why am I standing here?

✷ Stray Kids

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✦ The Turn of the Seasons | LMH x reader | fwb to lovers | fluff, smut, parents to be | completed series | 91.3k ↳ When you call, Minho answers. When Minho texts, you reply. It has always been as simple as that.

✦ city life, apple pie | SCB x reader | friends to lovers | a/b/o, idiots in love, brother's best friend, fluff, smut | ongoing series ↳ Lost papers, misplaced keys. You should’ve seen this coming, everything always ends up at the cafe.

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✷ BTS

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✦ Prank Wars | JJK x reader | enemies to lovers | angst, fluff, smut | hiatus | 32.3k ↳ “You know what? Fuck you!” Just before the elevator’s door closed, you could hear his response, “you already did.”

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© retlessxwriter - do not repost, steal, or plagiarize. do not feed my writing into ai. do not translate without my permition.

A couple of days later, you wake up with a thread of texts on your group chat. It had started in the middle of the night, around 4AM, but new messages kept coming now, at almost the middle of the morning. You scroll all the way to the top to try and understand.

jisung i just won the lottery

The first message seem to have been ignored, with a twenty minute gap between it and the next one.

jisung guys i’m serious i won the lottery

This time, the reply comes a minute after, from the one person guaranteed to be up as late (or as early) as that.

chan no you didn’t

minho he technically did

jisung i so did

By then the times of the messages were already okay for a normal person to be up.

changbin ???

Jisung then sent a photo of a scratch ticket. A winning scratch ticket. It was not that high of a prize, something worth a little over a month’s paycheck from his job at the cafe, probably. But still. He had won the lottery.

jeongin holy shit????

jisung i told you!!!!

changbin why didn’t you just send the photo to begin with???

seungmin so what i read is that you are paying for drinks

jisung i’m not paying for drinks

minho he is paying for drinks

jisung who are you to say that????

minho the person who bought you the scratch ticket technically it is my prize

chan ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

changbin i can offer the house

seungmin oooooohhhhhh

jeongin i’m already texting people what time should we be there?

changbin just give me time to shower after i close the gym

chan @ jisung want a ride to the liquor store?

jisung i feel like this is happening against my will it is my money i have not agreed to anything

seungmin we’re your family if you die it is our money

chan why did that read like a threat?

jisung you’re not my family

jeongin he will remember that

seungmin i will remember that

minho jisung doesn’t know how to cash in the prize i’ll have it in an hour

changbin waaaaa hyungggg you’re so cool i want to be just like you when i grow up

felix i want to party too ☹️

jisung too bad loverboy

jeongin oh so now you’re in?

jisung if it will make felix get fomo yes 😇

You scroll further down in the conversation, skipping over all the organisational bits. In a little over an hour they had set up an entire party for later in that same day.

Imagine just how much they could accomplish if they put their minds together for the good of the world every once in a while?

Too bad they were boys with limited brain power capacity.

It was just the night before that you had left Changbin’s apartment, after a lazy day in enjoying each other’s company at the absence of your sibling, finally managing to fall asleep and wake up together. So when it’s time to go back, you take your time getting ready.

You come in fashionably late. Mostly because you knew that if you came in too early, all your getting ready would get ruined by your boyfriend before you had a chance to flaunt your outfit to anyone.

Your people were scattered around the place.

Most of them were social butterflies with lots of friends, you knew that much, but it was still impressive to see the place so full of life when the plan was made mere hours before.

Jisung is at the couch with Seungmin, surrounded by people you didn’t really know. You vaguely hear his retelling of the “winning the lottery” story, with Seungmin’s commentary added to keep it closer to the truth.

Chan is at a tucked away corner, talking to a guy you’ve seen on his social media a few times, some old friend from his time at uni. You’re about to walk over to them, choosing their apparently calmer vibe, when someone bumps into you.

Minho says your name loudly and wraps his arms around you in an out of character hug.

“Are you drunk already?” but you can tell he is not. A little buzzed, sure, based on the color of his cheeks, but not drunk yet.

“Just happy you made it”, he looks over your shoulder, spots something that seems to spark his interest. He’s already pulling away when he turns to you quickly, “some of the guys are in the kitchen”

You’re confused but nods nonetheless, squeezing him one more time before letting go. It’s not everyday that he allows for as much skinship, you should enjoy it while you can. You turn for the kitchen in hope of finding your friends and, fingers crossed, some drinks as well.

Some of the guys turns out to be just Changbin. Not that you’re complaining.

“Need some help here?”

He smiles widely before even locking eyes with you, opening his arms as soon as he turns your way.

You oblige to the silent invitation, taking a step into his space and going for a sniff of his neck, frowning when you come across the chemical smell of blockers.

He reads the confusion in the way your body tenses.

“I put on the stronger stuff”

You look up so he can see you pout.

“I knew you’d pull up something like this”, he drops the arm he has around your waist a bit lower, finding the curve of your butt and giving it a barely noticeable squeeze. You did choose these pants because of how they made your ass look, “how would I be able to get a hold of my scent?”

“Noona you made it!” Jeongin stumbles in, drunker than you expected him to be. You step away from Changbin immediately.

Once you get a drink for yourself, you end up leaving with the maknae - who you think remains none the wiser even after probably seeing the embrace you were in with your secret boyfriend. You make your way to the improvised dance floor, where Minho already is.

You allow yourself to be dragged into the small crowd by your friends, swerving your hips to the beat of the music, recognising the playlist as one you had all slowly built together, over the span of many house-parties and special events at the cafe.

When you need to step away to refill your cup, you see Changbin chatting with a girl you had never seen before. She’s pretty in kinda of a cat-like way - and is standing a bit too close to your liking. You take a second to stare, willing his eyes to find yours, but he never does.

You walk over before you can really think about it.

“Hey Bin, can you help me with something?” you touch his arm to catch his attention.

His jaw flexes and he seems annoyed at the interruption. Huh?

He follows you anyway.

When you’re both hidden away by the corridor that leads to the rooms, you turn around and press him to the wall, your lips on him.

He’s tense at first but melts away, starting to kiss you back just as you pull away.

“Great, amazing, thanks for the help”.

You smile at him innocently, turning to leave. He holds onto your arm, spinning you back to face him.

“Not so fast”, you crash onto his chest, “what was that for?”

You shrug your shoulders, feigning innocence, “felt like it”.

He studies your face.

Stop searching, you think, desperately.

“You’re jealous”

“No I’m not”

He throws his head back in a loud laugh.

“Here, come”, he drags you back out of the corridor, his grip on your wrist not tight, but firm.

When you see the spot he was at before, the girl is joined by another very pretty girl.

“Have you guys met yet?” he poses the question to the duo, tugging you to his side.

“I don’t think so?” the one with the cat eyes reply, opening a smile as she turns to you.

“This is Yeji and her girlfriend Chaeryeong” he pointedly looks at you and you can only hope that you’re not blushing, “this is Hyunjin’s sister I was telling you about”

Now that you’ve heard their names, you can think back to a few times Hyunjin mentioned Changbin having friends over, these sisters he was very close with, one of whom dated a dancer your brother had worked with before.

You don’t even look at Changbin as you politely introduce yourself. If you do, it will give away that you were feeling a bit embarrassed by the fact that you were, indeed, jealous. You pay attention to the conversation for a little bit before finding an out to go back dancing, and Yeji ends up following you.

You take turns dancing with each other, with Minho and later Jisung. Some of Yeji’s friends also join in, with a very pretty alpha girl with a cute smile and streaks of blue on her hair taking a liking to you. You giggle every time she spins you around, her scent is apparent even through her blockers and it reminds you a bit of rainy forests. It’s fun and, for the first time in a long time, you’re okay with having an alpha out of your close friend group so near to you. You know you’re safe in this house, nothing bad could ever happen to you here.

When you leave to look for the restroom, Changbin finds you again.

“That was hardly fair”, he’s annoyed again, falling into step beside you.

“What?”

“You know I wasn’t flirting with Yeji earlier, right?”

You nod, confused.

“They why are you flirting with Ryunjin?”

The gears inside your head grind against each other, pieces falling into place. You were not doing it intentionally but maybe he was right. You felt his eyes on you a few times while you were dancing and, although part of you wanted him to join you, a larger part wanted him to watch, knowing he couldn’t claim his place in a room filled with your friends.

Maybe, if you moved the right way, he might give in anyway.

“You know I’d rather be dancing with you”, you say it back, still not looking at him.

He steps closer and you think he’s about to kiss you, even if you’re not yet somewhere safe, out of the way of other people’s eyes. Changbin turns on the last second and brings his lips close to your ear, “stop tempting me.”

You smile victoriously and step away, locking yourself in the guest bathroom before he could follow you. Oh this would be fun.

He doesn’t wait for you to come out but you spot him straight away when you’re back in the main area of the apartment. There’s this guy near him you’re pretty confident is one of Felix’s past hook ups and, although Changbin doesn’t turn to you, you see by the way his shoulders tense that he knows you’re near.

Chan is at the sofa with the same guy from earlier, you go over and sit on the arm of the couch, throwing your legs over Chan’s, who pushes you away immediately.

He says your name like a whine, you put your legs back up.

“What? My feet are sore”

“Then find somewhere else to put them”

You pout and he rolls his eyes, signalling for you to bring your legs closer, in a more comfortable position to both of you. When you’re sure he won’t push you away again, you turn to the man sitting alongside him, amusedly watching the exchange.

“And you are?” you ask.

“The guy who would never complain about having your legs on him”, he says smugly and you hold yourself back from rolling your eyes while Chan cackles.

“That boat has sailed, this one has a mate”, your friend clarifies for you.

You turn your head so fast towards him it almost hurts your neck.

“Ooops, my bad”, the guy puts his hands up, leaning away from you.

“I don’t have a mate”, you ignore him in place of correcting Chan.

The alpha looks away from you for a second and you follow his gaze, finding Changbin already watching you, a scowl taking over his pretty features.

Chan looks pointedly at you, “it’s okay if you’re not ready for this conversation, though”

You let your legs fall to the floor again, standing up with a huff, “you’re so annoying”

“Back at ya”, you hear him reply, but you’re already halfway to the balcony.

There are some people smoking and chatting quietly, amongst them Seungmin. You lean your body over the rail next to him at first. Then, you turn, lean back on your elbows, arm flushed to him, turning away from the view from below so you can face the party inside.

“You okay?” he asks, instead of saying hi. It’s the first time you really interacted that day.

“Never better”, you watch as Changbin is approached by some other girl, joining in the conversation that was already happening. His posture is still tense.

Seungmin looks over his shoulder to try and find what you’re paying so much attention to. When he spots the trio, he drags his eyes back to you.

“What’s the deal with you and Changbin hyung?”

“What do you mean?” you see how the girl steps closer to your boyfriend, completely ignoring the other guy.

“You’re both acting weird, well-” he stops, himself, considers it for a second, “weirder lately”

You don’t answer. The girl places a hand on Changbin’s chest. He lets her. You feel a little tick at the bottom of your spine, your omega starting to become restless.

“See? Like that”, he points out, scrunching his nose, “are you even wearing any blockers?”

You were, but they were the very cheap ones and have probably already worn out. The girl drags her hand a little lower on Changbin’s chest and the other guy takes a step back, as if accepting that he’s no longer invited to the conversation. You can’t stop the angry flare of your scent, ripe fruits turning rotten in a split second.

She leans closer and he doesn’t step back. Changbin’s out there, not smelling like you with someone else too close for comfort.

Your omega pounces inside you.

Ah, fuck it.

You cross the entire living room in a blur, avoiding knocking into people out or pure instinct, a single purpose in mind.

Changbin looks at you right before you replace the woman’s hand on his chest, pushing him back slightly before he catches his balance and holds his place.

You kiss him hungrily and he kisses you back immediately this time.

He’s the one to force you two apart and something close to a growl builds up on your chest, you have to scold your face to not bare your teeth at him.

It’s so unlike you. And it surprises you enough that you end up letting him push your waist away from him. You’re only allowed half a second to wonder if he’s mad at you before catching a glimpse of his smirk.

“Now will you admit you are jealous?” you want to wipe the smug expression of his face.

“Only if you do it first”

“I’m jealous”, he says, immediately.

You study his face, takes in the honesty of the admission.

“You’re mine”, the growl is back, your chest rumbles in a way you’re not used to, even when you’re angry, even when you’re scared. Apparently it is the need to stake your claim on him that brings your omega so close to the surface.

“And you’re mine”, he squeezes you with both hands firmly on your waist. You feel your omega running laps inside your heart, suddenly appeased.

You hear some shouting from behind you and turns just in time to see Jisung and Minho arguing, loudly.

The moment is broken. The two of you share a look and Changbin lets go of his hold on you.

“This is not done”

You nod, agreeing. He nods back, for good measure.

And then he’s stepping away to try and meddle between his friends. You see that Chan is already there too so there’s no point in you crowding the situation. You walk back to the balcony. It is almost empty now, most people going to see what the commotion was about.

You barely take a step outside before Seungmin is offering you a sarcastic whistle.

“So, how long has that been going on?” he’s now on the same position you were at before, leaning back. You join him.

Shoulder to shoulder with your backs to the view, you face the large window and the drama unfolding inside.

“A few weeks”, it’s been longer than that. He doesn’t need the specifics.

“What?”

“Yeah”

“And no one knows”, it’s not a question.

“Chan knows”

“But not your brother”

“Nope”

“How?”

“I’m very sneaky”

Your friend is quiet. You know him enough to guess that he’s running through every possible outcome before voicing his thoughts on the matter. You steal his drink and he lets you. You focus on the chaos inside.

Jisung is gesticulating wildly. Minho looks completely defeated. Changbin and Chan are standing between them, with the rest of the people around slowly stepping away, some outward leaving.

“What’s that about?” you think aloud.

“Miscommunication”, the omega offers.

“Do you know over what?”

He nods.

You consider leaving it at that but you’re a bit curious now, “will you do something to help?”

He turns his attention to you, returning your blank stare, one eyebrow raised as answer.

“Eh, that’s fair” you concede. Seungmin is not one to stick his nose in other people’s business.

You share his cup back and forth in silence until the drink is finished.

The party slows down. You see when Changbin approaches the balcony through the glass panels, sliding the door open but not fully stepping out.

“I think you should go to Minho’s”, he says to you, worry written all over his face.

“That bad?”

He nods.

“Is he still here?” you look over your boyfriend’s shoulder, unable to find the older omega.

“He stormed out like five minutes ago, but texted that he arrived at the cafe, so he’s safe. Chan hyung is calling Jisung a cab, they’re hiding in my room”

Seungmin hums, both of you turn your attention to him. He seems to have made a decision.

“It makes sense”, is all he says.

