” 

“I don’t make mistakes.” 

You stared at him flatly for a moment, then a laugh escaped your throat before you could stop it. It wasn’t loud, just tiny enough that it slipped without any instinct. Levi’s eyes squinted, as if to ask why you were laughing when he was serious. He walked closer to you, footsteps echoing within the wooden walls of the library. It was here that you could see his face completely, every single painfully handsome detail. His jawline was sharp, so sharp that you wondered if it would soften with a kiss against it, or how it would look with a mouth shaped mark just along the junction between his jaw and his neck. 

His eyes stayed glued to yours, dark grey circles that looked right into yours, searching for something. You weren’t sure what. 

Maybe he didn’t know either. 

Your pulse beat so hard beneath your skin that you wondered if he could see it in the vein in your throat. He was so close now, close enough that if you leaned forward even slightly, your knee would brush against his leg. You could feel his breathing again, the same way that you had felt when you had landed on top of him in the clearing. Calm and concise, like he wasn’t affected by being so close to you. 

A hand came up, pausing for a moment while he looked into your eyes, and then landed on your cheek, tracing the faint line that still was present from the accident. Your breath caught in your throat. Levi’s hand was rougher than you expected it to be. It wouldn’t be the first time that someone had touched the healing wound. Eren was obsessed with making sure it was healing properly. But Levi’s hands felt different than Eren’s, his touch felt different than Eren’s. His fingers curled against your jaw, steady and warm, thumb tracing carefully along the fading cut. 

It was impossibly gentle for a man who was capable of tearing Titans apart with ease. 

You kept your eyes fixed on his face while he examined the scar, gray eyes lowered beneath his dark lashes. You could see every tiny detail that you had spent the last two weeks trying desperately not to notice, like how the faint scar near his lip was pale with age, or how his expression softened just slightly when he stopped thinking so hard about maintaining his sharp persona that everyone expected from him. 

“You’ll scar,” your Captain murmured, thumb brushing once more against your cheekbone. 

You swallowed. Hard. “That bothers you?” 

His eyes shifted from the pale line slowly back toward your own. 

“No.” 

You remembered then the way he had said ‘no’ that night outside. The same certainty, a quiet finality beneath the word. 

Then you must have gotten what you wanted, right, Captain? 

No.

It hit you over and over again, just like it had that night beneath the moonlight, the coldness settling in your bones. Something about the way Levi said things made them feel immovable and absolute. He had already carved the thought into stone before speaking it out loud. He looked at your scar like it didn’t lessen you in any way, thumb lingering against your cheekbone before his hand moved, signalling he was going to move away. 

Your instincts took over, right hand shooting up and curling around the pale expanse of his wrist, holding his hand there against your face. The entire room seemed to stop breathing while Levi stilled beneath your touch. Your pulse was slamming violently against your ribs the second you realized what you had done, eyes blown wide as you failed to reach eye contact with him. 

This was your Captain. The same Captain who would kill a Titan without blinking. The same Captain who people stepped aside for in hallways like he had silently commanded it. Your Captain whose hand was still cupping your face while your fingers curled around the bones of his wrist like you couldn’t bear the idea of him pulling away. 

Instead of letting go, your grip tightened only slightly, prompting Levi’s eyes to drop towards your hand. His gaze then lifted towards your face again and you could’ve sworn that something dark flickered behind his gaze. It wasn’t exactly anger. Something worse than that. 

Your breathing was shallow, every inhale catching in your throat while his skin burned warm beneath your fingers. The tendons shifted subtly underneath your grip, his hand flexing as if to test the sturdiness of your hand. Neither of you had moved still, while the library became deathly quiet around you. You couldn’t hear the muffling of footsteps in the hallway anymore, nor the flickering of the lantern on the table. 

“Careful.” 

The word, that singular word, scraped against your spine. 

Still, you didn’t let go. 

Levi inhaled sharply. A tiny sound, barely there. And the noise nearly destroyed you. His eyes narrowed, though it didn’t look like irritation in his gaze. More like restraint, like he was forcing himself not to react to you the way that his body wanted him to. His thumb brushed slowly along your cheek, eyes still focused as if trying to memorize the exact details of your face. 

“If you keep looking at me like that,” he murmured. “Eventually you’re going to get yourself into trouble.” 

