but it was not your fault, but mine

The last person in the world Nat would have liked to see -in life or in death- was Dimitri Rusakov. Seeing him dead had been shocking in all the worst ways. At least seeing that spectral image of her father now reassured her that he wasn’t ‘missing, presumed dead’ but undeniably, irrevocably dead. The experience overwhelmed the werewolf, and while she was against the idea of talking to a professional about her jarring experience -mostly out of reluctance to speak the truth about who her father had been and who she really was- she ended up going to meet a grief counselor if only to grasp at some semblance of peace of mind after the disturbing events of New Year’s.

“Mr. Kincaid, is it?” the werewolf politely asked as she accepted the seat across from him. “My name is Natalia Starkova” she introduced herself, setting her purse to her side and getting a server’s attention to order a coffee. “I’m sure you know why I’m here” she mentioned as way to break the ice and get this thing going. She’d never had any counseling before in her life and wasn’t sure how to go about it, but she knew the sooner she was done with this -the aftermanth of her father screwing everything even in death-, the better.

"Yes, that is me,” Landon said with a friendly smile. “I do, yes,” he told her, offering his hand to shake. “And you can call me Landon or Mr. Kincaid, whichever you prefer.” 

He knew the month had been hard on most people, himself included. There had been things seen that couldn’t be unseen no matter how badly someone wanted it. “So, we can begin any way you want. I tend to let people I meet with set the pace. And I know what’s been happening is certainly out of the ordinary, even for Lethe.”

Forest let out a soft grin, it was music to his ears, chowder for his soul. “It’s the real deal for me, too. All of it. I just… Ever since we got back in touch… Ever since we started seeing each other… it’s been like a staircase going up and up, and I look down at the world below me, what my life once was, and its dirty and gray and boring and desolate and… you. All I want is you.”

Landon smiled at him, eyes softening with the emotion of it. “Sap,” he teased softly, reaching to pull Forest back into a quick kiss. “You gotta stop dancing around it and move in with me.” He grinned at him, pressing his forehead to the other man’s. 

Given that Javier Morales had started working on a non-profit organization to help those struggling and in pain in Lethe, Landon wanted to help. So, with the disaster that had erupted on New Years, he had set up free grief counseling for anybody who had seen the spirit of a loved one or just seen something or someone that they hadn’t wanted to see. 

He heard someone approach him as he sat with his coffee and looked up, expecting it to be someone looking for counseling as he had posted that he’d be here. “Afternoon. Do you want to take a seat?”

@landonkincaid​

They sat on a bench outside, Landon’s hand in Forest’s lap as Forest’s right hand ran through Landon’s soft locks. He was smiling at the other man, complacent. ‘I love you,’ he wanted to say, but they hadn’t shared that just yet. No, not yet. But it was such a beautiful night, maybe he should…

He leaned in for a kiss, brushing his lips against Landon’s as the couples (most families had gone home by now, as it was inching on midnight) danced in the ice skating rink. He smiled against Landon’s skin, then pulled back. “Landon. I… It’s okay if you’re not the same, but… I love you. I have, for probably a long time, but… I’m glad it isn’t hidden anymore. I’m happy to be with you. I hope that’s okay.”

Landon returned the kiss softly, smiling into it softly. As his boyfriend and long-time friend pulled away, he watched him, brows furrowing momentarily at the start of the words, unsure of what was coming. But then the rest of it reached him and he felt an affectionate grin pull over his lips, relief clouding his expression. 

He reached out and cupped Forest’s jaw gently, thumb brushing over the well-kept hair there. “I love you too. You’re crazy if you don’t know that. I’m not the most emotionally intelligent concerning myself, but I’ve known for a while and I wouldn’t be surprised if it traced back years too. I love you. I’m... This? This is the real deal for me.”

