so walk tall, or baby don't walk at all

Time: ~9:30PM

Location: corridors off from the kitchen

closed starter for @call-me-harris

“You didn’t see that.” 

A voice came from the man Forest was mindlessly watching. Some may say he was spying or staring or even looking for trouble, but the werewolf had just come from a very exhausting interaction with a friend and the cogs in his brain were turning fiercely. He just so happened to be looking towards the man. Forest Hawthorne narrowed his eyes and saw the man standing suspiciously, as if he was hiding something in his hands or putting something in his coat, or... 

Finally, something in Forest clicked. “Please tell me what I didn’t see, and I can either confirm or deny the merit of your statement,” Forest said in his best Police Man Voice, which was really just deeper than his already-masculine tone. He was pretty sure it was illegal to search this man--werewolf--’s pockets, but boy did he want to. The man had an edge about him, the way his lips were still quirked up as if he were about to tell a joke, while also obviously passing as a delinquent. Forest loved a good field study, coming from his bounty hunter background, so he decided to roll with the punches and study the man as if looking for any reason to arrest him. As if he had the faculty to do so.

Landon returned the kiss softly, smiling into it softly. As his boyfriend and long-time friend pulled away, he watched him, brows furrowing momentarily at the start of the words, unsure of what was coming. But then the rest of it reached him and he felt an affectionate grin pull over his lips, relief clouding his expression. 

He reached out and cupped Forest’s jaw gently, thumb brushing over the well-kept hair there. “I love you too. You’re crazy if you don’t know that. I’m not the most emotionally intelligent concerning myself, but I’ve known for a while and I wouldn’t be surprised if it traced back years too. I love you. I’m… This? This is the real deal for me.”

Forest let out a soft grin, it was music to his ears, chowder for his soul. “It’s the real deal for me, too. All of it. I just... Ever since we got back in touch... Ever since we started seeing each other... it’s been like a staircase going up and up, and I look down at the world below me, what my life once was, and its dirty and gray and boring and desolate and... you. All I want is you.”

They sat on a bench outside, Landon’s hand in Forest’s lap as Forest’s right hand ran through Landon’s soft locks. He was smiling at the other man, complacent. ‘I love you,’ he wanted to say, but they hadn’t shared that just yet. No, not yet. But it was such a beautiful night, maybe he should...

He leaned in for a kiss, brushing his lips against Landon’s as the couples (most families had gone home by now, as it was inching on midnight) danced in the ice skating rink. He smiled against Landon’s skin, then pulled back. “Landon. I... It’s okay if you’re not the same, but... I love you. I have, for probably a long time, but... I’m glad it isn’t hidden anymore. I’m happy to be with you. I hope that’s okay.”

“Fucking rude, you didn’t even know me back then. I was seventeen. I lied so they’d let me. It was the nineties, it was easier to fake stuff,” Milo half-scoffed, half-laughed, shoving at Forest’s side affectionately. He followed the movement easily, resting his head on Forest’s shoulder even as alarm bells went off in his head. Yeah, but you shouldn’t call me babe anymore. But instead of saying it, he shut his eyes tightly and burrowed his face in as if that would make it go away. “I-” Love her. I love her. I fucking love her. I love her! He let out a frustrated groan, tearing his head away and hitting his fist against the pavement. “How many times do I have to learn the same lesson? Thirty years with you didn’t teach me? I’m that fucking stupid?” 

He shook his head and pushed himself to his feet, going inside and trusting Forest to follow him. He rifled through the desk and then pulled out a business card for a Private Investigator he had picked up for reasons unknown- but he knew now. He slammed it down on the desk face up and looked at Forest then. “I don’t know if it’ll work, I don’t know if I can do it, or if it’ll help me fix my head but- I have to try. I have to try for her because she deserves a dad who can tell her that he l-” His voice choked and he dropped his head, hanging it low as he breathed through the frustration. “I do. Already. I’d die for this kid. I’m not going to let myself fuck this up like I fucked it up with you. I’m too tired, Forest. I’m gonna track down the son of a bitch that thought it was okay to leave a seven-year-old home alone with no word to anyone, and I’m going to see if somehow facing him will help me… Help me be a fucking person. I want to be able to say it. I want to. I remember now what it feels like, to say it, to hear it, to not be terrified of it.” I remember because of that night with you. “And I want it. And this? This the last straw, I’m not going to be him.”