“How am I looking at you?” You muttered back, mouth going slightly dry. The question held there between your body, like a pulled blade, inches from being stabbed directly into his heart before having him bleed out on the library floor. His demeanor changed then, the same hand on your face tracing a slow path down your cheek to your jaw, finding purchase there before continuing its descent down, down, down and landing on the junction between your head and your neck. You gulped, which he could feel beneath his fingers. He didn’t squeeze, just held you there through his hand and his gaze. 

He stepped forward then, pinning you in between him and the table. “You know exactly how,” he said quietly. His eyes traveled downward to your mouth. “Do you want me to do something about it?” 

Yes. Your body screamed. Yes you wanted him to do something about it. He had been driving you crazy for the past two weeks, invading your thoughts and infecting your mind with only him. He made you stay close to him under the guise that he was watching your recovery. You hated him because he didn’t let you go back to training. And you hated him for making you seem like a maid to order around on your every whim. And you hated him now, for looking at you like you were the one who was coaxing him into something that he didn’t want. You knew he wanted something, it was evident. But something told you that he would never admit it. 

You wanted him to kiss you so bad that it physically hurt, an aching thing that you couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard you tried. In fact, you weren’t even sure that if he kissed you it would go away. It would be easier that way, if he kissed you and things would go back to normal. But the way that he was looking at you now wasn’t helping your rationale. He wanted this, you knew that he did. You could feel it in the way that his hand absentmindedly flexed against your throat as your breathing sped up and then slowed back down. 

And still, he was making you say it. 

“You’re cruel,” you whispered to him, inspiring a look of amusement from Levi. He hummed, the sound brushing against your lips from how close he was standing. 

You hated him for that too. For being so composed while your thoughts were spiraling into something embarrassing, something desperate beneath his gaze. You could barely even remember why you had been in the library in the first place. The reports, which were strewn lazily along the desk you were practically sitting on, felt absurdly unimportant to the both of you. 

“You keep asking questions you already know the answer to,” you stated. 

Levi’s other hand came to brush his fingers against your jaw, thumb coming up way too close to your bottom lip. 

“Do I?” 

“Yes.” 

“Then answer it.” 

A command, one that you were expected to answer. Under normal circumstances, you would have answered right away. Yes, Captain. But the words caught in your throat. It felt wrong to call him Captain at a time like this, when he was this close to you that you could smell the fresh linen scent emanating from his clothing and something like black tea on his breath. 

Swallowing your pride, you spoke low, “I know you want to kiss me.”

“You shouldn’t say things like that to me,” he said, a fact. But his voice was devoid of any type of uncertainty. It sounded wrecked. 

“Why?” You whispered. 

Because I won’t stop. 

Every inch of your body leaned unconsciously toward him, waiting for the kiss that felt inevitable now. His forehead pressed against yours and your eyes fluttered shut, the warmth of his breath ghosting over your mouth. 

And then? 

Nothing happened. 

Furrowing your brows in confusion, you opened your eyes. Levi was still looking at you, watching you unravel in front of him, as your stomach twisted and your heart beat right into your ears. What the hell was he waiting for? You had laid out what you felt and what you knew that he felt and . . . he wasn’t doing what he was supposed to be doing!

“Captain,” you whispered, the title slipping free through your mouth, sounding all the more desperate than respectful. 

Levi stepped back, your pulse thrumming hard while his hands slipped away from you. His fingertips ghosted along your skin before they disappeared. The sudden loss of warmth hit you immediately and your body almost followed him on instinct. Which Levi seemed to notice, a faint exhale from him. It sounded almost like satisfaction. Like he had wrestled himself back under control and knew exactly what denying was doing to you. His breathing had calmed down, rolled sleeves exposed forearms with the same veins that you had been eying earlier. 

As if it was the most normal thing in the world, he reached down toward the table. 

“Organize the rest of these papers, then you can leave,” he said evenly. 

“You cannot be serious.” 

“I’m very serious.” 

“You were just —”

“Just what?” Mocking. 

You gave him a look, one that was half pleading and half accusatory. 

Sleep last night did not come easy, which wasn’t surprising at all. Every time you closed your eyes, your mind betrayed you with thoughts of Captain Levi Ackerman. 