Changbin looks at you puzzled, not really understanding the tone your friend had adopted.

“You two”, Seungmin adds. Changbin turns to look at you alarmed.

“We kissed out in the open, baby, what did you expect?” you point out, trying to calm him even if you’re very fond of his slightly panicked expression.

“Hyunjin doesn’t know”, Changbin says hastily, turning to Seungmin, still in crises mode.

“She told me”, he bumps shoulders with you, “but if you don’t want to end up like those two, I suggest you come clean soon”

“We will”, you say, at the same time as Changbin goes;

“We’re working on it”.

Seungmin studies both of you for a second before nodding again, resolutely.

“Ok, I’ll call us a taxi to Minho’s, meet you at the door?” the omega turns to you.

You eye him suspiciously, “you’re coming with?”

Seungmin looks offended, “of course I’m coming with”

And you don’t try to understand it. As much as Seungmin and Minho were some of your closest friends, the two omegas were always bickering with each other - but also always together.

Changbin steps aside to let the younger boy through, coming out and closing the door behind him when he notices his chance of staying alone with you for a minute.

You open your mouth at the same time as his phone starts ringing. He looks at the receiver and you see that terrible picture of Chan sleeping at the studio, the one Changbin likes to use to tease the producer. He picks up.

“Hyung?”

He’s quiet while a flood of words come from the other side, nothing you can clearly make out.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, I’ll be right there”, and he hangs up just as quickly as he picked up.

You look at him, expecting an explanation. He lets his head hang down in defeat and you step closer, pulling him to you. He rests his forehead on your shoulder.

“Jisung threw up in my bed”

“When I thought about you doing laundry tomorrow that’s not really what I had in mind”, you joke, and he laughs despite himself.

He pulls away just enough to bring his head level to yours, peck your lips with a smile still lifting the corners of his mouth.

“I love you”, it stumbles out so naturally it takes you a second to make sense of the words.

You freeze. He does too, as if realising what he had said at the same time as you.

“I mean…” he tries to fix it but you can see his ear reddening.

“I’ll come over tomorrow”, you cut him off, reaching up to meet his lips once again before rushing out. Stumbling out. Running out. You just need out, out, out.

Seungmin is waiting for you at the door but you don’t even slow down, just walks straight down the corridor to the elevator.

For the rest of the night, you pour all your energy into helping a sad and drunk Minho, trying to understand just where the night went wrong.

Changbin doesn’t text you and you don’t text him either.

It’s fine, you’ll see him tomorrow anyway.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

You don’t see each other the next day.

Or even the day after that.

In fact, you don’t see each other for a whole week.

You feel restless over it, honestly. Like being apart from Changbin suddenly became some sort of herculean task. It wasn’t intentional, you texted, even called a few times, but what he last said to you at the party still hangs heavy in the air. Neither of you say anything about it. He never once pushed, never pressured. But you felt it anyway, just like you felt his absence. Did he mean it?

Chan and Changbin had put Jisung on a car and drove him down to his parent’s place for the week. Jisung’s parents lived in a house on the outskirts of their small town, near the woods. You knew some of the guys liked hanging out with him there, and could even spill some mysticism about how you all seemed to miss the wild sometimes, city life becoming too much. The three of them were staying there to work, to maybe help distract the younger alpha. But you knew they all could use the break.

Jeongin was left caring for the gym, to his dismay, and you spend most of your time there with him - using the excuse of helping him study during his work breaks to be nearer to Changbin’s scent, steeped into every corner of the back room. Felix and Hyunjin, once your brother’s rut is over, step up to help too, making things run as smoothly as possible. You don’t spend as much time with them, though.

Hyunjin had not apologised for his outburst and, even if the two of you were speaking, every conversation was tense, strained. There were times in the past where you would just let it go, pretend nothing had happened and go back to normal. Not this time.

Because of that, you had not been over to Changbin’s place. Which was also Hyunjin’s place.

It felt wrong to come back to your empty apartment now. You grew used to his balcony, that also allowed for the morning light to come in just right, over the few days you spent there with him.

So the rest of your time was dedicated to bothering Minho at the cafe, instead of inhabiting your own place. Seungmin has been covering for Jisung there too, which was a bonus for you. The younger made a much better employee at that, but Minho still finds ways to criticize his every move.

You called your afternoons there as ‘omega bonding time’. No one had agreed to the title but you caught Minho referencing your arrival as that a couple of times already, so you knew Seungmin would cave eventually.

That’s where you are, the day before the producing trio is set to return home.

You’re leaning over the counter, fishing for a metal straw when the bell rings, announcing Jeongin’s arrival.

“I’m so glad this is almost over,” he says, walking towards one of the few occupied tables at this time of the day.

Hyunjin and Felix had ended the relative peace of your omega bonding time just a few minutes ago, after leaving the gym for a much deserved lunch break - that was starting to look more like an afternoon break than anything else. Jeongin took the opportunity to close up behind them and join the crew too.

You consider hanging back a little bit more, not willing to face another twenty minutes of dancing through topics with your sibling. They are at the usual table, close enough to hear when Minho starts scolding Seungmin again.

“That’s not how you do it, Ji-” the older cuts himself off, turns away, walks to the back.

You all sigh in unison.

It takes a second before anyone breaks the silence, the whole group aware of the situation enough to not say anything in front of the older omega.

“How long will it be like this?” Felix whines, he’s been having the hardest time dealing with all the drama currently going on.

“Hopefully not long, I didn’t expect Minho hyung to actually accept my offer to help here”, Seungmin is walking over with the dancer’s coffees. You help him out.

He’s a better barista, sure, but his balance could use some work and you’re tired of helping him pick up broken mugs, hiding the evidence before Minho could see it.

“That’s what you get for trying to be a supportive friend,” you say, sarcastically.

“And remind me to never do that again”, he uses the same tone as you.

“See, that’s what I mean”, Hyunjin pipes in. You all look at him, expectantly. “If you fuck around with your friends it never works out.”

Before you can say something not so nice, the maknae intervenes.

“Dude, are you serious?” Jeongin deadpans, one hand waving to Felix’s direction.

Felix smiles brightly, completely unaffected.

“That’s different”, Hyunjin scowls.

You laugh humourlessly. Again, going over some not-so-nice-things to say to his hypocritical ass.

“Different how?” Seungmin asks, but a client walks in and he has to step away to attend them. The look he sends your brother tells everyone that the conversation is not over.

It grows uncomfortably quiet.

You’re about to stand up and follow the omega behind the counter, maybe pretend to know what you’re doing while trying to keep out of his way, when everyone’s phones get a notification at the same time.

The group chat, then.

It’s Chan. And it’s a link. Felix must click on it before he even reads the text that came before it, as music immediately starts pouring out of his phone.

chan we need honest feedback

That was weird. Chan was far from shy about sharing his work, but never like this. You get it once a voice joins in to the melody. It’s Jisung.

The quiet is now one of attention, maybe still a bit tense, but no longer uncomfortable.

This is their way of making Jisung and Minho talk, then.

felix this sounds amazing

“You didn’t even finish listening to it”, Hyunjin peaks over Felix’s shoulder.

“So? It’s already amazing”

He’s not wrong. The lyrics are gorgeous too.

You look behind you, to the half open door that leads towards the back rooms, seeing if you can spot Minho.

You can’t, so you go look for him.

Seungmin doesn’t even look up from the drink he’s mixing to warn you off when you turn the corner that leads behind the counter, “you can’t be behind here.”

You don’t spare him a reply, going straight to the back door.

Minho is sitting at the chair of the small office space he crafted for himself back there, across from the main kitchen. The song is also spilling out from his own phone. He looks misty eyed.

“You okay?” your voice is quiet but it still makes him jump.

“I hate this question, you know?” he looks down to his phone, as if the device itself was betraying him.

“Well, are you?”

He seems to think about it. Shakes his head no.

“We’re so dumb”, he says, halfway between a chuckle and a sob.

“Yes, you are”, but you say it with love, stepping closer to rest a hand on his shoulder, giving him a squeeze.

The texts keep coming as the song reaches its end, all of your friends piping in with their encouraging words.

Minho takes a deep breath in.

“I’ll call him”

“Good”, you mess with his hair in that way you know he hates it.

You hear your brother’s voice growing loud on the other side of the wall, looks up with Minho just in time to see Seungmin carefully opening the door, poking his head in.

“You should check your phone”, it’s directed at you.

You pull it out of your pocket as sees the outpour of messages.

You scroll past the praise for the song.

jeongin so should i tell noona about changbin hyung?

felix what’s about them?

jeongin nothing

chan smooth

felix were you meant to send that to a different chat? one without meeeeee? ☹️

hyunjin please share with the class

chan it’s nothing

jeongin it’s nothing

felix so it’s definitely something

That should be when they started talking in person, or switched to the right chat, as the messages ended there.

“What are they talking about?” you question out loud, Minho reading over the texts alongside you.

“Probably about Changbin going into rut”

That does something to you, and you’re about to start spiralling when a thought breaks through.

“How do you know that?” Minho probably kept track of everyone’s cycles as well, but Changbin’s was not due yet. You, out of all people, would know that.

Minho hands you his own phone, a different group chat open, named under pack management.

He scrolls back to a couple of days ago, Chan warning the group about Changbin’s rut coming up, and fast as it looked like.

The only people in the chat are Chan, Minho and Jeongin. Only one of those should know about why Changbin going into rut might be an information you would want to know, personally.

There are also about twenty different smart little jokes you could make about bending to societal expectations with an alpha-beta-omega group. About ten others over them thinking of your friend group as a pack. You have no time to word any of that, because your brother barges in.

“Is it true?”

You look at him like a deer caught in headlights.

“Are you really fucking Changbin?”

“Hyunjin…” you start. But that’s your brother, he reads you better than anyone.

His scent is angry, rotten. So extreme you think not even if his blockers were still fresh they’d be able to mask it.

Minho stands up, puts himself between you two. Lifts a single finger to stop Hyunjin from talking.

“Think about what you’re about to say before you regret it”, his tone is icy.

Hyunjin huffs out, looks at you. You can tell he feels like you back-stabbed him. Your brother always showed all his emotions on his face.

He walks away.

You feel your cheeks heat up. You’re ashamed. Not about Changbin - never about Changbin. But you and Hyunjin did not keep secrets from each other. This was new territory for you.

Your twin was the type to say things he didn’t mean at the heat of a moment. To sulk and act up before eventually apologising. You could handle that. But Minho’s warning, plus Hyunjin’s silent retreat, made it look like this time, he was choosing to stay quiet over things he probably did mean. And wasn’t that a scary thought?

You feel like crying.

“Hey”, Minho calls.

“I’m okay,” you reply, even though he didn’t ask. You didn’t like that question much either. “I’ll just go home, can I go out the back?”

He nods, sympathetically.

“We’re all dumb”

You chuckle. “That, my friend, we are.”

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

It’s pretty straight forward after that.

You take the bus home. You take a shower. You fall asleep.

Tired, drained, a little uncomfortable on your own skin. All easily explained by your brother’s outburst, as well as by the general tense atmosphere surrounding your friend group lately.

You don’t text Changbin about it. Because you’re tired, sure, but mostly because you’re a coward. Why didn’t he tell you about his rut? Why were your friends made aware of that and not you?

When you wake up later, you have no idea where or even who you are. All you know is that something is bothering you.

You push away the covers on your bed to reveal a wet patch under you.

Sleek.

No way.

No way.

You try standing up and is taken over by how painful it is. Your entire back feels on fire, your very spine scraping the skin from the inside. The cramps assault you next, making you double over.

You’re in heat.

Deep breaths to help you withstand the first wave. All you know is pain. You think you might be shaking but you can’t even uncurl enough to assess.

Are you on your bed? On the floor?

You should text someone. Write an email to your advisor putting in your heat notice. Order some food too, before it gets too bad. Because you’re sure it will, and it’s terrifying.

You puff and tighten your arms around your own body. Just a little bit longer, and the wave should break.

As the pain subsides slightly, and taking in your surroundings is possible again, you try lifting your arm towards your phone, forgotten by the pillow.

It’s the middle of the night. Chan had texted you hours ago.

chan are you okay? jeongin filled me in we’ll be there tomorrow morning and changbin is going straight home have you guys talked about what you would do?

No, you had not. Not about his rut, not about your heat.

Truth be told, you should have. Yes, the relationship is new but, if anyone had asked you even just a week ago, you’d just assume you would spend your cycles together. You’d maybe have to figure out some good excuse for your friends but after the practice you had with that lately, you’re sure that would be the easy part.

Now, though?

You were not sure about anything.

Why had he not said he was getting his rut early?

Maybe he did not want to take that step with you yet.

You can feel the pressure building again, another wave will hit you soon.

You want Changbin here with you so bad.

So bad.

You don’t overthink it. Open up Chan’s texts.

you i got my heat

You lock the phone and roll over, biting the insides of your cheek as a way to cope with the pain. It feels much worse than usual.

Why is it so much worse this time?

You feel warm and sticky. No horniness, just pain. As if your body is physically craving something it knows it can’t have right now. You lose tack of time and, when your phone rings, you’re in the middle of another wave, not even bothering to open your eyes to check. The effort of moving would be too much.

But then it rings again.

And again.

And the sound is drilling into your skull, so you force yourself to find the little device, trying to refuse the call but accidentally accepting it.

“Hey, hey, can you hear me?” it’s Minho. You press the phone closer to your face.

“Yeah, hi, I’m here” you barely recognise your own voice.

“We’ve been trying to reach you, are you home?”

You make a noise, intending for it to sound like a yes.

“Have you talked to Changbin?”

Hearing his name is enough to make you roll yourself inwards even more. You’re not sure what Minho hears on the other side.

He keeps saying something, you can’t keep your focus on the sound.

“I’ll call him”, you push out, eventually. And you will, you promise yourself.

You don’t care that you have not talked about this, every fibre of your being wants Changbin near. He might refuse to come over, and that will be fine. But you need to at least try.

Minho keeps saying something on the other side of the line, but it sounds muffled. You need him to hang up so you can call Changbin, but he won’t shut up.

He says something that you can kind of guess it a worried “I’ll come over”, and then the line goes dead.

After a few more deep breaths, you find the strength to uncurl. Tentatively at first, just enough to reach your phone again. The call with Minho had lasted only three minutes, it felt like much longer.

You need water, your throat feels on fire, much like the rest of your body.

The door of your room is open at least, one less effort. All you need to do is stand up. Stand up and walk maybe what? Twenty steps? It’s easy, you did it literally a thousand times before. But why does it look so far away tonight?

Standing up is like torture, but you manage. Your head spins but you find your balance. It should not be this bad, it has never been this bad before.

The first steps are wobbly, you have to reach for the wall to support your own body. It works, though. You make it past the door. Reaches your living room.