“Milo--” But then the other was going inside and Forest did in fact follow him. He stood silently, brow furrowed as Milo described his action plan. Forest nodded a few times here and there. “Good. Good.” He sat down and sighed. He wanted to embrace him but knew one hug a day was probably enough for friends with their history. “I’m glad you remember. I’m glad you’re working towards this, for her. You have a goal, a purpose, a reason. Even if you can’t say it, I will. You love her. And that’s okay. Hell, that’s great. That makes you human. You are such a good man.”

“Oh…. no one ever sad that before? They always ask why we didn’t just go to the store, but we weren’t into that sort of thing” Ramsey replied surprised by his response, but it left a genuine smile on her face as a result. “ Oh well then. They are both rather nice names…..Also more likely to be last names over a first name “ She realized. She was specifically named Ramsey since it was her mothers maiden name, so he name literally was a last name. “ Not that I know of. These eyes are shiny and new. No I do not trust an eye doctor. Who makes the decision to just check the eyes. I’m sure there is one, but it is quite a selfish spell. Don’t fix your eyes fix your glasses”

“You’re... okay. I guess that makes sense.” He had to scratch his head on that one. He could see why she wouldn’t trust an optometrist, but her reasoning was bizarre and hard to follow. At least for his little werewolf brain. “And if you don’t have glasses?” he pondered, trying to poke the bear. “What about that spell?”

“Oooh six of one an half a dozen of the other” Ramsey mused as she watched the guy at his question. “ But I can make paper by hand not by magic. canvas not so much. “ She added explaining she learned some random life skills on the commune. She still called it that, even though the further she seemed to be away from the life she was starting to realize it may have been a cult. “ You can borrow the name but I’ll need it back by the end of the day. Ramsey Haller. I should have left a face imprint or something. It’d help jog the memory. Oh would you like another reference then?” She asked

“Okay, making paper by hand sounds really rad” he grinned. He didn’t think of himself having any skills, at least worthwhile skills (killing wasn’t very practical). “Ramsey, I... no, that isn’t necessary.” He shook his head at her asking for references. “Here, you can have your name back,” he said, offering to shake her hand, tucking in an imaginary piece of paper as if he were actually handing her name back. He liked to oblige people, especially the sweet ones. This one was only a child. “Do you need to get your eyes checked? Is running into people a common occurrence? Maybe we can find an optometrist together. Unless of course you have a spell for that as well”

jackson-danvers‌:

“Someone who works in a store that has books and will read them when people aren’t looking “ Jack replied shrugging his shoulders not really caring that his word choice was being mocked. “For the record, I haven’t be social in a long time. This isn’t a new thing” He added looking over at Milo for a second. He honestly felt like he had grown out of being social when he had kids, but then he just never fell back into being that way. 

“Whoa wait a minute. How am I the mean one?” Jack replied making a face once it clicked in what was happening. He did have to admit though he was the negative one with random spurts of angry rants about things, but that was about it. “Define getting out? Cause honestly I’m fine right now. “ He replied not wanting to get into a conversation about dating again. He was in love with a ghost and he knew that was insane, but he just still needed to work through some stuff that had been buried. “He does have a point. You had to have met some people?”

@miloadkins​

“Forest, come on. We gotta put our heads together here, find someone for Jack. He’s right, he’s never social. This has got to stop.” He threw a playful but affectionate grin at their shortest friend (a fact that Milo loved to remind Jack of).

Milo turned, grinning between the two. “You’re mean because I said so and I’m deflecting by being mean to you, you see?” He reached out to shove lightly at Jack’s arm with a warm laugh. “But now both of you suck because, look, I’ve hooked up with a few dudes, sure. But I didn’t really even make friends guys.” It was a joke, or said as one, deflecting from the fact that it had been the loneliest year of his life without them, that having them still hadn’t quite filled the voice that not having them had made. “Really though, hookups is it. Don’t look at me. I‘m extroverted but I’m still annoying.” His eyes glinted as he spoke, laughter cutting through the words.