Except this time it wasn’t the odd things that you remembered about him from random parts of the day like the way he strutted across the fields or how he held his blades in an odd clutch different from everyone else. Now, all your mind focused on was the feeling of his hands on your face, thumb running across the cut on your face. If you thought even harder, you could feel the heat radiating off of his body, the smell of linen and bitter tea. 

But what your mind focused on the most was the way that he stepped away from you, acting as if it was the most innocent thing in the world, and walking out of the library to leave you stranded. You could remember the frustration you felt afterwards, alternating between grabbing him and dragging him into the library yourself or throwing one of the old dusty books at his head. 

It was stupid. Everything about him was stupid. His stupid eyes, his stupid hair, his stupid voice, and his stupid self-control and how it decided to stop only when it was convenient to him. He should’ve stopped things before he decided to put his hands on you and looked at you like that. He should’ve stopped things before he made it impossible to think about anything else other than him. 

You spent most of the night staring at the ceiling of the barracks, listening to everyone shamelessly sleep around you in their own beds. At some point, sleep must have somehow taken over you because when you opened your eyes, sunlight leaked through the windows. 

There was a kick against your bed. 

“Wake up.” 

You groaned, pulling your quilt up against your face, shielding yourself from the light like you could somehow convince the night to come back. “Go away.” 

To your disdain, the blanket was ripped away from your body through your hands, to which you opened your eyes. Turning your head, you saw Eren standing on the side of your bed, already dressed and ready to go for breakfast, looking well rested. Traitor. “I’m sick,” you lied, turning your back to him. “Tell the Commander.” 

“Good morning to you too,” Eren said, his hand coming to your shoulder and pulling you back to face him from your lying position. You grabbed your pillow, which wasn’t really a pillow from the way it barely supported your neck, and threw it at his face. He caught it with one hand like it was nothing because well, it was nothing. “You know, violence isn’t really a healthy coping mechanism.” 

You glared. “You woke me up.” 

“You slept through the bell.”

That perked you up, sliding your legs over the side of the mattress and hauling yourself up. Everyone else was almost ready too, so you made sure to pick up the pace a little bit more, pulling the straps past your legs and throwing on the dark green scout’s cloak over your body, which seemed determined to remind you of how much little sleep you got. Conversations between different groups got louder the more awake everyone got, and eventually people started to make their way downstairs to the mess hall. Footsteps blended into a familiar noise of another day starting. You hated how every single soldier looked normal like they always did, and you felt like your brain had been put through a meat grinder once and then again for good measure. 

As you walked downstairs, you almost tripped over your feet on the last stair, shielding your face from the redness that bloomed across your cheeks. You hoped that this wasn’t the start of a trend today, you really didn’t need more pressure on yourself and you definitely didn’t need any more attention from Captain Levi. 

You tried and tried to drill that into your brain. 

Connie and Sasha were already at your usual table when Eren and you walked over with your plates in hand. Mikasa, Jean, and Armin followed soon after, along with Reiner and Bertholdt. It was mostly silent between all of you, quick quips here and there because everyone seemed focused on trying to wake up rather than having any real conversation. Sasha was already through most of her meal before any of you could even get settled in, pushing Jean with her shoulder to try and convince him to give her some of his. 

“You are an animal,” Jean informed her, but he relented and gave her half of his bread anyway.

Today was supposed to be normal. 

The world seemed to have other plans. 

You, Eren, Mikasa, Sasha, Connie, and Jean were asked to come back upstairs to one of the larger meeting rooms. This room was typically only used for the higher ups like Commanders and Captains, recruits barely came in there unless they were being reprimanded. Or at least that’s what Jean kept saying as he led your group into the room. 

“I told you,” Jean muttered for probably the fifth time when he saw that Commander Erwin, Hange, Miche, and Levi were already standing at the front of the room. “We’re in trouble for sure. Thanks, Eren.” 

“I didn’t even fucking do anything why do you always think its me —”

Your hand shot up to push Eren’s back, telling him to shut up once you were all in hearing range. Maps were settled down on the table, spreading across the entire surface weighed down by various books and folders. When you looked over them, you saw the folders that you were sorting through last night, so maybe you guys weren’t in trouble after all. It wasn’t a disciplinary meeting, it was a planning meeting. Once all of you were shuffled inside and the door was closed, Commander Erwin stepped forward and the chatter within the group silenced almost immediately. 

