when ur bf isnt a morning person
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@lesbianshilya
when ur bf isnt a morning person

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Ilya gains a little weight while they’re apart and he feels self conscious about it because Shane is so healthy, and for the first time in years he feels a little nervous taking his shirt off in front of him when they finally see each other again
Shane doesn’t say anything and Ilya looks up at him expecting to see judgement or disappointment or get an “I told you so” about his eating habits. Instead he sees Shane frozen halfway taking his shirt off, pupils dilated wide like a cat that just got a face full of catnip, actively reaching a 4th dimension of horniness heretofore unknown to science
thinking about ilya lusting over shane’s ass. not (just) fucking him but the firm roundness of his cute buttocks. ilya wants to bite and grip so bad. the stretch marks on the sides of his glutes make ilya feel crazy, he feels like a dragon breathing fire looking at them. it’s so soft and firm at the same time. he wants to cup the underside and watch it jiggle. the dimples at the back of shane’s spine, he wants to dip is tongue in there. don’t let him even start on how pretty his hole is-
can i say something mean. #myshane would HATE gay people coming to centaurs games just to support him and ilya. genuinely fucking SEETHING. he's smiling and waving at them but in his head he's just like they don't CARE about hockey they don't CARE they're only here because i'm fucking GAY they're not REAL fans do they even KNOW how good i am god this is SO embarrassing
Shane is the type of ridiculously hot that he ends up on random people’s TikTok pages with them begging people to help find him.
Hockey fans then have to break their hearts by letting them know that 1) he’s gay 2) he’s married and 3) his husband is just as hot as he is.

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I like to imagine that, partially due to the Hockey Robot stereotyping and partially due to his watertight media training, commentators are constantly going on about "What's going on in Hollander's head? What was Hollander thinking there? Can't help but wonder what the Metros' Captain has on his mind right now." and it's like. Well statistically speaking. Cock.
unreasonably amused by the idea of itty bitty shane not wanting to get off the ice after practice to the point that david gets ON the ice to get him, so itty bitty does the "my bones are gone now" resistance move kids are so good at.
but fails to consider that ice is. so slippery.
like stage your protest all you want, buddy, but you have literally never been more move-able.
Read the post and loved it exactly for the potential of what's in the tags: uh oh now David made it funnnn and Shane, quick little bean that he is, riiiight as he's getting to the edge of the rink, about to be picked up and passed to mom, gets up and skates away to the middle of the rink and PLOMP lays down on his back, giggling and kicking his little skates. "Again, Dad (Shane does not call David daddy in front of his friends, he's not a baby!), again!!"
It doesn't help David and Yuna that everyone and their mother thinks this is the funniest, cutest thing ever and laughs, just spurring Shane to do it more and more.
ilya sees this old trend where someone holds out a hand to their partner to see what their partner would give them so he comes over to try it with shane who’s on the sofa. he holds out his hand and shane gives him the remote. he tosses the remote aside. shane looks a bit confused. he gives ilya his phone. ilya tosses that aside. he gives ilya a pillow. ilya tosses that aside. he gives ilya his hand. ilya shakes it out. his face squints in confusion before coming up with an idea and rests his chin on ilya’s hand. and okay, well, the challenge is just to annoy your partner, but holy fuck shane looks so fucking cute with his big brown eyes looking up at ilya waiting for his approval so ilya just really has to smile and kisses him about it.
how does bruce feel about jason the cat?
He loves his cat son