Date: December 31st, 2020 Location: Irving Plaza Time: 3:04pm Status: Closed @landonkincaid

“You really weren’t joking when you said you didn’t know how to stake,” Naomi laughs, hands on her hips as she glides backwards on a pair of ice skates. She’s turned towards her friend Landon, who hasn’t stopped bracing the railing since they got out onto the ice. One of her hands reaches out, beckoning him forward with a reassuring glace. “Landon come on, if you fall on your ass, it doesn’t even hurt that bad. In fact, falling is good for beginners,” she tries to insist, but the look on his face is unconvinced. Again, she laughs. “Okay, okay, give me your hands, I’ll steady you.” When he finally lets go of the railing, Naomi’s quick to steal both of his hands, holding him up as they wobble farther out onto the ice. As they begin to glide, Landon looks more and more like a baby faun attempting to walk for the first time, his legs spreading apart and quickly snapping back together to gain stability. Others around them are struggling as well, though some are just as skilled and comfortable as Naomi is on the ice. She’s been doing this since she was little. “You’ll get used to it,” she insists, pulling him closer so he’s at her side and their arms are linked. This way he has better balance and Naomi can more or less hold him up as they glide. “I used to do this a lot as a kid. Every year when the festival would roll around, I’d be out here for hours, I swear,” the witch chuckles, shaking her head. “It’s weird, now after last year’s fiasco and the fiascoes that followed, I don’t think I feel the same way. I just feel worried.” 

“That’s good,” he smiled gratefully. “I don’t want your house to be quiet. Not with Jupe, and not with me.” His breath hitched as he looked into Landon’s tantalizing blue eyes, innocent and vulnerable. He was getting ahead of himself, oh God, but he couldn’t stop looking at Landon’s lips and remembering as kids his taste and his greed. Well, both of them were greedy back then, but did Landon still want…? No, of course not, that was a lifetime ago. Still, Forest couldn’t help but lick his lips. “She um… heh. She liked the idea of us together too, huh?” he asked childishly, turning away but stealing glances at Landon. He swallowed a frog in his throat–when did that get there? “Good, stay” Forest croaked, before suddenly pulling Landon in by the shoulder, pressing his forehead firmly against his and closing his eyes. Without even thinking, he adjusted his head so his lips slotted against Landon’s, eager yet gentle. Breathless.

“Yeah, she did,” Landon croaked after a minute, letting his gaze settle on Forest’s. “She... She did. A lot. She was vocal about it, but she liked to call me an idiot so she was vocal whenever she thought I was being stupid. Or... You know, whenever I was stupid because I was.” It was Ohio in the 80′s but... God, he’d do it different now. He’d do all of it differently now. Landon breathed in his scent gratefully as he was pulled in, rested his forehead against his as he moved his hand to Forest’s neck. But then they were kissing and...

It started gentle, but Landon, for his part, didn’t leave it like that for long. He kissed back softly at first, but only for a second, before becoming more forceful, his fingers holding Forest close as he could as he put his second hand in his shirt, pulling him closer. He turned it open-mouthed and needing, searching, letting out a soft sound that was almost a whine as he pushed himself onto his knees on the couch, pressing himself against Forest in an attempt to get closer. The height difference was even more extreme now than it had been when they were kids, but it hardly mattered. All that mattered was getting closer.

Forest reached his hand up to Landon’s cheek to wipe the tear away. “You’d… you’d tell me if you’re thinking about anything, right? You’d tell me if… you need…” a distraction “Some help?” He ground his jaw and brought his hand back to his lap, chewing on his lower lip. “I can’t lose you again, Landon. Not so soon after getting you back. You know? Call me selfish but…” He adjusted in his seat to lean forward and wrap his arm around the other. “I am so lucky to have known you.”