The Commander stepped forward and glanced over at Jean. “At ease,” Erwin said. “You’re not in trouble.” Jean then visibly relaxed and a smile tugged at Hange’s mouth. Their eyes glinted with something that you couldn’t decipher when they looked over at Eren. 

“We’ve received reports from several supply teams operating near the eastern routes.” Erwin placed a large hand against one of the maps, finger touching one of the paths traced with red ink. “Near Karanese, there has been some increased Titan activity near Wall Rose. As you all are aware, Titan’s have started to bleed into Wall Maria territory after breaching the Shiganshina district and its Wall Maria entrance. It seems like they have started to head for the outlier district of Karanese, causing disturbances and civilian unrest.” 

You could feel Eren tense next to you at the mention of Shiganshina. 

“Normally, this wouldn’t warrant an immediate investigation from the Survey Corps, but we are heading that way for another reason that doesn’t pertain to this particular group at the moment, and we are going there to get a firsthand look before the rest of the Corps follow.” 

It was obvious that Erwin was not telling the full truth, but it wasn’t in your nature as a recruit to ask any questions to see what he was hiding. It must’ve been for a good reason from the way that you saw Levi give the Commander a side eyed glance. Your eyes lingered a few moments longer on the Captain and it seemed as though he felt it, flicking his eyes in your direction before immediately looking away. It was barely a heartbeat amount of time, enough to make your stomach drop before turning your attention back toward the map. 

“You will be operating under Captain Levi, Section Commander Hange, and Section Leader Miche. Normally we would not take a group this small, but since Eren will be joining us on this mission, we thought it best to stay discreet. And it seems as though he is much less volatile when he is around people that he knows best.”

You glanced at Eren along with everyone in the room, and he looked vaguely offended. “I am not volatile.” 

“Right,” Hange said, like they didn’t believe a word he said. 

Erwin’s hand shot up. “As I was saying, you’ll travel along the inside of Wall Rose to Karanese to stay there a few days to survey the area before the rest of the Corps catch up with you. If everything proceeds according to this schedule, you’ll establish a halfway camp shortly before midnight tonight.” 

Midnight tonight. Great, just the way that you wanted to spend your evening. 

“Pack light,” Erwin instructed as everyone began to move toward the door. “You’ll leave three hours before sunset.” The meeting dissolved almost immediately after that. Chairs scraped against the floor and conversations began to start again, hearing Eren start to complain about having to sleep outside in the forest. Sasha hushed him, saying she grew up with the forest and it really wasn’t that bad. 

The group of you spilled into the main hallway, walking towards the barracks to start gathering your things before departure. You were halfway down the corridor falling into step next to Jean before you heard a voice behind you that stopped your movement. Confused, Jean also stopped next to you. 

“Cadet.” 

Slowly, you turned around, seeing Captain Levi standing near the doorway of the meeting room. You saw that Erwin was already walking in the opposite direction with Hange and Miche. Levi held a folder beneath one arm, the same folder that you had organized in the library last night. Your pulse stumbled, remembering what you endured while trying to put them into the folder last night with him. “What?” you asked, immediately cringing at how defensive it sounded. Jean huffed a breath beside you, obviously bewildered by your question as well. 

The Captain didn’t notice or he was choosing not to acknowledge it. “The route reports.” 

“The what?” 

He gave you that look that crossed his face every single time someone said something particularly stupid during training. 

“The reports you organized,” he continued, eyes searching yours while gears began to shift in your brain. Levi held the folder out toward you and you stepped forward automatically to take it, fingers brushing his for only a brief moment, being everything and nothing at the same time. When you looked back up at him, you could have sworn that you saw his jaw tighten imperceptibly, letting go and letting the folder rest in your hand. “You’ll be helping with leading the group since you’re already familiar with them.” Your eyes brightened. “Don’t let it get to your head. I know it's hard to think after hitting your head, but I didn’t think it would be this bad.” 

Asshole. 

“Yes, Captain,” you said with a nod. Levi gave you a glance as he walked away, disappearing into the meeting room, door clicking shut behind him. 

Jean walked with you towards the barracks in the now empty hallway. “Am I missing something?” Referring to the weird interaction he had just witnessed. 

“Nope.” 

