yvonne ੈ✩

(My small collection of fluff 🧁, hurt/ comfort 🫂 and angst 💢 felix x reader one shots !!!)

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ a shaky hand 🧁 ~~ felix does your makeup with your guidance

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ just for you 🧁🫂💢 ~~ felix comforts you after a difficult day

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ once around and rest for 8 seconds 🧁🫂💢 ~~ despite a small hiccup, you curl felix’s hair at his request

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ constellations of 364 🧁 ~~ just you counting felix’s freckles

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ heartbeat 🧁🫂💢 ~~ after an encounter at the museum, felix is the only one that can stop your panic attacks

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ subtle communication 🧁💢 ~~ felix is your rock when it comes to large social gatherings, and after an incident and moment of self-doubt, he’s still there to comfort you… with slight a twist

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ pretty girl 🧁💢 ~~ after seeing a guy at a house party, felix gets a bit overly jealous and clingy

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ please don’t cry 💢 ~~ you made a mistake whilst drunk and betrayed felix’s promise. You’d do anything to make it better

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ really . . . ? really . 🧁🫂💢 ~~ you’re ill and told felix absolutely not to come over, but he can’t resist caring for his girl

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊ *ੈ

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊ *ੈ

ੈ✩ relationship: lee felix x fem!reader

ੈ✩ warnings: none

ੈ✩ synopsis & notes: just some clingy head canons and thoughts for you all <<333 enjoy :)))

ੈ✩ word count: 744

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊ *ੈ

Clingy!felix who doesn’t let you leave in a morning, pulling you to bed into his arms over and over and peppering you with kisses until you almost miss your train.

You leave a lipstick stain on his cheek and he redoes your lipstick for you, just to ruin it again as you run for your apartment door. When you get back from work, the remnant stain is still on his cheek.

Clingy!felix who goes quiet and pouty when you don’t remember to kiss him goodnight. He just rolls over quietly until you remember… beaming when you do. He brushes his hair back and licks his lips instinctively as you move closer.

Clingy!felix who messages you non-stop throughout the day with cute things that remind him of you. Sometimes when the conversation lulls but he still wants your attention, he just messages “I love you” and cute (and increasingly cringier) petnames over until you respond.

Clingy!felix who counts down the days until you come back from your work/ college trip. He messages you his plans for you both when you come back, but ends every message with “... But still have fun with your friends :)”

When he picks you up from the airport, the facade drops. He kisses you about 40 times until you go a deep red in the face, and immediately takes your bags in his arms, rambling about all the ideas he has.

Clingy!felix who’s favourite thing is to nuzzle his nose into your neck and tell you how much he just adores your presence.

Clingy!felix who goes red in the face and ears when explaining how a guy was “definitely flirting with you” (it was the cashier).

He fiddles with his ears absentmindedly, not realising how red they’ve become and how he’s making them redder. He can’t look you in the eyes as he explains it, and keeps his arm firmly locked in yours the rest of the night.

Clingy!felix who brings over his clothes for you to wear and loves cuddling you in them. It reminds him that you’re his and never going anywhere.

Clingy!felix who has a habit of linking his fingers in yours, or rounding his arm around your torso, the few occasions you see an ex in public.

The moment you spot the guy, felix grabs your attention back, “Angel..?”, and smiles when your head bolts back to his. You get a little embarrassed but he just continues oblivious.

Clingy!felix who asks you at least 4 times what time you’ll be home (even though he knows), and sulks, spamming sad faces if your train is delayed.

“Do I need to drive the train myself??” (It’s been delayed 2 minutes).

Clingy!felix who can’t sleep soundly without hugging you tight from behind, face nestled against the back of your neck and arms anchored around your waist.

You try to reposition yourself in the night to make yourself more comfortable but he just half-consciously pulls you in tighter with a groan and a furrowed brow.

You tell him the next morning sometimes you just need some space to shuffle, and he looks down away from you with a bright red face, “right… sorry princess… I- I didn’t realise”.

Clingy!felix who wants to leave at least one hickey on your neck or shoulders at all times. Mostly because he enjoys the way you purr and run your fingers through his hair as he makes them, but a little because it’s his permanent love bite, showing that you’re completely his.

Clingy!felix who comes into your work if you’ve been too busy and not seen him in a while. He’s a little embarrassed about it and asks if he should leave, but you reassure him it’s fine.

“Sorry… I just-… I guess I missed you… and you didn’t respond to my text…”, he says avoiding eye contact, and then with doey eyes from a downturned face, hiding behind a half-turned shoulder.

He’ll happily sit in a corner with a coffee and a pastry, watching you absentmindedly and smiling to catch your eye.

Once, you catch him staring down a customer who leans over the counter to crack a joke with you.

Clingy!felix who has to be attached to you physically in some way at all times. Whether it’s a link of a finger, an arm round your shoulders, or legs intertwined in an inseparable hug. Yes, even when it’s sweltering heat.

ੈ✩ relationship: lee felix x fem!reader

ੈ✩ themes: domestic fluff, comfort, princess treatment, physical touch, slight angst, slice of life, skz imagines

ੈ✩ warnings: reader has poor eating habits

ੈ✩ synopsis: you’re ill and told felix absolutely not to come over, but he can’t resist caring for his girl

ੈ✩ word count: 11.1k

ੈ✩ photos credits: Pinterest

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊ *ੈ

Haiiii I’m back…… this took me 4 days and it’s so much longer but I had soooo much fun writing it 💔💔 I was ill recently so I fear this was inspired…

This is superrrr fluffy so pre-warning…. But I feel like if you know you know (there’s a I know you know lee know joke in there somewhere)

(p.s. the italicised writing between slashes are texts :))

Also, super super grateful to anyone who reads any of the stuff I post <\3 ily all

Anyways…… Enjoy !!!! :)

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊ *ੈ

—————————————————————————

Some vague noise woke you up. You couldn’t really even tell what it was, just a buzzing and a disturbance in your ears. You scowled at the fuzziness, the headache immediately returning with a punch. You bolted your eyes even tighter shut to dispel any of the light looking to invade your eyes from your east-facing window. You rolled over in bed, your ears eventually tuning the noise ever so clearer.

Small raps at the door, in a constant soft rhythm. Quiet, in reality, to anyone who didn’t have a week-long headache and flu. Invasive to your ears still.

“Princess…? The doors locked”

You raised your head and your eyes creaked open in disbelief. Soon to your own regret, as it felt like a hammer hit your head without a pillow.

You’d told him absolutely not to come over. In reality, you’d felt awful hiding your illness from him. For the first few days. You felt like hell and the last thing you wanted was to pass it onto him; you’d never forgive yourself.

Once you’d finally been honest with him, it was like a war on your phone.

/Princess how couldn’t you tell me?/

/Lixie please don’t come over I mean it I don’t want to pass this onto you/

/Angel that’s not fair you’re suffering :(((/

/Still im serious/

/Don’t be ridiculous, I’ll pick up some supplies/

/Sunshine please you’re so busy this weekend it’s not fair/

/Are you taking care of yourself? Do you have honey in the flat? Did you take the blankets out the cupboard?/

/I promise Lixie I’ll be fine. Tell me you won’t come over…/

/Cupcake…/

/Please my love/

/hmm…/

You weren’t fine. Not that you’d let that on. Though you should’ve really expected he’d come over no matter what you said.

More raps on the door. Constant but soft. You rolled over in bed with a groan, grabbing your pillow to smother your senses

“Felix…”, you groaned to yourself.

But after a second, you started to feel bad. You were really laid there blocking out the words, bordering whines, of your own boyfriend whilst he was probably stood in the cold.

You threw the pillow to the end of the bed in an exhausted shove of energy. And sneezed. Your head ricocheting off the bed. The small knocks started again, ever so slightly louder.

“... angel?”

You groaned and dragged yourself off your bed like a corpse, dragging your heaviest blanket with you. You threw it over your hunched back and gripped the corners for dear life as you trudged towards the door. The knocks continued.

“Lixie I said explicitly–...”, you started as you unbolted the door, but the sight of him stopped your voice immediately.

Slightly damp hair, the ends noticeably soaked but the top of his head peppered with individual visible rain droplets. From the neck up, he looked like a kitten caught in the rain. His eyes shimmered at the sight of you and he flashed an honest smile like a ray of sunshine. His freckles clear as day across his nose and cheeks like little stars.

From the neck down… a different story. His leather jacket visibly soaked. He was carrying white plastic bags in either hand. They looked heavy by themselves even if you didn’t look at his hands, which were blowing up red. His fingers playing Twister trying to keep the bags afloat.

“You’re all wet, sunshine…”, you said in a quiet whine, still slightly shocked he was looking at you, somehow with a puppy’s smile, at your door.

“Is my baby feeling ok?”, he started with a tilted head, almost as if you hadn’t said anything.

He gently glided past you towards the kitchen counter to place the bags down with a slight thump. You let him past, mostly as you were still in shock, but also wanting him to relieve his poor fingers.

“Your fingers, angel”, you started moving over to him.

He turned around and you immediately took his hands in yours, inspecting them for marks and rubbing the worse areas with your fingertips.

You looked up at him with a doey-eyed pout, but he just replied with a smile, pure with love.

You rubbed his fingers a few more times before feeling a brief, cold gust of wind break through your blanket. You turned around to see the door still open, and it snapped you back to reality.

You gently let go of his fingers, and looked at the ground. Felix’s smile faded almost immediately.

“I told you felix”, you began, “not to come here”

“It's not fair”, you said looking up at him now.

“Not fair on who?”, Felix started, but placed a finger over your lips as you began a flurry of a response.

“Shhh…”, he smiled. You thought he was way too happy about all of this, and grumbled slightly back at him.

He was about to tease you, but saw your up-turned annoyance. He tilted his head with a face more of seriousness and empathy, moving his hand to rub the side of your head.

“... I’m sorry, for lying”, he said softly. You tried desperately to stop falling into his touch like a puppy, but he had a devastating ability to touch just where it was feeling its worst. Your eyes lulled at the touch despite your best efforts.

You hoped Felix didn’t see, but he did, and smiled slightly in response. His pretty pink lips caught the light.

“But I’ve got a whole schedule planned, to make you feel even just one percent better”. He bent down to catch your eye, hand still rubbing circles.

You pouted and looked back at him from a down-turned gaze, before looking back at the floor. He stayed there, rubbing the side of your head with a beam, looking at you like you were the most precious thing on earth.

A whole minute passed, and you caved.

Without looking at him, you slowly enveloped your arms around his waist, collapsing the other pounding side of your head into his warm, still slightly damp chest. He brought his other arm to cup around your shoulders.

“Oh baby…”

“You didn’t listen to me”, you tried to shoot back in response in one last ditched effort of protest, but it left your lips with more of a defeated whine.

“No…”, he started with an air of an apology, “but I’m listening to your body just fine…”. He stood his ground, but with a soft and honest tone.

He didn’t really want to tease you in this state.

–

You stood there covered in his arms for as long as he’d allow. You thought if you could fall asleep standing up you most certainly would have. It took all of Felix’s strength to rip your body from his.

“Hey”, he giggled as he held your shoulders half a metre from you, “let’s start on the plan, huh?”

“Sure”, you responded, still defeated. You tried to cling to his body again but he just scrunched his face in a giggle and held you at arms length.

“Not right now princess, later alright?”, he said, still with the remnants of a laugh on his lips.

He knelt down to catch your eye, your heavy head still hung low.

“I’ll run you a bath, and you go lay down on the couch in the meantime ok?”

He looked at you with the most heart-wrenching warm brown eyes. When your gaze drifted, his eyes followed like they were tied to yours with string. He gave a short polite smile and a nod, his lips drawn together pushing his cheeks out.

You gave a faint nod and rubbed your eye in response. Felix flashed his teeth in a wider smile, as if it was building up to be released. He stood up and carefully linked your hand, leading you to the couch.

You followed his footsteps, and he held your shoulders again as you lowered yourself down, keeling over on your right side onto the sofa with a huff. You shut your eyes in the uncomfortable movement to try and make it easier on your head.

Felix crouched down to be parallel with your face as you opened your eyes slightly. He moved your hair carefully out your face and rubbed your head in that same spot within the same motion.

“Thank you for letting me in”, he smiled, “I promise to my girl with all my heart that I won’t get sick”, he continued with exaggerated formality, fist held to his chest like a pledge of allegiance.

You gave something between a huff, whine and a grunt in response. If you really thought about it, you hated that he came, and your mind would spiral at the thought that he’d have to miss his plans if he got ill. At the same time, you’d selfishly pretty much never let him leave.

He smiled wider, his face only an inch from yours, his eyes full of love.

“Cutie…”, he giggled.

He brushed your temple twice before a reminder shot through his brain.

“Oh right”. He pulled a thermometer from his back pocket.

You immediately groaned at the sight and pouted a little. You could feel the cold poke in your mouth already.

Felix gave a sympathetic pout back, “open up… please angel?”, he asked politely.

You gave a grunt before doing as he said. He held it there for a few minutes before it beeped, looking at the reading instantly but with a gaze that, at the same time, didn’t want to know.

He gave a frown with his eyes and mouth. You didn’t say anything; you could’ve told him you were ill without that thing in your mouth.

Felix sighed before feeling your forehead, “… oh my baby”

He gave another brush of your forehead with his thumb before leaving a kiss on your cheek and got up to go to the bathroom, lips still downturned.

–

“Angel cake”, Felix chimed after some time, his frown now disappeared.

You opened your eyes to the bathroom door being slightly ajar, Felix messing with something and sliding through to the lounge.