It’s night out, you never close the curtains. The starry skies seems to mock you. You can’t quite see the moon yet but you curse her anyway.

Another step, you’re almost at the kitchen now.

One more step and your body has had enough. You try to reach the couch at least, but without success. The wave of pain hits you like a boulder landing on top of your body and bringing you down. Your knees hit the floor with a dry thud and your vision blurs.

You don’t remember giving in to the darkness, but you must have as the next thing you remember is your name being called.

It’s bright now. It was not bright a moment ago. You blink a few times, your mind struggling to catch up.

It’s morning. Someone is calling your name.

You hear the keys outside.

Someone is trying to get in.

Oh thank goddess, is all you can muster in your mind. Thank goddess someone is here. This is not okay, you’re scared. You can’t find it in you to try and help them, though. The lock is a bit tricky, takes a little bit of trial and error to find the right placement for the key. Old buildings, right? But you have faith in them. You have to, otherwise you’ll be stuck here, in this floor, shaking and in pain, for who knows how long.

You hear the click and feel the little gust of air as the door slings open. The person put too much strength in pushing it open, it hits the back wall way too forcefully.

Oh.

It’s Changbin.

He’s sweaty and frowning and looks straight at you.

You don’t even blink before he’s kneeling down in front of you. Your arm is already reaching out for him. Maybe you’re hallucinating?

But then he’s picking you up and his smell engulfs you and suddenly everything will be okay. That’s what he keeps saying too.

“You’re okay, I’m here, you’ll be okay”, as he walks to your room with your body draped across his arms, your nose on his neck.

Changbin walks past that bright spot near your window and for a second you wish he could stop there. But he doesn’t, you think he’s even shaking a little bit. You need the crease on his forehead to melt, his shoulders to relax. But you don’t think you can do anything about it now.

“You’re okay”, he keeps repeating, “I’m sorry I was not here, I’ll take care of you now”

All you can do is nod, forehead pressed to his cheek. You close your eyes, hope he’s right, that you’ll be okay now.

He places you on your bed and you struggle letting go of him, your stomach starting to tie in knots at the mere possibility of not being near him again.

“Have you eaten anything?” you shake your head no, tightening your hold around his neck. You know where this is going.

He tries to step back, gently touching your arms for you to let go. You don’t.

“C’mon, I just need to find you some food”

You shake your head no again, uses him to lift yourself up, bringing your body closer to him. Pushes out your scent.

“No, I just need you”, your voice is raspy as if you haven’t spoken in days.

“You have me, baby, but you’re dehydrated, no one has heard from you since yesterday”

You don’t care. You should care but you don’t.

So you force your body down on the bed, pulls him with you. The sheets are not right, you need more pillows. You’re such a bad omega, that’s why he didn’t want to spend his rut with you. That’s why he was not here before.

It’s all wrong for him, of course he doesn’t want to be near you.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Hey baby”, his hands are all over your face now. You didn’t realize you had let go of him.

But he’s still here. He’s kneeling by the bed, leaning in on his elbows, a hand wiping away your tears.

“I’m sorry”, you don’t know about what exactly. Everything.

You’re in pain and your nest is a mess and your alpha doesn’t want you.

“Hey, no, I want you more than anything”

Did you say all that out loud?

“Here, hey”, he sits on the bed now, pulls you to him until you’re sitting on his lap, both legs still on the bed, your back supported by his arm on a sideways type of hug.

You shove your nose back on his neck and melt. This is good.

“No more crying, okay? I’m here. Can you tell me where does it hurt?”

“Everywhere”, you mumble against his skin.

He chuckles. It’s weak but it unlocks something in you. You kiss his shoulder, over his shirt. Then his neck, where fabric meets skin.

Changbin adjusts so he has access to your face, a kiss on your cheek, another on the corner of your mouth.

“Do you want me to help, baby?” you nod yes and then his lips are on yours.

It starts slow and you can tell he’s holding back. You can feel his sweat, the small tremor of his hands where they rest on your legs.

He starts moving his fingers from your thighs to your knees, sweet little hums making his lips buzz against yours.

A sudden cramp makes you pull your knees up, trying to curl in his lap. He doesn’t let you, holding your leg down.

“I got you”

So you let him guide you.

He pushes your knees apart, unbuttons your ruined shorts, caresses your hip bone putting a little more pressure on your lower belly.

Meanwhile, you occupy yourself by kissing him wherever you can reach him, licking and nibbling on his neck, on his jawline, on his earlobe.

When you feel his hand reaching a little lower, you gasp. Your body on fire all over again. More on fire. Has it ever not been on fire?

He keeps his mouth on yours, swallowing your whines.

His fingers, meanwhile, have no rush finding your clit, circling it lightly at first, but not taking long to apply more pressure.

You moan loudly and it’s his turn to lick your neck, to kiss your scent gland.

A finger slips in with ease, a second one following soon. The cramps give way to pleasure, the fast build up of the tingles on your lower stomach.

He pulls his fingers to find your clit again, more directly this time, applying just the right amount of pressure to make you want to squirm on his lap again.

You feel his fangs on your neck and has to resist the urge to push your shoulders up. Maybe he will just bite down. He should bite down.

His scent is so strong mixed with yours it almost distracts you from your orgasm hitting its peak.

Your body tenses. He keeps you in place, back to kissing your neck, fingers in and out in a slower pace, not overstimulating yet, just helpful.

More. You want so much more. But it breaks your wave and, as you manage to steady your breathing, your mind already feels more your own again.

His chest is moving in a such a way that your head accompanies its ups and downs. You allow yourself to finally melt. Changbin slowly moves his hand to your thighs again, careful and featherlike, giving you goosebumps.

“Better?” his voice is quiet, as if scared of your answer.

You nod, still pressed as close to him as you can.

It’s true. The pain is gone.

“Can I go get you something to eat now? Some water?”

You want to say no, but you know it’s pointless. You need to let him take care of you. You loosen your hold on him and he carefully helps you slide out of his lap and onto the bed.

You have to hold back a whine when he’s out of your line of sight, but takes that few minutes he’s away to discard your ruined clothes. You find yourself a large shirt that goes down to your mid-thighs, not bothering with underwear. A quick look around your bed makes you start throwing stuff out.

Wrong, it’s all wrong. You need to make it better for your alpha. If it’s bad alpha will not want to be near you.

You hear the minute Changbin steps back in, turning to him and freezing him in place with a single look.

He’s carrying a water bottle and a package of cookies you know is one of the few things stocked on your pantry.

“Your eyes”, is all he says and you understand why he had stopped moving.

You shake your head, take control of your own thoughts again. Your omega is getting harder to control again, you probably don’t have much time. He relaxes when you look at him again, hopefully your eyes are no longer glowing the blue hue. First he makes you drink the water, then he pulls the chair you have on the corner of your room and take a seat there. You try to not be offended that he didn’t sit beside you on the bed.

“We should talk”, you say, after he hands you the open package of cookies and seem satisfied to see you take a few bites.

“I know, I’m sorry I just barged in”, he looks away from you, as if afraid of your reaction to his apology.

You roll your eyes.

“Not about that, I’m happy you’re here”

He looks back at you, studies your face. Nods as if accepting what you said as truthful. Looks at the water bottle until you take a sip.

“My rut will probably start tomorrow, maybe earlier since, you know”, he move his hand between the two of you, “I felt my control trying to slip earlier, I don’t want to risk anything”

“Stay here”, you blurt out.

Maybe not the most well spoken conversation you’ve ever had, but you know time is crucial now, you have to get all the important stuff out of the way while both of you have a clear mind.

He thinks about it.

You need him to say yes.

“I want to”, he starts, careful, “but I’m not sure if I should”

You wait for him to go on.

“I’m afraid I might, you know”, he looks pointedly at your neck now.

You’re pretty sure you know what he means. You want him to say it. So you stay quiet, takes another sip of water, keeps your eyes locked on him.

He sees that you’ll not cave.

“I’m afraid I’ll bite you, baby” he looks almost sad.

You think about it.

Really think about it. With as much of a clear head as you can.

He studies your face. You study his back.

You have it memorized by now. Every little turn of his head, every change on his eyes. You like it all. You believe you will never get tired of looking at him.

And that’s what it all comes down to, anyway, right?

“Okay”, you say.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“No, you have to say what you mean this time”, you love how his face morphs into something excited, yet still contained.

He’s holding himself back from feeling hopeful. You hate yourself for that. He should never hold himself back from wanting anything.

You don’t quite understand why he would want you. But you’re already his.

“I’m okay with you biting me”

He searches your face but finds no hesitation whatsoever.

“You mean that”, it’s not a question.

You answer it anyway, “I mean it. I want you to be my mate.”

He crosses the little space between you, pulls you closer, holds your cheeks with both of his hands, going as far as slightly squeezing them. You feel your lips turning into a pout, can only imagine how silly you look.

You giggle. You can’t help it, he looks like a kid who just won the largest prize at the fair.

“I love you”, you whisper-mumble to the best of your ability, bringing your own hands over his.

He kisses you, “say it again”

“I love you”, he softens his hold and this time you can say it right.

So he says it back, “I love you”

He drops his hands to your waist, pulls you even closer. You give into him just in time for him to pick you up, so you circle his frame with your legs. It’s like a choreography, you like being held like this, he likes holding you like this. It works.

Changbin pulls back, you see a little shimmer of red on his eyes. Barely there before it’s gone. He’s still holding back but your omega is already running laps inside you, happy with her alpha being here.

Your skin starts to feel warm again. You don’t need to shy away from it.

“I won’t rush anything”, he says, lips almost glued to yours, “if it happens, it happens”

You nod, acknowledging it. You have always liked that about him. Loved it, really. Changbin was not one for haste decisions, probably the key to his muted confidence. And this didn’t feel hasty, exactly, but it was not as if you had been talking about it for a while. Both of you were probably not 100% in the right headspace for such decision either.

And still.

Never had anything made you feel like you were coming apart at the seams. Never had your omega risen up so powerfully, like she wanted to take everything Changbin’s alpha had to offer, drown in his scent, merge with him so completely.

When Changbin finally has you on the bed, he takes no time discarding his own clothes, pulling your own shirt up until your breasts are exposed, attaching himself to them, one hand circling your nipple while his tongue focuses on the other one.

You can’t keep your hands on a single place, going from his back, to his biceps, to the back of his neck and pulling on his hair. He is still too far away.

His scent is flaring more and more. Sweeter but with that hint of black pepper too, as if he is battling - and losing - some inner fight with his alpha.

You didn’t care, though. As long as he kept kissing you like he had.

He is inside you without much warning, just a little adjusting to the angle and you are so wet he slides right in. It is slow, controlled. Deep thrusts that have you clawing at the skin of his back, completely unfiltered moans gracing his ears.

When he feels himself getting close, he slips a hand between the two of you, finding your clit and moving with a precision that has your vision clouding in mere seconds. He pulls out to come in your belly, not popping a knot.

You would have complained about it, but you are satisfied for now, finally feeling sleepy.

He kisses your forehead, a light chuckle as he sees how you are slipping away fast.

Changbin motions for you to lay on your side, uses his shirt to clean your stomach from his release. He then finds his place behind you, bringing your body close, so it’s flushed against him. And with his breathing down your neck, and his scent everywhere, you’re finally able to rest for a little.

When you wake up again, it’s with a weird rumbling you have never heard before. Changbin’s hold on you had strengthened, he is the one making the noise. Somewhere between a growl and a purr, something instinctual and possessive.

Your omega is immediately at the forefront of your mind, fighting for control, responding to it.

“Baby?” your voice is barely above a whisper, shaky.

His reply is a hand, sliding down your front, pulling your knees apart.

You let him with ease, turning your head only just slightly to try and get a glimpse of him.

What you see makes you shiver.

His pupils are completely blown, red rimmed.

The rumble of his chest grows steady, just as you feel his hardness between your legs, tempting you.

Your omega starts clawing at your chest from the inside, frantic and utterly beyond your control. He slides inside, much more forceful than ever before, but still slow. The sensation is overwhelming, instinctive, and you start moving your hips. You couldn’t stop it even if you wanted to, and you don’t really want to.

A sound rises on your throat, matching his. A purr, an acknowledgment. Involuntary. He ruts into you, small growls escaping as his movements shake your entire body.

Still, through all that, you can still feel him holding back.

You reach behind you towards his face, fingers slipping through his hair. He lets you pull him in, so his nose is right at the crook of your neck, and then you purposefully push your scent out. It’s so sweet it almost makes you choke, but he only dives in deeper, breathing quickening as his movements become more erratic.

His hand is on your stomach, pressing you back to him, but you want to see him, you want to watch him lose control.

You squeeze his arm, he slows down.

You’re the one to push yourself away from him, making him slip out of you, and still you cry at the emptiness. He whines too, like a kicked puppy, but it doesn’t last long. As soon as you’re laying on your back, you pull him closer, making him lay on top of you.

You guide him back inside you, taking his lips with yours at the same time.

He takes a second to start moving again, and once more you can tell that he’s fighting against himself, holding back. Your conscience is slipping again, you want to let go completely, but not before you know he will too.

You press a hand to his chest, making him separate from you a bit. Gets lost on the way his arms flex, caging you in, bulking with the strain of holding himself up. You fix your eyes on him, can guess they’re glowing blue just like his are red.

“I won’t break” you force the words out, you need him to understand, “you won’t break me.”

And it’s all it takes for the final string of his restrain to snap.

His lips meet yours again and he takes you with brutal snaps.

You let go.

You float above your body, lost to his scent, to the feeling of him inside you, to his weigh over you.

He’s muttering nonsense, singing praises, growling in your ear.

You let him fold you under him, pressing your legs up, adjusting himself so he can rut into you deeper.

His movements are relentless but still you need more.

You claw him closer, dragging your nails onto his skin to the point you think you’ll scar him.

When you start nibbling his shoulder, the base of his neck, his movements start becoming erratic.

You feel the pressure building, he’s finally allowing himself to knot you. You have never felt such pleasure, such complete need to be filled by someone.

When your orgasm hits you, you bite down.

You don’t intend to, but the feeling is there. This is a mating bite, as long as he closes the cycle.

You feel his blood on your tongue, feel the moment his knot locks him inside you.

And then he bites back.

The influx of information is almost too much.

You can feel him, completely. Feel his heartbeat as if it is your own. You can feel his pleasure, his bliss. You own him, completely, as he does you.

Your souls have been stitched together, a connection forged in love and trust.

His hips cease movement but it takes another second for his fangs to release their hold on you. You feel him lick you clean, dropping kisses where he marked you, making sure it starts healing. You’re pretty sure you did the same, but clarity is a luxury you don’t possess.