You pushed through the doors and it seemed the room was already chaotic, everyone frantically gathering supplies for departure. Once you made it over to your bed, you started to grab the essentials. You kneeled down to take the pack out from underneath it, placing it next to you as you reached for the bedroll and spare clothing you kept stored. Extra shoes and a small medical pack also made its way into the bag. You organized your stuff and then reorganized it to just make sure that everything you needed was there. 

“Hey,” Eren called, walking over with his already packed things. “What did the Captain want?” 

God, did anyone have anything else to talk to you about except Levi? You were already spiraling about the fact that you would be spending several days with him in close proximity, even taking some charge to lead everyone through the routes that had been mapped before. All of you would be together, so it wouldn’t be that bad, right? Nothing could happen. This wouldn’t be another library scenario where you found each other alone again. As long as you stayed close to Eren and the others, it would be fine. 

You grabbed the file the Captain gave you and showed it to him. “Reports.” 

“He gave you those?” 

Nodding, you said, “They are the ones he made me get from the library last night.” 

“Oh right, you never told me how that went,” Eren said. It was so normal the way that he said it, you almost wanted to laugh, but it hit you that he had absolutely no idea what had occurred in the library. No one did. You were holding this stupid weird secret from all of your friends and the only person who knew about it acted like it never even happened. If you thought about it one more time, you were sure that you would rip out your own hair. 

You let out a huff. “It was boring. That’s why I didn’t tell you.” 

Lie. 

Lie, lie, lie. It made you feel sick. Eren believed you immediately, because why would you have any reason to lie to him? 

“Fair enough.” 

And then Eren went back to grabbing his things, shoving them into his pack. The guilt sat heavy in your stomach, you’d never really lied to any of your friends before. Not about things that truly mattered, and especially not things that made your chest ache every single time you thought about it. Though a part of you knew this was something that you shouldn’t share. What were you supposed to say? That Captain Levi touched your face in the library? That you made a fool of yourself telling him that he wanted to kiss you? Or, even worse, he walked away while you closed your eyes and practically threw yourself at him? Absolutely not. 

Outside the barracks window, the afternoon sun was beginning its slow descent, which meant that in the next hour or so you all would be on horseback riding away from headquarters. You slung your pack over one shoulder and everyone else in the room was reaching the same conclusion. It was exciting, if you didn’t think of all the details. This was your first real expedition being in the Scouts, and as long as you didn’t die, this could be a good thing for you to show the higher-ups that you were more than just a recruit. 

Sasha stopped near the doorway, prompting everyone to look. “Oh, it’s starting to rain.” 

You immediately crossed to the nearest window and sure enough, there were small droplets starting to strike the glass, only a few, but you could tell that it would get worse throughout the night. 

“Wonderful,” Jean muttered under his breath. 

A knock echoed against the barracks door and a veteran Scout stepped inside the doorway. “We leave in fifteen.” 

Golden hues of orange and pink stretched over the horizon, the sounds of horse hooves filling your ears. Fields of grass swayed in the breeze while the forest began to come closer and closer into view, casting long shadows across the landscape and the group you traveled with. You were closer to the front of the group, helping to lead the other recruits down the slightly marked road from past expeditions. For a moment it was easy to forget things like Titans and death. You adjusted your grip on the reins and glanced over at the formation. 

The conversation between you and Eren, who was riding right next to you, drifted through easier territory. Mikasa joined in once in a while, especially when Sasha started to be concerned that she wasn’t going to have enough dried meat on the way there. Eventually the sun dipped below the horizon and orange skies faded into deeper blues, the temperature dropping enough to make you shiver. 

Everyone was tired and everyone was hungry, ready to stop and set things up before the rain became something more than just drizzle. Thankfully, Hange seemed to agree, as their hand lifted near the front of the formation and the entire column gradually slowed, the smell of trees overwhelming your senses. 

The relief was immediate when you slid from your horse, boots sinking into the damp earth below. The trees surrounding the group seemed to capture some of the rain, making it less wet but still enough to track mud on your shoes. Your legs protested the movement after hours from being on a saddle, walking over to tie your horse on a tree trunk and giving her a pat on the head. She huffed through her nose, nudging your shoulder for attention that you gladly gave her. 

A distant roar of thunder echoed beyond the forest and the rain worsened immediately, becoming steady rainfall. 

