LEATHER JACKET VAN

“Oh but babe!” you cried out with laughter as he slung you over his shoulder.

“Yes, Love?” he replied with a slightly intoxicated grin.

“Let’s stay. Just for one more,” you mumbled with a toothy smile.

“No, Y/n,” he began. “As much as I love seein’ ya enjoying yourself. . . you’re actin’ a lil’ sloppy.”

“Sloppy!?” you retorted, shocked.

Van nodded his head in an undenying approval. “Well yeah, you keep stumbling all over the place and you’re doing you cute little laugh thing you hate so much. Ya always tell me to get you home when ya start doing your laughin thing,” he replied.

“Not the laugh!” you shouted back, embarrassed.

Whenever you would get yourself into a drunken state, you had this hideous laugh. It was hoarse and obnoxious. The type of laugh that made everyone else around you stop laughing at whatever was so funny to look at you instead in annoyance.

It happened once at an office Christmas party last winter. They had spent a good amount of money on quality liquor for the overrated event and you weren’t about to let the open bar opportunity go to waste. One of the project managers started talking about a miniature horse that showed up at his nieces fourth birthday party, and you absolutely lost it. Everyone’s eyes had grown wide that night as they turned to you in what looked like shocking disgust. It was the type of look people give others when they need to tone it down.

That night left you a bit scarred. So you came home and told Van to help you out if you ever got too drunk in public.

“C’mon, babe. Let’s go home,” he spoke in your ear.

You gave him a saddened look. You were having fun. But you nodded in agreement and gave him a sensual kiss on the cheek.

“Okay,” you whispered back.

You walked over to the table you’d been sitting at, greeting your group of drinking buddies in saddened distaste.

“I think we’re gonna head out,” Van stated.

You gave hugs to those who wanted one, one saved especially for Bondy. You said the last of your goodbyes and walked away.

Van ordered an Uber, which was already waiting for you out front. He must’ve known for awhile now that you needed to head on home. You both scooted into the back seat. You head was leaning on his shoulder, it felt too heavy to keep upright anyways.

“Oh god! I hope I’m not hungover tomorrow,” you commented, quietly.

“Ya just gotta make sure you don’t go to bed all wiped out, love. You’ll be fine,.” Van replied with a breathy laugh. He looked at you, and how droopy your eyes looked and thought about how beautiful you looked from the streetlight glow. Your head still rested on his shoulder. He kissed atop your head and smiled. You were too out of it to notice his affection.

“Wanna go back to mine or yours?” he asked.

“Mine, please,” you replied softly drifting in and out of slumber.

Van practically already lived at your place, he had worked his way up to a whole dresser full of clothes and started taking up space in your bathroom cabinets as well. You didn’t mind. You didn’t mind the idea of living with him at all. But you knew that it just wasn’t the right time to take that next step.

The Uber pulled up in front of your flat. Van helped the both of you out of the car and you both greeted the driver with the basic etiquettes of ‘goodbyes’ and ‘farewells.’ His arm slung around your shoulder once again as he practically dragged you up the steps. You stumbled all around, acting like a fool. And the both of you just kept letting out breathy laughter.

“How much did’ya have to drink tonight Y/n?” he chuckled.

“I don’t know, I took some shots of extra dry gin, I shouldn’t of, it makes me act all foolish n’ shit,” you replied. It took you a second to formulate a complete thought.

“That’s alright, babe. I like when you get all foolish. I get to be like ya mum and take care of ya,” he smirked.

“Please don’t ever compare yourself to my mom again Van,” you snorted.

“That’s just weird,”

“Okay.” he snickered out as he fiddled with his keys.

When you got inside you leaned up against the wall to carefully pull your boots off. Van reached down and pulled the one that had gotten snug around your heel.

“Thanks,” you smiled.

“No problem, love,” he replied.

You stumbled towards the bedroom. Starting to strip free from the tight shirt and skinny jeans that had been constraining you all night.

You put on a giant t-shirt that lay on the floor from the night before. Throwing yourself onto your soft sheets. You could practically feel yourself melting into the bed.

Van came in the room behind you, shoes off now too. He had a glass of water and some aspirins in the palm of his hand.

“Here,” he said, handing you two of the aspirins and taking the other two for himself. He dry swallowed the pills and handed you the glass of water. You chugged it down and lay back flat on the bed. Van pulled the sheets out from beneath you and tucked you in.

“Hold on! I’ll be right back,”  he stated, walking over to the bathroom and turning on the light. You could hear the slight sounds of rummaging through the cabinets. You heard a cabinet shut and Van walk out. It was a makeup wipe. He always knew how much you hated to sleep in your makeup, and how upset you would get when you broke out because of your laziness. He scooted beneath the sheets up next to you as your head rest, sunken into the pillow with drowsiness.

“Here, love,” he softly laughed as he held your face in the palm of his hand. Wiping in swift upward motions like you had asked him to once before. It was so cute how he remembered the little things. You couldn’t help but let out short little laughs as he rubbed your face clean of any makeup.

“Did you make me look like a racoon,” you giggled out.

“Nah, I think I got it all off pretty good,” he replied. Intently looking at your face as if he were examining a piece of artwork. So proudly.

He held up the cloth to let you examine all of the concealer and mascara that had managed to rub off.

“Ew,” you responded.

“It’s all good, love,” he said, tossing the cloth on the nightside table and cuddling up closer to you. You both were resting your drunken heads into your pillows. His arm reached across so that he could run his fingers through your hair.

