Titles are hard

saying “when i was a teenager” is painful because it reminds me that i am legally an adult and therefore supposed to be responsible

I read every one of these to my wife until she screamed at me to shut up.

HAKUNA YOUR TATAS

once a straight boy was tryina holler n he literally texted me the phrase “*turns into a wolf and snuggles your boobs*” like???? buddy you weird as fuck i wasnt interested to begin with but now im fuckin worried about you like what the hell

i am craving Taco Bell.. i gotta stay strong i cut fast food out of my diet 5 days ago

you can doing it. just give the french frying to a me

i almost said something rude but i went to your blog and english isn’t your first language and this is actually pretty good for someone who never formally learned english im proud of you

thanks you friend. it my third language. i try harder for french frying

Not all poisons? Imagine a handful of yourselves. 10% of them are M&Ms. Go ahead, grab a man. 

Not all yourselves? Imagine a handful of poisons. 10% of them are men. Go ahead, grab an M&M.

one time in math class my teacher was really pissed at us and he was yelling “DO YOU EVEN KNOW BASIC MATH? DO YOU KNOW ADDITION? WHAT’S TWO PLUS TWO? COREY, WHAT’S TWO PLUS TWO?” and poor corey wasn’t paying attention so i leaned over to him and whispered “seven” and he blurted out “SEVEN” and i have never laughed harder and i doubt i ever will

you are satan

Also everybody who ever pissed him off is in Hell. 

Wait, what are drummers supposed to do if this happens in a show?

Did you just call us drummers

Wait, what are “percussionists that get offended by being called a drummer” supposed to do if this happens in a show?

why did they get offended

because this is tumblr

NO BUT THIS STILL DOESN’T ANSWER THE QUESTION WHAT DO THE STICK TAPPY PEOPLE DO WHEN BIG NOISE MAKER FALL DURING NOISE SHOW?????

cry, probably

One time in indoor my band director was trying to get us to embrace the emotion of the song and end it with a bang he was like ‘Get mad! This song is about a couple fighting! Pit, smack the crap out of those cymbals! Get mad! Look mad! FEEL MAD! Don’t be afraid to hit the cymbal. Hit it hard, you aren’t going to hurt it.’ Little did he know the past few weeks had been really bad for me and I decided, fuck yeah stress relief. So we played through the song and progressively got more and more pissed off and he was like ‘Yeah! That’s right! Show them anger!’ and we get to the cymbal crash and  That was the most godawful noise I have ever heard in my life. Why? I cracked the cymbal. It was only about 3/4th of an inch long, but it cracked clean through the cymbal. With a marimba mallet. My director just kind of stood there for a second and went ‘Ok, don’t hit the cymbal that hard.’