Landon nodded slowly, closing his eyes as his face leaned into Forest’s touch lightly, grateful for it. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I’m not... I know when to ask for help now.”  He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Forest with watery blue eyes, vulnerability in every inch of him he knew. “You won’t,” he promised quietly. “I’m not going anywhere. I was a stupid kid last time. I didn’t... I was in a lot of pain and my house was so quiet every fucking day and... But I know better now. I wouldn’t, no matter how bad it gets. But besides I... I know people thought I was just grieving but I will swear until the day I die that she stopped me. If she wants me here, you know I’d never go against it. I could never say no to her easily.” He gave a watery chuckle, wrapping his arms around Forest tightly as he buried his face in the other man’s shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered again finally, voice quivering. “You know I’m lucky to know you too, to have known you then. I’m lucky that you never hated me for pushing you away like I did. You’re a good man, Forest Hawthorne.”

“I don’t know man, I didn’t tell her I was gay until I was in my thirties… she would’ve… ah, told us to use protection.” He smiled at the thought, not of sleeping with the other but of his mother wagging her slender finger at the boys to be safe. That’s all she cared about, that her son was happy and healthy. A good man. And he hoped to God he was. “Hey, don’t…” Landon finished his words and Forest reached for a hand to hold. “Don’t say that,” he said, squeezing it. His breath hitched in his throat. What was he doing here? He had to move his gaze to the table, to the pictures, to persuade himself not to lean down and kiss Landon right there. “Listen, Landon, I don’t care about your parents. I care about you, your own mental space.”

Landon nodded his head slowly with a soft chuckle falling from his lips again. “That sounds like your mom. She’s a wonderful woman. I told my parents when I was 16. It was part of my therapy.” He rolled his eyes but in truth he understood it. It was something he’d withheld from them, something that had weighed on him and made him feel like less in their eyes.

He watched the worry go over Forest’s face and felt immediate guilt roll through him. He squeezed the other man’s hand firmly and sat up. “Hey, no, I’m sorry. I’m okay. I’m not- Never again. Never. I wouldn’t do that to them or Bella or... Or you. It’s behind me. I worked too hard in my life to fall back into it, okay? I’m okay.” He cleared his throat a little and sat up straighter, tucking one leg under himself and resting the hand not holding Forest’s on his knee. “Some years are worse than others, you know? and I’m a hypocrite for still putting everything on hold every year but... I just can’t help but wonder why her, you know? If it had to be one of us, why not me? I’m the one who fucked up that day. It wasn’t her, it was me. And that’s something else I felt guilty about, not to the same extent but- Checking out my fucking neighbor? Seriously? Seriously? I had you and I risked her life and let her die to get a look of short fucking skirt? What the fuck? Who the fuck would-” It wasn’t your fault, the rational, therapist part of his brain reminded him. It wasn’t on you. It was on the driver. It was a freak accident. You were fifteen years old. “And I’ve made a living out of believing it isn’t my fault, but if it isn’t my fault then why can’t my father talk to me this day every year? Why does he still get weird if we’re in a room alone together or if I call his cell? How come neither of them are willing to talk about Bella with me? So here I am making a fortune on talking about my journey to realizing it wasn’t my fucking fault while my family and I know it was.” His voice was cracking and he had unshed tears in his eyes as he finished, his jaw working itself to try to keep them at bay. He didn’t want to do this. The worst part was that on most days he was able to realize he was innocent, but then... Then there were days like this, and they did typically fall on October 11, though they weren’t isolated to it. It was one of the things he even talked about at lectures. Grief is open-ended; it doesn’t magically go away.  It’s almost like healing from a disease, you have good days and bad days and some in-between. But none of that was easy to remember as a tear finally did escape and rolled down his cheek.

@landonkincaid​

She rapped on the door twice before opening it up to an empty room save for the man himself. Brynn Harper smiled. It had been almost a month since she had last dined with Landon over a simple lunch of homemade enchiladas (Javi’s family’s recipe would live in her life on a monthly basis until eternity). Today, she brought lasagna that had cooked all night–Kane had gotten the leftovers to bring to school, and he had joked about boning a girl in his class with the food. Brynn had not liked that one bit.