“Wanna watch a movie or somethin’,” he asked.

“I dunno. I’ll probably fall asleep before it even starts,” you mumbled out.

“That’s alright,” Van replied softly with a gentle loving gaze. He got up from his spot, turned all the lights off and rolled back in, grabbing the remote and turning on Netflix. He put on Stranger Things. You’d already binged watched the show at least four times now. So it wouldn’t bother you if he tried finishing up the second season.

Van pulled you in closer, his arm found a home around the back of your neck, resting peacefully between you and the pillow. You rolled into him, your head on his chest as soft sounds pursed from your lips.

“Aye, Y/n,” he whispered softly as the TV show started to play. You looked up at him, his eyes already meeting yours.

“I love you,” he smiled out. “I dunno, just wanted to let you know that,” he said kissing the tip of your nose.

You grinned really hard, from ear to ear. You face got all hot. Even after all the time you’d spent together, Van always found a way to make butterflies form in your stomach and your cheeks blush tomato red. It was a puppy love thing you couldn’t seem to get over.

“I love you too,” you mumbled into his chest, peacefully.

A/N : This was a request! Thank you for sending it in! I hope you enjoy it! It’s super long but I felt the need to be detailed. Also, it’s poorly edited so I apologize. Enjoy! :)

*** The Past

“What do you mean you can’t do this anymore!?”

Shocked and confused you both stood in the comforting space of your living room. However, the tensions from the heartbreaks you both were now in the face of made your home feel far from a sanctuary.

“I- I can’t do this! It’s too much. I feel like our relationship is living off of borrowed time!” You replied, trying so hard to gulp all your feelings down. But they were bursting through like a busted water pipe and there was nothing you could do about it. No matter how hard you tried to keep it all in.

“So what? You’re breaking up with me!? Is that what this is!?”

“Van. . . I- I don’t know. I don’t know what this is. I just can’t keep pretending we’re okay. We’re not. . .”

“Everything’s been pretty fucking great for me! Why? Am I not good enough for you now?” He sneered. He was bitter and cold and it hurt to see him that way.

“Van. Calm down! We can’t talk when you’re acting like this.” You replied solemnly but sternly.

“Calm down? Y/N, you’re the one who’s breaking my heart right now! Don’t fucking tell me to calm down!”

“Van. . .” you replied. You sat down on the couch, a wave of emotions hit you like a tsunami. Sobbing into your hands as if you were a child. This was never what you wanted. But it was something that you felt that you needed to do.

Your brain always treated you with logic not with tenderness. You told yourself you couldn’t do this anymore.The constantly being away, the burdensome feeling you had when you weren’t around him, not knowing what the future would even hold for the both of you considering how you couldn’t seem to move past the fact you may never have or even want the time to just settle down. You convinced yourself it was the truth. . . that these were all valid reasons to leave. Maybe it was. . ? It felt like it was. . . You’re brain was all warped over the idea of losing him. You loved him. . . right? Yes- of course you did! How could you not? He was bright and kind. Caring for you and always there when he could be. But that was the thing ‘could be.’

He was constantly gone for long periods of time. You were constantly traveling back and forth for work. You loved him. . . yeah. . . you really did. But it made your brain melt and your heartache whenever you thought about all the times he was never around. Or when you were never around.

You sat quietly after you started to calm down from the wave of panic that had just possessed your body. He walked over to the couch, sat down right next to you and sighed heavily. Letting out a strange whimper as he began to break down too.

“Van, you know I love you. . . right?” you said softly. He pulled you into a tight embrace as your head faced the floorboards. He cried into your shoulder. You couldn’t dare to look him in the eye.

“Yes, Y/N. I know you love me. I love you too. . . I just don’t understand. . . Why are you doing this?” he replied, his voice was melancholy and strained. Both of your emotions were filled with innocence and desperation, which made the situation all the more devastating

“Because, right now. In my life. . . things are changing. I’m gone all the time, and so are you. I miss you constantly. I hate when you leave. Hell! I hate when I leave. . . But I worked so hard to get where I’m at. . . and so have you. Neither of us should have to compromise our careers for each other. It wouldn’t be fair. . .” you began.

“Van. I think you need to let me go. . .” you turned up to look him in the eye. But he was already staring into yours. His had become ghastly pale, his frame was slumped. His cheeks blushed from the sadness.

“I- I. . . can’t, Y/N. I love you. . . I love you so much I can’t-” he broke his words with a soft sob. You held him in your arms this time. The moment was so sappy but it was now a reality. And it was terrifying to think you were just going to leave one of the best things that ever happened to you. And that you were breaking not only yours, but someone else’s heart.

“Van. . . I’m gonna leave. It’s what’s best for the both of us. I know it. I think deep down you know it too.”

“You can’t!” he said, an absolute mess.

“Van. . .” you said sternly. You grabbed his face and intently looked him in the eyes. Your nose was all runny and your face was all red and puffy. You were far from a pretty crier. You knew that. He knew that too.

“Van, ju- just think! For one moment. . . . please. . . just.” you signed heavily. “I love you, I always will. You’re one of the best things to have ever happen in this lifetime of mine. And I say that without a fucking doubt in my mind. But if we keep this up. We’ll never be okay. Things will just get worse.”

He sighed heavily, he pulled your hands away from his face and held them gently in his.

“You’re going to leave me?” he whimpered.

