horrible little beast

everywhere i go everyone compliments me on the particle cannons i attached to my body. they say things like "those look effective against armored targets, and also very precise" and then i blush cutely and obliterate a scrap car

"thanks I installed them myself 😊💜"

my brutalist baby just threw a block of concrete into your minimalist baby's bedroom and shattered the beige playhouse

Ahh what the hell, gimme another unnamed layer! I ain't driving!

they should make recliners that recline even if you are small

recliners that don't tip backwards when you are large would also be appreciated

I propose an alliance against a common enemy

sometimes when my mom gets drunk she goes into Liberated Women Mode, and one time she was real tipsy and while talking about her friend’s divorce, she very earnestly told me and my sister (both adults) that regardless of preference or relationship, she hoped we would both reach a point in our lives where we were having really good sex with really good people. and my sister said, “i do that now except the good people part” and i said, “sex is real?” and my mom didn’t love either of those answers

ur mom sounds hot is she single

my mom is in fact single, and if you are so determined then it’s not my fault when you find out why

Thank you for the explanation but I was on sedgequeen's side from the beginning

She took my fucking mind palace, I'm thinking out of my mind car now.

"it's just growing pains" -> "you're too young for that to hurt that bad" -> "you just need to get in better shape" -> "welcome to being old, everyone is in pain"

I feel a transfoemation haplenimg. Ouhh itshappening

Love when people accidentally recreate the meme like with the "fuck this post and happy birthday Sonic" one