@fcrcst​

“Don’t look at me, man! I’m gay, I don’t know what Jack’s type is,” he laughed, putting his hands up in surrender. “Groooooss! We should’ve known, Milo! You think with your Dick!” Forest made a gesture to grab Milo but didn’t for good reason. “Come on, Jack. While we’re here, spill the beans. What’s your ideal woman. What does she look like, what are her qualities, what color are her eyes? All that... gross... jazz...” He burst out laughing again.

Milo gave a small, watery chuckle and interlaced his fingers with Forest’s squeezing the other man’s hand gratefully. He let his head fall on Forest’s shoulder and said quietly, “I guess. I just… I should have checked. I didn’t even think that… I thought they’d go to good homes. I didn’t think that… that it might go how it went with my parents.” He chuckled lowly and shrugged his shoulders against Forest. “I don’t know. She… She mostly just yelled at me. But she… She has my eyes. And she has Mel’s smile. I can see it, the relation. And I don’t really know if she does want me in her life. I think there’s a good chance. I have a chance, but… I’m on thin ice. What happens when she realizes what a mess I am?” 

“How old were you? Nineteen? You were so dumb back then,” he cackled. “No one is gonna blame a 19-year-old for not checking the status of their sperm donation. In the nineties, where everything was via phone calls.” Forest chewed his lip for a moment, then with his opposite hand pushed Milo’s head onto Forest’s shoulder. “‘Fake it til you make it, babe.’ Didn’t I say something similar when you first turned all those years ago? Try to be strong for her. It’s okay if you’re not... I don’t know. I have every faith that you will do your best for her. Do you think you love her already, or can see yourself loving her? Do you want her to call you ‘dad’ down the road? What do you want out of this? Its okay to be selfish, just know its going to take a lot, a lot of time.”

“There’s a lot of things we shouldn’t be doing in Lethe.” Francisca stated in a matter of fact tone. Slinging her tote bag over her shoulder, the lamia squinted at Forest as he rambled on. “I couldn’t keep count.” she deadpanned in an unamused tone as her gaze travelled over to the sunrise. “Listen old man, if you can’t make any new friends then maybe stick with your bookstore buddies. Why a bookstore anyways? There are libraries here and…shit.” Realizing what she’d asked, Frankie held a hand up and shook her head. “Wait don’t answer that. I’m afraid you’ll keep going.” She started to move away from the hospital as she was afraid to get caught by the staff. Pulling out her phone, she tried to google the nearest retirement home, but of course seeing as this was a place of supernatural beings not everything would be Google-able. Casually acting as if nothing happened, she tucked her phone into her back pocket and continued on the conversation as is. “Ohio…hmmmm…Why Lethe?” Put all the attention on him and divert it away from herself. “Ah, I’m from Canada.”

He opened his mouth to answer, but dutifully closed it (with a huge grin on his face) when she told him not to answer her rhetorical question. “You don’t really care why I’m in Lethe, ma’am. But if you must know, to start over. So I guess I’ll leave you be to your... work, responsibilities, and supplies. Ring me if you need any help,” he smiled, knowing that they hadn’t exchanged numbers.

“Yeah, she did,” Landon croaked after a minute, letting his gaze settle on Forest’s. “She… She did. A lot. She was vocal about it, but she liked to call me an idiot so she was vocal whenever she thought I was being stupid. Or… You know, whenever I was stupid because I was.” It was Ohio in the 80′s but… God, he’d do it different now. He’d do all of it differently now. Landon breathed in his scent gratefully as he was pulled in, rested his forehead against his as he moved his hand to Forest’s neck. But then they were kissing and…

It started gentle, but Landon, for his part, didn’t leave it like that for long. He kissed back softly at first, but only for a second, before becoming more forceful, his fingers holding Forest close as he could as he put his second hand in his shirt, pulling him closer. He turned it open-mouthed and needing, searching, letting out a soft sound that was almost a whine as he pushed himself onto his knees on the couch, pressing himself against Forest in an attempt to get closer. The height difference was even more extreme now than it had been when they were kids, but it hardly mattered. All that mattered was getting closer.