“It's ready”, he chimed again.

You smiled at the seeming joy radiating off of him and managed to drag yourself up off the couch, and trudged towards the door. You kept your eyes half shut, as the light of the bathroom was still too invasive.

He met you at the door to the bathroom, and placed an exaggerated arm out blocking you from going in as you approached. You looked at him expressionless, but he was still more than happy to play his games. He gave a serious expression as he looked down at you.

“These are for my princess”, he said in that formal tone again, taking his left hand from behind his back and producing a bouquet of flowers.

Red roses. He was a soppy romantic.

You frowned at the flowers; you couldn’t believe he’d put this much effort in when it was 50/50 earlier whether you’d actually let him in the flat. You turned your face up at him and he responded to you with a beam and crescent eyes.

“Oh they’re beautiful sunshine I can’t beli–”

You inhaled twice dramatically, and sneezed right into the bouquet. Just great. You bolted your head up to meet Felix’s after a second of ringing in your ears, looking to him to apologise profusely.

Felix just smacked his hand other his mouth in restraint of a laugh. You still gave a pout anyways.

“Yeah… maybe these weren’t the best idea for someone who’s sick”, he chuckled, distancing you from the bouquet

“No I really love them though, I’m sorry”, you replied, clawing at his distant wrist to prove it.

He responded with another child-like laugh, scrunching his face, “it’s fine”, he said, shaking his head and placing the bouquet down.

“Your bath is ready anyways”.

He creaked the door fully open and the light shot into your eyes like a gun. You physically recoiled with a groan and covered your face with one of your hands.

“Oh I’m sorry cupcake”, he started, moving his body in front of you to block the light and holding your head between his hands, “how could I have been so careless”.

His eyes instantly began to search the room, and you rubbed your own, before he pinned something. He moved towards the centre of the lounge and switched the bathroom light off as he moved.

He collected three candles from the lounge, one of them a complete dustball on top of the shelf. He gave it a quick blow with pouted lips and tilted his head to say it’d do.

“You wait here”, he chimed in that childish voice again, kissing your cheek as he moved into the bathroom.

He lit the three candles equally across the room. The one that still smelt like dust he placed furthest from the bath. The room became illuminated at just the right level.

Felix opened the door again, extending his arm in an exaggerated welcome and a short bow. You stepped onto the cold tiles and saw the bath.

A bubble bath drawn high, the floral scent even breaking past your flu. Rose petals scattered in a heart shape. And a tiny yellow duck in a sailor’s hat bobbing in the middle.

“The duck… really?”, you started

“Really.” He responded instantly, with a playful seriousness.

You looked back at the bath, “hm… it’s cute”, you uttered as he wiped his thumb across your cheek. You secretly had thought that all along.

“Well you stay there for as long as you need ok? I’ll just be in the kitchen so shout me if you need anything, angel”, he said before kissing your cheek again.

You gave a short nod without looking at him before he began to move towards the door. And all of a sudden, despite the candles and the petals and your friend already swimming in the bath, it seemed too lonely.

“Wait Lixie”, you said, turning around. Felix met your gaze with listening eyes, his eyebrows high.

“... can you um… maybe help me in… please”

You were slightly embarrassed to ask, and didn’t really know why. But the thought of lifting your leg that high put a sting in the side of your head.

Felix stuttered for a second, eyes maybe… nervous?, before responding with complete certainty,

“Yeah of course princess, if you’re sure”

You nodded briefly with a smile and he returned one too.

“Thank you”, you said quietly.

You turned towards the bath and dropped the heavy blanket off your shoulders. You forgot how cold it was just standing in your pajamas being this ill and shivered almost immediately.

You looked behind you at the ball the blanket made on the floor, and looked up to Felix, who already had his back half-turned, hand shading his eyes.

“Tell me when you’re done ok”

You smiled at him, “Hmh, sure”

He didn’t really have to turn his back like that, but after a few seconds you did appreciate the privacy. You were shivering and still hunched after all.

“Ok I’m ready”, you said from the edge of the bath.

Felix stepped over, still not looking at you fully.

“Ok”, he started, taking your hands from behind and helping you up, only looking where he needed to. You dragged your leg up into the bath, but was instantly rewarded, the warm silky water already ridding any of the knots in your calf.

“There we go, alright?”, he said as he lowered you gently into the tub. He held the back of your head to lower it down onto the headrest he’d placed at the end of the bath. You were covered up to your neck, and Felix gave a wide smile.

“Thank you sunshine”, you said earnestly, “sorry for being such a baby”, you muttered under your breath.

“Hey don’t be silly”, he protested, a menacing grin growing over his face, “you’re my baby not a baby”

You tilted your head with wide eyes in sheer disbelief of what you’d just heard. He broke into the loudest laugh you’d heard all evening.

“Please never say that again”, you said

Felix recovered from his laugh (eventually), reaching down to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your left ear,

“No promises”, he said, habitually licking his lips into smile

A moment of silence passed in the room. You closed your eyes and finally thought you’d reached tranquility, after all the headaches and the sneezing. The bath warmed your body through to the bone, you thought you’d never leave if you could.

“Hey”, Felix interrupted the silence, “should I go? Leave you to some peace”

You looked at the bottom of the bath and that silly looking rubber duck, and bit your lip.

“Can you stay please?”, you asked from a downturned gaze. His expression melted at the way you looked at him.

“Are you sure princess? I want you to rest…”

“I think I’ll rest better with you here”, you responded, maybe slightly embarrassed at your own honesty, looking away from him whilst you spoke and making circles with your fingers in the water.

“Alright then”, he said with a partially relieved expression, half thinking you were way too cute.

Felix went to pull up a stool at the side of the bath and you relaxed further into the encompassing water, flowing slightly above your chin.

For a few minutes, there was the most comfortable silence you’d ever had. Just being able to sit together and finally, actually, unwind.

A few minutes more, and Felix’s voice prettily interrupted the quiet,

“Head massage maybe?”, he floated.

You looked up at him for a second without responding, seeing the genuineness in his eyes.

“You’re too kind to me”, you responded

He tilted his head and looked back at you, as if to say you already knew his response.

“You know I’d do anything for my girl”. Maybe 10% offended that you hadn’t considered that.

He gave a quick kiss of your forehead before moving to sit behind you.

“You just relax alright?”, he said as he placed his delicate fingers gently on your scalp.

He started by gathering your hair, which was a mess falling over the tub. It wasn't your biggest concern given how your throat, nose and head felt. Still, he gathered it and brushed it in his hands gently, so it was nicely placed just over the tub, between his legs.

Once he’d brushed your hair and patted it lightly into a neat line, he parted his fingers and dug them far into your scalp.

It was still a soft touch, but with a power behind it, all across your skull. Your breath hitched at the feeling as you sunk into his touch like a cat, and you tried to restrain a groan. You were slightly unsuccessful, and a faint noise left your lips.

He didn't say anything about it, and began to make soft but purposeful rubs across the whole top of your head.

–

You didn't know how long you laid there, absorbed in the water and his touch. At one point, you almost drifted off to sleep,

“Woah don’t fall asleep”, Felix cautioned, cupping your chin to keep you up and looking down at you from above, “we don’t want a problem in the bath”.

You thought he was right, but you still hated it. You just groaned from below and creaked your eyes open.

“Hmmm… maybe I ought to get up then”, you croaked.

“Maybe”, he said gently, brushing your hair and leaving a kiss on your lips from above,

“Your fingers are slightly… prunish”, he said, biting his lip and making eye contact with your left hand out the tub

You looked at your shrivelled fingers, “eh… worth it”, you chuckled.

You shifted your arms high to try and steady your hands on either side of the tub. You thought you had just the right position and angle, but began to visibly shake once you put any amount of body weight on them.

Felix moved his hands to shadow your arms with a slightly worried face, before you sighed and sunk back into the bath, defeated and annoyed you were really this weak. What type of illness made you so weak you couldn’t lift yourself?

“Do you need help getting out, angel?”

He asked so kindly, with an awareness you were irritated by your own body, you could barely be mad at the suggestion.

“... yeah”, you sighed, rubbing your face.

Felix moved round to the side of the bath, sat on the edge of the bath and offered both his palms with an empathetic beam.

“Don’t worry, you’ll regain your strength soon”

You sighed into a smile, your lips clamped shut, and took his hands. He was probably the only one with still some optimism left.

He lifted you effortlessly out of the bath, your eyes slightly wide at how little effort you had to put in.

“Thanks…”, you offered, still a little embarrassed you couldn’t do it alone.

“Don’t worry about it”, Felix smiled, brushing a spec of foam off your cheek, “you dry off and I’ll have something prepared for you when you’re done ok?”

You remembered those red fingers and heavy plastic bags. How much stuff had he really bought? You hoped he didn’t look in your cupboards or fridge, as there was certainly nothing there and it might’ve exposed the fact you’d not eaten properly in days. You tried not to start calculating how much he spent on you, from the roses and now this.

“I meant it when I said you too good–”

“Shhh”, he placed a delicate finger on your lips before kissing that exact same area, allowing it to linger before moving towards the door.

He opened the door with the tiniest of creaks, and slid through the gap, not wanting the light of the lounge to disturb you either.

–

You happily stood in the slightly steamed room with a towel wrapped around your torso. You just stood existing, hearing the faint movements of Felix in the next room, for about 15 minutes before thinking you should move. You moved for the door handle and prepared your eyes for more light.

When you creaked the door, there was no difference. You opened it fully to see Felix having turned on one or two lamps, but nothing more. You saw him working by the kitchen in almost pitch black, reading something with the torch on his phone.

You looked at him from the door and sighed with a tilted head. He was really an angel for you.

“Hey”, he said, almost offended, turning to see you and covering something with his hand. Not that you could see it in this light.

“This is a secret until you’re dressed”. He stuck his tongue out at you and went back to his phone.

You gave a huff back at him and he responded the same as you moved to your bedroom.

You turned on the light to see some clothes laid out neatly on the bed in an order.

Fluffy sweatpants on the left, and one of Felix’s jumpers on the right. The fluffy grey one with a bear that you always told him he was so adorable wearing. Of course, you sniffed it and it smelled just like him.

You dried yourself off gently and flung the towel into a corner. Your head still pounded and you could feel your nose blocking again. You shivered once more as you looked at yourself in the mirror and sighed. This had been way too long to be ill and at this point, you were just mad about it.

You huffed a third time, and went to dress yourself. The sweatpants were baggy enough they didn’t really touch you but still kept you warm, which was a relief.

The jumper was way more than oversized on you. It was already oversized on Felix, but it almost covered your kneecaps. You rolled up the sleeves in ruffles so your hands were actually visible, and giggled slightly at the state of you.

You clicked open the door and Felix looked your way. You wiped your nose with a tissue and said nothing as you looked down at the mini dress of a jumper, a laugh restrained behind your grin.

“Hey”, he started, as he walked over to you. His soft expression, checking you were ok, turned to a slight laugh, before turning again into a pout as he reached you.

“You look so cuddly though”, he confessed, rubbing both your arms with his cupped hands.

“I look a bit silly”, you said looking down at the brown bear on your front. You looked back up to Felix who was still pouting, looking like he wanted to grab you and not let go.

“But I think it’s lovely”, you concluded with a beam. You couldn’t disparage anything that he seemed to like this much.

He smiled back at you and leaned in to leave a kiss on your lips, cupping your cheeks in his hands.

Once he pulled away, you looked at his slightly red ears, and an unfortunate thought shot through your brain.

“Hey uh… sunshine”

“Mhm”, he said, brushing your head, looking at you like he was enchanted.

“Maybe uhh… for your own health…”. His gaze turned into a puppy dog expression and you almost couldn’t finish your sentence.

“Maybe you shouldn’t kiss me today”.

You looked down once you finished, and his movements stopped too. It was the last thing you wanted to say but your logical brain had been screaming at you ever since he slid past you at the flat door.

You eventually looked up at Felix, not anticipating his response. His eyes were wider, slowly moving around the floor. You saw a gulp take over his adam’s apple too.

“Uhh… yeah sure… right”, he said a lot quieter, blinking one or two too many times.

“Hey…?”, you said with a chuckle in disbelief, “I only mean for your own health…”

He shut his eyes and shook his head. As if he was telling himself he was stupid for being sad at the idea of stopping for just one day.

You raised your hand to cup his cheek and tried to catch his eye.

“... if you want to kiss me at your own risk I’d love that too”. Your logical brain couldn’t believe you back-tracked that quickly.

His puppy eyes met yours once you said that, now tainted with caution. You restrained a giggle at how unbelievably cute he was. His wide brown eyes and doughy cheeks trying to figure you out.

“... can I please still kiss you?”, he asked softly, hanging on to your every word.

“Of course you can, my prince”, you replied, grabbing his chin and speaking like it was so fucking obvious. I mean it was.

“Just don’t make me responsible for any of the consequences”, you joked with a playful shake of his chin.

“I don’t care about any of that”, he said with a brief head shake before cupping the back of your neck and placing tiny kisses across your lips, as if he almost lost them forever. He moved to the corners of your lips and you let out a tiny giggle at the feeling.

“I know you don’t”, you replied, still giggling, taking his head in your hands and shifting your face to the side so you could speak. He just kept kissing your cheek and neck.

“That’s why you’re here”.

–

“That reminds me”, Felix said, his lips eventually leaving your skin after a few minutes more. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t love his peppering kisses, giving you the most attention humanly possible.

“Come with me”, he said, leading you by the hand.

He led you to the couch, where a heavy blanket laid folded neatly on the edge. He’d put on your favourite show, but turned the volume right down.