“Alright guys, let’s get the tents set up as soon as possible,” Hange ordered, pulling out their own tent from the supply packs attached to one of the bigger horses. The camp exploded into motion, Sasha and you going to grab tents for the recruits. They were big enough to house two people and people were already starting to section off into pairs. 

You dropped one near Jean and Connie. 

“I’m not sharing with him,” Connie said, pointing his thumb to Jean. 

Jean rolled his eyes. “Just get it set up.” 

Other tents dropped between pairs, and you went to grab the last one, though when you searched through the large bag, there were none left. Your brows furrowed, looking around to see if you had left one on the ground. But there was nothing, there was truly none left. “Uh,” you said out loud, escaping out of your mouth before you could stop it. “We’re missing a tent.” 

Hange looked up from where they were hammering the stakes for Mikasa’s tent. “What? No we’re not — Oh. That’s right, we did tear one on an earlier expedition. I thought that it got replaced but I guess it wasn’t.” You stared at Hange, blinking. There was no way something like this was happening on your first expedition out. 

This was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful and not horrifying whatsoever. Hange stood up and started counting, turning towards you when it was clear that the group was one tent short and the only person left over was you. “It’s fine, we’ll find you a place to sleep,” they said, walking closer in the middle of the group and you saw the moment the light bulb went off in their head. 

No. 

“Hange,” you said carefully.

Their lengthy finger pointed across the camp. “Levi has room! He always wants to have the tent to himself but I’m sure he’ll manage for one night.” Your soul left your body, following their line of sight and seeing Levi in the process of securing his tent. At the sound of his name, he looked up directly toward Hange. He hadn’t caught the last part of your conversation and you were not looking forward to what he was going to say when he heard the idea. 

“What?” Levi asked, obviously annoyed that he had to stop working and stay in the rain for a minute longer. 

“We’re missing a tent.” 

“Absolutely not.”

He had finally seemed to put the pieces together about the situation. And it was even worse that now that he was publicly denying having anything to do with a tent involving you. Your head snapped over to him and looked at the way his grey eyes squinted, tips of his hair dripping with rainwater across his face. “Hange,” he said slower this time, “I’m saying no.” 

“It’s one night. Do you really want a recruit sleeping outside in the rain?” 

For a moment it looked like Levi was considering it, the realization hitting you like a slap across the face. The rain was getting worse, pattering across the canvas tents from the dripping tree leaves overhead. The Captain stood with one hand resting against the support beam of his tent, the damp fabric of his shirt clinging to his shoulders. He looked unimpressed with this whole situation, his typical stoic face almost a scowl. “There has to be another solution,” He pushed. 

Hange clicked their tongue. “Name one.” 

Levi looked away, sighing. “Fine.” 

It felt like a death sentence. 

Your mind betrayed you, replaying every detail that happened last night. Rough hands against your face, the look he gave you when you grabbed his wrist to stop him from pulling away. 

I know you want to kiss me.

Maybe the forest floor in the mud would be okay. 

“See? Problem solved,” Hange said, clapping their hands together and delightfully going back to the shared tent with Miche. Levi had already turned away from the conversation, hands returning to pull the ropes with noticeably more aggression. Something about it irritated you, the way he moved with visible unhappiness. You didn’t know why it bothered you though, it really shouldn’t bother you. He was your Captain and things were merely platonic. You definitely weren’t reeling still at the one-sided humiliation of the previous time you were alone with him. 

You resigned, sighing and grabbing your pack to walk toward Levi — and now your — tent. Levi looked up from where he was kneeling, tying the last rope to the wooden tent stake at the front. He refused to even look at you, standing and pushing past you into the flaps of the tent. The dark green canvas fell closed and you stood in place, hearing the mud beneath your boots squelching. One moment he was looking at you in the library, wanting to pull you apart piece by piece, and the next he was acting like you were personally inconveniencing him, like you had planned for there to be a missing tent. 

The rain started to soak through your jacket and you finally moved, ducking through the tent entrance. 

“Take off your shoes,” Levi said with his back turned to you. “If you get mud on the floor I will make you sleep outside without a second thought.” No hello. No hi, how are you? Just threats. Vague threats of the same nature he said all the time to the recruits on the field. The tent was illuminated by a single lantern, oil burning as it hung from the center beam. It wasn’t a particularly large tent, just enough for two people before it turned uncomfortable. His side was already set up, bedroll placed neatly with his pack next to it, and the other side was empty for you. Everything on his side looked meticulously cleaned and organized, even his cloak was folded into a neat square in his corner of the tent. 