“I think we need some time apart is all. I know this doesn’t feel right now, but Van I know it is. You can focus on yourself now. You can let me go. . . I promise.

I understand if you hate me. I hate me for doing this to us. . . But in the long-run. This is what’s right.”

He looked down at your hands, his thumb rubbed over the ring he got you for your last anniversary. It marked three years of your love for one another.

“You promise?” he mumbled.

“What?” you questioned confused.

“You promise, that no matter what. . . you’ll never take this off? Please. . . promise me.” he said solemnly.

“I promise, Van.”

*** The Present

You sat upon your brand new sofa and took a deep exhale of relief. “Finally!” you exhaled.

You sat in your new apartment. You had just got done decorating. It was finally a home now. All your records were organized by genre, artist and then release date. Your kitchen was now prepped for you to cook actual food, instead of takeout that you’d been eating for the past few weeks as you settled into your new place. Your bed was made up and your bathroom was stocked with all your essentials and favorite things. You had finally moved in.

The past few years had brought a lot of new perspectives into your life. They way you wanted to live it and so on. . . It was no longer a struggle to figure out the next step like it had been for so long. Because you had realized something. . . Life was too unexpected. And to map it out down to the smallest details was only causing you stress and even more stress. You got sick of living like that. So you decided to finally just let live. You weren’t old by any means- but you were getting older. And you were at a point in your life where you had to be a real adult now. Even though you’ve had a continuously climbing career, you decided to settle down for awhile. Maybe you’d change your mind in a few years. . . who knows?

You sat back and relaxed as you opened the bottle of wine that you had been saving for this moment. You filled your glass and slowly sipped on your pricey Rose. The dinging of your phone abruptly came from the coffee table. You slowly leaned over and picked it up to see a text from one of your long time friends, Quinn. You’d been college buddies, and she definitely made your homesickness a lot better whenever she was around.

“You’ll never guess who the FUcK is in town rn!!!” - Quinn.

“Idk is it ur creepy uncle who wears the button downs but without buttoning them? Because if it is. . . I’ll pass :)” - Y/N.

“No! … thank god. . . but Y/N like for real!!” - Quinn.

“Okay Q. . . who is it?” - Y/N.

“Y/N. . .” - Quinn.

“I’M GETTING IMPATIENT NOW! WHO???? Spill it!” - Y/N

“Y/N. . . it’s Van. . . :/” - Quinn.

“. . .” -Y/N.

“Do you want me to come over? I know how much you hate to talk about it. . . He’s only here for a few days anyway.”

“. . . yeah. You can swing on by. . . we’re going to need more wine tho :/” - Y/N

“Of course girly :) I gotchu. . . always. <3 .” - Quinn.

You gulped down your glass and set it to the side as you began to just drink straight from the bottle.

You stared into the blankness of your wall. You didn’t understand why you were so caught up about Van still. It had been years, afterall. He’s probably moved on by now. After you split ways with Van you didn’t really keep in contact much longer, afterwards. Their was the occasional ‘I think I left my favorite perfume at your place.’ or ‘ Mind if I drop by? I think I left fifa at your place.’

Your work had you flying around a lot after that. Going from city to city every other day for a few months at a time. That’s when one day you had the enlightening realization that it was all becoming too much and that you should just settle someplace for awhile. Which is exactly what you did. And something about you settling down now, without Van, made you feel a deep guilt that built up in your stomach.

The door opened and Quinn walked in. She sat down next to you and let out a deep sigh. “Men amiright?” she scoffed, taking her own beverage from the bottle too. You both looked at each other. Then at the ground. You just started to laugh. It started off as a small little breathy scoff, and then laughter just erupted from your lungs, and you couldn’t stop. You were practically screaming you head off with laughter like a madman. Quinn just sat confused.

“Quinn.” you paused mid-laughter.

“I’m fucked. . .” you sighed.

“Y/n. . .” Quinn muttered trying to get your attention.

“Yeah?”

“I think you still love him. . .”

“. . . I think so too.” you replied softly.

You both stared at each other once again. Eyes glassy and scared.

“What if he doesn’t love me anymore.” you asked desperately. It felt pathetic to say aloud.

“I think love always finds a way back to you. This just doesn’t happen to be a very convenient coincidence? No I don’t think so. This was meant to happen.” Quinn said.

In college you studied multimedia and she studied psychology. So your more meaningful conversations always ended with Quinn reciting something philosophical and you agreeing to it even if you had no idea what she was even talking about.

“I’m gonna go call him.” you murmured. You got up from the couch and walked into your bedroom. Scrolling through your contacts you found his name. The lame little eggplant emoji that Van forced you to put in his contact name was still there. You took a deep breath as the dial tones began to ring.

“Hello?” he spoke.

“Uh. . . hey.” you replied awkwardly.

“I’m sorry, who is this?” he asked.

Your heart sunk into your chest, you regretted this. This just felt like a mistake. “Um. I think you might remember me. . . It’s Y/n.” you spoke softly.

“Y/n!?” he replied enthusiastically. It made your stomach fill with butterflies the way he said your name.

“My bad. I just got a new phone, don’t have a lot of contacts in this thing yet,” he laughed.

“Van! Hi, I hope i’m not intruding on anything. . . Uh. . . um- a friend of mine told me you were in town.”

“Me and the lads just landed in Chicago.” he replied a little lost.

“Yeah. . . I -uh. Moved back home.” you said.