“I’ll be right back”, he said, leaving you to get comfortable, the bear jumper feeling like a blanket in itself. The gentle flicker of the TV and the dull-lit room was just perfect. You sighed and collapsed into the couch.

Felix approached the couch from behind with a “hehe” and placed a wooden tray on the coffee table. It had two large steaming mugs with a yellowey liquid, and a pretty arrangement of circular flat biscuits.

“It’s honey lemon tea, so drink up alright?”

He really was trying everything to make you feel better.

“And there’s this too”

He produced a hot water bottle with a fluffy cover of a bear, arms, head and all. He offered it with a polite innocent smile and you looked back at him with a pout, unable to believe how thoughtful he was, and how cute the bottle cover was too.

“Thank you sunshine, I love you”, you said quietly, taking the bear and hugging it to your stomach tightly. Somehow, it kind of already smelled like him.

He moved to your left and sat down with a sigh, “I love you too princess”, he said as he reached his arm over the top of your back to pull you into a side hug.

You collapsed into his solid warm body, head sinking into his shoulder already. He kissed you on the top of your head before he spoke again.

“Is that head of yours feeling any better? Even 1%...?”

He took out the dreaded thermometer again. He responded a sheepish grin after you shot him a look to say he ruined the vibe already.

“It’s a little better, my forehead still stings though”, you confessed, rubbing your forehead with your finger ends. At the same time, you thought it’d get at least 2% better if you just stayed sat here all night.

He took the thermometer out himself. Still high, but he didn’t tell you how high, like he was keeping tabs of scientific secrets. He just gave a bite of his lip and set it aside.

“Have you eaten much recently?”

Fucks sake. Why did he have to pivot to that. You just ended up shying your face away from his ever so slightly to the right, and remained quiet. You’d never lie to him, which put you in the worst situation possible.

“Angel?”, he asked again, very much expecting a response. This time you just looked down. Cheeks turning rosy and ears flaring straight up red.

“Princess, when was the last time you ate a full meal”, he asked in a lower, more serious tone, the concern audible.

You raised your feet to the couch and hugged your knees, resting your chin on your kneecaps, still covered by the jumper. Felix straightened up, looking directly at you, and sat on the edge of the couch. His hand was placed at the top of your back and you just stared into space.

“Like a few days ago”, you muttered, hoping he wouldn’t hear somehow.

It was a combination of not being hungry and not having the energy to make anything, nevermind go shopping. Your illness had hit you at just the wrong time, and you’d mostly just snacked when you needed to for the last 2-3 days.

You’d hoped he wouldn’t notice, but in hindsight it was a futile wish. He always knew everything.

“That’s not healthy, angel pie”, Felix whined with a furrowed brow and wide eyes, his hand squeezing yours to get your attention.

He gave it a second and was unsuccessful, immediately moving to cup your cheek with his hand to manually grab your attention. You looked at him with silence and sorrowful eyes.

“You need to eat full meals, especially when you’re ill… for your energy”, he continued.

The concern drawn across his face was devastating. From his eyebrows to his eyes and even his lips.

“I’m sorry”, you uttered sincerely, barely able to keep eye contact. The apology was solely for Felix, and not at all for your body.

He tilted his head for a second, reading your apologetic sorrowful eyes before enveloping your head in a hug.

“Oh baby, no wonder you’re so tired”

“I’m sorry”, you uttered again, and he just responded by leaving a long kiss on the top of your head. His way of saying it was going to be ok.

He only gave a second before speaking again.

“I’m going to go make you something more substantial”, he concluded, already moving to get up and replace himself on the couch with the blanket.

“Can’t you stay here for a bit?”. You protested his warmth leaving your side.

He shook his head gently, “I’ll be back soon alright?”. He unfolded the blanket and placed it gently over your knees, the worry still not leaving his brow.

Just as he began to step away towards the kitchen again, you took his hands with the fingertips of yours.

“... I’m not super hungry though, Lixie”, you muttered honestly, looking up at him. It was part of the reason you hadn’t been eating. There was no reason too when your body felt nothing but the pounding in your head.

He looked at you with an intersection of worry and like you were crazy. He took a deep breath and was probably about to protest that last comment, but you pulled on his fingers and spoke first.

“I’m serious baby, I’ve not been feeling hungry with this headache going on”, you explained through a bit of a whine of your own.

You needed him to understand and not think you were trying to pass him off. He’d found out everything now so there was no point being anything else other than completely open.

He stopped himself, clamped his lips shut and shut his eyes. He looked like he shut up a different voice in his head. After a second, he crouched down to meet your level, and sighed before opening his eyes.

“I’ll make you something small”, he revised, acceptance in his gaze. A hand moved to massage the side of your head like a magnet.

“But tell me you’ll try to eat it… please?”

You nodded lightly, and his expression relaxed almost instantly. He kissed the other side of your cheek near your lips and wiped that same spot with his thumb.

“Thank you, my love”.

He gave 2 more rubs of your head before moving to the kitchen.

–

By the time he came back, you were laying your head on the arm of the couch. Felix gave you a quick poke of the cheek to tell you he was there. He had a habit of moving quietly, but just making enough noise to tell you he was still there.

You turned to look at him and he gave a soft smile from above you, holding a plate. He looked so cuddly himself. His fluffy golden hair, a little messy from the rain, a graphic tee and an old zip up that covered his hands in the cutest way. You’d only just realised he’d changed out of his wet clothes.

You moved yourself into a sit with a grunt. That stinging was still definitely there. You sneezed too, and Felix just offered an empathetic pout.

Once you’d stopped being a mess, Felix crouched down in front of you with the plate, shifting the hair out your face with a grin before placing it lightly on your lap.

“It’s nothing special… but it should give you some more energy”

You looked at the plate. Eggs and toast.

“And if you can’t eat it don’t worry about it ok?”, he said, still curling his fingers round your ear.

“Thank you sunshine, it looks yummy”. It kinda did look good now you were actually looking at real sustenance.

“But where did you pull these ingredients from?”. Certainly not your fridge.

Felix looked down a second and smiled, his cheeks turning slightly rosy. He messed with his right ear as he spoke, trying to dispel the redness there too.

“Let’s just say I came fully prepared…”.

His eyes made it to yours eventually from a downturned gaze.

“Well now I’m scared what else is in those bags”, you joked, and he kissed your cheek before sitting down next to you again.

You looked back at the plate, and then back at him on your left side. He’d really gone above and beyond to make an effort for you. He was already zoned out watching the show on the TV, lips and freckles prettily illuminated.

–

You managed to finish most of the meal over about half an hour, making an extra effort for him. Although still, he wasn’t watching you and didn’t say anything when you still left half the egg untouched and placed the plate on the coffee table.

“Oh you did eat most of it, I’m glad”, he said, kissing your cheek again and squeezing your hand. He reached for your mug of honey lemon tea.

“Perfect to have afterwards, don’t you think?”, he joked, and you happily took the mug in your hands, protecting your hands with the sleeves of the jumper.

The tea was actually perfect temperature, and Felix had waited for you to start before he had his too. You cuddled to him a little closer, resting your feet on the couch, head on his shoulder and your knees on his lap. He draped a lazy arm over your back to tuck you into him.

“Is it alright?”, he asked a bit too sincerely, given all he’d already done for you.

“Of course it is, it’s made by you”, you responded.

He looked at you and you just stared at the TV, fully aware of his gaze. He chuckled under his breath and nuzzled his head against yours in response.

“Why do you like this show so much anyways?”, he started. You’d noticed he had been more engaged in it than you thought he’d be.

“Umm… I don’t know I like medieval type stuff”, you began, trying to wrap your brain around why you actually watched the plotless show, “and the main character’s cute”.

“What, this guy?”, Felix asked, the character coming on screen just as you finished

“Yeah”, you sighed, “I don’t know, I think his fluffy hair is cute”.

Felix gave a prolonged second, “hm”.

You furrowed your brow and looked at him from the side. He focused still on the show with a gaze you couldn’t pin.

“I mean I don’t think he’s that cute”, he continued, completely serious. His cheeks were turning red now and you could absolutely pin that gaze.

You pinched his cheek to grab his attention, “jealous boy”, you said before resting your head back onto his shoulder.

After another few seconds of silence, he started again, “... you don’t think he’s cuter than me do you?”

“No Felix”, you said slightly louder, pinning him with your eyes as you spoke. Your tone telling him he was being stupid and to (lovingly) shut up,

“No one’s cuter than you”, you finished, tucking your body closer to him.

“Hm… that’s alright then”, he responded, before you both zoned out at the show again.

–

“Well I hope you’re not going to be mad at me when I tell you the next item on the agenda”, he started, reaching to his left as one episode ended and another automatically started.

He turned to you with doey eyes and a silenced smile before revealing what he had in his hand.

“What”, you asked, completely innocent and ignorant.

He sighed once and revealed the box. The medicine you hated so much. So fucking much. It was so strong and viscous you felt like throwing up every time. At this point, it just made you more ill. Felix thought it was painful but effective, you just thought it was painful.

“No Lixie”, you said in a whine, shocked that he wasn’t joking when he said it was something you’d hate.

“Pretty please princess it’ll make you feel better by tomorrow”, Felix pleaded, raising the box to his cheek as if the distraction of a pout would change your mind. It did for half a second but that was between you and God.

“No sunshine it’s awful I really can't, it's disgusting”, you protested further, placing your mug down on the table and hoping he’d remember the last time you took it when you’d gagged for about 5 minutes afterwards.

“It’s the only thing the pharmacy said could help something like this my love”, he pleaded with furrowed brow, moving the box towards you.

You hesitated at the fact he’d really gone to the pharmacy and asked for you. If he wasn’t trying to make you take that sewage water you thought you’d hug him and never let go.

“No Lixie”, you said with a definitive head shake after a millisecond of consideration, bringing your hand on top of the box to stop him.

He looked at you with that same look and considered something himself, and you just looked at him back the same way you had been.

“Please”, you said with a whine and a head tilt. It really was that awful to you.

He pressed his lips together and his brow turned to slight acceptance. You lifted your hand off the box.

“Alright”, he said quietly, setting the box aside. He turned back and cupped your cheek, rubbing a spot with his thumb, “I’m sorry”

You shook your head with a smile to say that wasn’t necessary, and reached round his shoulders to hug him.

“Thanks for listening to me, even when I’m wrong”, you said.

“That’s nonsense… my princess can’t be wrong”, he replied with a jokey voice, hugging you back. Although sometimes you really thought he believed that.

–

“Well I only have one more suggestion, one more thing on my list”, he said with a huff and a sigh, as if he was about to suggest a mountainous task.

He took the blanket off your knees to your grumble and scowl and moved to the other end of the couch with it. He held out his arms with a light smile already on his face.

“Maybe cuddles?”, he started, “... would make you feel better?”

You beamed almost immediately without a shred of shame, shifting over straight into his arms.

“C’mere you”, he said, enveloping you entirely in his arms and leaning back, happy he’d actually hit jackpot.

Your head nestled right where its home was, your ear just over his heart. He hugged you tight in his arms and threw the blanket over you perfectly in a swift draft.

“I was right, you know… my girl really is so cuddly in that jumper”, he muttered into the top of your head.

“Well you’re cuddly all the time”, you responded in a slight protest, making yourself comfortable, intertwined on top of him.

“Oh it’s a competition now is it?”, he asked, but you were already too drowsy to respond.

That was partially his own fault, as his hand had magnetted to your head already and was brushing your hair. Making circles around your ear and lazily running his thumb along the lines that hurt most.

You’d scowl at some of his touches as they hit the most sensitive parts, but he knew to just carry on the same. His warm body under yours and the faint beat of his heart under your ear nearly sent you straight to sleep. Every now and then, he’d gently rest his head on top of yours, and give you a brief kiss on the very top of your head, and you thought it was for that reason alone you didn’t drift off.

After about half an hour of further silence in the warmth, Felix’s arm under the blanket reached a little further under, reaching the end of your (his) jumper and coming up underneath it.

He gave a short and very slight rub of your bare lower back.

“Can I do this too, princess?”

“Yes please”, you responded in a hurried but sleepy mix, cancelling each other out.

He started to give soft rubs of your lower back with his fingertips, and wider more purposed strokes with his thumb. It was only then you realised how locked your back had become too. Although that may have been the positions you’d been sleeping in recently.

You tried not to physically respond to the feeling of his touch, and you were only unsuccessful in that once. He hit a nerve in your head and a knot in your back at the exact same time and your whole body flinched with a tiny squeal.

Felix took his hands away immediately, mouth slightly open with shock.

“Sorry, did I hit something?”, he asked, a little worried, stroking the front of your head and leaning round to try and meet your eye.

“No, it’s ok”, you mumbled into his chest.

He took his arms to gently hug your shoulders.

“Maybe I should stop for a second”, he said absentmindedly.

“No”, you responded determinedly, instantly bolting your head up and meeting his eyes as soon as you did.

His brown eyes turned wide but a hint of a smile grazed his lips too. Your eyes detached from his and just looked down at his chest. Your head moved with them, trying to shade your red blooming face.

He just smiled brighter and started to make the same loops over your ear again.

“Alright baby”, he simply said after a second, and moved his hand back to your lower back too, “I can carry on”.

You collapsed your head back into his chest at the failed hope he didn’t notice your response and he gave you a routine tight hug and kiss on the top of your head.

–

You must have fallen asleep, as you were awakened by the sound of the TV turning off, a sigh and a head stroke.

