— lexi howard.

she decided to say  something.

interest tracker.

independent && selective.

                 he’s well versed . has a good deal of experience under his belt. although it’s not something he’s , like , inherently proud of . none of that really matters , because his past was his past and right now he’s fixated on lexi . their future . the way he’s been so silent about his feelings for too long , and the way this newfound romance has seemingly blossomed before his very eyes . filled to the brim with contentment . glad he took the risk of just admitting it to her . feels like that small void in his chest had been seemingly filled . like everything in this life finally seemed right .

and , god , does he love kissing her . the way her body feels flush against his own . the way it suddenly becomes so hard to keep his hands to himself . can’t quite keep himself at bay , as large palms run the surface of her waist . her hands at his neck , her warmth against him . already missing her lips when they pull away . brings a hand up to brush a stray strand of her caramel colored hair behind her ear . a chaste kiss pressed to her forehead . “ sorry it took me so long to say something . you’re kinda , like , wildly out of my league . “

     she still remembers the moment she realized she was in love with him. when tucker blake stood her up for the freshman formal, her best friend was there to escort her in his place. her tear-stained cheeks quickly transformed into rosy ones as the pair danced the night away. quickly, tucker was forgotten and in his place of her affection stood bowen. 

               instantly feels the heat at his cheeks when she calls him hot . “ enough of that . i am not hot , “ he chuckles . basks in her compliments however insecure he is . she always makes him feel so good . “ woah , now . you come to school in a trash bag and i won’t be able to control myself , darling . “

               funny he thinks as her name flashed up on his lock screen, how after two months of texting and phone calls that lasted hours his stomach still flips in a nervous kind of way; and its fucking laughable isn’t it? in a world of dark shit the one thing that has him nervous as fuck  is a pretty girl called lexi howard. and it reminds him that even if he was made grow up too fast, at heart he’s still just like any teenage boy with a crush on a nice girl; even if he wouldn’t call it that. they were friends; he was getting to know her piece by piece, all the little snippets she shared while sat on opposite ends of his couch, too scared to sit too close, so he keeps his distance, respectfully, cause like – it wasn’t like that.

                  he had some shit to do later, but for lexi, he could be free so he texts back, smile painted as hes looking down at his phone, ignoring the glare he’s getting from ash right now, that eye roll that says you’d never catch me acting that fuckin’ dumb over a girl, ‘ yo, 4 u lexi, always. u wanna come ova?’ sent.  and he waits for a reply, distracting himself as  picks up the shit from the coffee table, gotta look presentable and shit if he was having company.

     she wonders if he’ll answer. perhaps he’s busy today, knowing that he’s a man who people rely on. the difference between lexi and cassie is that lexi doesn’t let her fantasies run wild, grounding herself in reality. she likes to think that she doesn’t crave the same male validation as her sister. whether that’s true or not is another story. she tries not to think about it, finally feeling like she’s a normal girl with a normal life instead of being ten steps behind.

     and yet when her phone buzzes, she feels the impulsive need to check it immediately – heart skipping a beat. she waits a minute, eyes staring at the clock until the time is up.

                                                                                          ‘ can i come over ? ’

           doesn’t want to be overbearing , and doesn’t want to freak her out . it’s why he’s on his best behavior , opting for a sweeter kiss . softer kiss . god only knows , if he hadn’t been so well behaved … shakes the thought , can’t let himself go down that road just yet . doesn’t want to rush with lexi . wants to take his sweet time with her . relish every moment that comes in between . always been soft , always been gentle . she brings it out even more in him .

“ i’m kind of an idiot , if you haven’t noticed , “ he laughs nervously . of course , he noticed , but never did he think that it was because she actually reciprocated these feelings . her lips meet with his own once more , but this time the kiss is different . his hands find solace at her waist , pulling her into him . there’s passion in her kiss , his lips working feverishly with her own . doesn’t matter if her body was flush against his own , he’d yearn for her to be closer . to become one . this was the kind of kiss he dreamed about . the kind of heated passion he dreamed of sharing with her . the mutual pining blissfully apparent in the way her lips work in rhythm with his own . it’s hell to pull away from her , but he really doesn’t want to rush , and god - does she tempt him . “ is that you saying you love me too ? “

     lexi isn’t the most experienced person. it often seems like everyone she knows is so ahead of her that it’s unattainable, but she doesn’t feel the same rush. wants the big moments, but longs for them to be with someone she cares for on a deeper level. perhaps she’s subconsciously been holding out for bowen. if they weren’t childhood friends, she wonders if he’d even notice her.

           “ i’m glad it’s good enough , ‘cause it’s all i can give you right now , “ he teases , nose scrunching . his eyes roll at her dismissal . “ yeah , they may be just clothes , but you wear them well . though , i am kind of biased . i think you could honestly wear the weirdest shit and i’d still think you’d look amazing . “

       “ okay , okay . i believe you , for now , “ he teases . her insisting evokes some laughter from him . always been pretty set in her ways . the way she makes him believe whatever she says with her insisting tone . “ y’know , i can see it , honestly , “ he nods . “ i like how you dress . it’s cute . “