Maiself-

Today I say goodbye. After many weeks of saying goodbye.

It makes me sad to think of you. Because each time I do so, I realize you were never really there for me. You were never really FOR me.

Every time I go back in time, I just see myself giving more of my space, more of my time, sacrificing a bit more and more and more until there was nothing left. You brought me down from your pedestal little by little and suddenly I was being disrespected and treated like shit.

I couldn’t ask for my space back, I couldn’t ask for boundaries, I was loss depending on you. Just waiting to see how you wanted to feel about me that day.

Dear Future NOT husband I should have ran away as quickly as I could as soon as I noticed those changes. Social media wasn’t the same. Physical touch wasn’t the same. Nothing was the same.

Little by little my light went dimmer and dimmer and you were causing that. Making me feel guilty because I didn’t accept you how you actually were. When all I was begging for was respect. Intimacy. I was asking for DEPTH.

Too late I understood. You know nothing of oceans and ecosystems. You’re stuck in a kiddy pool. Letting life run through your fingers while you scroll down tiktok. With no goals, no ambition. Nothing. You are terrifying.

You were bringing me down there with you.