“We should get you to bed I think, cupcake”, he muttered into your ear, and you writhed on top of him in annoyance of the idea.

He gave a short laugh before moving you off of him and swiftly into a crouch in front of your face. You moaned, still with your eyes shut, and grabbed on to his sleeves with an iron grip.

“Don’t do this to me”, you protested.

“Do what, silly”, Felix laughed and kissed your chin and then cheek, before lifting you bridle style in his arms.

Your head was a little late, and swung back before reaching its spot resting on his right shoulder. You gave another groan at the snap feeling in your head.

“I wasn’t too quick was I, princess?”, he asked earnestly.

“No it’s fine, angel”, you said again, as if he could ever hurt you even on accident, “its just my head still hurts”

You would rub your head with your hands, but they were pre-occupied holding onto his other shoulder, so you just rubbed your head into his chest instead.

“You know I said the medicine would help with that”, Felix floated with a sensitive tone, before placing you down on the side of your bed.

He knelt in front of you as you dragged your eyes open and felt your ear between his fingers with an innocent gaze.

You looked at him in silence for a second and really realised you should probably take matters into your own hands. Toughen up. It had been a week of feeling like this and you were sick, literally.

“Maybe I can give it another go”, you muttered.

Felix’s smile was only slightly visible and he rubbed your cheek, brushing his hair back with his hand, “alrighty, I’ll go grab it”, he replied before getting up.

Once he was back in the doorway, you reached for the bottle in his hands but he just stood oblivious and poured a dollop of viscous brown liquid onto a spoon. He set the bottle aside and took your half-drunken tea in his other hand.

“You can wash it down with this after ok?”, he suggested, kneeling down again and presenting you with the spoon, eyes wide with a slight worry of anticipation.

“I think I’m gonna need something more than tea after this”, you coughed already smelling whatever was on the spoon.

“Well you can have all the cuddles you want”, he said, taking the spoon out your face and kneeling up to be level with you. He left three quick kisses on your lips before kneeling down again with a grin. It was an honest offer.

You gave him a neutral look, trying not to show that you thought that was an amazing idea, but the smile growing on his face told you he already knew.

You looked at the spoon as he presented it again with unintentioned doey eyes that you couldn’t deny. You gave a short nod before meeting his hand and opening your mouth. You meant to take the spoon from him but he did most of the heavy lifting. Once it was in your mouth, he directed the spoon up so you’d get most of the liquid off.

You gave a cough and immediately covered your mouth with a scorn. Felix flung the spoon away and rubbed your shoulder in one hand, back of your neck in the other. You weren’t looking but he had the most worrisome wide gaze, as if the medicine had offended you.

You gagged once before swallowing whole. You covered your mouth tighter and shook your head to dispel the aftermath.

“Oh that’s my good girl”, Felix said with a touch of surprise you’d actually done it. He reached for the tea immediately, brushing the side of your head with his other hand.

You took the tea in your shaking hands and gulped the rest down as quickly as you could. Water pricked your eyes in the rancid aftermath.

“I’d only ever do that for you”, you said in hatred of the medicine.

“I know angel, I’m sorry”, he said honestly, taking the mug from you the minute you’d finished. Those doey eyes still hadn’t faded and he gave you a warm tight hug, resting his chin on your shoulder.

You hugged him back to tell him you were (begrudgingly) grateful really, and tried to ignore the warmth of the fluid hitting your stomach. With his hug, that was fairly easy.

He detached from you after half a minute and held your shoulders before leaving a long kiss on your cheek and one on your lips too. As he finished, you saw him make a “mleh” with his lips and a discouraged face. You just shot a look at him and he broke eye contact immediately.

“Alright… maybe it is… disgusting”, he confessed, and you just giggled, bringing a grin to him too after a second of embarrassment.

“Sorry”, you offered, completely insincerely.

“But it's over now”, he said triumphantly, gripping your shoulders in both his hands, “now we can cuddle all night with no disturbances”, he said with the same joy you’d felt earlier, but tried to hide.

You gave a beam in response, and Felix couldn’t stop himself grabbing your cheeks and kissing you over and over, concluding with a longer kiss on your lips.

“Shall we wash up and maybe change clothes”, he asked, his hand still attached to the side of your head. You had to admit, at least that part of your head was tingling now rather than throbbing.

“No…”, you started in a mutter, “I want to stay in this”. You gave yourself a short hug of the jumper.

You were too tired to restrain any unfiltered feelings. It was the softest most comfortable thing you’d ever worn, and it smelt just like him, even if he was with you right now. His soft scent that reminded you of his warmth and his prettiest smile and freckles. His cuteness personified in that bear.

You just rubbed your arms slowly and looked up at him briefly. He gave a bright smile in response, eyes turning to crescents before moving his hand on top of your head to ruffle your hair.

“Alright cutie, you stay in that”, he said before brushing two fingers just under your chin, pure adoration filling his eyes

“But only for tonight”, he added as if he almost forgot.

“Can’t I keep it…?”, you whined slightly, gripping the jumper on your arms. You’d thought it was a given after the way he reacted when you’d appeared in it.

“Nope”, he said frankly but with a touch of playfulness, crouching down again to meet your face only a few inches away,

“Cause I want you to cuddle me in it too…”, he added, inspecting your lips with deep concentration before leaving a peck right there and moving straight for the bathroom.

You watched him for a second, a smile taking over the corners of your lips, and stepped quickly after him, linking your arm in his when you caught up to him.

–

You both brushed your teeth with the light off for your eyes. You told Felix you could deal with it for a few minutes but he was insistent. Felix kept the door open so you’d have at least some light. He attached his hand to your waist to ‘stop you from tripping on anything’, but you knew it was really just an excuse.

Felix changed into some loose shorts and a thin, old top of his. Granted you were sad he ditched the cuddly zip up, but his body was comfy enough for you by itself.

Once you finished up in the bathroom and opened the door fully, you already saw Felix bustling about somewhere. You gave him a confused look as you stepped within reaching distance of the bedroom door.

“Wait”, he said, extending that arm again, “just wait here a sec”.

He snuck into the bedroom, and after some light noise behind the door for a minute, opened the door with another short bow and extended arm.

The room was lit with one warm lamp. On your side of the bed, a new box of tissues, a tall glass of water, and neatly lain pain killers (just in case). The covers were drawn back, and there was an extra blanket folded neatly with them too.

The most devastating part was what was in the centre of the bed. Two matching bear-covered hot water bottles, warming the mattress.

You took the whole scene in, each aspect in turn. Your gaze turned soft and folded, your eyes wide and showing a light pout. You looked to Felix and he beamed.

“Ready to have the best sleep of your life, my love?”, he said, extending a hand to lead you to bed.

You took his hand but looked at the floor. Once you’d sat on the bed, something about you… still wouldn’t let you meet his gaze, even after he kissed your cheek and moved round to his side. Something ran rampant in your stomach.

You took the bear hot water bottle and looked at it. You didn’t know why, and you thought it was ridiculous really, but the muscles began to twist behind your eyes. You hugged the bottle and turned over to your back. The whole evening, and the smallest of small moments, flashed in your memory. Something, all of a sudden, was hitting you mentally like a truck.

Felix had climbed into bed and noticed your face as he did so. The beam showing moments ago faded over a few seconds into a face of concern. Your pout was now more than visible.

“What’s wrong, princess?”, he worried. You didn’t respond.

“Is the bottle not–”, he began to ask, placing a hand where you were hugging it, but you shifted it out of his reach and sat up slightly.

He took his hand back and sat on his feet, knees just touching your thigh. His eyes were wide with thoughts running through his brain.

“... Cupcake? Is there something–”. You shook your head hard. Him thinking it was something he’d done wrong was like daggers in your heart.

You didn’t, couldn’t, look at him as you spoke.

“You’ve done everything for me, Lixie”, you muttered into your arm as you hugged the bear tight.

He sat still as you spoke.

“And I’ve just been pathetic and moaned all day… I’ve done nothing”, you continued. Felix’s expression collapsed.

“... I don’t deserve you or any of this”.

You’d pinned the feeling, and your stomach calmed at the fact you got it off your chest. Your whole face was turned to the side to avoid his eye contact, and the muscles still twisted behind your eyes. You hoped he didn’t hear it, in a way, but it was what you’d felt. In a flurry of emotion all colliding at once. He’d done all this for you, and what had you given in return.

His lips flattened and his brow dropped. He tilted his head with a more serious expression, before sighing heavily and taking your chin between his index and thumb. The way he moved your head to meet his stern eyes, even despite your resistance, told you what you thought would happen.

“For all the times you’ve looked after me? You deserve to be looked after”, he started,

“For all the love and joy you’ve given me…?”

He was verbally throwing his arms in the air in frustration. He looked to the side before grabbing your face between his hands and edging centimetres closer.

“You deserve to be loved and cared for…”

“You really have no idea about any of that, do you?”, he asked, demanding a response but not wanting to hear one.

He sighed again and hung his head.

“Listen to me angel when I say you deserve all of this, and more”, he started again, he left it a second searching your eyes.

You nodded lightly in concession.

“Have you really heard me?”, he reconfirmed and you nodded more surely after a second. You’d change your mind on anything when he spoke to you like this, even if it had to break past your own level of self-worth.

He held your face and just breathed for a second, still undecided if he thought you had taken it in. You just looked at him back, silent with wide eyes of your own.

After too long, he finally conceded with a light smile, edged with sympathy.

“Never let me hear that again, ok?”

“Promise…?”, he asked. You began to nod again, his hands moving with your cheeks as you did.

“I’ll be upset if you do”, he concluded, a little to himself, breaking his gaze on you and with a tilt of his head.

Your eyes had wandered off, but bolted back to him at that sentence. You searched his face yourself this time, but he just responded with a polite, waiting smile.

You nodded more firmly,

“I promise”.

He gave a slightly brighter smile in response, but still touched with that sad sympathy.

“Come here”, he said, covering you in a hug.

You hugged his torso tightly back in an apology itself.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it”, you said into his chest.

“It’s alright, princess”, he said with a pat of your head, to say it really was alright.

“Just let me care for you without feeling guilty, ok?”. He squeezed you tight and spoke into your arm.

You nodded again into his chest, “right”, you muttered.

You regretted saying anything to him, and you still couldn’t guarantee you wouldn’t feel a bit guilty, but you’d try. For him.

–

After a long moment in each other’s arms, he unravelled you from his hug, holding your shoulders with a tilted head.

“Shall we go to sleep?”, he offered with a smile. That normal, pretty smile back. Your heart calmed at the sight.

“Mhm”, you nodded once with closed eyes.

You moved to lay down, with a smile at the thought you’d actually be getting some good sleep (hopefully)... but he just stayed there still for a second. You stopped in your movements, confused between his words and actions. You were already half way down but he was in that same position, sitting on his feet. You shot him an inquisitive stare.

He gave a sheepish look in response, and an ever so slightly mischievous grin. He started speaking in a whisper, barely able to maintain eye contact.

“... can I get my kiss before we go to bed… please?”

You smiled like he was ridiculous, and he smiled back knowing your answer. How could you forget? Every night. He licked his lips and knocked a stray piece of hair out his face as you sat up.

You cupped his chin and shot him one last look before entwining your lips in his. He responded instantly, leaving brush strokes with his tongue across your own and cupping the base of your neck. You refused to let him lead and responded straight back to him, still half as an apology for earlier.

You broke apart and his face followed yours for a second. He was so obvious when he wanted more, but in fairness you did too. He looked up at you with shining eyes, lips still parted, and you returned with a wide smile, brushing a lock behind his ear.

He gave a content, soft smile before speaking.

“Come on then”, he sighed lightly and happily.

He brought the blankets over you and hugged you from behind, “sleep awaits”.

He switched the lamp off and reached his arm over again to anchor you to his body. You settled into him immediately.

“Is this comfy for you?”, he asked.

“Are you joking? I think I’m only ever comfortable here”, you retorted. The way his body cupped yours made the most comfy sofa seem like a row of knives.

“Hm”, he chuckled, “good, I’m glad then”. He left a final kiss on your cheek and then your neck.

“Goodnight princess, promise you’ll wake me if you need anything?”, he warned.

“Sure, my sunshine, goodnight”. You curled his hair in your fingers for one last second as you spoke.

Felix cuddled you tight, and you fell asleep within seconds.

–

To your own surprise, you woke not to the light in the room or the pottering of Felix in the other room, but the light brush of his index finger on your cheek.

“Wakey wakey, pretty angel”, he whispered in such a low tone you almost fell straight asleep again.

He gave a few more brushes of your cheek and curled your hair round your ear. You eventually managed to creak your eyes open. The light in the room meant there was no point keeping them shut, but at least today your head didn’t pound when you opened them.

You were met with a wide smile from Felix, looking at you with pure adoration in his illuminated brown eyes. His freckles were lit like beautiful sun marks from the light opposite him.

“Hi sunshine”, you groaned as he brushed your hair, “is it morning already?”

“Unfortunately princess”, he started, “but you don’t have to get up… I think I’d rather just watch you here to be honest”

That gaze of his, almost in awe of you. You felt your cheeks burn red after a second.

“You’re so so pretty when you’re sleepy you know that? I don’t know how to describe it without seeming crazy”, he confessed, edging slightly closer and continuing to brush your head in his hand.

“You can seem crazy to me all you want I’ll still take the compliment”, you admitted frankly, and he returned a short laugh.

You laid there with just him pampering you, and the occasional kiss, for the next 15 minutes at least. After too long, Felix gave a sigh and stopped his hand.

