Letters To God

A few days ago someone who I thought was gone forever came back into my life. She was someone who I never forgot she was a love I thought I would never get back. To find out she was single gave me hope it made me feel a little like myself again. The crazy thing is after all these years she was the same person I remember life hadn’t changed her like it did me. It was a week of talking when she hitme with the truth unlike me she isn’t looking to step back in time. She wants something new. Its true why live in the past when you have your whole future to look forward too. That’s always been one of my biggest problems I live in the past. While I wish her all the best a part of me wishes her best would include me in her life. Thank you for reading.

I have always found happiness for those who have found happiness. I love the happiness that my friends have found. Seeing the pictures of the trips you take and the memories you make has brought me great joy over the years. At 37 my life has allows been an uphill battle a lot of it being my own fault. I know people have it worst then me and I am grateful for all the blessings I have had but I am growing tired physically my body feels weak and emotionally I am drained. My daughter has been my greatest blessing but I feel as if there is not much I can offer her. I hope she lives a life that is 100 times better then mines. May she never feel the pain of heartbreak. May she never cry of hunger. May she never have to cry herself to sleep. May she understand a happiness I don’t believe I will understand.

The real tone project.

When I started my journey of wanting to date again I never would have thought that being a dad would play such a major part in it. I thought women would be more understanding but it seems to scare them or has them thinking they will be fighting for attention. My daughter will always come first and my work schedule with these rotating shifts does not make it easier but it is what I have to do. Hopefully I will find the woman that understands the struggle and that I have enough love to share.

One thing that has not changed in all the years that I have not dated is women going after the bad boys. Lately I have been looking at these dating shows and the guy with the most issues and the worst personalities end up with the prettiest, sweetest women. I get it the challenge is exciting but ladies you deserve better. The man you choose should make your life easier and make you better. The man that cheats will continue to cheat until he wants to change. A man should never disrespect you no matter the situation. You never deserve to be put down Woman may not be perfect and you all do make mistakes but your partner should be there to call you out and see how you both can work it out or move on. Ladies if you are unhappy you deserve better never allow a man to bring your spirit down and if you have a good man no matter the temptation be with him through the good and the bad. Bad situations will only make you stronger.  In a world full of bad you deserve the stars.

After 6 years of being single I think it is finally time to start dating again. Being 37 and away from the dating scene for 6 years it is not going to be easy getting back in the scene. I will have to overcome my severe shyness. I have never been one to play games and run with pick up lines. I feel as if the whole scene has changed trying to find someone with my likes and dislikes. I am  extremely honest which gets me into trouble when people are trying to get to know me. Hopefully I find a partner someone who can help me grow and I can do the same for her. Today was day one joined a few dating sites realized how much I hate taking pictures of myself. What do I write in my profile ? How can I make it interesting? What will make me stand out? I kept it simple a brief introduction lets see what happens. Day 1 of a new journey hopefully not a painful one.

Every morning a man would get on my train singing sitting on the dock of the bay by Otis Redding. I would sit there and listen is was so relaxing would put me in a good mood going into work. This man had such a beautiful voice the sad part was this world never will appreciate it. Its been about a year since i have seen him. I miss hearing that song in the morning. Thank you Mr for bring that small joy into our mornings. Hopefully you found your own bay to sit by. 

The real tone

The real tone

Today I look in the mirror and do not recognize who I see, but tomorrow I will see who I want to be.

Today was my first busy day at work in a long time. As New York begins to open again our business is beginning to pick up. What I find weird is how everyone is acting as if what happened last year was just some passing trend. I think we are beginning to go on with our lives and of coarse its the right thing to do we can’t live in fear forever but we must also remember th lessons tat came along with everything that happened. I really enjoyed spending all that time with my daughter and really getting the break off of work to really appreciate the little things I had to now do without. I just wish I could have realized that and had that time with her without being surrounded by all this death. Will things ever go back to normal only time will tell but until then let us enjoy the little things and appreciate the things we thought we needed but now understand we really didn’t need them. May God bless all those that suffered with this illness and the families who lost loved ones.

What do you do when everyone you seem interested in is either taken or does not view you in the same way?

What is normal?