You feel a little like yourself again, your omega accommodating besides his alpha, as if both were finally brought together.

“That was…” his voice drifts off.

You open your eyes only to see Changbin’s forehead almost resting against yours, and is met with his own eyes, dark and teary, but solely his.

“Yeah…” you agree. You know what he means and it cannot be put into words. At least not yet.

You nose his cheek, forcing his head to turn so you can take in his mark. It was pure instinct that directed you to the right place, right above his scent gland. It looked good.

His heart thunders in his chest and you follow his gaze to see he’s also looking at your neck, appreciating what that little constellation of punctures means.

When the next morning comes, your heat breaks. A quick look to the man besides you tells you his rut did too. He’s peaceful in his slumber, his skin is warm but not piping hot like the day before. His breathing is steady.

You had spend however many hours getting lost in each other the day before. Control of your own brain came in waves, you can’t remember most of it clearly, only bursts of color, taste, smell. Changbin, all around. Your mate. Both of you driven by instinct, by an urge to be as close to each other as possible.

But then, it was shorter than you were anticipating. You usually had at least a couple more days of torture with you heat. And even if Changbin’s ruts were usually on the shorter end, with longer pre-ruts, it still felt quite quick to feel this normal again already. It’s been too long since you last spent it with a partner though, maybe that helped. You would have to ask him.

You have no idea how long you lay there. Half napping and half awake, watching his chest rise and fall as the day outside grows brighter. When his eyelashes flutter open, he blinks a couple of times, frowning at the light coming in from the window. You forgot to close the curtains.

“Good morning”, your voice is raspy, and he looks at you only once before turning his entire body towards you.

Changbin curls into himself, something between a yawn, a stretch and a way to cuddle closer, trying to make himself smaller. You put your arms around him, allows him in. His hair tickles your collarbones and his breath is warm against your chest.

He says something you can’t quite understand, voice thick with sleep.

You run your fingers along his back, inhaling the sweet cinnamon with a hint of clover, “say that again, love?”

“Your heat is over” his head moves so it’s not as pressed on your skin, allowing you to understand him.

You nod yes, “and your rut is too.”

He seems to only realize it as you say it.

Changbin pushes away, face to face with you. He kisses your nose once, and then your lips on a quick peck. Usually you would be annoyed by that. You need to brush your teeth and you’re pretty sure you look disgusting. But that’s your mate right there. He gets to see the ugly.

As if reading your thoughts he pulls back again, scans your face.

“Pretty”, he says, kissing you softly once more.

You frown your nose but don’t hide.

“I’ve heard of that happening”, he’s casual about it, voice soft, tone lower than you’re used to from him.

“About what?” you’re not much different.

You like this, laying in bed with him on the early morning having small talk. You can’t wait for this to be what the rest of your life looks like.

“I’ve heard of mating cutting cycles short”, he clarifies.

You know he’s holding something back still.

“What are you not telling me?”

He smiles, cheeky. “You won’t believe me”

“Try me”

“Well,” he starts, trying to contain his smile but failing.

You move closer.

“They say it happens when you find your mate, like, your fated mate.”

“Don’t tell me you believe that” you roll your eyes.

“I didn’t use to”, and it’s so soft, so real, you’re inclined to find some belief in it yourself.

You don’t care what it means. If the stars anticipated your meeting or not. If the moon blessed your love. If the old myths are right in saying you have a perfect person made just for you. What you do know is that you can’t imagine your life with anyone other than Changbin.

And that’s enough.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

The morning in bed stretches, lost to small kisses and different ways to hold each other. When his bladder finally wins the battle, Changbin goes to the restroom, leaving you alone for a little bit.

Like any other person your age, your first instinct is to look for your phone, finding it on the floor next to the bed, completely dead. You plug it in and stares at the ceiling, willing it to turn on at the same time as dreading what you might find.

The fact that no one had barged in yet tells you that Changbin must’ve found a way to let them know you were both okay. Everything else, however, was still up in the air.

“Why are you thinking so hard? You’ll hurt your pretty brain”, he walks back into the room, throwing himself beside you in bed unceremoniously.

“I’m waiting for my phone to turn back on”

“And why are you worried about it?”

“How do you know I’m worried?” you run your fingers through his hair, he smells fresher, he probably washed his face while up.

“I don’t know, I just know”, he shrugs as best as he can while lying.

Your phone pings and you turn to fetch it, your curiosity beating your nerves. Changbin presses his chest to your back, shoves his face on the curve of your neck, kisses the place his mark is now placed. You shiver but keeps your focus on the device typing in your password and scrolling through the immediate influx of texts and notifications from the past couple of days.

Changbin sighs against your skin and you know he’s not watching your screen purely by the way his forehead is placed against your head.

You are still deciding what to check first when you see that Hyunjin had texted you. You click the notification before you can give it much thought. You hate fighting with him and would not relax until everything was actually solved.

hyunjin i’m sorry

Your breath must have hitched or something, because you can feel Changbin’s hold on you growing tighter, as if he was holding you together. He rests his chin on your shoulder, fully reading with you now.

hyunjin changbin hyung stopped by we talked

Your mate snorts, dry and sarcastic as you so rarely sees him.

“What?”

“I wouldn’t have put it like that but okay”, he kisses your shoulder then, pulling away while still keeping one of his arms under you, like a pillow. He’s staring at the ceiling now, so you continue scrolling to read more.

hyunjin i was an ass and i want you to be happy

It’s tender enough that your resolve starts to melt. You’ll forgive him, of course you will. That’s your twin. Annoying, quick to snap, dramatic and with more ego than body mass, but still one of your favorite people in the world.

You turn around to your boyfriend, your mate, snuggles back into his chest.

“What happened?” it’s closer to a mumble, but he understands it.

“Chan hyung dropped Jisung home first, I didn’t know you were in heat when we arrived”

Chan went in with him, already aware of the storm that was probably waiting for them. As soon as Changbin had walked in, after a very early morning and a few hours on the road while battling the symptoms of his pre rut, the last thing he needed was Hyunjin screaming at his face. But that was exactly what he got.

He could feel his blood boil immediately, already way too close to combustion riding on his hormones alone. So as soon as the younger boy stepped a bit too close, Changbin gave him a warning growl, making Chan step in closer as well.

“Hey, hey, easy”, their hyung had put his hands up, signaling for the other two alphas to not step any closer.

But Hyunjin just kept going on and on, a bunch of nonsense about never expecting Changbin to betray their friendship like that, about his hyung taking advantage of his sister’s naive disposition, about boundaries and expectations and just. So much. Bullshit.

So Changbin, ever the sensible guy, punched his friend straight in the gut.

Hyunjin doubled over in pain and finally shut up. Changbin didn’t hit him as hard as the younger was making it out to be, but probably harder than he wanted to. Pre-rut and all that.

Chan positioned himself in between his friends again but, as soon as Hyunjin shut up, Changbin took a deep breath and a step back, making his hyung realize he just needed to take that out of his system.

“You’re an idiot”, Changbin spat out.

Hyunjin opened his mouth to talk again, Chan ready to intervene, but Changbin stopped them both with a single glance, one palm going up.

“I’m in love with her,” he says. Hyunjin’s mouth falls open, “I want to be with her, she’s it for me, you get that? So you either get over yourself or this will be an awkward life for all of us”

“What?” Hyunjin was finally taken aback, maybe sensing the seriousness of the situation.

Part of the reason he was so angry was that Changbin never took anything serious. Every relationship was just something for the season, a little fun and then onto the next one. He was a loyal man to his friends, but never seemed ready to commit to anything romantic. Until you, that is. Because truth be told, Hyunjin had never heard Changbin say he loved anyone like that. And Changbin could read all that in his friends dumbfounded expression, so he doubled down.

“I’m in love with her.”

Chan was the one to break the thick silence with a whispery “wow”

Changbin was about to start talking again, to apologize for the punch, to explain how it all went down, when someone pounded at the door.

Chan walks over, opening up to a winded Minho.

“Why is no one picking up their fucking phones?”

It’s still early morning and he looks like he hasn’t slept at all. Minho had tried calling everyone, trying to let someone, anyone, know that you did not look good. He wanted to drive down in the middle of the night but Seungmin convinced him to wait until morning. It had been morning for hours already though, and still no one had picked their damn phones yet. So he just came straight to Hyunjin’s, hoping that the alpha had calmed down enough to get a grip of the situation. And also because he knew your brother had a spare set of keys to your apartment, and Minho’s plan was to just barge in at this point.

Changbin grew anxious immediately. His phone was on but had been on silent since the drive, so had Chan’s. Hyunjin wouldn’t have picked up even if he had seen the calls.

As mad as your brother still was, when he came back from his room with your keys in hand, he extended them to Changbin with no hesitation.

“You should go”, he spat out. Bitter but resigned.

“What?”, Changbin and Minho say it together.

“Just go”, Hyunjin shoves the keys on Changbin’s chest, pushing him back slightly, even if he lacked the pure strength of the older one.

Changbin took a single second to look between his three friends, mixed emotions on their faces.

They all knew what it meant for Changbin, in pre-rut, to go find you while you were in heat. It was dangerous in many different levels. And still. Still his friends trusted him enough, trusted the relationship.

Changbin drove in a haze, faster than safety allowed it, thinking of you and only you.

“It almost killed me to find you on the floor”, he says, hugging you closer, “I think my heart actually stopped for a second”.

You push out soothing pheromones on purpose, the sweetness of your heat still clinging to you. And you allow yourself a minute to just be held by him, taking in the facts of his story.

Fact 1 - Changbin was your mate. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

Fact 2 - Your friends had, somehow, all been okay with sending him over, knowing what it could mean.

Fact 3 - Your brother, although very dumb most of the time, seemed to finally take his head out of his own ass about the whole situation.

Fact 4 - You had really great people in your life.

And after a little bit, you pick up your phone again to text your twin back.

you we still need to sit down and have a chat but i love you

His reply comes not even a minute later, as if he’d been waiting for your all this time.

hyunjin i am really sorry

you i forgive you but you should really work on your anger issues

hyunjin felix said the same

you good.

He doesn’t reply and you could leave it at that. But then that wouldn’t be much fun, would it? So you take a look at Changbin, kisses his cheek, makes him pay attention to the screen of your phone while you type out the next messages.

you oh there’s something else

hyunjin what?

you changbin and I are mated

And just as Hyunjin’s incoming call pops up, you decline it and set your phone on do not disturb.

You look up to Changbin, toothy smile and cheeks flushed pink. Because you’re a bit of a coward for telling your brother like that, but also because it’s funny and you both know it. Because Changbin knows you, better than anyone.

When he kisses your smile, you melt into him.

What an amazing rest of your life this would be.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

It takes a couple more days before you’re ready to face the world again. You enjoyed the rest of your heat leave with no heat symptoms, ordering in with your mate and learning what that new connection mean.

Changbin was better at it from the get go. Whenever you felt any emotion a little stronger, he’d catch on straight away.

“It’s like a little pang on my heart, like it’s my emotion but not really?” is how he explained it to you. You had been lacking that same attuned awareness he seemed to possess. It took both of you a little bit to figure out that you were just moodier than him. Easier to read.

Changbin was steady. And he was happy, satisfied. Much like you were, which made it harder for you to figure out what feelings belonged to you and what belonged to him. You were only just starting to get it when it was time for you to face the real world again.

It’s the first time you’re back at the cafe with everyone.

Everyone is there, as you knew they would be. You could blame it on the time of the day, when you would all usually gravitate there unprompted. You could blame it on Hyunjin texting you to let you know everyone had made it already. But the truth was that you were all always at the cafe anyway, and everything ended up there.

“Yo, what the fuck?” Jisung points to your neck as soon as the bell rings, accusing your entrance.

So Hyunjin had not broke the news yet.

You turn to give everyone a better view.

You’re so proud of it.

The mark looks clean, perfect. It gives you a little high whenever you look at it in the mirror. You pinned your hair back on purpose, so everyone could see it too.

Hyunjin snorts from where he’s sitting at the chair, the only one not craning his neck to see your brand new mating bite.

“I can’t believe you mated him before even bringing him home”, he’s loud, he wants Changbin to hear it well too, part teasing and part testing, “Mom will be furious, I’ll definitely be the favorite now”

You clan your throat, puts in the same tone as him, add a little cockiness to it, “my mate is a successful, handsome man who owns both his apartment and a thriving business, do you really think she’ll get mad at that?”

Changbin smiles proudly beside you, lets a small and teasing hehe escape his lips, before giving your hand a little squeeze and moving to the counter - to annoy Minho as much as to order something for the two of you.

You assume the two empty sits at the table were waiting for you, so you take one for yourself and scoots the other chair closer to you, so when Changbin comes back his thighs can stay glued to yours. You refuse to think of yourself as clingy, you have just been mated, this is completely normal behavior.

“Did you really mate the guy you’ve been hooking up with for like, two months?” Seungmin asks, serious enough to fool most people, but not you. Your friend was truly happy for you.

“When you know, you know”, you bat your eyelashes dreamily, because you know it will annoy him. He rolls his eyes and you drop the act before continuing, “besides, we’ve been friends for years.”

“She’s not wrong”, Jisung says from his own seat, but his eyes are glued on the counter, on the other omega getting all of your drinks ready.

Changbin comes back with your coffee, leaning down to put it in front of you. You take the chance to drop a quick kiss on his cheek.

“Thanks, baby”

Seungmin and Jeongin make barfing sounds across from you.

Hyunjin gives them both a slap behind their heads, “that’s my sister, shut up”

“Did you switch sides now?” Chan asks, amused and fond in equal measures. You notice he didn’t have his computer out with him this time and, for once, he was just taking in your little group of strays.

Changbin’s hand moves to rest on your leg when he makes himself comfortable beside you, giving you a quick squeeze above the knee. You smile at him, you’re just. So. Happy.

Hyunjin makes a barfing sound.

“That’s more like it”, Chan adds.

“It’s different when I do it”, your brother tries to defend himself, scowling at you and your mate for a second. You hold in his eye contact and the staring competition goes on for a little longer than acceptable but, finally, he rolls his eyes and looks away. You love winning.

Felix, sensing the atmosphere, comes to your aid, “so are you doing anything to celebrate your mating?”

You and Changbin look at each other for a second. Days of conversation swirling your mind at once.

First thing would be to tell your families. You’re pretty sure everyone will be chill about it, even if they had no idea you were even actually together to begin with. Apparently, Changbin had mentioned something about you to his parents and sister the last time he went home smelling a bit too much like you to be able to write it off as just a friendly scenting. Your dad knew you were seeing someone, even if he didn’t know who. And your mom? Well, she’d definitely be a little disappointed in being the last to know, but you knew your parents also had a quick engagement before mating - you and Hyunjin’s birth date not really matching what they said was their mating date, not that your brother ever figured out that math. So she would not really be mad at you over the haste decision.