You grew up in the States your whole life. But moved to Chicago for University. You first met Van in Chicago and he always thought it was where you grew up. You never bothered to correct him on it.

“You moved back to Chicago?” he said. The tone in his voice had shifted from perky to solemn.

“Uh- yeah. Recently though.” you replied.

“Oh. . . um. . .” he said aimlessly.

“Yeah! Anyways- what a weird coincidence. Ya know. . . the timing and all. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to see each other while you’re here? It’d be nice to see you again.” you said.

“Of course, Y/n! How about tonight? We don’t play a show until tomorrow and it’d be fantastic to see ya.” he said cheerily.

“Yeah of course! Sounds great!” you responded.

“Awesome! I’ll text you a time and place,” he spoke.

“Yeah Van, I’m looking forward to it,” you said. A feeling of sadness had overrun your body at the sound of his sweet voice.

“. . .”

“Yeah. . . me too. Catch you later Y/n,” he said.

The line went dead and you felt colder than normal. You walked out into the living room. Quinn sitting on the couch with a smirk on her face.

“How’d it go?” she asked.

You scoffed, “I don’t know, how do you think it went? I know your nosy ass was listening in on every word.”

“I think it went pretty damn well if you ask me,” she replied.

“. . . Yeah. I hope so. . .”

Later that night you peeled out of your sweatpants and t-shirt and into something more casual. You were meeting him at some bar called ‘Patty’s.’ Van always made poor choices when it came to finding new places. He loved the dive bars. But, in your opinion, they just seemed like every girl’s worst nightmare. Sweaty old dudes checking you out. Mold growing on the walls of the bathrooms. Those sorts of things.

You double checked to see if you had everything in your purse, but really you were just trying to avoid the situation you whole handedly put yourself into.

When you got to the bar you were running late. You took a short walk from the train to the place you were supposed to meet and every now and then you would stall to ‘catch your breath’ or ‘adjust your shoe.’ Anything to postpone that awful feeling in your stomach. It was guilt and you knew it. . . It began to eat you alive ever since your phone call.

You walked up to the bar, took a deep breath, and walked inside. You looked around. It was noisy and old rock music was blaring from blown out speakers in the background. You looked over to your right. There he was. You felt your chest sink into your stomach. A few empty glasses already cascaded the table he was sitting at. You slowly approached him and saw the look on his face brighten when he saw yours. You took a seat across from him and began to prepare for an uncomfortable night.

“Hey” he said. He had a huge grin on his face, like a young kid when they see their crush. It made you crack a sad smile looking at that goofy lovable smile of his. The one you let down all the years ago.

You took a seat across from him. An awkward silence was held between the both of you. You had no idea on where even to start.

“So. . . what’s new with you?” he asked politely.

“Oh. . . a lot currently. I just finished moving in and I start work again at the office in a few days,” you replied. trying to make innocent conversation.

“Chicago, huh? What made you want to move back here?” he said. Only a few words in and it already felt like an interrogation. But you knew you owed him at least an explanation as to where you’d been and what you’d been doing all this time you’ve been apart.

“The past few years I’ve been all over. I just got a little homesick I guess,” you replied.

You could hear a slight breathy scoff come from under his breath. “What happened to not wanting to settle down?” he muttered as he stared at his glass somberly. He was starting to come off a rude and quite judgemental of your decisions, but his eyes were glossy and he looked so lost in thought. You could tell he was still hurt. Even after all this time.

“You’re right. . . I didn’t want to settle down. But, I don’t know maybe now I do,” you replied.

“So. . . Does that mean you’ve been seeing someone?” he questioned. He had the same negativity in his tone, but he spoke calmly.

You sat quietly, feeling the intensity rise “. . . No Van, I haven’t really thought about that part of settling down.” you replied.

“Oh. . .” he said softly circling the top of his whiskey glass with his finger.

“But how have you been?” you interjected into the uncomfortable silence.

“Oh. . . I’ve been great. Yeah,” he bluntly replied. You could tell he didn’t really want to come here for small talk, despite the happiness in his tone when you talked on the phone earlier. You thought he would’ve just loved to tell you what he’s been up to. But deep down, you knew you were foolish to think your guilt wasn’t going to come up to bite you in the ass.

He wanted something more.

“I’m glad to hear that.” you said, nodding your head with a soft smile.

“Yeah. . . Ya know. . a lot of songwriting, we’ve got a new album dropping soon.” he stated.

“That’s awesome Van! I’m happy for you! How are the guys by the way?” you replied.

“They’re all good. Bondy’s laid of drinking a little bit. Larry is. . . well. . . still Larry.” he chuckled awkwardly.

“That’s awesome! It’s good to hear you’re doing good!” you said cheerfully.

“Yeah. . . I mean, why wouldn’t I be?” he retorted.

“I mean- I. . . I don’t know.” you replied nervously.

You both sat silently for a good moment.

“. . . Van. What’s on your mind? You seem a little tense,” you mumbled out.

“. . . Yeah, well, here we are.” he replied coldly.

“Is it because you want to talk. . . like, about us?” you asked. You could almost feel your bones shaking and the goosebumps forming on your skin.

“Yeah. But uh- not here. I don’t want to talk about it here.” he bluntly stated.

“Okay. . . well we could. . . I don’t know maybe go back to my place?” you mentioned.

“. . . yeah, um. . . okay.” He replied.

