emilalli central

Emil’s mind was a mess of hallways, and rooms, where many served no purpose, and led to dead ends. There were many corners and spaces where one could hide, and many nooks and crannies where things lay, untouched and out of place. As if it was left there, after being forgotten, afraid to be picked up once more in order to return it (as if there was no other place where it could return to). 

Lalli knew how dreamscapes functioned. They were basically an extension of one’s mind and soul, materialized into an ideal place that fit the person the most. That told the most. If you were like Onni, whose space was dominated by a lake in the center, that stayed in perpetual twilight, with a guard of trees, so thick and wide, the rocky terrains were nothing but just the beginning. Then, one would know you hid a sadness at the core of you, guarded well by walls of fear and concern, shutting anyone out from accessing the sadness that ran deep in your bones.

 And if you were like Emil, who resided in an endless maze, with every window and door shut, every drawer and cupboard filled, and everything sealed so tight, that it offered no leverage (but kept one away from the fire, away from the burning), then one would know that you were good at hiding things. 

At burying them deep.

That’s why, when Lalli witnessed Emil silently cry through a nightmare, without making a sound (as if the action was so practiced, and pressed deep into his bones, that it hurt for Lalli to even think about it), he was surprised that Emil had been hiding his tears and cries so well. Just when Lalli thought he knew Emil, who seemed like an open book, and wore his very heart on his sleeve, there Emil was, shattering his beliefs by taking him into a dreamscape that wasn’t meant to be possible. There he was, acting so unlike himself in his arms. There was he, destroying the belief that Lalli ever knew him at all. 

In fact, Lalli barely knew anything, if he thought about it. 

When he found Emil crying, he was woken to the scent of salt.

He hated the smell of it.

It reminded him of wet sand (sinking him to his knees), of grief and mourning (when he screamed till there was nothing to scream about but the deafness in his ears) and Tuuri (who had been swallowed by the waves and whose body he had lost to the sea).

Lalli had long know that the world was cruel and merciless; was harsh, and unkind. He knew it firsthand in Saimaa, witnessed it once more in Denmark.

And here? — it just hurt to watch someone he had thought were ignorant and blind, and protected from grief, be silently inflicted with it all along. Lalli was supposed to notice things. Was supposed to be perceptive.

And yes, he was.

It's just — Emil was just better at hiding some parts of him that he didn't want Lalli to see.

And though Lalli wasn't happy with the fact that there were still many things he didn't know about Emil, he pushed those worries aside. In due time, they would, but right now, he had someone who needed him.

He reached over and tentatively smoothed out Emil's hair from his wet cheeks. He continued doing so, until Emil himself woke up, eyes hazy and clouded with confusion.

"Lalli?" his voice was gravelly with the sound of sleep and breathlessness; there was a tremble in there that he also caught. Lalli didn't know what to say. Everything will be fine? He was here? Don't worry? No words seemed appropriate for Lalli to say, when they were out in the wilderness, searching for his stupid cousin, as trolls and beasts wandered about, ready to murder them if they so much as squaked at the wrong moment.

Lalli didn't know what he was trying to do, but he sat up, and his body language must've signalled comfort, because Emil allowed himself to hug Lalli around his midriff, burying his face into his belly. Lalli found it almost surreal that he was the one cradling Emil this time. It had always been Lalli who was held first.

But Emil was releasing shuddering breaths against him, trusting Lalli to muffle and take away that noise, the pain. Lalli's heart twinged strangely at that, and he carefully cradled Emil to him, content with the trust Emil thrusted upon him.

It was only natural for Lalli to sing a spell under his breath. Enough only for Emil to hear.

"Nuku, nuku nurmilintu,

Väsy, väsy, västäräkki.

Nuku nurmelle hyvälle,

Vaivu maalle valkialle."

He brushed the golden strands of Emil's hair, content to hold him there.

"Lintu tuopi liinahapaijan,

Haapana hyvän hamehen.

Kaskeloinen korvatyynyn,

Pääskynen peäalusen."

Emil had softened his grip around Lalli's waist, as he burrowed his face into Lalli's stomach. Lalli allowed him, more happy with Emil staying than pulling away. It was his fault, after all. Tearing a hole into the mind of a godless heathen? Leaving their dreamscape open and vulnerable? No wonder Emil's nightmares were terrible.

"Nuku, nuku nurmilintu,

Väsy, väsy, västäräkki.

Nuku nurmelle hyvälle,

Vaivu maalle valkialle."

But, maybe this was what Onni felt like, when he held Tuuri and him after the fall of Saimaa. Maybe this was what Onni felt, when he would sing the same spell to Lalli, on the nights where memories and terror combined so well, to reign in his nights the hardest. Maybe this was what Onni felt like, when the pressure became too much at sixteen, when he found himself alone in the world, with two of his family left, with no one to properly care for him in return.

Maybe this was what Onni felt like, when he had someone to protect.

And now, Lalli understood why Onni would run into danger, when one of the people he loved the most was taken from him.

(Still didn't excuse him, though.)

Emil looked up at Lalli, the vestiges of sleep almost engulfing his eyes. But not before Emil smiled softly, reaching up to brush Lalli's hair from his forehead, trying to comfort Lalli's worried brow.

Lalli snorted at his hand, rolling his eyes. He was comforting you, stupid, not the other way around!

But Emil didn't care, settling his cheek on Lalli's chest like an anchor, and breathing out his last words of the night before his nightmares were chased away.

"Thank you, Lalli."

That's why Lalli won't give up. If he won't give up on Emil, then he won't give up on stupid Onni, either. He had people to protect; to bring home, to talk to, and to live with.

He won't give up, not like this, when he could chase their nightmares away.

Besides, there was comfort in knowing that there was someone out there that Lalli could at least protect, and he was there, pressed close to his heart, offering a comfort Lalli hadn't thought he could ever afford.

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(So, I was planning for this to be fluff, until my hands took control and now this happened but, nvm that. I wanted this small piece to emulate a dream, and im sad i didnt have enough time to fully render it :'D but i hope you enjoyed it anyway. I also didnt know if u wanted a small fic, or just a piece, so i thought, why not both?