As Landon stood up, Forest mindlessly guided him onto his lap, into his lap.

So it was true. Milo was right. What he had been spewing about Landon wasn’t false pretenses but the truth. Every notion that Landon didn’t feel the same way dissipated from Forest’s mind as the other got heated and eager. God it was doing things to Forest that hadn’t been done in years, it felt. “Are you sure?” he asked, barely able to break away but doing so to catch his breath. “I just... I just need to know real quick. Is it a one time thing or...”

Landon nodded slowly, closing his eyes as his face leaned into Forest’s touch lightly, grateful for it. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I’m not… I know when to ask for help now.”  He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Forest with watery blue eyes, vulnerability in every inch of him he knew. “You won’t,” he promised quietly. “I’m not going anywhere. I was a stupid kid last time. I didn’t… I was in a lot of pain and my house was so quiet every fucking day and… But I know better now. I wouldn’t, no matter how bad it gets. But besides I… I know people thought I was just grieving but I will swear until the day I die that she stopped me. If she wants me here, you know I’d never go against it. I could never say no to her easily.” He gave a watery chuckle, wrapping his arms around Forest tightly as he buried his face in the other man’s shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered again finally, voice quivering. “You know I’m lucky to know you too, to have known you then. I’m lucky that you never hated me for pushing you away like I did. You’re a good man, Forest Hawthorne.”

“That’s good,” he smiled gratefully. “I don’t want your house to be quiet. Not with Jupe, and not with me.” His breath hitched as he looked into Landon’s tantalizing blue eyes, innocent and vulnerable. He was getting ahead of himself, oh God, but he couldn’t stop looking at Landon’s lips and remembering as kids his taste and his greed. Well, both of them were greedy back then, but did Landon still want...? No, of course not, that was a lifetime ago. Still, Forest couldn’t help but lick his lips. “She um... heh. She liked the idea of us together too, huh?” he asked childishly, turning away but stealing glances at Landon. He swallowed a frog in his throat--when did that get there? “Good, stay” Forest croaked, before suddenly pulling Landon in by the shoulder, pressing his forehead firmly against his and closing his eyes. Without even thinking, he adjusted his head so his lips slotted against Landon’s, eager yet gentle. Breathless.

Landon nodded his head slowly with a soft chuckle falling from his lips again. “That sounds like your mom. She’s a wonderful woman. I told my parents when I was 16. It was part of my therapy.” He rolled his eyes but in truth he understood it. It was something he’d withheld from them, something that had weighed on him and made him feel like less in their eyes.

He watched the worry go over Forest’s face and felt immediate guilt roll through him. He squeezed the other man’s hand firmly and sat up. “Hey, no, I’m sorry. I’m okay. I’m not- Never again. Never. I wouldn’t do that to them or Bella or… Or you. It’s behind me. I worked too hard in my life to fall back into it, okay? I’m okay.” He cleared his throat a little and sat up straighter, tucking one leg under himself and resting the hand not holding Forest’s on his knee. “Some years are worse than others, you know? and I’m a hypocrite for still putting everything on hold every year but… I just can’t help but wonder why her, you know? If it had to be one of us, why not me? I’m the one who fucked up that day. It wasn’t her, it was me. And that’s something else I felt guilty about, not to the same extent but- Checking out my fucking neighbor? Seriously? Seriously? I had you and I risked her life and let her die to get a look of short fucking skirt? What the fuck? Who the fuck would-” It wasn’t your fault, the rational, therapist part of his brain reminded him. It wasn’t on you. It was on the driver. It was a freak accident. You were fifteen years old. “And I’ve made a living out of believing it isn’t my fault, but if it isn’t my fault then why can’t my father talk to me this day every year? Why does he still get weird if we’re in a room alone together or if I call his cell? How come neither of them are willing to talk about Bella with me? So here I am making a fortune on talking about my journey to realizing it wasn’t my fucking fault while my family and I know it was.” His voice was cracking and he had unshed tears in his eyes as he finished, his jaw working itself to try to keep them at bay. He didn’t want to do this. The worst part was that on most days he was able to realize he was innocent, but then… Then there were days like this, and they did typically fall on October 11, though they weren’t isolated to it. It was one of the things he even talked about at lectures. Grief is open-ended; it doesn’t magically go away.  It’s almost like healing from a disease, you have good days and bad days and some in-between. But none of that was easy to remember as a tear finally did escape and rolled down his cheek.