You looked down at your hands as you fiddled with your fingers. A nervous habit of yours. He slid out from his seat and you followed suit. You slung your bag over your shoulder and the both of you headed out of the front door of the lame dive that you were so glad to finally be leaving. This wasn’t exactly how you planned on leaving it though. But then again, you had no idea what you expected to happen.

You and Van walked side by side, occasionally bumping into each other from the lack of distance between the two of you. You folded your arms in front of one another to make sure your hand wouldn’t accidentally meet his.

You walked down to the train and waited an awkward five minutes in somewhat silence as the Amtrak slowly approached.

When you got back to your building. You fiddled with your keys. Shaking a little bit as you tried hard to hide your nervousness. But when it came to Van, you could never seem to hide your emotions very well.

“Are you okay, Y/n?” he asked concerningly.

“Uh- yeah” you chuckled “New keys, you know how it is. . . that’s all,” you stuttered out. He nodded his head as in ‘yeah. . . alright.’ He could tell you were a nervous wreck. But deep down inside he was too. If it wasn’t for the intense pregaming he probably would’ve been acting the same way.

You finally made your way into your apartment. You tossed your keys into the dish next to the doorway and walked over to the kitchen. He followed behind you as you began to look through the cupboards for some alcohol. Preferably something with high content. The quicker you weren’t sober. The better.

You grabbed a bottle of vodka for you and some whiskey for Van. You didn’t bother with shot glasses. Not that you were sure you had any, anyhow. You grabbed two regular glasses and began to walk out into the living space. You plopped down on your couch like you had earlier that day. But this time in an entirely different situation. With entirely different thoughts running through your head. He sat next to you. And you just sat in silence as you both poured drinks.

“So. . . um. You asked me earlier if I’d been seeing anyone. How about you?” you asked.

“‘Course not,” he replied.

You let out a little laugh, trying to break tension. “How come? You’re a fine lad. I’m sure the ladies are all over you. I know they were when we were-” you stopped mid sentence. Instantly regretting that statement.

“When we were together?” he replied.

“Uh- yeah, I guess,” you mumbled out, embarrassed.

He let out a little laugh. “No. I haven’t really found anyone all that interesting. I haven’t found anyone worthwhile,” he replied.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” you said, taking a long gulp of your strong beverage.

“Not to sound cocky, but you should. You’re amazing Y/n. No one could ever come close to you,” he softly spoke. You looked up at him. You forgot about how much his eyes glimmered in soft light.

“Bullshit! I’ve met plenty of girls who are way cooler than I am,” you replied with a calm laugh.

“Oh, so you’re into girls now I take it?” he snickered.

“Van! You know what I mean,” you replied with more laughter.

“Yeah. . . I suppose so,” he sadly replied.

“But I don’t think there will ever be someone quite like you,” he said. He took a strand of hair from your face and pushed it aside. You awkwardly looked down, not knowing how to respond.

“Y/n- I.” he stopped as he looked down at your hands that had made their way crossed upon a pillow. You looked down too. On your right middle finger sat the ring Van gave you.

“You still wear it?” he asked. He looked shocked, happy, and sad at the same time. An odd expression but one that you instantly detected.

“Yeah. . . of course! We made a promise. But do you know how much of a pain it was to keep track of it with all my travels.” You laughed.

“Y/n- I can’t believe you actually kept it,” he replied with a soft smile as he held his hand in yours.

“It was three years of undying love, remember?” you smirked.

“Yeah, I remember. I remember how you called me corny for saying that. . . but it was the truth,” he smiled.

“And it-” he stopped. Looked down at your hands and then back at you.

“Even after all this time, I still feel like maybe it is,”

You couldn’t detect why, but all of a sudden that guilty feeling rolled all throughout your body. You became a little flustered on how to respond. Before you knew it, you had tears in your eyes.

“What’d I say!?” he interjected; concerned.

“Oh God, I don’t know! It’s not you. . . Well I mean it is but it isn’t,” you began. Van instantly wrapped his arms around you; tightly.

“I know. I know. It’s okay,” he said. Comforting you.

“I’m so sorry,” you spoke. It came out a little bit raspy as you still tried to stop yourself from actually crying.

“No Y/n. Don’t be. . I. . .” he began to speak as he loosened his embrace and his eyes met yours. Your face was all red and your eyes were puffy. You were an ugly crier. You knew that. So did he. . .

“I think you were right. About having distance. Even if it met losing you for awhile. When I first heard your call I about freaked out with happiness. I couldn’t contain it. I couldn’t believe it was you. Y/n I love you. I’ve loved you from the very beginning. When you left. . . I thought maybe I could move on, but you’re the one. You’ve been stuck in my brain for what feels like centuries. And now that we’re here. Together.”

You looked him in the eyes once more as he held your face in his hands. He had a hopeful grin on his face as he looked right back at you. You leaned in closer. His lips caressed yours as he softly kissed your lips. But the intensity was astronomical. He pulled your body closer to his as if you were weightless. You loosely wrapped your arms around his neck. Returning the gesture. You paused. Looking at him with a flirty smile.

“You know I heard this cheesy thing, but I think maybe it’s true,” you spoke

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Van replied with a cheeky grin.

“It goes like ‘no matter what love always finds a way back to you’ or something,” you said.

Hand held your hand and squeezed it tight. Giving you another passionate kiss on the lips before saying “I guess now both of us are corny lovers” he chuckled.

You leaned once more.