While she had texted him since the eleventh, Brynn hadn’t seen him in person. He looked well, and she decided to comment on it. She smiled as she walked into the room, closing the door behind her with a slight click. “You do look good, as you said in the text. Mind telling me how everything went? Even therapists need their own person to talk to, you know.” She knew Landon would know what she was talking about, and if he tried to fib her she would snap him back in his place as she always did.

Landon was always happy to see Brynn. Since he had come to town they had bonded significantly. She was friendly and inviting, always smiling and warm. He wasn’t even sure if she herself knew just how much positive energy she gave off. He looked up at her from the couch and swung his legs as he stood, walking to her with a grin. “Yeah, no problem.”  He took the tray from her with a smile. “Should I warm it up or?” he asked instead of giving more information about the 11th. He took it into the kitchen, assuming she’d follow. “What do you want to drink?” Finally, though, he paused and looked at her with a soft smile. “I am doing alright though. Uh, have you met Forest Hawthorne yet? He’s one of the owners of TriBeCa? He and I grew up together in Devola.”

“’Pretty glad?’ You’re not ecstatic to see me?” Naomi teases, hand resting on the coat rack beside them as he drops down to look at Layla. She smiles gently, nodding, “that’s right, I remember.” The problem with remembering is what follows; the actual remembering part. Her lips curve into a small frown, thinking back to how she and Landon met. A seminar. Specifically a seminar he had been hosting at the university, about grief. One of her teachers had recommended it upon seeing her interest in a psychology class. Landon knew about grief just as much as Naomi did. It’s what drew her to him in the first place, a mutual understanding of sadness. “Life can be a piece of shit sometimes,” Naomi agrees, reaching forward to place her free hand against Landon’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. 

They walk into the living room and Layla’s quick to notice a new person in the room. Her lips curve into a small, pudgy smile and she begins bouncing up and down in her rocker. When there’s people around, Layla’s always one to be soaking up as much attention as possible. Naomi laughs, “I was working on some custom pieces for a couple clients back in Seattle. Now that I’m in between cities, things are a little…” the witch trails off, waving her hands around to simulate chaos. “All over the place,” she finishes, letting out a short sigh. “Really? Can I be honest and say that doesn’t really surprise me?” She chuckles, shaking her head. “Don’t get me wrong, the Landon I know is very organized, structured…but he’s also a bit of a scatter brain. I distinctly remember one time you ‘misplaced’ your glasses on top of your head. Jelly on a shirt doesn’t seem so outlandish.” Really she’s only teasing him, trying to lighten the mood. “Yes,” Naomi nods, “Layla. It’s…a little crazy, to be honest. Sometimes I still can’t believe this is my life, that she’s here and I get to be one of her mother’s.” Sometimes she didn’t feel worthy of it, and she could get in her head about the fact that Layla doesn’t have her blood. But she’s also relieved for that. Layla gets to be a mix of two very kind, loving, important people in Naomi’s life. “But I love it. Even when it gets crazy and I think my head might explode, I love it,” she chuckles, reaching over to give Landon’s shoulder a light push. “How about you, though? How are you? Still writing, still helping people?” 

Landon offered her a small smile and a nod. He knew she knew about Bella, she’d heard him talk before when they’d met. It almost seemed like it’d been longer than it probably had. “Yeah, I know moving is a pain in the a-butt. How are you doing with it?” He knelt down in front of Layla. “Hey, little miss. It is so nice to meet you.” He held out his hand and shook her small one, even though she hadn’t extended it for that purpose. He glanced around as she waved her hand and chuckled, though his grin only grew as she brought up the glasses incident and he turned to look at her. “That is very true. I wish I could combat that, but we both know I can’t. I misplace things constantly. As I just did, I used to blame Bella for it but it was all me.” 

