the amount of relatable songs this year is astounding. i feel better in my sweater??? i want to go to sleep??? yES. SAME GURL (gn) SAME

🐖... This is such a nice emote on my phone. He's standing

i hate when apps know that i’m screenshotting something. when i screenshot something, that’s me acting outside your realm of understanding, app. i am beyond what you consider the observable universe. you’re not supposed to perceive me. we don’t know when god screenshots the earth. we don’t know when he’s like, “okay i’m just gonna take a pic in case i ever want to add dinosaurs back to something later and don’t remember how.” and if we did, we wouldn’t act all smug about it like, “hey, you wanna share that post? you could just click here to share it.” no, man. you didn’t catch me. i screenshotted this for my own reasons. what’s next? i can’t take a photo of my computer screen with my phone out of laziness without being shamed by the printer i don’t own?

being the waitresses defense lawyer every time you go out to eat with your family. it ain’t much but it’s honest work

a guy walks in with two puncture wounds on his neck like “u should see the other guy” and then a vampire walks in covered in those cartoony lipstick kiss marks

i’m really glad this post was a hit with the gays

at the end of the day I’m just a girl who loves her bed

reblog to give warm bread to your mutuals

I don’t know why, but reading “oil on saltine” just sent me

At first I thought this was a backpack, and I was so fucking confused

Reblog to give your followers each their own sword.

people born in 2000 should be like 12-14 now. but they’re not. that’s how fucked up our world is now

The older this post gets the funnier it becomes