A/N!!! Hey guys! I’m currently on my spring break and just got back from vacation. I know I never post, life is too hectic! Sincere apologizes, though. I know some of you have missed my stories. . . Send in request or ideas for me for more! I appreciate it! I’ll try not to neglect my blog but I can’t make any promises until I get my shit together. (which may never happen) Anyways, enough of me being a drag. Here’s a little something I wrote because I was inspired by my severe lack of sleep. I hope you enjoy. Thanks for all the love and support! :) 

Bloodshot eyes and caffeine. Long nights of no sleep. Eyes peeled to your email, even past midnight hours. Praying that your new boss wasn’t sending you another project with an even stricter deadline.

Your insomnia helped you get through the rough nights of studying for exams all throughout your school years. And now it was helping you manage to get through the days of your slightly overwhelming lifestyle. Work was becoming an around the clock ordeal. And keeping up with your busy social life was starting become a task instead of enjoyable. You managed to adjust your sleep schedule down to three to four hours of sleep a night, that was, if you managed to get any sleep at all. Constant cups of coffee made you forget that sleep was a necessity at this point. No one was calling you out on your lack of self help when it came to managing your time. So you continued on with your bad habit. . .

“Drinks tonight?” - Van.

“Again?” - Y/N.

“Yeah, why not? Drinks on me, as always :)” - Van.

The shared texts between you and boyfriend, Van, made you sigh heavily as you stared down at your phone screen. You began to type. . .

“. . . Alright. Meet you at the usual?” - Y/N

“Great! See you later, love.” -Van.

At that point you felt like dramatically shoving all the piles of papers to the side of your desk and taking a well deserved nap. But you decided to keep your cool and take another sip of coffee instead.

- - - - -

You stared down at your bed. Looking intently at the pillows, and how dire the need you felt to just crawl in and fall into a deep sleep. At this point you were living off of exhaustion. You then turned around to look at the full length mirror as you slipped out of your work clothes and into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. You reapplied more concealer to the underneath of your eyes to mask the deep sunken bags that had made a home on your face. Your shaky hands from all the caffeine in your system making it hard to apply it smoothly.

You grabbed your bag and headed for the bar sending a text to Van as you locked the front door and strolled off into the night.

When you got to the brewery it wasn’t hard to spot the group of loud, drunk and rowdy guys goofing off in the corner booth over in the back. You walked up to the table and Van scooted over to make room for you.

“Took you long enough!” Bondy snickered, as you took a seat.

“Well. . . Ya know. . . Work stuff, as usual.” You dryly laughed.

Van wrapped his arm around your shoulder and gave you a peck on the cheek.

“How you feeling, love?” He questioned with a grin. You couldn’t help but muster the words “eh, the usual” Back to him, as long as he had that goofy smile on his face that made him all the more infatuating and lovable to you.

You took a sip out of Van’s glass, it wasn’t too bad. So you ordered the special for the night which was some new IPA concoction from the tap. You decided to order another pint seeing as the one on the table was almost empty.

The night went on, a few hours past. The group couldn’t seem to run out of things to talk about. Van brought up his new guitar that he had just got back from the shop and everyone started to ask for pictures. That’s when Van mentioned. “I don’t have any pictures. But how about we go back to my place and I’ll show it to ya. Pictures couldn’t do the beauty justice, anyhow” He said.

Best part about that sentence was that ‘his’ place was also your place. Which meant you would be having an even longer night. You almost became irritated with the idea you’d be lacking even more sleep. But went along with it, because you were never one to tap out on eventful nights. No matter how much you probably needed to. 

They all dropped some money onto the table, making sure to leave a roomy tip for the waitress. You got up and headed back to your shared flat a few blocks away.

The midnight air was cool, and felt refreshing. All your mind would think about was brushing your teeth, slipping out of your skin-tight jeans and heading to bed.

Van walked up to you as you approached your street. The group of six or so people you’d been hanging out with tagged along behind closely.

“You okay, love? You look like you got ya head in the clouds or somethin’” Van spoke, as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder once again.

You let out a dazed giggle. “Yeah, I’m just really tired” you replied.

“When’s the last time you slept?” he asked. It took you a moment to remember exactly when to pinpoint your last slumber.

“Let’s see. . . today’s Thursday, so. . . Tuesday afternoon?” you admitted shyly. Van stopped in his tracks a little bit.

“Wait, what!? Y/N you need to sleep! That’s no good for you, love.” he said softly.

“Yeah. . . well, tell that to my deadlines.” you replied solemnly.

“We could’ve spent the night in, you’re more important.” he spoke. It made you blush at his thoughtfulness.

“I’ll be alright babe, don’t worry about it.” you said, kissing him softly as you approached your home.

You all walked inside, and you instantly went to the kitchen to grab more drinks for everyone. They all took a place in the living room, as Van shuffled through the spare room to look for his new guitar to show off to everyone.

You stacked glass bottles of various alcohols and solo cups on the table for people to grab. You took your designated spot on the love seat in the corner, and rested your head against the arm of the couch as you took a deep breath. Van came out of the spare room with his shiny guitar that he was so damn proud of. It made you smile as everyone began to look at it in awe. He pulled out a tiny amp that hid beneath the coffee table and plugged it up to play a few riffs for everyone to hear. They clapped and hooted like madmen. And it definitely fed Van’s ego as you saw his face light up a little more. He put his amp and guitar away. Grabbed a drink and took a seat right next to you. You sat slumped and dazed as Van and the others had got into another deep conversation. You hadn’t really paid much attention to the chatter. Whenever Van would mention your name you would reply with a somewhat attentive ‘yeah’ or ‘haha, I do remember that.’ You didn’t even know if you were responding correctly to what he was asking. But at that point in the night, your eyes could barely stay open. The chatter became fainter and fainter. Zoning in and out of your head. Your body began to give out and before you even knew it, you dozed off completely.

