Conniptions

Dead wife montage but it's all slow motion shots of your dead wife throwing grenades and doing backflips and oneshotting the enemy with their long range weapons

i’ll kick anyone’s ass. i’ll kick your ass. i’ll kick your dog’s ass. i’ll kick my own ass

so sad that in america the only options after a terminal cancer diagnosis is either to make meth or make saw traps

Babygirl I know fandom history that you wouldn’t even care about

i know fandom history that even I don’t care about

i’ve been so well-behaved i deserve to light things on fire now

good god when the onions and garlic hit the olive oil..........

Panties hit the FLOOR

you know it sister

mr. substance abuser has a suggestion for how we should spend the afternoon

im actually cleft in twain right now can i call you back

Me when i definitely know what halves are

Oh you’re part of the densest half

yuri of the week

What if birds could actually speak English and we were speaking bird the whole time. Like really how weird would that be?

the geese are back? God I hate them so fucking much.

what the fuck is this newspaper