“Whenever you want to get up… I’ve burned some pancakes on your cooker”, he confessed

You gave a wide smile and a giggle, the light smell of burning reaching your nose finally.

“I should probably go and eat some… I can’t have them burnt and cold”

“Do you want some…? You don’t have to have any if you’re not hungry”, he asked with a tilted head, resuming his head pats. He was still thinking about what you’d said about your appetite yesterday.

A wide grin crept across your face all the way to your eyes and you nodded enthusiastically. Felix returned the same smile and grabbed your hand, instantly flinging you off the bed, and then up from your waist.

You wrapped your legs round his waist and clung onto his shoulders for dear life, dizzy from the split second movement, throwing you like an acrobat.

“Woah…”, you muttered, holding your head in one hand for a second.

“Oh… sorry”, he said earnestly with a giggle, rubbing the same patch you did, biting his lip and hoping he didn’t do too much damage.

“Hm… it’s ok”, you said after a second and leant in to hug his neck as he carried you to the kitchen.

He carried you effortlessly with one hand under you, humming along the way before placing you down on the couch with a kiss of your cheek.

“I’ll just plate them up”, he said with a concentration, and you watched his every movement in the kitchen. His adorable dedication to his burnt pancakes.

After a second you noticed the TV was on. Your same show, exactly from where you’d left it.

It was only a few seconds before Felix brought them over with a smile and set them down. Some were worse than others, but he kept the worse ones on his plate. Syrup and strawberries. His and your favourites.

You looked up at him with that same adoration he’d been giving you all yesterday and today. He returned with a crescent-eyed smile and sat himself down, kissing your other cheek.

“Are you feeling better at all… cupcake? Shall I take your temperature again?”, he played with your fingers as he asked. There was a noticeable tinge of worry to his question.

Thank god you were getting a bit better. You happily nodded, and turned to look at him.

“I am Lixie”, you started, “and no I don’t need my temperature”. You cupped his face and he stared deep into your eyes

“I’m feeling better just having you here”, you continued, “I’m so lucky to have you… and your burnt pancakes”.

You rested your head on his shoulder and cuddled into him as you finished. He left a long kiss on your forehead before speaking,

“Well then we’re both lucky…”

“And I’m so glad you’re feeling better… I love you so much, angel”.

Felix leaned back into the couch, allowing you to raise your legs over and attach yourself to him again. Neither of you really touched the pancakes; his lips and arms didn’t leave you all morning. The relief of what the morning brought was good enough for both of you.

ੈ✩ relationship: lee felix x fem!reader

ੈ✩ themes: heavy angst, hurt/ some comfort, skz imagines, begging, broken promises, fluff

ੈ✩ warnings: drunken mistakes (don’t do it kids), reference to lack of public safety at night

ੈ✩ synopsis: you made a mistake whilst drunk and betrayed felix’s promise. You’d do anything to make it better.

ੈ✩ word count: 2.4k + 6 screenshots

ੈ✩ photos credits: Pinterest

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊ *ੈ

Haiiii this is my first time doing socmed type AUs and they’re kinda fun….. (if anyone can recommend a good tool I’ll love you forever)

I’ve been thinking of writing a fic like this for agessss but didn’t quite know how to put it together…..

a lot less fluffy and a whole lot more angsty than my normal stuff prepare the tissues for this one I fear….

Enjoy !!!

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊ *ੈ

—————————————————————————

You’d fucked up.

Real bad.

You clung to your phone in your right hand, left hand trying and failing to stop your right from shaking by clutching your wrist. You felt your entire body heat up as you scrolled the messages.

The muscles behind your eyes began to twist as you read more and more.

You’d promised him you’d tell him when you got home safe, every time you went out late. It wasn’t really safe where you lived, particularly at 4am. As corny as it sounded, you never broke promises with each other.

And somehow as you scrolled, it just got worse.

Fucking 4 missed calls.

You finally scrolled to the bottom. You clutched your chest and had to turn your phone over like it was showing some harrowing horror movie. The one guy you’d told Felix not to worry about. That he definitely wasn’t flirting with you.

And now the cunt had taken a photo of him walking you home and sent it to Felix. His face flashing a drunken smug grin.

You clutched your head in both your hands for only a millisecond before grabbing your phone at the speed of light off your bed. A thought struck through you like lightning.

You had no real excuse. There was nothing to say. But you still felt like you needed to explain it away. Just type furiously until he was ok. You’d say anything for him.

You stared at your phone for the next half hour like it’d explode if you didn’t. After so long, you hands started to itch.

No response, left on delivered, not even read. It hit you like a gun. He never responded like this. He’d usually be spam messaging you throughout the day, sharing cute things he found, sending voicenotes and telling you how much he loved you at least 5 times a day. Your friends all found your phone blowing up annoying as hell but you loved every moment of it.

And now the silence could’ve killed you.

And the worst part was, you didn’t know what to do.

You could’ve just stayed and waited. You didn’t want to be a burden if he didn’t want to see you. God, especially not more than what you’d already been. But that was only half of your brain talking.

The other half, and your stomach, was screaming. You had to see him and hold him. And apologise 400 times and explain everything. And then apologise again. Your skin got hot again at the thought that this really was your fault and you really had fucked up. And Felix, your complete rock who’d always support you unconditionally, was actually mad at you.

Your body subconsciously started moving off your bed and towards the door.

—

You knocked gently on the door. Phone still grasped in the same position. 11%. Fucking great. You must have passed out as soon as you got dropped off by that guy. You tried to smooth your hair with your hand, but it stayed an unbrushed mess, just to compliment your eyebags that you could see in the reflection of the lounge window of the boy’s flat. You shivered in the cold. No jacket, just the crumpled vodka stained clothes from last night.

Chan answered the door without much hesitation. He gave an empathetic grin and looked at the floor.

“Chan, I…”. You were already welling up.

“I know”, he started, placing a flat hand out to stop you. His tone was a mix of annoyance for his friend, but a noticeable space of sympathy and understanding for you too. He didn’t want you to have to explain yourself, not again.

A moment of silence dropped between you.

“... do you think… I can see him…”, you asked, eyes hiding behind your hair.

Chan inhaled in a wince, and looked up the stairs behind him. You clung onto his every movement, noticing how he tilted his head a little further to the right to see if he could look round the stairs.

When he turned back his expression shifted a little at the sight of you. A little more empathy in those eyes. You must have looked a real fucking mess, and desperate.

“Listen”, he started quietly, you still hanging on tenterhooks, “I can’t guarantee he’ll want to see you right now… but I’m not about to stop you”

He invited you in with an extended arm leading up the stairs and your stomach flipped. You closed your eyes to thank god or whatever deity you could think of before thanking Chan about 1000 times over as you made your way through the door.

Chan just told you not to thank him and went a little rosy in the cheeks after the third thank you.

You silently made your way up the creaking stairs, still using the banister to balance your hangover, and made it to Felix’s door.

You took a deep breath to steady your breathing before knocking. Still clinging your wrist and your phone to your chest. The moment of peace was ruined by flashbacks of your chats, and you responded by physically shaking them out your head with tightly shut eyes. You knocked quietly.

Felix opened the door almost immediately, which wasn’t ideal. His lips were a little parted, hair a mess. A slight redness covered his cheeks and a puffiness in his eyes too. You wanted to scratch your entire body off and fall to your knees.

He looked at you with a gaze you couldn’t quite pin. Somewhere between disappointment, sadness, sulkiness and why are you here.

He tilted his head and gave a sigh

“l- lixie?...”

But he just shut his eyes and closed the door with a downturned face, and you just about saw the corners of his lips turning up as he did so.

This time you really did fall to your knees. Head and hand rested on the coldness of his wooden door.

“Please my angel”, you asked once more, more to yourself but still audible through the door and your restrained tears.

You felt like throwing up.

—

You waited there for half an hour, knees on the hard floor which now killed like knives. Just with the hopeless idea of an open door, staring at the floor, tears flooding your eyes.

This was the worst idea, you thought to yourself, how could you have been so stupid twice in a row. Fucking idiot.

You slammed your palm into your forehead and dragged your hand down your face, giving a deep breath before speaking again.

“Please just message me to tell me when you’re ok”, you said through a whine, lifting your heavy legs off the floor and finally turning back towards the stairs. Chest shattered and head depleted of all thoughts.

At the end of the day, it didn’t matter what he thought of you, or if he despised you to your core now. You just needed him to be ok. Needed him to be happy.

You took two steps before hearing a click behind you

“You were here this whole time?”

You bolted around in shock, eyes wide. You could only see half of his face past the door frame.

You didn’t know what to respond.

“Yeah… just sat there”, your voice invasively filling the room.

You stepped to the boundary of the door to get a direct look at him. An ever so slight different look, and a touch of disbelief now.

He sighed and stepped out of the door frame, letting you in. Your stomach knotted and you moved in.

He closed the door quietly behind you as you just stood in his room. He sighed again and moved passed you to the far side of his room, back turned to you.

You both stood in complete silence. You’d begged to speak to him and now you wanted him to lead. You gave yourself another mental kick and swallowed hard, bolting your eyes shut. Fucks sake.

“Please sit down”

“But I”

“Just sit”, he reiterated, half turning to speak to you before turning back.

You thought you heard him sniffle but banished that thought out your brain so you didn’t lose the plot 2 minutes in.

You sat silently on the very edge of his unmade bed, hands clamped around your kneecaps.

“I’m really really sorry felix”

“You promised”

“I know”, you whispered, hanging your head again. That was the worst part.

“Do you know how worried I was… just to get that picture sent to me”

This time you did hear a sniffle and your brain wanted to explode. Your eyes bolted to him but he just stayed back turned, looking in the mirror, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

“It’s not fair, princess”, he said in a depleted tone, looking at his feet.

You thought if you had to look at him like this anymore you might jump straight out the window

And something clicked in your brain.

“I’m just as annoyed at that cunt for sending you that picture as you are”, you started, standing up with some rejuvenated energy plucked from nowhere.

“I promise I just wanted to go home… I didn’t even know that’s what he was doing”, you said honestly.

“You should’ve called me to come get you… you know I was worried about him”, he interrupted quietly

“I know angel”, you interrupted him back, “I should’ve called you instead and messaged you when I got home”

Another moment of silence fell between you.

“I won’t forgive myself… you know”, you started, in honesty. Indeed, you thought the sight of him sniffling with a turned back would haunt you forever.

He raised his head slowly. At this angle in the room, you could see his face through the mirror. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth at your words and a tear fell down his right cheek.

“But I swear on my life that this bullshit won’t happen again. I’ll message you every time and I’ll never speak to that man ever again, he doesn’t deserve it”

“I promise you felix… ever”

His head lowered again and you couldn’t see his expression. But no response.

“I’m so so sorry my lixie, I will make this up to you”, you started, slightly defeated by his lack of verbal response.

And nothing again.

“Ok, I’ll give you some space”

You’d ran out of options — this was the only way forward. You wanted to say something else, but couldn’t say it looking at him. Not exactly right now.

You turned towards his door, and pulled in a breath to speak.

“I love you, just tell me when you’re ok, that you’re ok”

You said it only quietly, closing your eyes for a second to stop the leakage of a tear before stepping towards the door.

…

But you were stopped almost immediately. The feeling of a firm grip on your wrist.

It startled your body head to toe, and you just stood still facing the door for a second. Your breath hitched.

You were about to turn towards him, but only got halfway before he pulled you towards him.

Your faces were maybe a hand width apart, and your eyes locked onto each others immediately. His eyes were even puffier now.

He looked at you with a quivering brow and tear filled eyes. A sulkiness filled his eyes that made your stomach drop out your ass. But at the same time, a slight touch of something else too.

“What if I can’t be ok without you”

You just stood there quietly, tears having built up in your eyes long enough and beginning to stream. Ever so slowly, he raised a slightly shaky hand to your face, a slight pout adorning his lips.

His hand made gentle contact with the side of your head like you’d break. He slowly brushed your left temple with his thumb. Once and then twice. Upon the contact, you could physically see something released from his body. His head tilted ever so slightly as he fought back tears. His grip was still tight on your wrist.

You couldn’t believe you were responsible for him being in this state. The urge to explain away this whole situation built up in your lungs and released in a teary, barely audible mess.

“I’ll never forgi–”

…

But it was cut short by the touch of his lips on yours. It was timid and slightly unsure at first, as were you, in complete disbelief that this was his next move. But after pausing for a second, his perfect lips intertwined with yours, he dedicated. You felt strokes of his tongue against yours and reciprocated immediately. Absolutely any way to tell him you were sorry.

When you broke apart, a hitched sigh left felix’s lips and he clutched the back of your head with both his hands, bringing your foreheads together.

You wiped a tear from his own eye as he spoke.

“Just do one thing for me, y/n?”, he whispered

“I’ll do anything sunny, absolutely anything”, you pleaded with him to tell you how to make it better.

“Tell me this won’t happen again”, he whined as he brushed your cheeks with his thumbs, cupping your face in his soft hands now.

You must have said “it won’t, I promise it won’t” about 400 times, even though each utterance made felix’s gaze get weaker. After so long, he tried calming you but you just kept blurting, tears like rivers out your eyes.

“Please don’t cry… cupcake? I can’t stand seeing you cry”, he whined softly.

You tried to take his wrists in your hands to get his full attention to apologise again but he just slid out of your grasp, cupped your face again and started kissing your cheeks. All over as you spoke.

“I’m sorry angel I promise it won’t I’m really sorry I’ll make this up to you”, you splurged, all of it being unfiltered truth. All the way from how you felt gripping your phone, reading those messages in your bed.