He watched her as he spoke, smiling softly with a nod. “That really is great. I can tell you love her a lot, Naomi. Tell me about your partner, I hardly know anything at all.” He wanted to hear more, wanted to know that she was good and happy. Some would think it strange, that with their history he and Naomi had the level of comfort that they did but it didn’t feel strange to him at all. It was natural. “I know it’s a lot. I miss having a kid around, really. It’s been a long time but I still think about it often.” He smiled at her and nodded his head, trying to decide where to start. “Yeah, I’m good. I’m doing grief counseling in town and I leave every now and then for conferences where they want me to speak or book signings. I’ve gotten a few fictional works out now. And I’m,” he paused with a small chuckle and ran his fingers through his hair, still a little amazed at the fact, “seeing someone now. It’s recent but... He’s a really old friend of mine from my home town and... I dunno it’s just... Right.”

Landon’s readjustment quite honestly surprised Forest. He lifted his hand and hovered over Landon’s ear, then settled onto the other’s hair, running his fingers through it for only a second before putting his hand down on top of Landon’s, the one near his chin. He gently grabbed the hand in his own, squeezing the fingers lovingly. After a moment, he reached for the remote with his free hand and paused the TV, hoping to persuade Landon to look up at him with his beautiful blue eyes. “Remember when we’d watch the sunset on my farm? My mom always fretted about you riding your bike home at night. I know it didn’t happen that often, but every time we did, and your head was on my lap like right now… not that she knew, she just liked you. Wanted you safe.” He wanted to say he wished he had spent more time at Landon’s home. With Bella. He had acres of farmland and Landon had a home and a sister that needed him. They were selfish to go to the middle of nowheresville just to be together. If Bella knew, they should’ve let her see, not hid it. But that was Ohio, in the 80s.

Landon gave a soft hum mixed with a quiet chuckle, carefully running his fingers over Forest’s knee. “What would she have said do you think? If she knew?” Slowly he turned, rolling onto his back and blinking up at Forest. “I always liked your mom, you know. I liked your whole family. They were warm and... I could see them being a lot better with what we were doing than... Well, than mine. Before... Before it happened.” He gave a bitter laugh and shook his head where it rested on Forest’s leg, dropping his hands onto his chest. “After that... They wouldn’t have even looked up. You know, not till I shot a hole in their fucking wall. Then it became a quiet disappointment with love.” His features shifted to a soft, apologetic look. “I’m sorry. That was... I know I shouldn’t talk about it like that and they... did the best they could.” Of course, he also knew that doing the best they could shouldn’t mean ignoring their living child for a year. But he was too old to pull the angsty teenager bit. 

Landon gave a light knock on the door of Oddette’s office before poking his head in and lifting two cups of coffee from TriBeCa. “Hey, just wondering if you’d like a coffee? Maybe a small chat to catch up?” It sounded strange leaving his own lips, to suggest catching up to someone he saw and worked with daily, but the chances to talk one on one weren’t that huge given that most of their time was filled with talking to various people. 

But he tried to do this every so often, to take time to talk to his coworkers. And he liked Odette; she was easy to talk to and a genuinely good person to be around. Besides, she was always overwhelmingly kind about him taking off October 11 every year, which was something that he was always grateful for, even on the years where it landed on a weekend anyway, because most people wouldn’t appreciate an employee taking a particular day off all the time. But that day was different, not just an anniversary but a remembrance. 

“You don’t have to, I mean, I’d love it if you…” he growled at himself, conflicted. “I’m safe,” he said softly, gruff no longer present as Landon leaned into him. Hesitantly he moved the remote to his opposite hand and with the hand closest to Landon’s ran his fingers through the auburn locks, almost cradling his head into Forest’s neck. With his opposite hand he searched through Netflix for a show and decided on Disenchantment which he had been wanting to watch for awhile. “If we don’t like this I know a raunchy show that’s so insane you’ll forget everything,” he chuckled, thinking about Big Mouth. As the opening credits began to roll, he turned to Landon and said, “Is it okay if I stay the night?” He didn’t distrust the other, he just… He wanted to be there. He hadn’t for so long. “To make up for our lost years, yeah?”