You kicked off your boots near the entrance next to his, dropping your pack and taking the bedroll out of the straps. Thankfully, the canvas underneath your feet was dry, giving you much needed relief from the hammering rain against the top of the tent. It was painfully silent between the two of you, the only sound was from you trying your best to unpack your things in a way that wouldn’t upset him. Everyone knew that Levi was somewhat of a clean freak just by the way he acted around headquarters, but having to share a space with him was obviously a whole different thing altogether. 

Thunder got louder above the forest and you took off your cloak, sitting down on the mat. Your shoulders were aching, exhaustion beginning to settle into your bones, though you still felt awake due to who was sitting across from you. Still silent, seemingly a pro at hospitality. He sat on his own bed, one knee bent while he was inspecting one of his blades before shoving it back into the holder. The edge had caught the glow of the lantern. 

The silence stretched until you said, “You know.” 

Levi didn’t even look up. “What?” 

At least he answered, that was a start. 

“You could try to stop acting like this is the most miserable thing in the world.” 

Levi’s eyes lifted, annoyingly unreadable as they locked onto yours. “You’re in my tent.” 

“I didn’t plan this!” 

“Could’ve fooled me.” 

The nerve of him to say something like that to you. Did he really think that you were trying to get closer to him when he made it very clear last night that he wasn’t interested in anything that had to do with you? He was the one who pulled away and you didn’t say anything about it when he did, and you hadn’t told anyone else. This was the last place that you wanted to be. 

Or so you kept telling yourself. 

As soon as you opened your mouth to say something, he already beat you to it. “Let’s get some sleep.” 

It was the one good thing that he said to you today. 

The darkness consumed everything in the tent. The only thing that provided light was the occasional lightning strike from somewhere far away. You stared at the ceiling, laying underneath the quilt of your bedroll, trying to keep warm. Sleep wasn’t seeming to come no matter how much you tried. You closed your eyes and started to count backwards, and when that didn’t work you listened to the rain pattering on the side nearest to you, and you even went as far as to think about tomorrow’s route by tracing the paths through your memory. Nothing seemed to work since every single distraction led back to the same place. 

Levi. The painful knowledge that he was only a few feet away made you turn on your side and then back to your back, then to the other side trying to find somewhat of a comfortable position that might lull you to sleep. But from this position you were facing him, a lightning crash let you see his silhouette of him lying on his back. 

“You sound like you’re trying to dig a hole through the ground,” he said suddenly, obviously not asleep like you thought that he was. 

You kept your eyes on the place he was even though you couldn’t see him anymore in the darkness. “You’re awake?” 

“What gave it away?” 

You rolled your eyes even though Levi wouldn’t be able to see it. The darkness felt different now that you knew that he was awake, almost suffocating. “What, are your dreams keeping you up?” You asked, a childish teasing tone. 

“Sometimes.” 

The answer came and you were thrown off your game, so much that you thought maybe you had imagined it. You blinked into the darkness, another flash letting you see that he was still laying in the same position. It unsettled you more than if he had just told you to shut up like he usually did. It wasn’t like him to tell information about himself, but this felt different than just that. 

Rain hammered against the tent. “What about?” You questioned. 

Levi was silent for a full minute, then another. Enough that you were beginning to wonder if he was going to answer at all. You shut your eyes, thinking that the conversation had dissolved into nothing. A soft feeling of sleep creeped up on you, relief flooding through your body. 

“People.” 

Your eyes opened, staring back to where he was. People. A simple word that made you question what he meant. He didn’t dream about Titans or missions, or things from his childhood that he probably wanted to forget but couldn’t push down. The answer was . . . surprisingly raw. Levi never really struck you as the type of person who was haunted by other people. He was always so headstrong, so sure of himself, and he always commanded everyone's attention when he was in a room. He never seemed terrified about anything or anyone. 

“Like who?” 

You wished you could take the question back, it was too personal and too intrusive. Though you tried to rationalize it by telling yourself that he had already given you an inside look into his mind. The rain continued to fill the silence, steady, relentless. Wind pushed against the side of the tent, fabric shaking. Just like the last question, Levi didn’t answer. You began to be aware of your own breathing, the feeling of fog leaving your mouth every time you breathed out. 

