Leafy K.O.

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

a funny thing about having a Problematic Blorbo is that you'll periodically come across a post along the lines of "um let's not forget that [Blorbo] is a bad person..." listing their various crimes, and if you have a modicum of intellectual honesty you find yourself nodding along and saying yeah it's true... but it's the greyness of their character that makes them so compelling... At the same time though you have a little Saul Goodman in your ear going "your honor in their defense: who cares like omfgggg who caresssssss like come onnnnnn"

subtext job from a girl with massive implications

what if your evil former boss had a sexy younger brother and like 5 seconds into meeting you at a crime scene he leaned down weirdly to get eye level with you and was like i usually go for women but i really want you sexually

all i need is a sweet treat. and six thousand dollars