Bodhi Alexander Goodacre, what am I going to do with you? I think we both know I’ll end up taking care of him, but I’m not going to. This is all on you. Everything he needs, that’s on you.
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Thanks, Nora. Do you think Waverly’s memories are still turning sour? She’s been so…awful with me lately. It’s different. She’s different.
I think Waverly’s whole world has been sour. Even in her efforts to try to be sweet, they’ve been a little bitter. As the oldest, I think she feels a lot more responsibility than may actually be necessary. With that being said, though, I think she’s turning the bend. And I think we’ll all have a lot of thanking Rooney for that.
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Thanks, Ma. As much as we want to move out to just have our own space, I’m sure going to miss you all when we do. You’re so freaking good to us.
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Well, you both know that you are more than welcome to stay for as long as you need to and want to. There is no shame in that, and we will always have room for you.
Yeah. Like the other day Callie called me “Lele” out of nowhere! She knows my name is Leah, obviously, you know, God forbid she ever gets lost or anything she can say - my mom is Leah Simmons, but Lele…Koby only ever called me that. It stopped me in my tracks and I just smiled and hugged her ‘cause if she wants to call me it too, that’s fine. Reminds me of him. It was sweet, but then you know, it turned my stomach too. Every memory kind of does that…turns my stomach ‘cause I know I can’t make any of them with him.
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That is a very sweet story. Thank you for sharing that with me. Memories can sometimes turn sour when we’re grieving. But I promise you, one day, at least one memory won’t sour on you. And you’ll heal just a teeny bit more.
I’m…tired, and I feel like a piece of my heart is missing. I won’t feel better until he’s home with us. I know the road is going to be long and there’ll be too many sleepless nights to count, but I don’t care. I want them. I want him to be home with us. The NICU sucks.
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Travis has almost finished refinishing those rooms on the main floor so that you and all of your babies can be in the same space once he is home. Not too much longer, love.
I miss him every single day, Nora, every single day. And yet I’m terrified that at the same time, I’m forgetting him. I want to remember everything, and I know I won’t be able to, and it’s just really sad.
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You are not alone in your grief, my love. There are some things you are going to forget, but there are so many things you will remember. We’ve lost our fair share of, mainly young men around here, but some of my girls too. But sometimes, when we’re in big groups and everyone is laughing, sometimes I still think I can hear Zander chuckling. When I hear my name screamed from upstairs, sometimes I hear it as Cece’s voice. Sometimes when I don’t see who planted a hand on my back, I think it’s Koby because it’s how he used to do it. Those important things... those won’t leave you.
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Thanks, Ma. He’s trying to be strong for me and the kids, but I’ll see him come in from outside and his eyes will be all puffed. I know he’s upset and worried, but he won’t show it to me. We’re just both trying our best. We’ve got a long, scary road ahead, but the doctors are hopeful.
I’ve not seen him in a day or two, so I thought I’d check in. A long road, but one worth walking. He’s going to be so strong and such a little fighter. I can’t wait to see him. How are you holding up, baby?
Yep, Benny. Well, his full name’s Bennett, but he definitely looks like a little Benny. He’s going to stay in the NICU for a while longer, but he’s doing okay. He’s doing as expected for his condition, I guess. Doctors are predicting he’ll be home by the time he’s two and a half or three months…it depends on how his surgery goes. It’s soon, and I’m nervous and I’m babbling. So. Um. Yeah! You can see some pictures, but you can’t get freaked out on me. Gastroschisis is not for the faint of heart.
We are going to get some things moved around so that you all can have a room or two up here on the main floor instead of down in the basement. It’ll be easier on you and on baby Benny when he gets home. The natural light will be good for both of you. Mmm... Look at that baby. I’ll watch Cami and the twins any time you need me to, my love. How is Miles doing? I know he understands all of the medical jargon better than we both do.
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Agh, again? He just shit five minutes ago. Poor kid. It’s fine. I got him.
Oh, no, no, no. You sit down. You rest your eyes and your feet and your hands. I’ll change him. I think they’re just toots anyways. Grahammy is Nana’s sweetest boy.