Forest reached his hand up to Landon’s cheek to wipe the tear away. “You’d... you’d tell me if you’re thinking about anything, right? You’d tell me if... you need...” a distraction “Some help?” He ground his jaw and brought his hand back to his lap, chewing on his lower lip. “I can’t lose you again, Landon. Not so soon after getting you back. You know? Call me selfish but...” He adjusted in his seat to lean forward and wrap his arm around the other. “I am so lucky to have known you.”

Landon gave a soft hum mixed with a quiet chuckle, carefully running his fingers over Forest’s knee. “What would she have said do you think? If she knew?” Slowly he turned, rolling onto his back and blinking up at Forest. “I always liked your mom, you know. I liked your whole family. They were warm and… I could see them being a lot better with what we were doing than… Well, than mine. Before… Before it happened.” He gave a bitter laugh and shook his head where it rested on Forest’s leg, dropping his hands onto his chest. “After that… They wouldn’t have even looked up. You know, not till I shot a hole in their fucking wall. Then it became a quiet disappointment with love.” His features shifted to a soft, apologetic look. “I’m sorry. That was… I know I shouldn’t talk about it like that and they… did the best they could.” Of course, he also knew that doing the best they could shouldn’t mean ignoring their living child for a year. But he was too old to pull the angsty teenager bit. 

“I don’t know man, I didn’t tell her I was gay until I was in my thirties... she would’ve... ah, told us to use protection.” He smiled at the thought, not of sleeping with the other but of his mother wagging her slender finger at the boys to be safe. That’s all she cared about, that her son was happy and healthy. A good man. And he hoped to God he was. “Hey, don’t...” Landon finished his words and Forest reached for a hand to hold. “Don’t say that,” he said, squeezing it. His breath hitched in his throat. What was he doing here? He had to move his gaze to the table, to the pictures, to persuade himself not to lean down and kiss Landon right there. “Listen, Landon, I don’t care about your parents. I care about you, your own mental space.”

Milo stared at him for a long time and then slowly shook his head. “I didn’t though,” he whispered. “I tried. I danced around it. You know I do. But I didn’t say it. You need someone to say it. You need someone who’s not this broken, and that’s not me shitting on myself. I just.. It’s true. And I want you to have what you need. I want it to be me. But… It isn’t me.” God, why can’t it be me? He leaned into the other man’s touch easily and kissed him, sliding his hand to Forest’s cheek. He knew Forest didn’t get it, knew that he didn’t want this to stop. But what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t do this to him, couldn’t be the thing between Forest and someone like Landon.

After pulling away, from perhaps their last kiss ever, Forest nodded. Tears threatened to fall but he wouldn’t let them. “You can believe whatever you want to believe. I’ll always love you, Milo,” he said, looking away from him as the Ferris wheel lowered them to the ground and the operator opened the door for them. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow,” he shrugged, stepping off the platform and away from Milo. And then, even if the other could hear, he finally sniffed the water dripping from his nose.

Milo shook his head quickly, almost stumbling over himself as he wrapped his arms around Forest clumsily. “No, hey, no. Not like that. Not like that. I… Fuck, Forest, I don’t know how to… It’s… This. I can’t keep… You have something here. You have a chance to move on. And you can’t if there’s me always getting in the way. I’m not leaving. You’re still my best friend. I just… I don’t want to hold you back anymore.”

He didn’t understand what Milo was saying. Move on? What did that mean? “Hold me back? I... Milo but you just said! You just said ‘love,’ I... Why are you doing this?” His leg lowered as they moved up the Ferris wheel. When they reached the top he leaned in and gave Milo another kiss, to show him what he wanted. He wanted this. He wanted him. It had been twenty-plus years and that had never fucking changed. And maybe Forest was being immature, maybe he was being selfish or cowardice but... he needed the other to know. He wasn’t ready.