ladyoftheforests

Holed up in the middle of Alaska

Yes, because the Washington state government activated like a sleeper-cell and ruthlessly, systematically hunted them down and annihilated them.

“Y2K came to nothing amirite?”

Yes because an army of software engineers working around the clock, losing sleep, and busting ass till the last minute prevented it from happening.

“Remember the hole in the ozone layer?”

You mean the one that was fixed through rigorous world wide government action?

One of the root problems of our society is a refusal or inability by media to articulate that all those “it’s gonna be an apocalypse” disasters were not disasters because we collectively did something about them.

The good news is this is actually quite correctable. I maintain my firm belief that we as humans are capable of solving almost all of our problems, when we decide to do so.

And I still think that’s going to happen. I don’t know when or how, but I do know that abandoning hope won’t help bring it about.

* New student, very small. Grace said it was pebble. Pebble is small Earth rock. Pebble likes name.

* He found out Eridians have no gender rules.

* Students brought him mineral sample. After he stopped crying he said he loves show-and-tell game. Human naming conventions oddly literal.

* I told him Earthsun grew bright.

* I took him up atop atmosphere bypass elevator to look at stars.

* He woke up from nap and found me still with him. I did not wait on his chest; he says I am heavy like “elephant” and he “couldn’t breathe.” I laid my arm over him instead, kept him close, feeling safe. He said “cuddle” was warm.

* Before class he heard younglings singing.

* He has plants in house from sprouts on ship. Plant grew “bud.”

* Engineers got seawater temperature right. He took off shoes and stood in water, sighing. He didn’t care about pants getting damp. Cried until shirt was also damp. Humans very endlessly wet.

* He missed “Doritos.”

* Adrian helped food scientists make taumoeba dried paste. Made it crunchy after heating. We fused it into triangle form. Told him it was Tauritos. That made him laugh-cry. Laugh-cry is rare and precious.

* He remembered Eridians have no gender rules.

* We made him celebration outfit. Used metals he calls pretty. He can see frequencies named “colorful” and “shiny.” These make humans happiest.

* I gave him hug when he wasn’t expecting it. Easier to hug close now with exosuit. Hug when Grace sitting down so he does not fall over.

Damian: i don't get it.

Jason: no i've never gotten it either.

Tim: i mean, i do get it slightly? like... he can be intimidating sometimes? but then again that's B as a father figure; all dads can be scary towards their kids if they really need to be. from the perspective of a Justice League member? there's no logical reason as to why Superman would ever think Batman was scary.

Damian: are we sure them considering Father as their scariest member isn't simply a sarcastic inside joke within the group?

Dick: naw bub, it's real. i've seen Clark try to hide from him when he thought he'd 'wronged' B in some way. they're genuinely intimidated by him.

Damian, mystified: that's ridiculous, he isn't scary.

Jason: well- actually ok, i might get it. because he isn't scary to us; but maybe that's why he's so scary to the JL.

Dick: *snort* what, we made him scary?

Jason: i- you have to admit, like- like we have done some shit.

Tim: *laughs*

Jason: yeah, like- *laugh* maybe the thing is that we've pissed off Bruce so much over the years, that we've upgraded his ability to deal with things further than any normal human man should. like he has to try and be visibly angry enough for us to listen to him when he tells us to knock it off; when you start getting good at that level of intimidation, the fucking farm boy and ocean buddy with the big fork is like- it's gotta be child's play.

Dick: *cackle* ocean buddy with the big fork,

Jason, audibly holding back laughter: right but you see my point-!

Damian: i mean, does Father even get angry at us anymore? i feel like he's given up at this point. he just gets resigned; doesn't really try.

Tim: well that's the thing, i think we've perfected being disappointments so well as a group that he's lost the ability to get mad. he expects it; i can't imagine what we'd have to do to make him genuinely rageful nowadays.

Dick, thoughtful: yeah... we've definitely raised the bar.

Damian: you used to make him very angry before Jason died, right? so you two were the- you were the original-,

Tim, amused: the pioneers.

Jason, smug: we did perfect our methods. it's an art form.

Damian: yeah but was that an old skill or do you still manage it? because even i struggle to make him seething mad.

Tim: his tolerance has built up massively over the years...

Jason: yeah it's tougher. we still manage it sometimes, though.

Damian: what's the angriest you've ever made him?

Dick: oooh, good question...

Jason: you know what- genuinely? you'd think it would be something from the golden era; i reckon Dickie bird's was recent.

Dick: *casually surprised* oh you think? you think it was the thing from a few weeks ago?