A few hours later you woke up. Drool dripping from your lip. You looked around and the house was empty and perked up from slight panic. Van lay back on the love seat, your legs propped up on his knees as he intently played Fifa on mute. You shook your head.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” he chirped quietly.

“I fell asleep!?” You blurted out.

“Yeah, well. . . I don’t blame ya. After we all saw you dead asleep I kicked em’ all out. Thought you could use some rest.” He said stroking your leg.

You sighed “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, love. Your gonna have a heart attack or somethin’ if you don’t get some actual sleep soon.” He said.

“. . .Are you tired?” you asked him.

“A bit. . .” he mumbled as he saved his current game and leaned over to turn off his gaming console.

“Maybe we should both get some rest ya?”

“Yeah. . .” you murmured sleepily in reply.

Van grabbed your hand around helped you up. You were slightly intoxicated and stumbled a bit. Letting out a little snort in embarrassment.

“Your so damn cute!” He chuckled.

He pulled you into a tight embrace as you fell into him as if your legs were jelly. He squeezed you tighter as he pulled you over his shoulder and let out a little groan.

“Let’s get some sleep.” He insisted. 

You let out another drunken giggle as he took you into your bedroom. He plopped you on your side of the bed and ventured off into the bathroom. You leaned over, and grabbed a pair of comfy shorts from your nightstand, peeling off your jeans to change. That was always a feeling of ecstasy after a long day. You wiggled underneath the sheets and almost closed your eyes once again.

“Y/N?” Van said as you felt him crawl into bed next to you. You turned to him as he held a makeup wipe in his hand.

“I know how much you hate sleeping with that stuff on your face, I’ll help ya out.” He chuckled. He gently grabbed you face with his hand and used the other to wipe the makeup off. You giggled a little bit and he just grinned, and he couldn’t stop. You looked so adorable all tired and out of it. He couldn’t help but feel little butterflies when he looked into your sleepy eyes. He swiped the cloth underneath your eyes to reveal the dark circles that had accumulated there. A few more swipes and he threw the cloth on his nightstand and took his turn wiggling underneath the sheets. He faced you as you faced him. He didn’t say anything. Just, pulled you closer and began to gently rub his thumb across your cheek.

“Please don’t pull all nighters for a bit. . . it’s sad to see you so exhausted like this.” He mumbled.

“I’m okay now.” You smiled as you batted your eyes softly.

“I’m gonna have to have a talk with your new boss. . . what’s his name again? Franklin?” he said, defensively.

You let out a tiny sigh. “He goes by Frank.” You replied.

“Frank. Of course he’s a Frank! What kind of name is that?”

“A pretty popular one, I think.” you chuckled in reply.

“No. You know what it is. . . an asshole name. That’s what!” Van replied with a stupid smile. One where he thought he made a good joke. But in this scenario, it was just a bit mean.

“I’ll let him know how you feel.” You replied with a soft chuckle.

You sat in silence for a little while. The only sounds that could be heard were the soft sounds of both of your syncing breath and the rickety air conditioning.

Van pulled you even closer. You cradled you head into the crook of his neck.

“Goodnight, sleepyhead.” he said, softly kissing your head.

Summary/Author’s Note: 

I’ve been out of the game for a HOT minute. This isn’t very good but I’m hoping I’ll have better things to come! Thank you for everyone who’s stuck with me and my half-dead account! I appreciate every single one of you! :) 

- H 

________________________________________________________________

You sit down in the same booth. The one in the corner where it’s private, with your usual. Coffee. Black. Two sugars. The cafe you were in was your go-to place whenever you no longer felt like festering in your apartment.

In the beginning, journalism seemed like it was a ‘meant to be’ thing for you. You always loved writing and being able to take a story and make it yours. However, in recent months you found yourself going through a rough patch of writer’s block. Despite all the methods of trying to get out of it, nothing seemed to work. So here you sat. In this cafe you considered trying to write a column about some topic that wasn’t even all that fascinating to you. Your deadline was running thin and instead of coffee you should have highly considered an oolong tea.

Typing away absolute nonsense was one way of getting your brain a little less clustered. But it wasn’t working all that well. You took a heavy sip of your coffee and pushed your glasses back up to the brim of your nose and continued onward to an endless journey of figuring out on the hell you were going to go about writing some meaningless article.

“Hello, love. Someone seems a bit flustered.” you hear a guy with a heavy accent say from across the table.

You let out a little scoff, “Is it that obvious?” you reply.

“I suppose, but I think I can spot it from a mile away these days with all the craziness going on.” he replied “May I sit?” he questioned. You looked up from your computer screen. There he stood. A handsome lanky guy in a button up and skinny jeans. You assumed it was just another one of those classic indie guy in the city who found himself a hole of a coffee shop to reside in. You sighed, not at him, but at the pointlessness of you being there. Completely unfocused. ‘Fuck it, why not?’ you thought to yourself.  

“Knock yourself out.” you replied. He instantly took a seat from the booth opposing you.