Perhaps he thought that your question crossed a line that he didn’t want you to cross. 

Perhaps it was easier to put a hand on someone's face and make them flail enough to ask him to kiss them than talk about himself. You wouldn’t have blamed him, no matter how much you wished it wasn’t true. 

Fabric shifted quietly from his side of the tent. It wasn’t much, but it let you know that he was still awake. The silence continued, in a way that should’ve been awkward but wasn’t, it was like he was weighing if he should say something or not. The world narrowed to the space between you and him, the same way that it had in the library. Suddenly the rain and the wind and the cold didn’t matter anymore. 

When Levi decided to speak, you barely heard it over the thunder. “Lately . . .” 

Another pause. 

“You.” 

Your heart was beating so hard that you were almost sure that he would be able to hear it from all the way over there. Though, the more you thought about it, he wasn’t that far away from you at all. Only a foot or so, enough that you could hear his steady breathing if you tried hard enough to. He said that like it was the most obvious thing, like it wasn’t supposed to affect you the way that it did. Your mouth went dry, staring with wide eyes where you knew that he was laying. Waiting for him to clarify himself, or take it back, or tell you that you completely misread the conversation. 

“You hit your head,” he spoke, voice sounding irritated. Though it didn’t seem it was towards you, towards himself. “You were unconscious for two days.” 

The lightning flashed again. 

“You didn’t show up for training, you weren’t there to talk, and you weren’t there to give me those looks you think I can’t see.” 

The two days in the infirmary, almost three weeks ago at this point. You hadn’t realized that he cared that much about you during that time, or even if he cared about you at all now. You thought back to what Eren said when you woke up from your sleep in the hospital wing, how he said that Levi was checking on you. 

Is she awake?

Is she dead? 

A crash brightened the space again, showing you just how close your bedrolls were together. Just a step away. You couldn’t stand it, the tension a physical weight making it impossible for you to breathe. He was close, so close that before you could stop yourself, you shifted a bit closer. 

This was dumb, it was dumb and wrong. You were being an idiot. And still, you couldn’t stop yourself from doing it. You sat up and paused right next to him, sitting close enough to his bedroll that when the lightning flashed again you could see the sharp lines of his face below you, jaw set, eyes fixed on your face now that you moved towards him. 

Reaching out into the gloom, your hand pressed against the pad of his bedroll right next to his face. 

The kiss you planted on his lips was hesitant, a tentative probe, like you were trying to test the waters. And to your dismay, Levi remained completely rigid, a statue of muscle, lips completely unyielding to yours. Below you, he didn’t have the ability to pull away, but he didn’t lean in either. Levi simply stayed completely still, a wall of resistance that seemed as though it refused to crumble at all. Your eyes widened. You had made a mistake. This was bad, this was really, really bad. 

You had just kissed your Captain. It wasn’t just something that you could fantasize anymore. It wasn’t just something that you could imagine happened if he hadn’t paused in the library. It was real, and it was dying in between the two of you. Like a beautiful blooming flower that had been set aflame, burning out into a crisp, lifeless. 

There was nothing in between you two, you realized. It had been all in your head. You made things up to fill in the gap that you thought was there but it wasn’t. You’d be kicked out of the Scouts. One complaint from Captain Levi was enough to make that happen, you knew that. Erwin trusted him more than anything. 

But then, the lightning crashed again, and he was looking right at you. It revealed the desperate look in your eyes, searching for something, anything. 

Levi seemed to snap at that precise moment. 

The change between the two of you was sudden and borderline violent. Whatever soft kiss you had given him was immediately swallowed up in the way that he kissed you, hand grasping onto the back of your head and anchoring you to him. He didn’t reciprocate, he consumed, knocking the air from your lungs as he continued this almost punishing pace of kisses. You could barely breathe, and the only amount of air that you could breathe out was immediately consumed by his mouth. 

“You can’t help yourself, can you?” He muttered against your lips, though he didn’t give you any time to respond, because he pulled you so close on top of him to stun you. His hand on the back of your head gripped then, pulling you by your hair to push you away. You couldn’t see his face in the dark, only hearing himself gasp for air. “You’re going to be the death of me.”