And then you wanted to take a quick vacation somewhere, probably. Nothing fancy, just a little getaway once you had finished your degree in a couple of months. Maybe a little cottage up in the mountains for a week.

“Yeah dude, I kinda wanted to talk to you about that”, Changbin’s voice pulls you from your thoughts.

He had directed the conversation towards your brother, the entire table falling silent to pay attention. A bunch of snoops, really.

Hyunjin tilts his head, listening. So Changbin goes on.

“I need you to move out”

Chan spills his drink. You hear Minho cackle somewhere behind you. Jeongin’s mouth hangs open.

“I… Should’ve seen that one coming…” Hyunjin doesn’t look surprised, and is a lot less angry than you expected, at least.

“Now you will know what it is like to pay rent like the rest of us, mere mortals”, Seungmin teases.

“Don’t you parents still cover your rent?” Jeongin turns to ask.

“Irrelevant to the point”, the omega crosses his arms, refusing to look at the maknae.

Hyunjin leans in closer, “do you maybe need a roomate?”

One thing for sure about your brother is that he is fast about figuring out what to do next.

“You can stay with me for a bit, Hyunjin-ah” Felix smiles kindly, genuine and not at all flirty for once and wait- is your brother blushing?

You decide not to tease him about it. Yet.

Changbin silently offers you a sip of his own drink. You take it and realize you like his better than yours. No words are needed for him to slide your own drink closer to him, making the switch. You giggle. Because it’s cute that he knows but it’s also weird that he now can tell even more about you just by the way you look at him.

“Oh my goddess will it go back to being like that?” Jeongin whines to Seungmin.

“Like what?” Changbin asks, taking a beat longer to take his eyes off of you and look at your friends.

“The giggles”, Chan clarifies.

You turn your neck towards him, indignation written all over your face - even if you know he’s right.

“I had forgotten about that”, Hyunjin lets his head hang back, Felix hand going to his shoulder to give him a squeeze. Supportive of him while not saying anything out loud.

“What are they talking about?” Changbin asks you, directly.

It’s Jisung who pipes in, “don’t tell me you never noticed it?”

“Noticed what?”

“When we all first started hanging out, she was a giggly mess whenever you did anything”

“You were?” his eyebrows shoot up when he looks at you.

You shrug your shoulders. No point denying it now.

“It was unbearable, I can’t believe you never noticed it”, it Seungmin’s turn. You kick him under the table and he yelps.

“It was not unbearable, it was cute”, Minho comes by, pats your head from above you and you look up at him, smiley again.

“So I made you giggle”, Changbin singsongs, as if he didn’t know that already.

The teasing goes on for longer than you anticipated, with everyone piping in with stories from the early days of your friend group, every embarrassing interaction from way back when.

“Why are you not defending yourself?” your brother asks, when you remain quiet throughout all of their poking.

“Why would I? I literally mated him, there’s no point denying I had a massive crush on him from the start”

Changbin looks at you, eyes sparkly, pouty in a cartoonish way, “you had a massive crush on me?”

“You know that already”, you nudge him with your leg, he squeezes your thigh back.

“I like to hear you say it”

“I had a gigantic”, you kiss his cheek, “enormous”, another kiss on the corner of his lips, “crush on you”, you peck his lips. And then you go back to leaning on your chair.

He has a big smile on, his scent flares sweeter. That little string that connects your heart to him pulls at you, clingy and bright.

Jisung, who had stood up a moment ago to help Minho carry back the empty glasses, comes back listening to the very end of your friends complaints at the PDA.

“It feels like she played the long game on you”

“My sister always gets what she wants, it’s how she manipulated our parents into liking her best”, your brother crosses his arms.

“Should I feel bad about that?” Changbin turns to the table first, before searching your own eyes, “Like, was I conned into a relationship?”

You play along, tapping his thigh back the same way he had been doing yours, “shhh babe, don’t use your brain too much, direct all that bloodflow to the muscles”

He flexes. You giggle.

“See? It was like that but all the time”, Jeongin points out.

“Ohhhh I kinda remember it now”, Changbin’s eyes widen, “you did like me from the very start.”

You shrug. It’s true, what else can you say?

“I have no idea how it took you guys so long to see it”, Jeongin directs it to the rest of the table, instead of at the two of you. Like this was a conversation they all had before, without you.

“Yeah, like you had them all figured out already”, Seungmin says.

“I had.”

“He had”, Chan piles on. You eye him suspiciously and he stiffens, as if feeling your gaze.

“What? And you never said anything?” Felix is still focused on Jeongin.

“Traitor” Hyunjin murmurs.

You cross your arms, turns your body towards the older alpha.

“Bang Chan?” you’re not actually angry, but you take pleasure in seeing him squirm.

“What?” he says, but he doesn’t make eye contact with you. Chan has always been a terrible liar.

“How are you so sure Jeongin knew about us?” you try and make your voice threatening. Changbin catches on.

“Ya, hyung!”

Chan throws his hands up, “I told you guys I wouldn’t lie about it! He asked!”

“I did ask”, Jeongin confirms.

You turn to the maknae, patting his head just like Minho did yours earlier, “I’m sure you did, you’re so smart”

Changbin nods along.

“That’s it?” Felix asks.

“Jeongin is her favorite, he can do no wrong”, Changbin adds, helpfully. You confirm it with a single nod of your own.

“Are you ready to go?” Jisung is back at the table, no longer wearing his cafe apron.

Chan picks up his backpack - so the computer had been there all along, after all. Changbin starts to stand up.

“See you later?” you hold onto his hand for a second longer. He squeezes you lightly, a yes, a promise.

“Love you”, Changbin says it quietly, aimed just at you.

“Ugh this will take some getting used to”, Seungmin says, but you know he can’t wait to be alone with you to gossip about everything that went down the past couple of weeks.

3Racha - that’s the name of their new producing project - leaves to go work on some more music. Their little getaway as an excuse to comfort Jisung ended up being fruitful in more ways then one, and Changbin had even convinced Chan to let you help them out down the line. So maybe all those fancy degrees of yours would not be for nothing.

“So…?” Minho spawns on the chair your mate had just left empty, making you jump, one hand holding onto your chest.

“Give us an estimate, how long did he last after the bite?” Felix leans in, eager to squeeze you out of every single little detail.

“And that’s my cue”, your brother stands up, dragging Jeongin with him, probably on their way to open up the gym, now that Changbin would spend less time there and more at the studio.

Felix follows Hyunjin with his eyes, sighs wistfully.

Minho pats his hand to get his attention, “you should make a move”

Felix stares at his hyung, blank expression pointedly letting everyone know that he had.

“A bigger move”, Seungmin adds.

“Hyunjin is quite dumb”, you offer.

The conversation moves onto everyone else’s love life, and you’re just glad to no longer be the center of the drama. At least for a little bit.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

> a/n | sooooo this was supposed to be the final chapter but it got too long so I had to split the final little bit for later, I hope you guys are finding as fun to read it as I had fun writing it!!

> taglist | @soumyeaig @i-bitch-you-bitch @leeknowsbigtoe @goatsareawesomesstuff @strawberristhings @cyrenescave @chasingxran @binsown @luneviia @honeym0chi

There are five days left of your holiday break when your heat subsides. Four, when you decide it is safe to go out again.

You had managed to convince Hyunjin to drive down without you. Miraculously, you also made him agree to not tell your parents anything about what had happened. They already worried enough about you as it was, no need to pile up anything else.

Of course that would come with a cost. Not now. Not while you still had worry and care on your side. But your twin was not one to let things go that easily, so you know you will have to talk about it eventually.

The group chat had also been updated about your return to civilisation. Word had gotten around, you’re sure about that, none of you could ever stay out of each other’s business for too long. But the chat itself had been unusually quiet these past few days - which only corroborated with your theory that they had a separate space to talk without you.

You shouldn’t feel uneasy about it. It’s not like the principle of it bothered you at all. You understood that a lot of them had been friends before you, and being the only constant girl in your tight knit group meant you understood that sometimes they just wanted to be boys.

But you also could not avoid the trigger that being chased brought up. You remember how alone you had felt after the first time it happened. The drifting apart from people that just didn’t get it. So you were feeling fragile, what about it? It wouldn’t stop you from texting them, from going out, from being their friend.

Even if they acted a little weird for a bit, a little out of character. You could handle it.

Hyunjin for sure would not have told them about what had happened before. Your brother was many things, but he would never betray your trust like that. Changbin wouldn’t either, you think, but given the recent events you were eager to talk to him about it.

Good thing you wouldn’t have to wait long for that.

Hyunjin had texted you the night before, when you told him you were done with your heat, that Changbin had offered to drive down with you if you were still feeling up for it.

You don’t question it too much. Your hometown was on the way to his and, although you had assumed he would have taken the trip for the holiday earlier in the week, it was also easy to guess that being the owner of a gym and giving all your trusted employees days off at the same time probably left himself with little time off.

Seungmin was the one to finally gossip to you about what had happened. On a video call while you finish packing, your friend was using talking to you as an excuse to run away from his family for a bit. You appreciate how he skips over the whole ordeal, asking a quick you okay? before diving straight into everything that happened on the days you were locked away from everything.

“So then Chan hyung got really mad because apparently he won’t be able to get a refill on time”, your friend finishes his side of the whole thing, as the person who was hanging out with Chan when Jisung had to explain to the oldest why he had stolen the suppressants.

“I didn’t even know Chan took those”, you start, “but it makes sense, he is a control freak”

“You remember I also take them, right?” you don’t even need to look at the screen to know what face he is pulling, one eyebrow raised in defiance.

“Yeah, but when you do it it’s historical reparation”, you don’t even stop your mechanical folding of clothes, “it’s an omega taking matters into his own hands, having ownership over his body, not falling victim to what instincts expects of him”

“And when Chan does it he is a control freak”

“Now you get it,” you wink at him and see that he is fighting back a little grin too.

His expression changes, as if catching up with his thoughts after drifting too far.

“Why are you not asking me about Changbin hyung?”

“What is there to ask? I was in heat, he’s an alpha, I’m not surprised it triggered his rut”

“No, you don’t get it. Changbin has the steadiest cycle I have ever seen, it’s never this early”, he lowers his voice, probably avoiding the prying ears of his younger cousins.

“How would you even know that? Do you have his cycle memorised or something?”

“His scent is sickening, I need to know to stay away when his rut is near”

You somehow feel offended by the statement. What does he mean by Changbin’s scent being sickening? It is, objectively speaking, the best scent you had ever came across. Seungmin is probably just being Seungmin about it. You shake your head, getting back on track.

“Still, that’s how it works”

“If that’s how it works, have you ever triggered anyone else’s rut before?”

“Well, no”, you don’t need to give it much thought, you assume you would know if it had happened, “but still.”

“Nah, it is weird and if you’re not ready for this conversation that’s fine but don’t blame it on biology”, he is letting go of the subject for now, but not for good.

“It’s literally biology”, you insist.

“Yeah, sure honey, you look so pretty when you act dumb”

You roll your eyes. Sometimes you wish Felix was an omega instead of a beta, he’d be much easier to talk to about these things. You know you are not fooling Seungmin. You’re not even sure you’re fooling yourself. But blaming it on biology is a lot less scary than to consider what else it could mean.

A text notification comes through, obscuring part of Seungmin’s forehead on the screen.

changbin leaving now be there in 10

“Ok I have to go, Changbin’s on his way”, you interrupt whatever it is Seungmin has started to complain about. Truth be told, you stopped hearing it the minute the texts popped down.

Good thing he is used to it by now. He doesn’t act offended by the sudden stop to the conversation, your goodbyes are short but sweet enough to wish each other a nice rest of the break.

The time runs out just as you finish shoving clothes inside your backpack, with another text letting you know Changbin is downstairs.

You take deep breaths as you go down the elevator. You should apologize to him, right? Definitely thank him too, as well.

He’s waiting outside of his car, leaning back into it, arms folded in front of his chest. He has a dark shirt on, a cap pushing his hair down so it curls right above his eyebrows. His face is taken by a small smile as you approach, and he moves to open the trunk for you to place down your bag.

“You alright?” is the first thing he asks, and you smile back before nodding.

It’s not confident, but it’s honest.

He lets it slide.

He walks you to the passenger seat, opening the door for you. You can’t contain the giggle at the awkwardness of the moment. That’s not like him.

“Oh what a gentleman”, you tease.

He rolls his eyes but, as he walks over to his own seat, you can see that the corners of his lips betray him in a smile.

The first few minutes of the trip are filled with music discussions and a never ending back and forth over what the road trip soundtrack should be. Once you settle on a fair middle ground, picking some old songs you are both into, the shared space grows quiet, almost uncomfortably so.

You can tell Changbin wants to say something.

You wonder if he’s feeling awkward about the whole situation too.

So you clean your throat to catch his attention, his eyes sneaking away from the road to look at you for an instant.

“Need some water?” he’s already moving to reach for the bottle between the seats.

You stop him, one hand resting on top of his, frozen mid movement.

“No Changbin, listen”, you start.

He keeps his hand still. You’re probably holding him too tightly so you let go. His palm hovers for half a second before he brings it back to the steering wheel. He waits, you don’t know where to start but now it’s too late to go back.

“I wanted to thank you”, your voice is small, you decide facing the road too is better than facing him, “I didn’t mean to bring you guys trouble but I’m glad you were there”

He is quiet, considering your words.

“I was worried about you”, he admits. At least it sounds like an admission, he keeps his voice down, throat raspy.

You don’t know how to reply to that, so you stick to your inicial plan, “and I also wanted to apologize”

This time his reply comes quick and sounds indignant.

“What for?”

“Well, last week”, you still can bring yourself to look at him.

“Why are you apologising for that?” he sounds genuinely confused, “it is literally not your fault.”

“No, not that, the other thing”, you feel your cheeks starting to warm, but you’re confident he also has his eyes on the road, “I know it’s just biology but still, I’m sorry I triggered your rut.”

“You didn’t”, it comes out like a bite.

“I didn’t?” so it’s your turn to sound confused.

“I suppressed it.”

“You suppressed it.”

“Are you a parrot?” he lets amusement bleed through the notes of his words.

“No, sorry”, you’re sure your entire face is red by now, “I mean, I know, Seungmin told me.”

“Of course he did”, you see him shaking his head on the corner of your vision.

You give him a moment to continue, but he doesn’t. You are still curious, though.

“I thought you didn’t do suppressants”

“I don’t”

“Then…?”

“I don’t know, it was just bad timing”

“So I did trigger it”

He goes quiet again.

