Gormless Mode GO

in the corner, of my eye, i saw you at Rudys, you were very high...

does it bring you joy to demand a loveless word? to cry for slaughter with baseless accusations? accusations which you have never even stated??

sigh...

you have the spirit of a warrior... I could use someone like you, you know. this is a second chance. join me, and I'll forget about all this nonsense. youre looking for something to fight for? fight with me. fight with us.

It is widely believed in the Star Wars community that the medic droid that tended to Luke Skywalker was actually a pleasure unit. If he truly were a “medical robot”, why would his hands be so perfectly adept at handling cylindrical objects?

It becomes obvious if you rewatch the films that the medic droid, also known as 2-1B, is put in the room solely for Luke’s pleasure. While batcta tanks are okay for recovery, they have their limits. Bacta tanks couldn’t turn around injuries as severe as a wampa mauling in less than a day. It is believed by most Star Wars fans that Luke’s speedy recovery on Hoth was due solely to his handjob regimen, which the books lay out.

“Luke was to receive no less than three (3) jerkings per day, often more upon request. His jerkings would always be before his meals, so he could feel optimally relaxed while regaining strength. Sometimes Luke would say he was hungry even if he wasn’t so that he could trick the robot into getting another jacking off.”

Some fans of the series argue that Luke was faking his injuries the whole time, in order to get a pleasure bot and a few days off. The wampa that attacked his on Hoth was only 120 kg, well below the average mass of the species. His injuries weren’t severe, but his medical plan definitely did have some powerful perks that he wanted to use before the end of the war.

The leading theory is that the same 2-1B unit that helped heal Anakin and turn him into Darth Vader was decommissioned some fifteen years after the surgery. The droid was found by Jawa traders, flipped for a profit, and eventually put into service by a cash-strapped rebel alliance. 

Only, the rebels didn’t have the technical know-how to program a medical droid, as it was a niche market compared to the pleasure bot industry. Most rebel alliance members didn’t have experience in STEM fields, so they couldn’t program it to do much of anything.

There was one rebel who could program robots, as he worked in the pleasure bot industry prior to joining the resistance. But again, he didn’t know how to program medical droids, so he went with what he knew.

BUNNY CHESS

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Angel on my shoulder: we're extremely fortunate. You shot him in the side of the head and you're wearing gloves. Place the gun in his hand and set the house ablaze. Officer Goger's tragic suicide will be the perfect cover story

Devil on my shoulder: Goger was always eating stuffing and spelt wheat and steel cut oats. Bet he'd taste reeeeal good on a spit with an apple in his mouth. Come on, i've seen the way you've looked at him..