future human sacrifice

i think judas loved christ but i dont think he loved who he was

i think he loved the man who tied his hair back. i think he loved the man who laughed with him. i think he loved the man who helped him stand. i think he loved the man who walked with him. i think he loved the man who fished with him. i think he loved the man who ate with him. i think he loved the man who slept with him. i don't think he loved the son of god. i think he loved his friend

i'm literally the priest's favorite sacrificial lamb because i am so docile and sweet and i hold very still when they put the rope around my neck and i trot along so happily while they lead me to the altar and they do not even have to tie me down because i lie so very still and only bleat once or twice in my lovely lamb voice and when the knife comes down it cuts through me like butter and i offer no resistance and i bleed so prettily all over my new white wool and my guts all unspool like the most beautiful shining yarn and my eyes are animal and dumb and hold no accusation and every time i die i come right back as another little lamb because the priest loves me so so much and he always chooses me for the sacrifice every time and he always places one hand on my small and twitching nose to calm me while he lifts the knife and he doesn't do it for the other lambs only me because i'm his favorite

i wish i could talk to father

i hope he's somewhere good