Leah Raine Simmons

I think Waverly’s whole world has been sour. Even in her efforts to try to be sweet, they’ve been a little bitter. As the oldest, I think she feels a lot more responsibility than may actually be necessary. With that being said, though, I think she’s turning the bend. And I think we’ll all have a lot of thanking Rooney for that. 

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Ugh! You ruined it. It already smells like you. You’re the worst Leah.

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That is a very sweet story. Thank you for sharing that with me. Memories can sometimes turn sour when we’re grieving. But I promise you, one day, at least one memory won’t sour on you. And you’ll heal just a teeny bit more. 

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Thanks, Nora. Do you think Waverly’s memories are still turning sour? She’s been so...awful with me lately. It’s different. She’s different. 

That’s not my fault, Leah! He got here before you! I made none of those decisions!

If you won’t take it off, I’ll take it off for you!

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No you won’t! Uck, here. Here! Take it! He wouldn’t want us fighting over it, so, you can have it.

That’s not true. You have more of his stuff than any of us. 

I’m not being mean! You’re just being a baby. Take it off!

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Okay if you wanna say it like that then I’ll say you had more time with him than any of us! 

Britton could remember how he laughed and how he smelled. She remembered feeling safe with him for the first time in her life. Britton peeked into Koby’s room and glanced around. She remembered he had bought a t-shirt from the ice cream place they went on their first date. She opened the drawers to see if she could find it and it was there, on the top, still folded perfectly. “He only bought this because I said he’d look good in the pink tie-dye.” Then she plucked one of the pillows off his bed. She knew it would stop smelling like him eventually, but she’d at least still feel close to him from it. “I think this is all.” And a polaroid picture of them fell out of the pillow case and fluttered to the floor. “Oh,” a gasp escaped her. “I really loved him, Leah.”

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You are not alone in your grief, my love. There are some things you are going to forget, but there are so many things you will remember. We’ve lost our fair share of, mainly young men around here, but some of my girls too. But sometimes, when we’re in big groups and everyone is laughing, sometimes I still think I can hear Zander chuckling. When I hear my name screamed from upstairs, sometimes I hear it as Cece’s voice. Sometimes when I don’t see who planted a hand on my back, I think it’s Koby because it’s how he used to do it. Those important things… those won’t leave you. 

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Yeah. Like the other day Callie called me “Lele” out of nowhere! She knows my name is Leah, obviously, you know, God forbid she ever gets lost or anything she can say - my mom is Leah Simmons, but Lele...Koby only ever called me that. It stopped me in my tracks and I just smiled and hugged her ‘cause if she wants to call me it too, that’s fine. Reminds me of him. It was sweet, but then you know, it turned my stomach too. Every memory kind of does that...turns my stomach ‘cause I know I can’t make any of them with him. 

I know it, baby. You don’t have to apologize for your grief. We all feel it. The pain will never go away, it’ll just be easier to handle with time. 

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I miss him every single day, Nora, every single day. And yet I’m terrified that at the same time, I’m forgetting him. I want to remember everything, and I know I won’t be able to, and it’s just really sad. 

You asked me if that’s all right, and it’s not! Take it off!

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No. No, I remember him wearing this one. Not for a few years, at least, but I remember. It’s special and I barely have anything else of his. Why are you being so mean?