“Changbin?” you finally look at him, trying to understand the shift in his posture. His shoulders are suddenly tense, the veins on his arms more apparent due to how he’s gripping the wheel.

“Yeah, I guess”, he nods only once, slow and defeated.

“So can you accept my apology?”

He nods once more, curtly.

“Thank you, was that so hard?” you try to keep your voice light, dust off the last bits of awkwardness. That’s not how it usually is between the two of you.

The silence grows roots anyway. You can’t think of a way to break it again, so you focus on the road, ears turning to the soft music coming out of the radio. There are barely any cars around, you don’t really know where you are. Changbin probably took an alternative route, you knew he appreciated the scenic views of a long drive.

“It’s not just biology”, he pulls you back from your thoughts.

“What?”

“It’s not just biology”

“I got it the first time, but what do you mean?”

“You triggered my rut”

“Yeah, we’ve been over that, I’m sorry” and you mean it. You don’t know why he’s going back to that but you don’t mind apologising a few more times if needed.

“It was not because of biology”, his knuckles are turning white, he’s gripping the wheel again.

You soften your voice, “of course it’s because of biology, Bin”

“Minho hyung never triggered my rut. Neither did Seungmin”.

“Ok, so?” cheeks burning again, you’re glad that you had put on the stronger blockers that morning, otherwise the scent of mango would be overpowering by now, “I was an omega openly in heat, it’s not the same”

“I’ve been around Seungmin when he’s in heat”, and that’s news to you but you don’t allow your mind to latch onto that for too long.

“So what are you saying?”, your voice is small now.

You don’t mean to, but the conversation went on for longer than you anticipated. Even if you were comfortable with each other, having discussed similar things before, it was still a bit embarrassing - specially considering the dramatics of recent events.

“I’m saying you triggered my rut”, he takes a deep breath in, adjusts his hands on the steering wheel, “because I like you”

Your breath hitches.

You’re quiet.

Too quiet.

Changbin sneaks a glance over but he can’t keep his eyes from the road for too long.

“Please say something?” he pleads.

“Sorry I’m processing”, it’s closer to a mumble than to proper words.

He nods along, “you’re processing”

“You like me”, you are laser focused on his hands, still gripping.

“I like you.”

“Stop that”, you finally look at his face.

“Stop liking you?” he frowns.

“No, the parroting”, please don’t stop liking me.

“Sorry”, his ears turn red. His shoulders relax, if only just slightly.

“So…?” you want him to say more, you need him to say more.

“Yeah”, it sounds almost defeated, like he’s been pushing against something heavy for a long while and finally realised his strength alone is not enough this time.

“You like me”, you push. Because you can. Because you need a little more time to process. Because your stomach is tied in knots already.

“A lot, yeah”, it’s such an easy confirmation coming from him, no longer defeated. Resigned. Like accepting his fate.

“Since when?”

“I don’t know”, he’s lying, he has a tell.

“You don’t know”, so you push, again.

“Since the papers”, you have no idea what he’s talking about and the lack of a quick reply for once gives you away. “That time I drove Felix to drop off your papers? You kept his hoodie for your heat”

It triggers the memory. You bring your attention back to the road, you can’t concentrate if you keep looking at his face. That had happened a few months ago, it’s not like you kept thinking about it once you managed to hand in your assignment. You would never have guessed, he kept acting the same as always.

“Since then?” you’re still processing, trying to trace back to see if there were any signs.

“Yup, I got jealous”, your head snaps back towards him. He’s still frowning.

“You got jealous? I didn’t think you got jealous”

“I don’t”, you force your eyes away again.

Changbin had introduced people he was seeing to you and your friends before. Never something serious, but there were times when they lingered for a little bit. He never seemed like the jealous type though. The group had talks about it every now and then, funny enough the betas were usually the jealous ones, even if alphas had the fame of being possessive. Jeongin and Felix reacted like polar opposites to it, with the maknae growing cold while the other acted up, giving whoever was making him jealous a taste of their own medicine.

Your brother was the most clingy to whoever it was he was seeing, most of the time. Then Jisung, probably, even if it had been a while since he last brought someone to a hang out. Chan and Changbin would be on even grounds, for different reasons. Chan was too good of a guy - and too busy to waste time on jealousy. Changbin just didn’t seem to care that much, a quiet confidence that was honestly sexy.

You’ve gone quiet again, so he takes it as a sign to continue, like he needs to explain himself. Defend himself. He’s humorous but you can tell it means a lot to him that you know.

“It was the first time, sent me into a whole spiral, Chan hyung had to give me way too many pep talks about it”

Your brain latches onto the wrong thing, “Chan knew?”

“Not really, but he might have guessed,” Changbin pauses, considers if he should go on. Does it anyway, “I asked him if he liked you”

“What?” your mind goes back to the talk from a few weeks back.

His seem to do the same, “that was before you told me you were not into him, ok?”

Both of you allow the silence to settle that time. You still need a bit more.

“Does Chan like me?”

Changbin remains quiet, eyebrows creased. Did you say the wrong thing? He doesn’t give you enough time to rephrase it, though.

“He thinks you are annoying”

You give that thought a spin, see what it makes you feel. Did you like Chan? You had been spending a lot more time with him recently, growing to learn a lot more about why he acted like he did. But no, you didn’t like Chan, not like you liked Changbin. Oh.

“That checks out, I also think he’s annoying”, you say and sees Changbin visibly relax, “and did you talk to Felix?”

He glances at you again, confusion taking over.

“When you got jealous, did you talk to Felix about it?” you were probably asking the wrong questions, but this felt safer, this line of conversation kept you comfortably away from the elephant in the room.

“Not really,” he replies, considers if he should go on again but it’s not like there’s any point keeping something from you now, “I think he did have a crush on you, though, so I didn’t want to be an asshole about it”

And once more you take time to consider that. It’s a quicker dismissal than Chan’s. Felix flirts for sport, you don’t think he really likes anyone. And you knew he helped your brother through his ruts sometimes so that’s an immediate and strong no from your part.

“I didn’t take the hoodie because of Felix”, you feel like you owe him something back, he had been nothing but honest until now.

His attention flicks back to you again, quicker this time.

“So why?”

“I took the hoodie because it smelled like you”, you admit. You don’t dare to turn, don’t want to see how he reacts to that.

You had known that for a little while. Truth be told, probably longer than ‘a little’ while.

Changbin’s scent was always your favorite. At first you noted it down as it just being the alpha smell, rich and comforting. But that idea was discarded soon enough into your relationship. He was always friendly with you, even on that very beginning, amidst the awkwardness of being thrown into a group of new people. But then again, he was friendly to everyone.

Whenever he brought someone he was seeing to meet the group, it always seemed casual. He didn’t act as if he was looking for anything serious so you kind of assumed he would never be the type to pursue someone, to confess his feelings and all that. You, however, was a romantic at heart. You craved the attention and the commitment. So even though Changbin was your type to the very core, you never allowed yourself to think too deeply about it. Yes, you were attracted to him. He was probably your favorite person to talk to. You felt a pull towards him you couldn’t really explain.

And here he is, saying he likes you. Like a teenager confessing to his crush, but once again with that quiet confidence you so admire.

“I think I like you too”, you blurt out.

The car swerves but he’s quick to regain control.

“You do?” his pitch goes a little bit high.

“I do”, and you sound confident. You are confident. He deserves confidence on the matter.

“Ok”, you still can’t look at him, but the lack of words almost breaks your resolve.

“That’s it?”

“I didn’t expect you to say that”, that makes you look, he’s still relaxed.

“What was your plan, then? Confess your feelings just to be stuck in a car with me for hours after I rejected you?”

“Are you rejecting me?” a corner of his lips lift up.

“Clearly not”, you roll your eyes. You want more. Fuck his quiet confidence. Fuck the good blockers.

“Then it doesn’t matter what my plan was”

That’s annoying, so you voice it, “you’re annoying”

“And you like me”, his smile grows.

“Well you like me too so that’s on you”, what you say doesn’t even make sense, so you look away.

Cross your arms in front of your chest. Pouts. Why are you pouting? You feel like pouting. Changbin likes you and he’s being annoying about it. And you like him too but he’s still being annoying about it. It’s thrilling and confusing and if you don’t pout you’ll end up smiling so you force your face to remain frowned.

You turn the volume of the radio up. He allows half a song before reaching to turn it down again, you twist towards him, ready to protest, but he’s smiling too big. It disarms you.

“Since when do you like me?”

“I don’t know, dude”, you say before you give it much thought. Back to annoyed it is.

“I told you mine, now tell me yours”, it’s his turn to push.

“I don’t have a specific moment like that”

“Oh, c’mon, there must have been a turning point”

He allows you a beat of silence. You consider his question but comes up empty.

“I kinda always liked you”, is where you settle.

“Always?” his tone switches from playful to serious, you don’t let that intimidate you.

You nod your head yes, because you realize it is true.

When you first met Changbin you also met a lot of other people all at once. That had been after your brother was already renting the studio space, but before they moved in together. Hyunjin had literally known you all your life, so he knew you had a crush even before you admitted it to yourself. He had asked you to cool it from the get go, warning you against making any sort of move.

“Hyunjin told me I shouldn’t go for you”, you decide, instead of going into the details of how you became a giggly mess whenever Changbin talked to you back then. If he doesn’t remember, you won’t be the one to trigger his memory.

“What?”

“He thought it would ruin the friend group”, you add and Changbin can’t hide the disbelief.

You allow him a minute to process before continuing.

“Would we ruin the friend group?” and you feel a little pang on your stomach, different from the butterflies that have taken over. Maybe you’re actually anxious about that possibility.

“Did Hyunjin sleeping with Felix ruin the friend group?” he shoots back a question of his own.

“No…” you admit, at least not yet.

“Did Chan hyung hooking up with Jeongin ruin the friend group?”

“No”, you finish processing the information, “wait, what? When?”

“Not relevant” he rolls his eyes, but you can tell he finds it funny that you didn’t know.

“I can’t believe Jeongin didn’t tell me about it”, you whisper, more to yourself than to him.

“I only know because it happened at mine’s”

“Uh, what?” look! another tangent you can hop on to avoid the elephant in the room!

“Long story, focus on the now”, boo! good things never last for long.

You give him a pointed look, something that you hope he understands as a we will definitely gossip about this later, and not as a why won’t you let me deflect?

“Ok so our friends exchanged bodily fluids and it didn’t ruin the friend group.”

“Not the best way to put it”

“But would we ruin the friend group?” Because at the end of the day, that’s the real issue. Different people have different dynamics, it didn’t really matter whether your friends had or had not fucked each other. It matters what would happen when you do it. If you do it, you mean.

Changbin actually thinks about it and you’re grateful that he seems to pick up that his answer really matters to you.

“I don’t think so”, is what he decides on.

You let the confirmation settle.

“I don’t think we would either”

Might be wishful thinking, but you want it to be true enough to make an effort about it.

“Ok”, he says.

“Ok”, you say it back, out of habit by this point.

“So…”

“So I think you should pull over”

“What?” he looks at you for long enough to see that you mean it.

“Pull over.”

To his credit, he really does.

He drives maybe another five minutes before coming across a deactivated rest station where he could safely stop.

The sun is high in the sky but the place is covered in shadows. The trees that must’ve been kept at bay once, now take over. It casts shadows on the ground, covering your view of the road. If the highway had been empty, this place looks like a ghost town. You wait for Changbin to fully stop the car.

He looks at you, waiting for your next move.

You unbuckle you seatbelt and in one swift motion, so unlike you that you take a beat to feel proud over how smooth it was, you drag a leg over him. Use his shoulders as leverage to drag your entire body in between his chest and the steering wheel. He’s caught off guard but moves anyway, placing both hands on your waist to help you settle. Just like that, you’re straddling him.

“I’m going to kiss you now”, you say. Not a question, but you wait for him to confirm it anyway.

“Ok”, it’s barely a whisper, but that’s all you need.

First you take off his cap, discards it on the seat you left empty. Keeps one hand on his shoulder while the other ruffles his fringe. It’s a familiar touch, something you had done before many times, usually to try and get a reaction out of him. Sometimes just as an excuse to touch him, although you had never admitted it before.

You study his face. He’s completely unguarded. Looking at you with a mix of trust and wonder. So you lean in slowly, giving him time to pull back. He doesn’t. Changbin holds very still, not even breathing. The anticipation builds.

Your first touch to his lips is featherlike.

Touching, but barely.

The weight of his hands feel heavier on your waist. All the encouragement you need to press harder into him.

He moves first, a little push of his neck, but you’re the one to set the pace.

It’s tentative at first.

You ignore how your heart is hammering, how his hold on you feels tighter. You adjust the angle, slides your hands to the back of his neck, waving your fingers on his hair.

He responds to the first touch of your tongue, allowing you space to explore.

It is slow. It is careful. But it is certain.

There’s no coming back from this.

One of your hands move back to his shoulder, glazing over his covered scent gland on its way. You wish you could smell him. He shivers at the contact, a low hum escaping his throat.

Your body reacts, your chest pressing closer to his front, you grind down.

He holds you in place, stopping the movement. He forces his head back.

“We’re not doing this here”, he closes his eyes, as if looking at you would be enough to break his resolve.

“But-”

“No.” it’s final, his eyebrows draw together, you move your hand to smooth over it. He breaths out, “I’m not fucking you for the first time in the middle of nowhere on our way to your parent’s place”

You pout, even if he still has his eyes closed. You grind down again, the tiniest move but enough to pull out another rumble from his throat, something closer to a growl than a moan.

“You’re unbearable”, he rests his forehead against yours.

“But you like me”, you sound teasing but you are oh so happy.

“Yeah I do”, he opens his eyes, all the remnants of the frown gone.

He takes you in. Scans your entire face. You respond with a small smile, something unguarded too, just for him.

You kiss him again, gentler this time.

Forces yourself to keep your hips still, even if you really really want to grind on him. You feel like a teenager.

Your lips move to the corners of his mouth, his cheek, the curve of his jaw. He allows it, still keeping a tight grip on your waist, his hands like warm iron.

“Can I take this off?” you ask when you come across the border of his scent blocker, voice muffled, lips pressed against his skin.

You feel him nod and uses your teeth to rip the corner of the adhesive. At first you still get a little bit of the chemical note of the patch, but as you finish ripping it off you’re hit with the full magnitude of his smell.

It makes you melt. Even his grip on you is not enough to keep you from setting your hips down, feeling him through his pants. The extra contact combined with the way his presence takes over the car is enough to make you shiver.

He cranes his neck back, giving you more access, hand pressing you down harder. You’re connected, but he stops you from moving.

Your kisses turn into licking. Then into small bites. This time his growl is unmistakable, he makes no effort to stop it.

You have no time to react when he finally lets go of your waist, putting some space between you to find your own patch.