“So what’s got you all bugged out, love?” he questioned, calling you love once more. It left you with an unidentifiable feeling in your gut. You didn’t know if you enjoyed it or hated it.

You closed the lid of your laptop. Deciding that you’d engage in the conversation with the stranger from the coffee house. “The usual. Work.” you responded bleakly.

“Ah, I feel you on that one. . . what is it you do?”

“I’m a journalist, currently freelancing from place to place. But I’m a little stuck right now.” you sighed.

You weren’t one for being so open in a conversation. People had given you the reputation of being mysterious and blunt. But you always just went along with it. You didn’t try to play things cool, it’s just how things were for you.

“Writer’s block?” he replied.

“Big time,”

“What’s it on?” he questioned once more.

“I’m writing for some psychology column. Ya know, the ones you find in some random magazine that’s supposed to meet the eye. Thing is, I don’t know anything about psychology.”

“What is it you do like to write about?” the stranger pressed.

It took awhile to conjure up the answer to his simple question.

“Hmmm, history stuff? Not the average boring history you learn in schools. More like things people never got the chance to know. About celebrities, famous artists, all that good stuff. . .” you rambled on, boringly. The dude across from you should’ve been half asleep by now.

“Hmm interesting, I didn’t take you as the type of girl to be some sort’ve insider history buff.” he replied.

“Yeah. . ? So what do you take me as?”

“I don’t think I know the answer to that one, love.”

“I see you here often ya know? Always looking so dead set and determined.” he said.

You’d be lying if you said that didn’t take you by at least a little but of a surprise. You assumed you were just another civilian, no one special. Merely background noise.

“That’s odd. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around here before.” you replied.

“Well maybe it’s because you’re too busy not looking. . .” he smirked.

“Is this supposed to be some sorta wisely worded eye-opener for me?” you replied with a chuckle and another sip of your coffee that was getting colder.

“Maybe,” he replied.

“Take my word as lightly as a grain of salt, love.” he said sliding out from under the booth.

“Leaving so soon?” you questioned with a bit of dry wit.

“I’ve sadly got to head off to the studio and do some brainstorming of my own. I’ll be back another day, I promise. . . name’s Van by the way.” he said. He gave you a flirty smile once more “See you around. . .” he trailed on, waiting for you to interject with your name.

“Y/N” you replied. He gave you a look and you could tell both of your heart rates went up a little bit.

“Well Y/N see you ‘round.” giving you one last glance before he headed out the door.

Once Van had left you opened your computer screen back up. There lie a blank page waiting to be written with a thousand words or less.

“When strangers and attraction meet.”

____________________

Two weeks had passed with your encounter with the unsuspecting Van. You never got a last name. And when he happened to cross your mind (which was an odd amount of times) you still thought of him as the ‘strange guy from the coffee shop’

Since then you’d finished your article for the magazine. You’d made it about the encounter you had and the weird tingle of emotions you felt sitting across from Van. And the odd attraction you felt talking to someone you didn’t know. It happens to a lot of people, which made the subject relatable and news worthy to desperate people who needed the validation that they weren’t alone in feeling like a creep from finding attraction in people they’ll probably never see again. You’d actually met the deadline and it felt good to get that burden of stress off your chest. This time you sat in the coffee shop once again. A change in beverage choice, it was now the oolong tea your body had been yearning for. You were looking back down on your computer screen. Scrolling through email after email from countless job offers. People had really enjoyed your piece. Life was starting to look up a little bit. No more festering in your crappy apartment, you started to get out more, enjoy the city. You found more underground coffee places as well as cool little shops. You even managed to pick up an original Police album that had the catchy song ‘Roxanne’ your father always played in the car during your childhood.

“Y/N!” you heard a familiar voice speak. You looked up to see Van. This time he was wearing a frayed jumper and the same ol’ skinny jeans and ankle boots as last time. His hair was untamed and something about that made him even more attractive.

“Van!” you replied as he took a seat across from you in your favorite booth that lay hidden in the corner.

He sat there for a moment. Just gazing at you. It wasn’t even an uncomfortable feeling. You gazed back.

“How’s the writing going?” he questioned. You thought it was a bit odd however flattering that he even remembered you after the span of two weeks.

“I finished it! Can you believe?” you chuckled, thinking about how stressed out about it you were just weeks prior.

“Of course! It was a great article by the way. . .” he replied. Your face within the second turned ghostly pale.

“You. . . you read it? How did you even-”

“If it’s any consolation. I too ‘find attraction in the alluringly unexpected.’ Which I’m assuming you meant me.” he chuckled.

You regained a sense of self, and tried not the let the embarrassment get to you, you decided within a split second of a moment that you’d use it to you advantage.

“Oh yeah? What makes you so sure you were the one I was talking about?”

The look on his face became a sort of concerning confused.

“Wait, it wasn’t me you were talking about. . .? Well this is embarrassing.”

“I’m only joking. Yeah, it was. Does it look like I socialize with strangers much?” you replied with a shy grin as you looked down at the tea cup in front of you.

“I don’t know. . . But. . . If you want, maybe you could meet me for drinks sometime? Ya know, real brew.” He replied looking down at the table and then back up at you with almost a puppy dog kind of look.

You gave it a moment, looking at him as he was looking at you, there was definitely a connection. Something you hadn’t had in a good while now. It did take too long to agree to his proposition.

“Yeah, I’d like that very much.” you blushed.

“Alright then, well. . . I guess it’s a date.”