Your words were half interrupted by his kisses grazing over your cheeks, lips and nose.

“I hate that I made you cry”, you started, taking your own hand to his ear, “Its not–”

“Shhhh”, he interrupted, bringing his hand to cup your chin and graze his thumb over your lips in a brief movement.

He shook his head before continuing, “I just need to kiss you right now… ok?”

You nodded faintly as he placed the most purposeful kisses on your lips. You tried to respond but it was mostly an embarrassing gulping sloppy mess. After a few minutes, and both turning out of breath, he grasped you in a tight hug, bringing his right hand to fit behind your head.

“I’m sorry for leaving you out there so long”, he whispered, and you must have replied “no” about another 400 times.

After your long protest at his apology, you just gripped him back. The warmth of his body that you feared was lost, attached again to yours.

“Oh my lixie… my sunshine…”

You whimpered slightly and both stood there for as long as you both needed to.

ੈ✩ relationship: lee felix x fem!reader

ੈ✩ themes: fluff, angst, slice of life, skz imagines, extreme clinginess, jealousy

ੈ✩ warnings: none

ੈ✩ synopsis: after seeing a guy at a house party, Felix gets a bit overly jealous and clingy

ੈ✩ word count: 2.4k

ੈ✩ photos credits: Pinterest

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊ *ੈ

Hiiii managed to write this on a plane back home with severe as fuck delays so thank Air France I guess……

Finally managed to put together that clingy fic

Enjoy !!!!!

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊ *ੈ

—————————————————————————

If you were being completely honest with yourself, your top was immediately uncomfortable the moment you put it on. You wiggled around in it a little more in the mirror at the bottom of your apartment. Nope, still uncomfortable as fuck. All the straps in the wrong place. It was just as you were frowning at yourself that you saw Felix behind you in the mirror.

“What’s wrong?”, he asked in a higher toner with a bit of a pout.

“Nothing”, you sighed, still shifting the top around your shoulders, “I should probably at least wear this once”

Felix gave a rub of both of your shoulders, and met your eyes in the mirror before collapsing into you. His hands linked all the way around your waist, face buried in your neck.

“You look so pretty tonight though”, he mumbled into your shoulder, rubbing his chin in the crease of your neck.

You were a little surprised by the sudden sulkiness and gave him a soft pat of his head.

“It’s not fair”, he added a little quieter

“What’s not fair?”, you asked, a little too worried given the response he was about to give

“That I can’t have you all to myself tonight”

You gave a short giggle but he just wrapped his arms tighter around your waist.

“Clingy”, you retorted, poking his cheek playfully.

He just grumbled into your neck, “yeah whatever, still”.

“I’ve not seen you in a whole week and now we have to go out … it’s fucked up”

You just rolled your eyes and looked at him buried in your neck still. You were silent until he looked up at you, locks falling over his face with his deep doey brown eyes.

You gave him a brief kiss on his forehead, “you act like you won’t see me at all tonight”, speaking to him through the mirror.

“And anyways, it’s just me and you tomorrow, and the day after that”, you reasoned.

“Yeah…”, he sighed.

You just smiled and looked at your phone. The uber had pulled up outside your apartment.

—

The uber dropped you an annoyingly long distance from your friend’s apartment because of roadworks, leaving you to walk in the cold. You secretly hoped there weren’t too many people there tonight, and that your entire year hadn’t been invited. You were way too tired for that already, having just gotten back home earlier that day.

You picked up the pace to get out of the cold. Felix just followed close behind you in silence, his warm hand placed on your bare lower back.

You smiled at your friend and gave her a long hug when she opened the door. The warmth of the room was a relief, even if it was a little stuffy already. Felix gave a polite smile and a nod before being surprised with a hug too. He was still so polite and quiet around all your friends despite the fact they were more than entirely comfortable with him.

You gave a quick glance over of the room. A sea of people. You gave a deep breath in to prepare yourself for at least a few hours of extrovertedness.

Your friend waved you over to pour your drink and you smiled back before hearing Felix behind you.

“Hey baby”, he started

You turned around to meet his eyes. There was a slight timidity in his voice that you didn’t hear that often.

“Can we maybe stick together tonight?”

His gaze had already floated off behind you.

“Uhh yeah sure, sunshine, if you want”. You took one of his fingers and started playing with it to get his attention.

You’d both thought earlier that you’d probably get separated, having different people to catch up with.

You didn’t grab his attention, and after a second of silence, you followed his gaze all the way to the back of the room.

A guy stood in a tank top and jean shorts. Holding a cup and speaking to two others with their backs turned. You gave sigh, mentally flinging your arms in the air.

It was the guy who’d drunkenly confessed he liked you a year ago. Felix, let’s say, wasn’t the fondest of him. The guy didn’t know you had a boyfriend and had apologised profusely (hungover). Apparently he’d had other partners since then, not that that would matter.

You’d actually managed to have a civil conversation with him since as well, trying to keep the peace with a friend of a friend. That didn’t mean that Felix’s face didn’t drop the few times his name was mentioned.

You turned back to Felix and gripped his hand a little tighter. You looked at him with a combination of “really?” and reassurance. He looked back at you with that same pout, and a slight added annoyance in his eyes.

“You know nothings gonna happen right? He knows full well all about you”. You attempted reassurance.

Felix groaned in response, physically squirming a little.

“Yeah but you know if I see you two talking together alone I might actually explode”

You were about to tell him off for the possessiveness, but something in his eyes was a bit too sincere, and it stopped you in your tracks.

You looked down at your joint hands, and gave his a soft rub. You thought about it for a second in silence before pressing your lips into a silenced smile.

You looked up at him again, “We can stay together if you really want, Lixie?”

“I wouldn’t want you to be worried all night”.

But by the time you finished, he was looking down at your hands with a slightly different expression.

He pressed his lips together, shut his eyes and shook his head. His freckles were so visible from that angle, painted over his nose and onto his cheeks.

“No, that’s ok princess”, he started, now looking up at you earnestly, “you go say hi to your friends, sorry for being ridiculous”

“Don’t be silly”, you replied, cupping his face with your right hand, “you’re not ridiculous”, you said with a pout of your own. You didn’t like him putting himself down in any circumstance.

He gave a short shrug of his shoulders and a smile before kissing your cheek as you left to pick up your drink.

—

It had been a couple hours. And you were happy enough to break away to pour a drink by the now emptied kitchen. Everyone had moved to other rooms or to catch some air.

You turned to the cabinet and hadn’t noticed Felix enter the room, smiling at the sight of you. He snuck within reach before saying anything.

“Hey you”, he whispered in a deep tone, hugging you round the waist.

You yelped briefly in surprise before sighing in relief and clutching your top. He just giggled and left a kiss on your neck.

“I missed you”, he started, slowly rubbing your stomach in circles with his thumbs

“It’s been half an hour since I last saw you, angel”

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t miss you the whole time”, he replied

“Are you having fun, cupcake?”, he said, poking your cheek with a menacing grin.

“I am Lixie, are you?”, you responded, pouring some(?) spirit into your depleted cup.

“Mhm”, he responded, watching you pour your drink with his chin rested in the crook of your neck.

He turned to face you as you were pouring, making your ears turn red from embarrassment.

“It’s still not fair I can’t have my pretty girl all to myself though”

“Is that so”, you responded a little sarcastically, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t love it really.

“Well what about the fact I have to share you with other people tonight as well”, you parried.

“Don’t even try it, cause you know I’ll stay clung to you all night”

—

After another half hour, Felix had gone outside to get some air with his coursemates, and you were mingled in a larger group.

Some left and some came, until it was just 5 of you. You, your friend, and 2 friends of friends. And then the guy, who joined last.

You acted as normal as possible, and it was fairly natural. There wasn’t really a strange vibe, but also you knew you’d never be friends, even if Felix had no say in it.

Felix walked back through the door but stopped dead when he saw you and the guy through the small opening of the door.

He bit his lip for a second and furrowed his brow. He knew he should leave you, and it would be fine, but something in the pit of his stomach wasn’t letting him.

Like out of some ridiculous movie, you said something that the guy laughed at and then smiled at you, just as Felix entered the room.

He tried to keep a smile as he walked over to where you were standing. Before saying anything, he linked his hand around the small of your back.

You were slightly startled but just looked at him, beaming back at you with crescent eyes. The conversation continued without you as you spoke.

“Hey”

“Hi”, you responded, happy he seemed happy

“I just wanted to check you’re ok”, he asked seemingly earnestly.

“Yeah of course baby”, you responded, wiping his cheek with you’re free hand, “let me introduce you”

You introduced Felix as your boyfriend to the group as he smiled widely and said hi. You knew he’d fit right in already.

After introducing him, you gave a rub of his hand at your back.

You talked about basically nothing for the next 15 minutes. Felix was a natural with people he didn’t know, so you were happy to take a bit of a back seat. Just admiring how talkative he was, the corners of his mouth turning up in a smile when he was half way through a story.

When he wasn’t speaking, he was slowly rubbing the right side of your hip with his thumb. Once or twice, he curled a stray lock behind your ear, looking at you with a beam when you spoke or sipped your drink like you were the most precious thing on earth.

What you didn’t notice was the way he’d stop rubbing your waist when the guy looked at you, and instead grip it, pulling you a millimetre closer. The corners of his lips turning into a frown if it was for so long. You laughed at one of his jokes, and he moved his other hand to rub your left shoulder and restrained a deep breath.

You just obliviously laid your head on his hand for a second.

Not after long, the 4 of them decided to go out and get some air. You both said bye to all of them, and you tried to peer at Felix’s expression towards the guy, but just about missed it.

The door closed and it was just the two of you left in the room.

Felix immediately groaned and buried his head in your neck once again, as if he was watching the door for the millisecond it closed.

“Hey what’s this about?”, you asked with your hands surrendered up, “nothing happened right?”

It was less of a question and more of a statement, but you left it open in the extreme off chance you hadn’t noticed something. Felix was way too good at noticing those type of things.

“Hmmm nothing”, he whined into you, pulling you close to him and sighing.

“Lixie?”, you asked in a higher tone as he rocked you gently side to side.

You ripped his face from your neck into your hands.

His face was bright red and he pouted as he refused to meet your eyes.

“Sunny…?”, you asked in a depleted whisper, your eyes begging to be met. At this point you were starting to convince yourself you’d missed something he’d done.

He heard your tone and snapped his eyes to yours. He was overly embarrassed, but he physically couldn’t ignore you when you spoke like that.

“Oh no it’s nothing it’s just…”, he started to reassure you, but stopped in his tracks

He rubbed your elbows in both his hands as he avoided eye contact again.

“He was smiling at you a lot”

He said it so quietly with an exaggerated pout you almost had to ask him to repeat.

“And laughing at you”

You realised just then that the redness in his face wasn’t entirely from jealousy, but at least half from his own embarrassment of being so bothered over small things.

He slapped his face in his hands and groaned again.

“This is so stupid”, he started. You grabbed his wrists near his face.

“And it’s not fair on you either…”. He held his cheeks in his fingers.

Any frustration of him worrying you for no reason evaporated from your body at the sight of his huge concerned eyes and furrowed brow. He was a little too concerned over his reaction.

You sighed and brought his hands down from his cheeks, tucking his hair behind his ears with both hands.

“I think it’s cute”.

It was probably the last thing he expected to hear but you weren’t lying either.

A part of you loved when his ears would turn red when explaining why a guy was ‘definitely flirting’ with you.

Or how he’d grab your cheeks and call you his precious girl after the same interaction, just to reinforce that you were still here and still completely his.

Although granted, you didn’t like seeing him this worried.

His eyes searched yours in slight disbelief. You just gave a smile in response.

“You’re so silly”, you said in honesty, “and you need to stop worrying”, you said a little more seriously.

You gave a kiss on both sides of his cheeks before continuing,

“But I think you’re so cute”.

He gave a long sigh with his eyes shut before cupping your face and leaving a lingering kiss on your lips.

“I’m working on it”, he said, half in jest.

You just giggled back at him.

He gave a content smile with a tilted head, the anxiety visibly leaving his body.

You left it a second before speaking again.

“I love you so much, you know that right?”, you continued as he ran his fingers through the front of your hair, nothing but adoration in his eyes.

“I know princess, I love you more”

You could’ve just stood there in his eyes and his hands forever, but sound of feet on stairs slapped you back to reality. And the heat of the room you were in.

“I think I’m gonna grab some air…?”, you left the idea open.

He bit his lip before responding, “I’m coming with you”, gripping your hand and leading you to the door.

Working on it would start tomorrow. Just maybe.

ੈ✩ relationship: lee felix x fem!reader

ੈ✩ themes: fluff, angst, hurt/ comfort, possessiveness, skz imagines

ੈ✩ warnings: light physical and verbal harassment, also ever so slightly (consensual) NSFW (??? Idk there’s a hickey moment make up ur mind with that one)

ੈ✩ synopsis: felix is your rock when it comes to large social gatherings, and after an incident and moment of self-doubt, he’s still there to comfort you… with a slight twist

ੈ✩ word count: 3.7k

ੈ✩ photos credits: Pinterest

ੈ✩ Repost from AO3 (yyngbk)

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊ *ੈ

Haiii I’m back so soon… wrote this entirely on a train coming back from the xh concert !! Was there a girl sat next to me for 75% of it yes am I shameless also yes I hope she enjoyed reading my first draft….

This is slightlyyyyy a different vibe from what I usually write so idk I’ll see how I feel about it…

Enjoy !!!!