He rips it off unceremoniously, immediately latching onto the curve of your neck with open mouthed kisses.

When his teeth brush your skin, you reach your breaking point.

One of your hands start moving down his front, ready to undo his pants. He holds your wrist before you can make past his abs.

Changbin stops, resting his forehead on your shoulder.

“C’mon”, you whine. You never wanted someone as much as you want him.

“Not like this”, he breathes out and it sounds like he’s trying to convince himself as much as you.

You press your cheek on him, he circles your waist with his arms. Is somewhat a hug, something to keep you pressed close together, but not heated. It allows you to take control of your breathing again.

He taps your hip, a gentle sign for you to move.

You’re not happy about it, but you comply, reversing the move from earlier to sit on the passenger side again, pulling out his cap from under you as you do.

Changbin looks at you. Really looks at you.

You don’t know how to react so you place the cap back on his head, avoids looking down to his lap where you know you will find him hard. It would crack your resolve. Again.

He seems to have a similar train of thought as you, keeping his gaze solely on your face. He sighs before turning forward again, starting the car.

You’re not even an hour away from home now, starting to recognise the way once he goes back to the main road, taking the next exit.

At first you keep quiet because you’re cooling down. Then, you keep quiet because you are processing.

So that just happened.

The funny thing is that it’s not weird at all. You have just kissed your friend, someone you have known for literal years, someone who never crossed any lines with you, not even flirted that extensively when compared to some of the others you’re constantly with, and it doesn’t feel weird at all.

It just feels right.

Every traffic sign counting down the milage until your hometown marks another way your heart has settled. It doesn’t feel like any other hook up. It feels like certainty.

You can smell how content he is now that both of you had gotten rid of your blockers. His scent flares bright, comforting, at ease.

“You smell like me”, he says, just as you’re crossing the border of your town.

“Do you like that?” you turn to him, sees him smiling.

“More than you imagine”

You hum, acknowledging it.

Now that the silence was broken, you go back to casual conversation for a little bit. Changbin has visited before, his town is close enough to yours that he knows his way around fairly well. You still guide him through a different path, something to extend your time together, even if just by a little bit.

You point out places you used to frequent, tell little anecdotes about the trouble you and your brother would get into as kids.

Talking about him gives you pause.

“How should I explain this to Hyunjin?”

It catches him off guard, the change in cadence. You had been excited only a second before, the seriousness of the question doesn’t land.

“This what?” he asks, already turning into your neighbourhood.

You wave a hand between the two of you, “this”

Changbin shrugs, “however you like”

“He will not approve”

“He doesn’t need to approve”, the little crease on his forehead is back. You hate it.

“Bin”, you insist, “you’re his best friend, don’t you think we should think this through?”

“Do you think we should think this through?” he’s guarded again.

“Yes”, you say straight away, before catching on that his question had landed a little different than yours, meant something else than what you were thinking, “I mean, no”

He parks the car in front of your parent’s place. Unbuckles his seatbelt, turns as much towards you as the space allows it. Waits.

“I mean no I don’t think we should think about this” you wave your hand between the two of you again, “but I do think we need to figure it out before telling anyone”

That puts him at ease. The crease is gone, his expression softens.

“Then we take some time”, he says it so easily. You stare at him in disbelief.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“You don’t mind if we take a little bit to tell him? Or anyone else?”

“I don’t need anyone else to know, as long as you do”

He looks at you like you mean everything. You can see how his eyes travel across your features, taking you in. You do the same.

“Oh, I know”, there’s a hint of something on your voice that drags out a certain glint on his eyes in response.

“And what is it that you know?” he bites.

“That you like me soooooooo much”

He leans in, barely allowing you to finish your sentence. Steals another kiss.

“Yes I do”, he confirms, still pressed against your lips.

That’s it.

He will be the end of you.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

The few days at home go by in a daze of too much food, rehashing the same disagreements and laughing at jokes that only make sense if said amongst your family.

It’s familiar but also utterly foreign.

You outgrew all this.

It is wonderful knowing you’d always have a place to run back to, if needed. But even if your place at the city was much smaller, even if the food was not always as well seasoned, even if the comfort of a mother’s care was not so easily available, it was still yours, and you wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Both your mom and brother commented on you smelling so much like Changbin when you arrived, your mom going as far as to say it almost smelled like you were the one that lived with him, not Hyunjin.

Your father kept his peace and quiet. He was never one to comment on things like that, the classic stoic beta who didn’t pay that much attention to the scents of everyone around. But he was always good at picking up the little clues, so when he joins you outside after dinner on your last night home, you shouldn’t have been surprised about it.

“Hey, honey”, he sits beside you on the porch.

The old house had been an inheritance from his own parents, who died way too young, before you could meet them. It was small and cramped, specially now that you were all grown up. But it had a porch and a backyard, where you had spent many nights as a teen, specially through those lonely years, looking up at the moon for comfort.

“Hi dad”, you scoot a little to the side. He wraps an arm around you, you lean into it, resting your head on him.

“How’s everything at school?”

“Good, good”, you have stopped correcting him about calling it ‘school’ years ago.

You could have ten different PhDs and he’d still ask about what you had to eat on your snack break. It evolved from being annoying, to a little cringe, into being endearing.

The wonders of growing up.

“Are you all packed already?” you nod your head yes. Hyunjin was inside with your mom right that second, going over the pantry to see how much food he could sneak away with. You had stopped doing that a few years ago, so your packing process became easier.

You stay like that for a little bit. Up in the sky, the new moon smiles down at you.

Your father sighs into your hair, his light scent enveloping you.

“You know you can tell us anything, right?”

You nod yes again. Did Hyunjin say anything? You feel like your mom would’ve been the one to bring it up if he did. So you let him continue, gives him space to map out his words, like he did so many times with you growing up.

“Including if you’re seeing anyone”, and your breath hitches. You give yourself away. He chuckles, you feel how his chest moves with the repressed laugh.

“Please don’t tell mom”, your voice is small, “or Hyunjin”

“Your brother doesn’t know?” he sounds surprised and you push your body away, straightens your back. He keeps his hand placed on your back, moves it in a gentle up and down.

“It’s new”, is all that you give him.

It’s his turn to nod, understanding taking over his features.

And in that moment you want to tell him. You want him to know that it’s not just a crush, but that it started as one. You want to tell him about how it feels safe, comfortable.

It’s funny. Your dad had met Changbin before, many times. They got along well, your… boyfriend? Sure. Your boyfriend even stayed over a few times, like many of the others in your friend group. Changbin was the one to always laugh at your dad’s jokes, the first to offer his help over every small job around the house - even if he was honestly terrible at it. But then, once your father and brother found a way to gently push him away, he’d join you and your mother, giggling and gossiping like one of the girls.

He fit.

So perfectly you were a little disappointed at yourself for not seeing it sooner.

But you tell your dad none of that.

And when faced with your silence, he gives you a final squeeze on the back of your neck, the gentlest scruffing, helping you physically relax, and stands up.

“Don’t stay out too late, it will probably rain soon”

You look up at the night, clearer as ever. Looks back at him, one eyebrow raised in question. He just winks at you and goes back inside.

You pull your phone out of your pocket the moment you’re alone again.

you are you my boyfriend?

His reply comes not even a full minute later.

changbin do you want me to be your boyfriend?

Yes. Yes you do. But that’s probably a conversation worth having face to face.

you can you come by tomorrow?

changbin i’ll probably be back at around 5ish

You appreciate him not pushing. Appreciate that, right after you react to his last message with a little heart, he sends you a silly video on a different social media chat. Appreciates that he didn’t make you feel nervous, at least not the bad kind.

Only one more sleep and a few hours on the road with your twin to go.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

You’re waiting with your door open for the elevator to finally make it into your floor.

The thing is old and dodgy, spends as much time out of service as working on any regular month. You’re only on the third floor but the wait feels interminable.

You glance down your phone one more time, sees the minute change.

The elevator makes it.

He steps out and is right in front of you in three long strides.

Changbin stops. You bite your lip, considers playing it cool.

Decides against it.

Your arms are around him before you can measure your own strength. He catches you with a huff, embraces you back, holds you close to him.

The kiss is desperate at first. It was only a few days but it felt like longer. Even with the constant texting. Even if he occupied your every thought. You can’t get enough.

Changbin pulls back just enough to look at you, and there's something fierce in his expression now. Something possessive and protective and utterly focused on you.

“I missed you”, you mouth, no sound coming out.

He kisses you one more time, gentler.

“Me too”, and you’re already stepping back, dragging him in with you.

Changbin looks around your place as if seeing it for the first time.

He had been here before, but it was always short visits, usually doing a drop off or a pick up, being one of the few in your group with a car.

But he was probably never here for long enough to really look around.

It’s a small place. Old, very old. Way too cold during the rainy season, way too hot during the warmer months. You had been meaning to move out for a while, but your rent was stable and your landlord didn’t bother you too much, so you always ended up renewing the lease.

There was also the matter of the window. You didn’t have a proper balcony - and always wanted one. But the big window on your living room went almost all the way to the floor. You placed a rug and a sofa there, no TV. That’s where you spent most of your time, either working on your thesis or just lounging in the sun, as it hit the spot perfectly during the morning.

Whenever you thought about giving the place up, the window came to mind.

Changbin had never been over during the early hours of the day, but he walks all the way to the exact spot you like to stand at during the mornings, while drinking your coffee. It’s not much of a view, but at least there is not another building blocking your line of sight. So you can see the street, a little bit of the skyline. You’re too far away from anything interesting to try and find a landmark in the distance. Even if it’s closer to evening than dawn, you can picture him there while the first rays of day reach your home. It makes your heart do a little funny dance in your chest.

You give him a second before you join him.

“So, are you?” you ask, as if in the middle of a conversation.

He catches up straight away.

“If you’ll have me”

You nod, solemn, definite. Keeps a straight face for a second. Breaks it in a fit of giggles just in time for him to pull you into him again.

You kiss with his arms around your waist, yours around his neck.

You throw your weigh back, makes him step forward until you feel the back of your legs hit the sofa. You sit, dragging him down with you, unwilling to break the kiss. You have to, to allow him to sit, to breathe.

“Hi girlfriend”, his cheeks are flushed.

You adore him.

It takes you seconds to throw your leg over him, finding a position similar enough to your first make out session.

“Hi”, it’s quiet, soft, breathless. Your hair is lose, he brushes it behind your ear. Leans in again.

You’re in no rush as you kiss him, varying the pace, turning your head, placing your hands.

He does the same.

There’s no such thing as time, all that exists is him and you.

You had showered before he came over, didn’t bother with patches. It seemed like he didn’t either.

Your scents mixed together deliciously.

This time he lets you grind on him, hands still firmly on your waist, but not holding you in place. You have room to move.

While he is wearing jeans, all you have is a delicate pair of loose pants on, something you usually feel comfortable in while at home. Not really pyjamas, but close enough. Because of that, you feel everything of the rough material. At his first gasp you can’t hold back anymore, slowly bringing your hand down between you.

Again, he doesn’t stop you this time.

You just place it over his bulge, feels how hard he is but keeps your hand still.

Something like a whine escapes him between kisses.

You place your lips on his neck, just under his scent gland. Nibbles.

“My room?” you barely recognise your voice. It’s raspy, sensual.

His response comes as a movement, he stands up with an arm wrapped around you, bringing you with him. You yelp, but holds on, hiding another giggle on the curve of his neck, legs circling his waist.

The giggle turns into something closer to a moan as he walks.

Changbin has never been inside your room, there was an unspoken rule between alphas and omegas. Territory was still important.

He puts you down once in but doesn’t move any closer to your bed. It’s made, you changed the sheets once you got back.

Not at all in anticipation of what Changbin coming over could mean.

You don’t nest much outside of your heat. You still appreciate the space he gives you.

The walk over to your bed is slow. Maybe you swerve your hips a little more dramatically, urging him to look. You don’t sit, instead reaching a hand out to him. He intertwines his fingers to yours, lets you pull him closer. You push his shoulder, forces him down. Straddles him again.

His scent takes a turn, something much sweeter, gentler, appreciative.

This is trust.

You kiss again. And again. And again.

You’ll never tire of kissing him. His lips are already reddened, swollen. Yours are probably the same.

Changbin’s hand slides lower, past the curve of your back. At first is just to help guide you, but then he can’t resist giving it a tentative squeeze. Then another.

You hum into his lips, approval.

His finger’s reach lower, down your ass, and-

Oh.

You can feel the wetness there, slick soaking through the fabric of your flimsy pants. The realisation makes your face burn in equal parts embarrassment and arousal.

Changbin just smiles, moves his hands back up.

He slides his hands under your shirt, the touch of his fingertips giving you goosebumps.

You help him take off the piece of clothing. Although you didn’t bother much with your outerwear, you had chosen a nice pair of lingerie. Nothing too fancy, but not something you’d wear any other day either. The bra matches the panties, lace and ribbons decorating the cups. His hands reach for your boobs before his eyes do.

Changbin stops kissing you to look when he feels the details of the fabric.

You can see the moment he short-circuits, trying to wrap his head around the vision in front of him. It makes you blush. You move to kiss him again, anything to make him stop looking, but he’s faster and, just as eager as his hands were, his mouth approaches your chest.

He starts at your clavicles, gentle kisses that become harsher the closer he gets to the borders of your bra. His tongue gives the softer skin a tentative try, and your appreciative hum is all the permission he needs to move his hands up on your back, unclasping the piece to free you.

“I love this but it’s getting in the way”

You chuckle and allows the straps to slide down your arms.

You’re too naked now.

He’s not naked enough.

Changbin reads your mind and, in one fluid movement, takes off his own shirt and throws it somewhere behind you.

You hope he never finds it again.

It should be weird to see each other this naked. This close.

You have known each other for years and yes, you have been to the pool and the beach together before, with little clothing on. But not like this, never like this.

Not with his hands over your boobs, his fingers pinching your nipples. Not with the feel of his defined shoulders at your reach.

You try to slid down, to kneel in front of him. He stops you.

“No, let me”, he flips you over.

His mouth is tracking down your front in an instant. A trace of wet kisses marking your under boobs, your stomach, the hem of your pants. Changbin pulls them down without much ceremony, you wiggle to help him slide them past your knees, all the way down your ankles.

“You too”, you can barely recognise your voice. Raspy, sexy.

He unbuckles his pants while kneeling down between your legs, but makes no further movement to remove them. You’re about to complain again when he wraps a hand under your thigh, pulling you closer to him. He lowers himself so his chest is over yours, kisses you once.

“If we keep going, there’s no going back”, he whispers against your mouth.

You nod.

You know.

You don’t want to go back.

He slides down again, retracing the same spots, marking them again with wetter kisses.