Landon slowly turned his eyes up to Forest’s face as the other man browsed. He hummed a little in agreement before slowly turning his head back towards the TV, eyelids heavy though it wasn’t from sleepiness. It was pure emotional exhaustion. The eleventh was taxing every year, some worse than others of course. Slowly, he turned back to look at Forest almost wearily, eyes searching for any sign of worry or distrust but he found none. It wasn’t babysitting, he believed that. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Yeah, you can. I... I’d like that.” They hadn’t even done that as kids, had never been quite close enough to warrant sleepovers, but this was different. Something coiled in his belly, something he wasn't quite proud of. It’s not like that, he reminded himself. Slowly, as if to attempt to remove some temptation, he readjusted and lay down on his side on the couch, letting his head settle on Forest’s thigh. It was an intimate move, but comfortable, familiar. “Feel free to kick my ass onto the floor,” he told the other man, a small smile tugging at his own lips, already knowing Forest wouldn’t, wouldn’t want to, that this was fine.

Forest was grateful for Landon’s mom, at least that’s what he kept telling himself even if it wasn’t entirely true. He’d come over because he wanted alone time with his old friend. He wanted to be ‘the good guy’ and comfort him in any way possible. His nose wrinkled at the thought, mind easily tracking to multiple scenarios that probably wouldn’t happen in a million years. But then Landon turned towards Forest to say his mother said hi and he quickly un-scrunched his nose and smiled back, nodding.

He easily picked up on Landon’s body language towards his father. He couldn’t say anything, but that had always been a difficult subject for Landon. At least, he could imagine given the death of his father’s daughter and almost-death of his son a year later. “Not much has changed after all these years, then?” he asked a little somberly. By now he was sitting back on the couch in a white tanktop and the dog’s leash was back where it belonged. “Sit down. Please.” He patted the middle section of the couch, not the other side where Landon would be impossible to reach. “Do you wanna watch TV? Milo’s recommended me some comedies I have listed in my phone somewhere. If you want a distraction. Or we can talk about whatever you want. We can keep talking about Bella or you can even…” Rest your head on my lap while I run my fingers through your hair, he wanted to say, and he stared for a few seconds into empty space.

Landon shook his head with a quiet sigh and went to get his beer from the counter before lowering himself into the middle section of the couch beside Forest. He leaned his head against the back of it and rubbed at his face with a sigh. “I don’t blame him. He never wants to talk to me on this... On the anniversary. I get it. He won’t admit it but he blames me, which I also understand. And he... He did find me that day. And I can’t imagine it, what that did to him. I get it.” He managed to keep himself from admitting the hard truth that he blamed himself as well. It was an ugly truth, one he tried not to talk about. It was self-pitying and hypocritical. But the truth was if he could go back or trade their places, he would in a heartbeat. “Things are better with them. They’re not absent from their own lives anymore. Or from me. But you’re right. There’s a lot that hasn’t changed at all.”

He let out a low sigh and pulled his head back up, glancing at Forest with a slight smile. “I uh... Yeah, comedies sound good. Shows, movies, whatever. Just uh...” He reached out and fumbled across the pictures for the remote before turning on the TV and going to Netflix. He handed the remote to Forest without even hesitating and dropped his head easily on the other man’s shoulder, not caring enough to think it strange at all, as if acting only on muscle memory of a relationship that never even was. Their whole... thing had been an almost, not a concrete relationship. But it was a great almost, Landon had always thought. Something that could have been remarkable if he hadn’t pulled away from Forest along with everyone else.

