a

she is so fucking ignorant and unaware of everything i am doing, she just keeps pushing me to graduate faster

the way my mom handles and thinks about money makes me furious too, cause she always says she’s broke and yet she gets to save to go on vacation or to buy gifts for her fucking boyfriend and she thinks i make more money than her so she basically expects me to spend money easily without understanding that i would like to fucking save some money to go live on my own but at this point is it really going to happen?

mi vedo così brutta che mi viene da piangere

i deserve better

i honestly don’t know if i will ever have kids, but if i do, i promise to myself and to “them” that in our house there will always be love and laughter. i want a house where everyone feels safe and where everyone knows they can rely on each other. i want my house to be full of friends, i want to be the safe haven my kids go to, i want me and my future wife to be the safe parents everyone goes to to find comfort, i will raise my kids to be kind and to always reach out to whoever needs it, i want my kids to be the ones their friends trust the most. i want to be a reliable parent, i don’t wanna lie to them or make promises i can’t keep, and i will make them feel seen, cause no one ever has to feel like they don’t matter, not under my roof. i don’t know if i want kids, but i know that i want to be an emotionally present parent one day

i guess that no matter how much therapy you do, how many progresses you manage to achieve, you’ll always surprise yourself at how disappointed you can still get by your parents. that’s a thing that you never really stop feeling, you just learn to live with it, but it doesn’t erase the lump in your throat when you see other people having loving, actually present parents while you’re left with nothing but adolescents who only ever really think about themselves and never bother to know you or to remember the things about you. it just hurts because you see your parents being who you would have needed them to be with other people, or with their partners (i mean of course that will be different but i’m talking about spending money on their partners but never on you cause when it comes to you they are always somehow broke, even when they like literally owe you money you lent them two years ago)

i hate missing people who literally forgot about me and don’t miss me back