Jason: oh 100%. he literally told you not to go home with him. i was impressed.

Dick: well- *snort* to be fair i'd been gunning for that all day; i wanted to go home but needed an excuse to ditch the manor.

Jason: *cackles*

Tim: wait what'd you do a couple weeks ago?

Dick: do you not remember- that gala where i was supposed to spend the night at the manor afterwards? but i ended up going back to Bludhaven instead?

Tim: wait- *pause* that was because Bruce told you you couldn't?

Damian: *in slight awe* ...Richard. what did you do.

Jason: *starting to laugh again* oh- oh man, i forgot you guys were in a different room- you didn't get to see it-!

Damian: the fuck did you see it? you're dead.

Jason: spray-on hair dye and a barkeeper outfit.

Dick: yeah he was so pissed off- it was on camera, too; like the press were actively filming. i think Bruce sued them for the footage.

Jason: *wheeze*

Tim: what the fuck happened???

Dick: ok well- *sigh* there was this little old lady who was attending the event with her carer-, and i wanna be clear this lady was very sweet, she did not mean to be rude in any way, she was clearly just very confused,

Tim: *now audibly baffled* what the fuck could you possibly be building up to?

Jason: *another wheeze*

Dick: i just need you to understand that this was a very nice old lady who clearly had dementia and didn't mean to be rude.

Damian: what did she do?

Dick: well she was talking about her grandkids, so B started talking about his kids. And you know, he introduced me, and then he pointed out you and Tim in the crowd, and then Cass walked past with Duke so he told her they were his as well, and... i don't think she was all there in the head, you know? didn't remember that Bruce was famous for adoption. so she kinda went, like, 'you have a lot of them, don't you? are you sure they're all yours? they don't look much alike', which,

Jason: -bullshit, all four of us could enter a Bruce Wayne lookalike contest and draw for first.

Dick: -right, but also like, you gotta admit we're pretty fucking diverse for a single group of siblings, right?

Tim: point, actually.

Dick: yeah! anyway- so i could see Bruce kinda getting ready to laugh it off, right? and i- *snort* listen, i'd had a few.

Jason: i'm a good mixer.

Dick: -yeah, he is, and like i said i was already trying to look for an out of staying at the manor because i hadn't been home in a while and i was tired, so before he could say anything, i said- *abrupt wheeze*

Jason: *muffled snort*

Dick: i- *more laughter* *high pitched* i said,

Damian, flat: dear god.

Dick: *giggling* *hands slapping fabric* i wasn't thinking, and i just kinda came out with, 'it's his fetish, he's trying to get one of each race.' and-

Jason and Dick: *instantly lose it*

Jason: *loud laughter* THIS IS STILL- THIS IS STILL MY FAVOURITE THING-,

Dick: *incoherent crying*

Tim, incredulous: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!

Damian, with pure awe: that's... insane. making that joke on camera? in public?

Dick, weeping: n' he- he got so mad,

Jason, loudly: HE WENT BRIGHT RED, I THOUGHT- i thought he was going to hit him.

Dick: to this day i don't know how i managed to keep a straight face.

Tim: *stage whisper* what did he do??

Dick: he pulled me aside afterwards and- *wheeze* and he was like 'look i need some space from you right now, i think you should- *snort* i think you should get a different car and go home, and i'll just call you next week or something',

Jason: this is everything i aspire to achieve and more,

Dick: -and i was just like- i was like, 'yeah that's fair'- *breaks down into giggles again*

Tim: THAT'S FAIR- *wheeze* *cackling* fucking- 'i wouldn't wanna look at me either',

Dick: 'i get it, i hate me too',

Jason: i don't know- i don't know how he doesn't expect those sorts of jokes by now?

Dick: i don't fucking know how we keep coming up with them, it's like an endless well.

*ping*

Jason: an endless well of making Bruce seem like a pervert just to piss him off- ah fuck.

*tense silence*

*more silence*

Bruce, sternly: i'm tracking all of you. i know you're doing another four person stakeout-,

Dick, instantly: fuck- split, SPLIT-

Damian: what about the target?!

Jason: WHO GIVES A SHIT- JUST GO.

Gimmie Eridians who are absolutely heartbroken to hear that humans where so desperate and so scared that they where willing to part with not just one Grace, there were three of them! Gimmie Eridians touched to find that the humans planned a way for their sacrifices to be as comfortable as possible. Gimmie Eridians who send earth a message saying “We know it must have hurt to send your heroes to die, but one made it and he’s safe here. We lost 22 good Eridians on the journey we would have lost 23 if not for your Grace.”