Jack was barely awake and it was after noon. He really needed to start sleeping on something better than a couch. It was really starting to affect his seeping habits, which already involved him sneaking blankets into the store. He had to do a double take when he saw Landon walk in to the store, because he had been so tired . He waved to him slightly before hearing the uneasiness in his tone. “ You okay? ” He asked, not wanting to make what he knew seem obvious

Landon offered him a small smile. “Yeah, I’m great.” He wet his lips and leaned back on his heels. “So, uh, wanna skip the part where we act like you don’t know about me and Forest?” he asked with a nervous chuckle. “Save us an awkward conversation?” He already figured there would come a time where Jack and Milo would talk to him together and threaten him about hurting Forest, but for now there was something he did need to talk to Jack about, which was Jack’s therapy.

Landon was too fixated on the beer in his hands, it was obvious, for him to catch a glimpse of Forest’s goofy grin at the idea that he once upon a time made Landon Kincaid blush. God, he was such a child. “She’d be, like, the youngest, first, female president of the United States. If she wanted, if that was her path. She could do anything. Study anything is what I mean. I get it,” he said, reaching and taking Landon’s hand in his own in a gesture of friendship. However it let go when Landon called him a good man. He didn’t know why that made him wince. Sometimes he didn’t want to be good, sometimes he wanted to be bold. And he felt awful looking at Landon’s lips as he bit them in thought. God he felt like a pig, and he diverted his gaze to the rug under his feet. “If it’s okay with you, I’d rather stay here with you,” he mumbled, feeling like a child.

However, he was interrupted by Jupiter’s tail wagging, as if he knew what the word ‘walk’ was. Damn smart dogs. He grinned at the pup, reaching a hand out to pet it. Jupiter rubbed its head into the man’s massive hand adoringly. “I guess he just made the decision for the both of us. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Suddenly the urge to kiss Landon on the cheek surged through him, so fucking clear as a picture, and again Forest winced at the thought. Domesticity? With Landon Kincaid? Why was he so eager and hungry when the other was grieving? Mindlessly, he unbuttoned his overshirt. It wasn’t hot outside, but werewolves heat up very easily and even the breezy walk would overheat him, he knew. So he took off his overshirt and folded it over the side of the couch he’d been sitting on. “Leash?” he asked.

Landon wrinkled his nose a little at his dog and muttered, “Damn, I should have spelled it.” His eyes tracked Forest’s movements as the other man took off his overshirt, too tired and emotionally drained from the day to be shamed into being subtle with his glance. But then Forest was gone with the dog and Landon leaned back in the couch, letting his beer rest on his knee and entirely prepared to overthink his oldest friend being here and the looks they’d shared when his phone rang out. He knew instantly who it was. His poor mother had been through a lot on this date, first Bella’s death then his own attempt on his life. 

Landon answered and got to his feet, setting the beer down as he paced around the house. It was only when he heard the door click and the jingling of Jupiter’s tags that he reappeared towards the foyer, leaning against the wall that connected to the bathroom. “No, Ma, I’m good, I promise.” He held up a hand to Forest to indicate that it wouldn’t be much more than five minutes. “I got dressed, I went out,” he lied easily. “I’m not staring at Ellie and pictures.” He glanced back at the small shrine in front of the couch and the stuffed elephant with a grimace. “Ma, I’m okay, I promise. I’m not alone either. Remember Forest? Yeah, Hawthorne. He’s here in town and he’s here with me.” Ma says hi, he mouthed quickly. “Oh, no, Ma, Pa doesn’t want to talk to me. That’s fine, don’t ma- Okay.”

He let out a low sigh and scrubbed his left hand over his face as she went to get his father. He listened to them bicker, to his father in a broken voice say he didn’t want to talk to Landon today, his mother tell him to try, his father making some sound, and then his mom’s voice back. “It’s okay, Ma,” he said quietly. “Really. But hey, Forest just got back with the dog so I’m gonna let you go okay? Yeah, I’ll call if I need. You too. I love you both.” He slowly hung up and sighed softly, pocketing his phone. “She calls every year. I mean, we talk more often than that, but- You know. Today is... Different.”