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Yuna posts a carousel of ilya on her Instagram page to celebrate his birthday with the caption, "My youngest turns a year older today. Thank you for bringing your big heart and soft smiles into our lives. Your perseverance, intuition and ambition never fails to amaze me. We can't wait to see what the future has in store for you and we're so so glad to call you our son.
P.S David asked me to tell you that he is very excited about the puzzle he picked out to do with you."
All the pics are of ilya being soft 🤧
Him at the dinner table stuffing his face with chicken parm with a mountain of cheese, the marinara sauce tinge the corners of his mouth
Him and Yuna on the couch, his head on her lap, her fingers lost in his curls
Him in the backyard of his house, sat on the ground while Anya licks his face
Him and shane passed out on different parts couch on their tummies, with their fingers tangled together
Him with the pikelings treating him like jungle gym. The twins hang from his biceps while Arthur is licking an ice lolly sat on his shoulders totally zoned out and little Amber has wrapped her teeny tiny hands around one of his knees. To be noted, he is wearing one of his expensive ass ray bans and his nails are painted in the bi flag and he's wearing those necklaces from the DIY jewellery making kits for kids.
Him solving a puzzle with David at the dinner table with a blanket around his shoulders
Him posing with 2 hotdogs as if they are guns, face scrunched in mock strain
A family photo of four of them in a restaurant all happy smiles, a bit shaky due the staff being nervous
Him sticking his tongue out at shane with the TV remote in one hand keeping it out of reach while the other arm tries to push shane away
The hudcon lick™️ on the ice but hollanov in their Ottawa jerseys
Him and shane at the dock with Shane's arm around his waist and his wrapped around Shane's shoulders at they watch the sun rise at the cottage
A picture of them at their wedding, shane throwing his head back laughing, his hand on his stomach with the wedding band glinting as ilya tries to hide his smirk into his champagne glass
When ilya finds out, he blushes deep red and tries to hold back tears.
"Shaaaannneeee, mama is trying to make me look uncool!!! She's posted nice pictures and its ruining my reputation!!" As he whines and poutspoutspouts while shane laughs at his face and feeds him cake
Summer sketch ☀️
married shane does NOT play about ilya when it comes to the press. he's letting out a decade of pent up 'wheres the fucking translator? what do you fucking MEAN you don't have one?', instant 'rephrase that' to the offending journalist when ilya hesitates over a question, gets into full blown forget-the-media-training arguments when it's implied that ilya is somehow stupid for not speaking perfect english, n switches seamlessly between russian, french, and english to make interviews as easy as possible for ilya. meanwhile ilya is giving him the biggest wettest lover boy eyes n WILL be raw dogging him crazy style the moment its over.
AU where Shane and Ilya don't hook up or have a decades-long secret. They don't really know each other at all, except to play each other.
Shane comes out of the closet sometime after Scott does, and in some random, lighthearted interview, they ask him what he's looking for in a man. And Shane's just, off-hand like, "Well, he'd have to have at least one Stanley Cup. Obviously." And when he gets a good reaction from that, he keeps going, like "Needs to be amazing at hockey. Definitely needs to be at least an All-Star, if not a captain. Hot too. If he can't bench-press me, I'm not interested."
And it's all in fun, except two days after the interview prints, Ilya Rozanov shows up at his door like "knock, knock. I am here to apply for boyfriend position. Do you need resume? I brought my Stanley Cup ring, just in case."
I think Ilya, as a retired party boy, absolutely loves a wedding because it’s like microdosing a club.
Ilya gets so excited when he and Shane get invited to weddings. He loves coordinating their suits and taking cute pictures outside the venue. He’s crying during the ceremony and squeezing Shane’s hand.
At the reception, he’s dancing with toddlers and grandmas. He’s making a toast. He’s slow dancing with his husband. He’s taking shots with the groomsmen and then, again, with the bridesmaids. He’s dragging Shane to the photo booth and is like “ok and now we do a silly one”. When it gets late in the night and the dance floor is full, he is bending over in front of Shane to Yeah! by Usher. Then he’s turning Shane around and pulling their hips together and whispering the lyrics to Don’t Stop The Music by Rihanna in his ear. His tie is around his head. He gets lost and is found smoking a cigar with someone’s uncle.
At the after party, he’s putting his black card down and is covering the entire tab. They’re closing the hotel bar down.
And at the end of the night, he’s sliding up to Shane like “so did you bring a date? How about we take this back to my room?” He’s fucking his husband into the mattress all night and is absolutely calling for a late check out.

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Some art about coffee and certainly nothing else
ilya opening their mail one day and then yelling SHANESHANESHANE who rushes in to where ilya is holding up a piece of mail gleefully
its a speeding ticket (not uncommon) with a traffic enforcement photo attached and its undeniable that it’s ilya’s (very few orange lamborghinis in the area) so shane is like “wow way to go. another few of those and your license is finally going to get revoked” and ilya is like “no. look closer.”
and shane leans in to look at the photo and tiny, just barely perceptible on the grainy photo, is ilya’s hand with a handful of dark hair in his lap
shane is beyond mortified but ilya keeps trying to hang the photo on the fridge