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—————————————————————————

It was already dark given the time, and you finally realised winter had begun to set in. Your Uber was just reaching a junction, and you were happy enough not to be outside. In every direction, couples and groups in huge trench coats.

You were lost making up stories in your head for the people on the street, until you felt a light touch on your pinky finger.

“You ok yeah?”

Felix beamed at you, pleading for a response in his doe eyes. He enveloped your hand in his fingers and gave it a squeeze.

You gave a polite smile and a nod, “yes of course, thank you”

“Just do the usual if you wanna leave ok?”

His focus was now shifted to tucking a curl behind your ear. Butterflies filled your stomach and the memory of how he’d looked at you wide-eyed and mouth open when you’d changed into your dark velvet dress, hair curled and tied into a half up half down.

You swallowed and nodded, smiling back at him, “right”.

Big groups weren’t ever really your thing, to put it lightly. And a college ball such as this was your worst nightmare. But it was the last time you’d see so many of your coursemates, so you’d been preparing yourself mentally for weeks. And of course, as soon as he knew you’d decided to go, he’d told you he was coming too and wouldn’t hear anything else.

“The usual” was a little ridiculous, or at least you thought so. Some unspoken language that he’d somehow managed to decipher. You’d give a look to each other occasionally in situations such as these, and according to him, it’d be clear enough from your face you wanted to leave. 

If you weren’t so in love with how he knew your every thought, you’d be a little frustrated he could see so clearly through your facade. He’d approach you and subtly take your hand, in a way to say “you okay?”, and you’d only have to look at him once more for him to politely excuse you both from whatever conversation you didn’t want to be in, and get you out of there as soon as possible.

You looked over to him a few moments later, hands still linked. He looked just like an angel staring mindlessly out the window.

—

The moment you entered there were too many people. Huge circular tables were patterned across the shining floor, wedged with tall chairs covered in white cloth. Your eyes ran across the room to find where you’d been assigned and thankfully, your eyes landed on just the right table. 

Felix pulled out your chair with a cheesy but polite grin and you gave a turned-down smile before picking up your dress to sit down. You were immediately tapping your left leg, which if it wasn’t for the pre-existing chatter already circulating the table, your heel would definitely be making bullet sounds on the glossed floor. 

Felix sat down and immediately placed his hand on your thigh, forcing your leg still and squeezing your hand with his right hand. He moved to whisper to you but turned his head entirely away so no one would be able to see his mouth.

“Just tell me ok? I love you princess”

You gave a long blink and a short nod, trying your best to keep your leg at bay and mind moved elsewhere.

—

It wasn’t actually long until all the formalities were over and people were mingling more freely. Some were engrossed in conversation at their tables, but you and Felix had gone to the bar and had seen some old friends of his, that you didn’t really know. You felt fine, for now at least, but knew full well if he wasn’t here you wouldn’t have even made it through the door.

Felix talked away to the pair, and that was another reason you loved having him here. His ambivertedness made for situations like these far easier. He’d basically control the conversation, and just squeeze your hand occasionally or rub the small of your back to check in on you. You’d give a squeeze back to say you were fine, as was your unspoken language.

Being as comfortable as you were, your eyes began to drift across the room. After a minute, they got caught on a man with dark hair waving at you. You gave a squint before realising it was the guy you’d met in the first week of lectures, who to be honest you’d not seen since. You gave a smile before turning back to your group, Felix’s old friends having turned towards the bar to get another drink. 

You bit your lip for a second and looked at the floor. You were comfortable enough, and he was here… maybe this was the time to push yourself just a bit further, you thought to yourself

You tapped Felix’s shoulder lightly and his head spun around with searching eyes across your face. You just gave him a smile to say that that response was a little extreme. 

“I think I’m just gonna catch up with a coursemate over there… I won’t be long”, you clarified, knowing you couldn’t separate yourself from him for very long at all.

He was visibly taken aback; you’d never left his side at a function as big as this. But it was only a few seconds before he nodded with a grin. He cupped your right cheek in one hand to hold your face as he kissed your other cheek briefly before whispering, 

“Ok, have fun my angel”.

The guy was just by one of the tables in the centre of the room, but once you made your way over to him, you could only see Felix in glimpsing moments when crowds managed to align and part in the right ways. The whole thing will be fine, you told yourself, you’ll just catch up and head back to Felix. You gave yourself a courageous breath and turned to smile at the guy who’d been waving you over.

—

It had been weeks and weeks since you’d spoken, and the only contact you’d really had was him liking your instagram stories occasionally, so there was a lot to catch up on. Starting with your modules and then what you were choosing to do next year.

5 minutes then 10. For a brief moment you stopped to realise how well you’d been getting on this whole time.

Felix had noticed it too. He could see slightly above the heads of the crowds and saw you comfortably stood with a smile on your face. He still checked every few minutes, but each time it was just a warm relief that filled his chest. 

—

But still, by half an hour in, you ended up running through the ‘catch-up’ talk quicker than you thought, and there was a noticeable lull. You felt like it was slowly growing awkward with nothing else to cover. That was until, after a deep sigh and stretch of his shoulders, the guy shifted topic, and you felt a strange shift in his moods too.

“So are you seeing anyone?”

A fair enough question, you hadn’t known each other enough previously to have even started talking about Felix.

“Uhh yeah I have a boyfriend actually, he’s just over there”

The guy’s head moved round slowly. The crowds were slightly more dissipated now and you had a clear sight of him. He was just laughing with a drink in hand, but as you and the guy both looked over, you wondered if he’d sense it.

After a second, Felix turned his head. You gave a short and shy wave and he returned a smile that you could even read from your distance. You giggled a little at his cute response, but when his eyes shifted away from yours, ever so slightly to the left, his face shifted too.

The seriousness on his face scared you a little. You’d never seen him give a look like that. The guy turned back to you, and you felt a little rude as you were still watching Felix, who was now making his way over to you. Face down-turned. 

You hadn’t given anything of a signal, and was just giggling at him. Lord only knew what could have possibly happened in the two seconds that he looked away from you. The guy started speaking, but the concern in your eyes found it difficult to drag your attention back to him.

“Just so you know,”, he started with a smugness, “there’s always… let’s say other options”

Now he’d grabbed your attention. You looked at him, your brow immediately deepened. You were millisecond away from asking what the fuck he was implying, but your breath was stopped short by the movement of his hand, now resting on the table behind you so his torso was leant over you and blocked your sight of Felix.

“Even if it’s just once or twice”, he croaked, flashing his teeth.

Your eyes widened and mouth opened slightly at the smugness on his face. The guy moved back slightly and you could tell Felix was over halfway towards you. His face must have read yours, as he was now weaving in between chairs at double the pace. Someone tried to stop him to chat but he brushed them off instantly.

Your eyes were now transfixed on him, and the guy in front of you mumbled something that you didn’t both entertain by your ears or eyes. He followed your line of sight to look behind him again, and seeing Felix move between the chairs, turned back to you to give another smug grin. At this point, all nervousness had flown out of your body and you wondered whether you could slap him before Felix got here.

“Just consider it”. He gave an eye roll before leaving to talk to someone else. 

It was obviously timed exactly how he’d wanted it, as he was just out of reach when Felix finally passed all the tables and marched over to you.

Felix grabbed your hand in his instantly, 

“What did that guy say to you”

His eyes once again needed a response, but this time they felt a little different, and a lot more urgent.

You matched his touch with your right hand on his shoulder, but you were still looking at the back of the guy who was now the one moving between chairs and tables, still thinking about what he’d said. Felix matched your own hand by covering it with his, and giving it a rub, partially to get your attention and a response. He dipped his head to try and match your line of sight.

You scrunched your eyes and shook the memory out of your head.

“It’s nothing, it's fine”, you said quietly, matching his gaze with a fake smile that you immediately knew was too delayed for him to believe it for a second.

“y/n…”, he responded a little louder, taking your face between his palms and dragging your face back to his. You hadn’t even realised it had drifted off to that guy again.

It was the first time he’d used your name in ages. He was clearly worried to say the least; you mostly spoke through touch and petnames, although you’d never confess that to anyone. There was an undefined worriness in his eyes that made you want to tell him that everything was alright and to just give him a hug. It was in those eyes you realised that that guy could’ve said absolutely anything to you, and he still didn’t know what it was. And with the way he’d been looking out for you all night, this was his worst case scenario. 

You looked up at him with a certainty.

“... I’ll tell you later I promise”, you started, trying to quell his now visible distress, “this isn’t the time ok?”

You cupped his face in your own hands and gave him an assured smile. This certainly wasn’t the time, for countless reasons.

“But…”

“Please angel…?”

He gave a flat grin and a nod, closing his eyes for a second, and naturally putting his faith in you.

“Thank you, I love you”

He gave another brief kiss of your cheek before turning slightly. Your haste to wrap your arm firmly around his almost gave the whole thing away. He paused for a second but decided not to question it, and you were so grateful he didn’t.

—

“Was it fun catching up with some of your friends? I had no idea you knew them”

You were just standing in the mirror taking some of the clips out your hair, and ripping a few hairs out in the process.

Felix just took his jacket off and sat quietly on your bed.

“Yeah, of course”

He was quieter than usual, and you caught his eye in the mirror. You turned to look at him head on. He had a look like a lost puppy. It was only then you realised, with a turn in your stomach, that he’d been acting the whole rest of the ball after the incident. Putting on an extroverted mask.

You shut your eyes and gave a sigh, knowing what you had promised to tell him. You left a half detached butterfly clip in your hair and went to kneel in front of him. You gave another sigh before joining your hands in his and meeting his gaze.

“So…”, you started so confidently, but immediately had to resort to muttering and looking at the bed frame. He just gave you a tight squeeze of your hands.

“He kinda… he kinda made a bit of a move”

Felix’s expression turned to a mixture of confusion and frustration.

“What, what do you mean?”, he asked, leaning forward.

“He just”, you began, throwing your hands in the air in sheer annoyance he’d even thought about it, nevermind suggested it, “I was telling him about you and then he said something about the opportunity still being open or something…”

It was silent for a few moments, and then long enough that you could tell he wasn’t going to speak until you looked at him. Your eyes eventually dragged themselves to his, although your face was still turned.

“I will kill this man”, Felix said in a monotone.

You fake-protested his words with a forced laugh through your anxiety, but all he did was double-down. You linked your arms around his neck and knelt up a little, Felix matching you by linking his hands around your waist and slowly rubbing your lower back, which had been killing all night.

“No I promise look it's fine”, you started to reel off despite Felix not saying a word more. You could already hear yourself get carried away,

“He’s just some arrogant man and I didn’t think he was like that and it was even after I told him about you and”

At this point you were gesturing emphatically out of anxiety and frustration. And for a reason you couldn’t pin if you tried, you started to feel tears prick at your eyes. Maybe deep down, you were worried Felix would take all of this the wrong way. And frustrated at how well you were doing, just for him to ruin it.

You rattled on longer, but the pain behind your eyes and nose began to build. In trying not to cry over something like this, your words became quieter and fewer.

You weren’t looking at him, but Felix took your wrists in his hands and steadied them down to your sides. He sighed, and then encompassed you in a hug, his hands over your head and back, giving rubs with both his thumbs. You hugged him back as tightly as you could, bolting your eyes shut.

“Hey,” he whispered in your ear, “never ever feel like you have to explain yourself to me”

You just knelt there for a few more moments, trying to dispel any tears from behind your eyes so you wouldn’t sound teary when you spoke.

“Promise me?”

“I just feel bad because…”, you heard yourself over-explaining again.

“Promise me, princess”, he said sternly this time, as if he was telling you off. He gave a tighter hug before continuing,

“Please stop explaining yourself”, he said with a quieter whine, as if the over-explanation was upsetting him too.

There was still a prolonged moment of silence before you spoke.

“... ok. I promise”

He gave another rub of your back, and a moment for you to breathe before continuing.

“I think I know the thoughts that are circling that little head of yours. I don’t want you to beat yourself up for this ok? I’m really sorry you had to go through that”

He let you out of the hug and held your shoulders in his hands, pulling you away from him to look at you in full.

“You were doing so well tonight I’m so proud of you… and I know you probably wanted to punch him when he said that”

You gave a sheepish grin knowing he was exactly right. He responded with a beam, and placed a kiss on your nose, before leaving one on your lips too.

It was the first warmth you’d felt in a while, as you’d felt nothing but a coldness run through you since the incident. As he pulled away, your face followed his in desperation for it to continue, but he instead took to tucking your curls behind your ears again.

“And I’m sorry I wasn’t over there sooner”, he sighed to himself, transfixed on your ear.

“Ok now seriously you have to promise me to stop apologising”, you responded, almost in an interruption. He just laughed in return, but you couldn't bring yourself to chastise him for not taking you seriously.

You just looked at his eyes; full of love and ridding all of the anxiety left in your head.

“I love you so much, you know”.

“I know, of course I know”, he said with a smile that warmed your heart, leaning down to match your eyes exactly.

“and I love you way more than that”

You were about two phonemes into protesting that last part, but he launched you up under your arms onto the bed, and was too busy kissing your lips for you to be able to get a word in.

—

You’d only been laid on your bed together for about half an hour before a thought shot through your brain. Your face turned to stone and you got up to face him, kneeling at his side. His finger that had been messing with your ear lingered in mourning before having to detach itself as a result of your movement.

“Angel I just realised something else too”, you said, playing with his fingers nervously.

“Mhm”, he chirped in response, sitting himself up from your bed.

“... I have my final course presentation in-person next week”

Felix already tilted his head and pouted in earnest.

“... I feel like he’s going to be there”.

Felix gave a sigh through his nose, eyes darting around the room in deep thought.

