lose yourself in wild romance (sports)

(Travis Konecny voice) Tipperrrrrrr

was gonna draw this earlier as part of my general playoff drawings but didnt get around to it then. decided to put a little more work into it.

The kid was picked up by an ambulance 30 minutes later.

Now as an adult working in security I get SO MANY folks- upper-middle aged mostly- coming to me to 'rat out' people they think are faking it.

I was once sent into a bathroom because a client demanded that the "fucker won't get out, so go drag them out"- I was NEVER going to do that, so I did a wellness check instead. You know who it was? A person recently released from the hospital after a car accident. They had a hole in their skull and major hearing loss. They couldn't answer the owner because they couldn't HEAR the owner.

Another time about a homeless man who got around town by kicking the ground from his wheelchair. "You know he doesn't actually need that thing, his legs work fine, it's just for pity points"- Oh, so he's not paralyzed, his wheelchair is performative? Funny story Dale, I actually know that guy, he was backed over by a truck and has chronic pain from his shattered pelvis. But sure, let's make him stand up and walk everywhere so nobody feels too bad for him and tries to help him or something.

"She doesn't need that scooter, I've seen her get out of it."

"Look how fat he is, because he just rides around and refuses to get up."

"She doesn't really need that cane- she comes here without it all the time"

he's like "first, i took a piss in these eco-friendly urinals. yes, this is VERY IMPORTANT!"

"then a nonbinary vampire and her- i mean their- friend ALSO took huge pisses! she- i mean they- pissed hands-free with their incredibly strong pelvic floor muscles. yes, the vampire lestat respects pronouns, write that down."

"i always wash my hands after using the bathroom. even when i'm fucked up on LSD and ecstasy! even if the other people at the urinal didn't wash their hands! yes Daniel, this is VERY important to write down!"

"and then we had elevator sex so hot that the bellboy joined in!"

like it is supposed to feel jarring and insane. it is supposed to feel like lestat has been violently submerged in modern young people trends and culture and is now repeating all the new words he learned like a beautiful fresh baby. but because the book is from 1985, all I think is oh interesting huh I didn’t know that slang term even originated in the 80s how vintage how retro how lestat wow he’s so embarrassing aw aw so cute.