now I'm just somebody that I used to know

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE SQUARES

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what is a demiboy? there is so much for me to learn. I've worked hard at trying to find comfort and ease in being AMAB, but that has come with a lot of grief and confusion. I don't identify as being a trans woman, although I don't know if that's just my learned state or if that would be different if I was open to that idea at a younger age. I'm unhappy with my body and often feel disconnected from my AMAB body. My sex drive is low and I often find myself struggling to let go and enjoy sex with my cis male partner. I prefer to mostly enjoy sexual activity on my own, as having sex with anyone feels scary and uncomfortable. I think I'm just lacking the vocabulary and understanding of the trans/nonbinary umbrella. I also struggle with tying my identity to who I am attracted to sexually, which is still somewhat confusing to me too. can someone help me understand? I've identified as a cis gay man, but I'm realizing there might be more to that story. I don't feel connected to the gay community and I never have. I'm attracted to men primarily, and I feel a particular pull, attraction, and jealousy of trans men. why would that be?? Please help. When I was a teenager I had sex with women and enjoyed it, but haven't felt the desire for that very often since I came out in 2016.