“I mean I could just slap him and fail the course?” you suggested, Felix giggling and grinning at the idea, before turning to face you again.

“Well maybe actually…”

You could already see the cogs behind his eyes cooking up something.

“There’ll just have to be evidence that you’re not interested, mhm?”, he said, flipping your hair over your shoulder to expose your neck.

He gave a menacing grin before meeting your eyes and biting his lip.

Your brain came to a laboured realisation, and it took about 10 seconds before your face caught up too.

“Lixie…”, you started but he was still at least partially serious in his eyes, “you’re ridiculous"

“I can’t give my final presentation with a huge hickey are you insane”

“Hey listen”, he began to unapologetically defend, “you can cover it with your hair when he’s not looking”. He tossed your hair back and forth over your shoulder as if giving an example.

You grabbed his wrist and gave him a look that told him to stop being ridiculous.

“This is just an excuse for you to…”, you started in joking accusation.

“No no no no”, he protested back, grabbing your pointing finger and giving it a playful shake.

“Anyways”, he started after you had finished giggling, “I’ve gotta show that guy one way or another”

A moment of silence fell between you as you messed with his fingers and he started playing with your hair again.

“But only if you want to…”

There was a little more seriousness in his face now, although he was still looking at your neck. You still thought he was ridiculous… but the thought of the guy seeing it… your mind softened to the idea.

You took Felix’s hands in your own and gave them a shake.

“Yeah ok, why not”, you said without looking at him. You were kind of mortified at your own decision. Hickey at the course assessment was the stupidest idea ever.

“Wait really?!”, he bolted up, almost in disbelief

“Yeah…” you responded with a shrug of your shoulders, as if it was you who had suggested it.

Half a second passed before you began to see the corner of his lips turn up. That was the last real thing you saw, as within a second he’d already flipped you to your back, pinned your wrists to the bed and had launched his mouth on the crook between your neck and shoulder.

You giggled initially, but he was dedicated from the beginning. In all honesty, you loved it even despite the slight discomfort. You moved slightly under his grip, lifting your body up to his, but he just gripped your wrists firmer and repositioned himself higher above you, making your stomach somersault and a slight smile graze across your lips.

He eventually let your neck go, but immediately started kissing the same area in quick and pretty kisses, as if kissing a wound better. 

“Sorry I think I got a bit… carried away”

He moved his kisses around the rest of your neck and your chin, peppering your whole face with his lips

You detached one of your wrists from his grip and just stroked the back of his head as he continued. 

“No, you’re ok, and what did I say about apologising?”, you responded with a croak, already worried about the state your neck would look by morning. And the look on the face of that man.

Felix just responded with peppering his kisses at the side of your lips.

ੈ✩ relationship: lee felix x fem!reader

ੈ✩ themes: tooth-rotting fluff, mega hurt/comfort, physical touch, panic attacks, skz imagines

ੈ✩ warnings: reader has a panic attack, implied reference to previous toxic relationship

ੈ✩ synopsis: you see someone that looks like your ex in a museum, and that’s enough to send you over the edge these days. Your friends call felix, the only one that can stop your panic attacks.

ੈ✩ word count: 2.2k

ੈ✩ photos credits: Pinterest

ੈ✩ Repost from AO3 (yyngbk)

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HAPPY PRIDEEEEE !!!! 🤩🤩 no but srsly to all my trans sisters and brothers have a wonderful month 💜

Sorry for the gap the corporate world was beating my ass. . . But this man has been controlling my mind recently. . . (Like watching his old lives at work)

Anyways enjoy !!! Please be aware of warnings 💜

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—————————————————————————

“Yeah she um… saw something”

You were curled up, sat on a cold marble ledge. It froze you through to your core, and even with your platform shoes, you could feel the cold of the ground too.

“Something that she thought looked like him… it wasn’t though, but it still sent her off”

And that didn’t help the way your limbs were already locking together. You could feel your thighs squeeze against your hips as you tensed. It ached but you couldn’t stop, and you’d had way too many of these to know resisting it just made it tighter.

“Are you sure? We don’t want to inconvenience you… it’s just we’ve all tried, but she’s just getting worse”

Your kneecaps rattled together and your shoulders locked, sending your arms into a shaky mess. Your head dropped and stared barrenly at your hands, only partially visible through the tears filling your eyes.

“Thanks Felix, means a lot”, your friend concluded before taking the phone from her ear and hanging up. Even at that, her voice muffled as she spoke. The pounding in your head was ceaseless and rhythmic.

You’d seen someone who looked like… let’s say some guy. It wasn’t him. But it was close enough. And now you were locked up in a position you couldn’t move from. Your breathing was already turning your head dizzy, and god knows you couldn’t try to snap out of it. It encompassed your whole brain.

Your friend said something close to your ear but you couldn’t hear. At this stage you weren’t even perceiving that you were in public anymore. On the third floor of the museum just past the renaissance paintings. In a corner enough to be ignored, but still seen and gawked at by passerbys.

—

Felix gave a short wave to your friends with a cheesy (definitely forced) grin as he rounded the corner past the paintings. As he knelt down in front of you, you could tell he was out of breath, even if he tried to hide it. He pushed his hair out of his face and began speaking into the ether, as you certainly couldn’t look at him right now.

“Hey hey hey angel I’m here… I made it”

“I’m here alright”

His tone was purposefully gentle and low, enough to send any normal person to sleep on the spot. He knew he had to repeat himself so you’d actually hear it. Even so, his words broke through your ears in crackles still, and you clamped your eyes shut.

“Sorry I took so long… ok?”

His apology was ridiculous, but your brain was too fogged to think about that.

He began soft rotations of his fingers on your left kneecap. Your abdomen constricted at the feeling, but after a moment or two, began to let loose. Being touched in this state was probably the worst thing anyone could do, but you have to start somewhere. And he knew exactly how to start. After a few minutes the circles numbed your knee, and it felt like his fingers had melted into your skin.

“Did something scare you, my princess… did you… see something?”

He ducked his head left, and then right, trying to catch your eye as you ran from his gaze. You could tell how carefully he chose and placed his words. Wanting to understand but not needing to know.

Your body had boxed itself off and was punching itself over and over. Your abdomen lurched in pain once in a while, making you almost throw up. Your shoulders turned even tighter. 

What you didn’t realise was that, after a while, you could finally hear his every word without a fuzz and a pound between each phrase.

He left it a few more moments just rubbing your knee, knelt on the marble floor in front of you. Another sting to your abdomen sent your head flying up into a painful gulp, your eyes clamped shut once again.

“Hey”, he almost whispered. Your eyes creaked open, focused on the floor

“Hey, can I see my girl?”

Your eyes shifted to your hand. A blink sent a tear spiralling to your hand, unblurring your vision and making you see how white your knuckles had turned from gripping your jeans.

“Can I see her… please?”

You still didn’t have any control. But your eyes darted back and forth in his direction. 25% towards him, then 50%. And then finally.

“There we are, that’s my girl”, he sighed, with a twinge of relief himself. This was the hardest part, for him at least. Snapping your head out of itself and getting your focus. He finally had something to work with.

He beamed at you and shut his eyes for a second. You knew you looked a mess and started to perceive it. He looked at you with nothing but adoration, but you could feel your over-heating, tear-stained cheeks and quivering bottom lip. You mentally gave yourself a kick for being such a child, and dropped your head again.

This time, something blocked your movement and Felix met your eyes again. You saw his arm in your lower line of sight, meaning his hand was extended just under your chin.

“Just focus on me baby ok?”

“It’s just me and you here no one else ok”

He spoke slowly, shaking his head in the second sentence but eyes locked hard on yours. He went silent for a second and you began to notice his slow and timely breathing.

It was a few minutes, or maybe hours, you’d still lost track of time, before either of you spoke again. You just watched him breathe and kept yourself in those deep brown eyes that felt like a hug. 

You gave a hard blink and a gulp at another hammer in the back of your head, and he took his chance. You felt two fingers slide between your kneecaps to pry your locked knees apart. A part of you tried to resist, but the numbness of your left knee rendered the attempt ineffective. He quickly slid forward, still on his knees but knelt a little higher, fitting comfortably between your legs. You could feel his presence now, and even his breath on your skin.

“Thank you, princess”, he whispered to your right ear, as if he was talking to the real you trapped somewhere inside your brain.

You offered a gulp and a nod before staring at the floor again. Your arms still shook, legs now tremoring on the floor without the ability to lock together. Moving closer and sitting up had meant he was well out of your line of sight. No brown eyes to focus on. But only for a second, that was.

He gently and swiftly curled his fingers round your palms, unlocking them from the crumpled fabric of your jeans. He held your hands delicately but firmly, immediately rubbing circles on the back of your hands with his thumbs.

Your head bolted up out of shock. That other part of your body had taken this as the greatest insult, and your breath hitched, eyes agape and brow furrowed as you turned up to look at him. He’d laid the ultimate trap, as you were almost instantly locked into those brown eyes again. His brow furrowed itself as he began to speak.

“Just breathe with me ok angel?”

You didn’t hear the first part, but that was the last attempt the ringing in your ears made to come back. He began to exaggerate breaths up through his nose and out through his mouth, lips prettily pouting in the motion. It was an exaggerated act, and you started to perceive yourself in public again, but his eyes were serious.

You forced your breath to match his, or at least roughly. Your first breath in was staggered like a cliff face, but the breath out almost felt like you were going to pass out. You held back another abdomen attack and almost threw up, only stopping yourself by clenching your eyes shut.

“It’s ok”, he said earnestly with a tilt of his head. He wrapped his finger tips just round the top of your ear, probably pushing some hair back. It most certainly wasn’t ok.

“Let’s try again maybe?”

The way he looked at you was without any pressure but you felt like you couldn’t let him down. Not twice. You nodded briefly before he subtly smiled, and you tried mirroring his deep breaths again.

Once and then twice, in and out. It was hitched and a mess, but breath went in and then out. Roughly there right?

A third time too, your eyes bolted on his.

And then a fourth. Your knees began to tremor even worse but he pretended not to feel it against his hip. It gave you the confidence to ignore it and go for another breath.

Five and then six. You hadn’t noticed that he wasn’t really leading anymore, and you were equally breathing in tandem.

“Oh that’s my brave girl, just like that”

He detached his eyes from yours for half a second to brush a lock on the other side of your head behind your ear. A very small part of you panicked at his eyes drifting away, but your breathing was too rhythmic now. You could still feel his warm, soft hand on your left hand.

Your breathing remained the same. Felix gently knelt down, lower this time, after tucking your hair back, finally getting a good view of you and the mess you were in. He’d stopped doing his heavy breathing but you were still copying the rhythm. It wasn’t long enough to let it go just yet, but he knew you’d reached that point. He’d dragged you far enough out the cave.

“That’s my good girl”, he mouthed with a tilted head and a smile like a puppy. 

He gently encompassed your right kneecap with his palm, lowering it to the ground and stopping the tremor in an instant. For the first time in what seemed like hours, you realised not one part of you was shaking.

You felt a stillness, finally, in your body. Like a calm pond. Slowly, your breaths became less exaggerated, just like he’d done moments ago. You just looked into each other’s eyes and said nothing. He was slowly rubbing your thigh with his hand, and still politely smiling at you with those perfect rose shining lips.

“Are you alright princess?”

You nodded, and you meant it. He looked relieved, but a new dread filled from the bottom of your stomach. Your body was calm, but the gut punches from your abdomen still left marks. The adrenaline of the panic attack had been masking how bad they were all along. No more kicks to the stomach, but the residue pain was unbearable.

“It hurts so so much”, you muttered under your breath. Your gaze was turned down again but this time it didn’t matter. You were out of the attack; this was something different.

“What was that my baby?”. His concern was devastating.

“Angel”, you said, looking at him now. You held back tears so hard you could feel the muscles twist behind your eyes. He met your face with wide doey eyes.

“It hurts so much”.

You flung yourself into his torso and he immediately enveloped you in a hug. His right arm reached around your back, and left hand laid gently on the back of your head, pulling you into his chest. He gave a soft rub with his hand on your head right where the pounding used to be, as if he knew.

You clawed gently at his cotton shirt, and began to cry lightly into it too. Did this look like another breakdown? Yeah. But this was more a release of emotion. A release of everything that was built up over that attack. You just sat and whimpered between tears, feeling utterly useless and pathetic.

“I know princess”, he started, “I know”

“I know it hurts”, he echoed, almost to himself. 

At this point, although you couldn’t see it, he was tearing up a little too. He hated seeing you like this, and he’d do anything to pull you out of it. But seeing you cry was always the worst for him.

You just sat there still. People probably still passing by and gawking, not that they could see you with Felix’s arms shrouding you entirely.

“You're my brave girl, remember that ok?”, he started, interrupting the silence with clear and slow words, “you’re so so strong and I’m so proud of you”

He lifted your face to place a long, warm kiss on the centre of your forehead before enveloping your head once again. Just letting you sit there and recover, giving sensitive rubs of your lower back.

—

It was only that night that he brought it up again. Once you were fully out, and the stomach pain was only a memory. You were curled up, head on his chest to hear his soft heartbeat, his fingers curling around your hair. He said it was only 10 minutes to get you out of it this time. Last time it had been 17, and the time before that 49. The few times before that… you thought it best not to count.

He lifted you up and grabbed your face to kiss it all over, before leaving a lingering kiss on your lips. 

You sat on your knees a little shocked. He was way more proud than you even were of yourself. And looking at the beam on his face, you realised no one could ever truly deserve someone like him.