even the iron still fears the rot

petition to make them girlfriends

but he doesn't want to die. he doesn't want to kill himself. he's grasping at reasons not to. he just "doesn't want to be here anymore." and he doesn't see any other option out.

that's the feeling, that's it. you don't want to be "anywhere, anymore." because everywhere you go, you're still you. you're so exhausted of being you. so tired of being tired, of hurting, of feeling pathetic and weak and deeply alone. you just want it all to stop.

you want to take a break, you want to rest, but no amount of rest helps because you're there. when you're resting, laying in bed at night, your thoughts, your feelings, they don't leave. they don't allow you to rest. they berate you, shame you for even trying. you cannot get away from yourself. and it seems so impossible to get better when it's been hurting for so long, when you're so burnt out, when you did try.

you tried therapy. you tried getting a hobby. you tried doing what you were supposed to. but you failed at that too, didn't you? you weren't good enough at getting better. and no one is coming to save you and all you hear from everyone is that no one is coming to save you. that you have to do it yourself.

and you can't. you can't do it yourself. but you can't live like this, either. you don't want to be here anymore. you don't want to be you anymore. you just need it all to stop.

and, well. there's only one way you can think of to get it to stop, one that you haven't tried yet. one that could work. one that used to scare you, but.. it sounds nice, now. an end. a way for this all to be over. like anyone would care, right? like anyone would really miss you?

i work with unhoused people fleeing domestic violence, and i have a client rn whose driver's license expired in 2024, and she needs a new id to apply for apartments. ok, cool. problem is, she lost all her documents due to the domestic violence

so we call the dmv. dmv needs a birth certificate. like i said, she lost her birth certificate. she needs a new one. her birth certificate is from out of state

we look up how to get a new birth certificate. the birth certificate needs an id to order it. cool cool cool

ok then what about secondary options? well, she needs two secondary sources of identification to order a replacement birth certificate, and she only has one, because for everything else she needs an id. fishing license? need an id. fucking park pass? id. she could have her 18+ child use their birth certificate to vouch for her, except her abuser won't let her talk to her children, so that's a no go

ultimately we land on social security card. this is where we're at in the process rn. ofc she doesn't have her ss card, so we need to order that. social security also requires an id to request a new card, but they'll take a health insurance card with a picture attached (god fucking bless them). she has medicaid but doesn't have a physical copy of the card, so we have to figure out how to get that. then once we do that we have to upload it to the social security website, and if that doesn't work, we have to, god forbid, call the social security office (takes literal hours) and then make an appointment. she doesn't have transportation or cell service, so we would have to figure out a way to coordinate me getting her to the appointment in order to present the document

then we wait 10+ days for the replacement, that has to be mailed to me bc she is unhoused and doesn't have an address

then we need to submit her request for a new birth certificate, which we have to figure out how to pay for, bc it is not free. they're at least a month behind on requests, btw, so we are probably looking at may at the earliest for that to arrive

then we need to take the birth certificate to the dmv

dmv also requires two pieces of mail not from a po box. she doesn't have an address, she is unhoused. she can use the homeless shelter in town, but we will need to mail her stuff there and have her receive it first, and also then the homeless shelter address will now be on her new id, which landlords will recognize and may discriminate against her for

during all of this she is sleeping in a garage. it was negative one degrees this morning. also, forgot to mention, she is terminally ill. some days i legitimately don't know if she lived through the night. every day is a toss up

the absolute soonest she will have an id is probably late may. forget voter registration--most rentals won't let her apply without it. she won't be offered section 8 housing without it. she can't apply for ssdi without it. she is blocked at literally every corner without it, and the absolute soonest she can get it is late may. the dmv literally has her old card on file, and she knows the number by heart, but it doesn't matter. it doesn't count if it's expired, as if she's somehow become someone new

and that's all with the help of someone whose job it is to do this shit. imagine if she didn't have a caseworker. she has a ten year old donated iphone that only works on wifi, she can't even do her own research bc she doesn't have internet half the time. how the hell is she supposed to get anything done on her own?