When he reaches your underwear you’re not sure if you should feel ashamed over how wet it is. There’s nothing wrong with a little slick.

That’s not a little.

It only seems to encourage him further, his tongue darting out to give you a tentative lick, still over the fabric.

He hums in appreciation. Your scent takes over, sickening sweet.

You want him to live between your legs. You look down to see him focused. Eyes closed, his hair is disheveled. You can see the shape of his shoulders, a peak of his back. The sight alone is so sinful you start to feel that characteristic coil in your stomach, the build up of pleasure.

Hands growing restless, you touch his arms, his hands, his hair. Everywhere you can reach him. You pull on the strands, lightly, and he hums again in approval.

The first feel of his tongue agains bare skin makes your back arch.

“Don’t stop”, you don’t need to say it, your moans alone are enough for him to know the time to fasten the pace. Tongue flat. More pressure.

You’re in the brink of falling, the sensation almost too much.

And yet not enough.

“More”, your voice is so raspy you’re surprised he even understood you.

His tongue breaches your entrance first, to be quickly replaced by a finger.

A single digit, barely to the knuckle, but then he turns it and all you can see are stars.

The second finger follows fast, curving to find that spot again and again.

He stops his movements over your clit, kissing the inside of your thighs while keeping the motion of his hands going. You feel wetness dripping down, you can’t remember ever feeling this turned on over anyone else.

Your orgasm hits you out of nowhere, toes curling, mouth opening without a sound. His tongue finds you again once his fingers are out, and he licks you clean, gentle not to overstimulate you, helping you through the curve of pleasure and the come down.

You feel his body hovering over you, even with your eyes closed. The weigh is an unbelievable comfort, and you wrap your arms around him, his cheek resting on your chest. You kiss his forehead.

“I am ruined”, you say out loud, once you find your voice again.

Changbin chuckles, kisses your shoulder.

“Give me a second and we’ll keep going”, you run your hands over his back, feel the definition of the muscles.

“You don’t have to”, his voice is certain but you can feel the hardness of him against your thigh.

“Oh but I want to” you squeeze him closer to you.

It’s quiet for a second while you even out your breathing again.

“Do you have condoms?” he asks and you draw back to stare at him.

You probably should’ve thought of that but no, you don’t.

“Don’t you?” you don’t want to sound desperate but you don’t think you’re doing a good job.

He shakes his head no, bashful.

“I didn’t want to assume”

“Oh my goddess, why?”

“It’s not like you have condoms either!”

“I’m not the one with a dick!”

It shouldn’t sound so funny but it does. You laugh. He laughs too.

“Ok, I’m on birth control”, you say, once the giggles die out.

“…so am I” he admits, probably afraid to let his mind run towards where yours already is.

“I trust you”, you bring your hand to his face, making him look up at you.

“Ok”, he nods, kisses you again.

The absence of his warmth on top of you is missed immediately, but he takes mere seconds to remove the rest of his clothing and you make a mental note to ask for longer next time, so you could take him in.

When he lines himself between your legs again though, you forget all about it.

You feel his tip press to your entrance, a new wave of slick already tinkling down. You’ve never done this without the barrier of protection before. It takes a whole other level of trust you never thought you’d reach. But with Changbin it is easy, trusting comes as natural as taking a breath.

He pushes forward deliciously slow. You take him in bit by bit and hope to never forget the feeling.

He’s thick. His fingers not even coming close to preparing you fully. But you’re so wet the stretch just feels good.

Once you feel his pelvis hit yours, you finally allow the moan that’s been building on your chest to escape.

He’s not far behind you.

His movements are shallow at first, wanting to make sure you can take him.

You have never felt anything like it before.

He starts kissing your neck, you bite his ear, he shivers.

His hips buckle involuntarily and you gasp, the movement making him hit the spot inside you that makes you see stars. He catches that and keeps doing it on purpose.

You’re already sensitive so, as he picks up his pace, finally sliding in and out of you with more certainty, you claw at his back and bite his shoulders.

He growls.

It’s enough to push you over the edge, the sensation taking over you so strongly you black out for a second. When you come to it, he’s sliding out of you, giving himself a few more pumps with his hand before coming all over your belly.

Changbin is sweaty, his hairline dripping. You pull him closer anyway, to hell with the mess, you need him all over you if he’s no longer inside you.

“You could’ve come inside”, it’s the first thing you say and he groans on your neck, you feel it as much as you hear it.

“Don’t say shit like that”

“I mean it”

He groans again. You feel his cock twitch, a little more cum leaking out of it.

You chuckle, fond and a little drunk with power.

“Have you ever done this before?” he asks.

You shake your head no, bringing one of his hands to his hair, brushing it away from his face.

“Me neither”, he admits, “I think you ruined me”

“That’s my line”

You’re fully naked. Wet, sticky, sweaty. It should be weird, right? A part of you keeps saying that it should be weird. But it’s not. It’s just natural. His body is like an extension of the person, not something inherently sexual. As you both lay there, matching your breathing to one another, the nakedness of the moment feels more emotional than physical. It is intimate. It is yours.

And both of you are forever ruined.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

It’s downhill from there.

Well, uphill, actually, considering the facts.

Every chance you get, you’re making out.

In his car when he keeps offering you rides after departing from your other friends. So frequently now that people just assume you’ll ride with him. The roads that lead to your place are suddenly as familiar to him as the streets to his childhood home, a path taken so many times he could probably do it in his sleep.

At your apartment, whenever he drops you off.

He avoids sleeping over - it still hasn’t happened. You’re afraid of Hyunjin figuring something out if Changbin keeps taking so long to go back every time he offers you a ride.

Their apartment, for a similar reason, is mostly off limits.

That is, unless you keep it fast. A few stolen kisses at the door when you come over, a quick kneeling down at the restroom during movie night, shutting you up for a few minutes while keeping your mouth occupied. A squeeze of his ass when making more popcorn.

You also start spending a lot more time at the gym. At first you thought that would be the one thing to raise suspicions but, after Jeongin recounts to your group all the ways you’ve been beating his ass at boxing, no one really questions it as much. The maknae is a good sport about it, specially when your boyfriend keeps letting him off work early whenever you come over to train. What he doesn’t know is how Changbin drags you to one of the back room after you’re done making punches rain on Jeongin. How his boss bends you over his desk and murmurs about how sweet you are, how well you take him.

The sneaking around makes it more exciting.

It’s a whirlwind but no one seems to catch on. Changbin is friendly to everyone. You’re loud and flirty with everyone. Your dynamic is not that different from what it always was - you just kiss more when you’re alone together.

You’re more careful with your blockers, making sure to not accidentally give yourselves away by flaring sweet whenever Changbin is nearby, but then again, you always had a hard time controlling your pheromones anyway. Every now and then someone teases him about smelling too much like you or vice versa, but everything is easily explained.

That is, until Chan finds out.

It’s a complete accident, really.

Was it not for the fact that you were making out at his place.

At his studio.

Chan was supposed to be away all day. He knew you and Changbin were coming over, going as far as to say he had some left over pizza in the refrigerator if you got hungry while working. Because that’s what you were supposed to be doing. Working.

You were recording the instruments for a track Changbin came up with. He needed to finish writing the lyrics. It made sense that you were there together.

But then he looked so hot with his thick rimmed glasses and his fluffy hair, the sleeves of his shirt straining over the muscles of his arms. One second he was biting down the end of a pen and next thing you knew your mouth was on his neck, one of your hands inside his pants.

The studio is sound proof, of course, so there wasn’t any warning before the door was sliding open, Chan’s voice filling the air with curses as he took your state of disarray.

“What the fuck”, is loud at first, then it turns into disbelief, “what the fuck?”

You scramble away from Changbin, sitting on the couch by his side while he adjusts his pants, tries to conceal the bulge there.

“No way, what the fuck?” Chan keeps repeating from the door, neck growing red in a mixture of embarrassment and anger.

“In my defense, you fucked Jeongin on my bed”, Changbin is not half as shy about it as you, making full eye contact with the other alpha while sitting with his knees spread apart, one of his hands finding your leg and staying there.

You, however, can feel how warm your face is. Legs pressed together with your hands intertwined over them, posture so straight you could break your back in half. It’s worse than being caught by a parent.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Chan still sports that look of disbelief, unable to hold his gaze on a single place, going from you to your boyfriend and back to you.

“Well, this is payback. Karma, if you may”, Changbin is way too relaxed.

“That was different, Jeongin lives with his parents, it’s not as if I could just go to his place”, Chan defends himself and Changbin looks smug about it- oooooooh. This is diversion. Chan hates to be misunderstood.

You wonder how long Changbin kept that information safely stored, locked and loaded for a time like this.

“And you didn’t come here then, because…?” your boyfriend pushes, Chan focuses on him, forgets you’re there.

“The renovations, dude”

The famous renovations, when Chan realised that it would be cheaper to build his own studio than to keep renting out spaces. It made the control freak producer have to jump from couch to couch while the construction team was working. Drove half of your group insane while at it. The famous renovations took way longer than anticipated and he was constantly stressed about it back then.

He seems to catch on that he’s being distracted though, as he shakes his head and looks over your way again before returning to your boyfriend.

“What is your excuse?” it sounds accusing but you know him enough by now to see that he’s also amused about it.

“She looked cute”, Changbin shrugs. You relax.

You kiss your boyfriend’s cheek.

“Oh my goddess, that’s disgusting”, Chan groans, looking away from the pair of you, “how long has this been going on?”

“I don’t know, a few weeks?” you reply, innocent as an angel. You know exactly how long, though. It’s been thirty-four days. Not that Chan needs to know that.

“A few weeks?” his voice pitches high and that’s exactly why he does not need to know details.

“Yeah and no one knows”, Changbin adds.

“Are you sure about that?” Chan doesn’t seem convinced in the slightly.

“Pretty much, yeah”, Changbin shrugs again.

“Actually,” you start, both alphas turning to you, “my dad knows”

“What? Since when?” you may have forgotten to tell your boyfriend about it, though.

“Pretty much from the beginning”, you pat his thigh, a little ‘there, there’ touch, “we don’t need to talk about that now.”

“Ok,” Chan seems to be assessing the situation, taking in the smallest interaction to make his final decision, “I won’t tell anyone but I won’t lie if they ask.”

You consider that for a second, but Changbin replies first.

“That seems fair.”

You agree. And you are sure no one would ask anyway, you were being careful, all things considered.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

You are on your seventh outfit change when you decide enough is enough.

There’s a networking event happening for people in the industry. Your university was one of the sponsors so you managed to sneak yourself in. On paper it sounded really cool, a chance for small artists to meet potential managers, people interested in working behind the scenes on all sorts of fronts.

You had tried everything on your wardrobe that gave off a trusting vibe. Pants, skirts, dresses. It all looked wrong. It was time to ask the professionals for help.

you [2 photos attached] @ jeongin @ felix pls resident fashionistas help

hyunjin i’m also a fashionista

you yes but your opinion doesn’t matter

hyunjin why?????

You don’t reply. The first notification comes from Chan, fire reacting to both photos. Wow, so helpful.

Jisung is next, also adding fire reactions to both photos.

hyunjin stop fire reacting to my sister’s photos

The next text comes directly to you, in a private chat.

changbin are you trying to drive me insane?

You start typing your reply, something flirty and sexy, maybe you’ll even add one more photo just for him? But your train of thought is stopped with Jeongin finally replying on the group chat.

jeongin you look hot in both but the second one is 🔥🔥🔥🔥

you i don’t want to look hot i want to look professional

jisung i would hire you

felix i would too

minho you both think with your dicks so it doesn’t count @ you just add a shirt over the second one and you’re good

hyunjin don’t think with your dick about my sister

felix can i think with my dick about you?

And again, another text on a private chat.

changbin i’m respectfully thinking with my dick about you

That steals a little laugh from you, but you have to stop paying attention to your phone to finish getting ready if you want to get there on time. Minho’s suggestion proves useful and you find a safe option that makes you feel confident while also remaining professional. A little more formal and well fitted than you usually pull off, but casual enough to not completely leave you out of your comfort zone.

Your phone keeps buzzing and you peak the group chat every now and then while doing your make up, only to find that most of the boys just keep using you to rile up your brother. It’s funny and you wish you could help, maybe throw a couple flirty lines back to some of them only to see Hyunjin squirm, but then you get another private text. A name flashing you don’t usually get many messages from.

chan hey is this the event you’re going? [1 screenshot attached]

you that’s the one!

chan cool i’ll be there too

you really???

chan yeah need a ride?

you why are you being nice to me?

chan i’m just offering you a ride

you what do you want?

chan you’re so annoying

you i’ve been told

chan i’m kinda nervous

Oh, Chan, you think to yourself, your entire need to relentlessly tease him melting away.

you meet you at the cafe? i need a coffee before we go

chan i’ll be there in 30 and thank you

When you step into the cafe you have the outfit that the boys helped you choose but the shirt folded over your arm, it’s a bit too warm outside to put it on just yet. The top you have on had been your biggest issue before the shirt, it complimented your sleek skirt colorwise, and fit your body well. A little too well. Sleeveless and a little more low cut than usual. The shirt really was a genius move, something simple that gave off professional while also making your cleavage less of a focal point.

And, most importantly, it makes you feel good.

You’re going straight to the counter where Minho stands behind the register when you hear a high pitched whistle.

When you turn, reacting to the sound, Jisung is coming over with a couple of empty mugs on his hand. He points behind him at where Felix is sitting alongside your boyfriend. Felix still has two finger on the sides of his mouth, making it easy for you to assume he’s the culprit.

“I would definitely hire you”, the blonde says while Changbin just stares, mouth hanging slightly open.

Usually you’d have a quick reply for that, something snarky and flirty. But the way Changbin was looking at you? It had you imagining just what he would do to you later that day. So you resort to turning back around to face the counter, cheeks burning. Minho smiles knowingly at you.

“Americano to go?”, he says in lieu of a hello.

“Please” you’re about to rub your face when you remember you actually made an effort with your make up today and don’t want to mess it up.

Hyunjin comes from the back, probably after a visit to the staff bathroom instead of using the customer’s one like a normal person. You wonder if Minho regrets ever allowing your group to do that. Your brother looks you from head to toll and rolls his eyes, moving past you to go sit with your other friends, but you never hear the sound of the chair scraping the floor, instead noticing the ding above the door, indicating someone walked in.

Chan still has his car keys in hand, wearing a black dress shirt instead of his usual oversized hoodie. He comes over to you straight away, placing a hand on your waist and giving it a light friendly squeeze. It tickles, so you yelp in surprise. That manages to get a little smile out of him and, again, if it was any other day you would take pleasure wiping it off his face, but for him to admit to you that he was nervous about how the day would go? He needed to have an out for that stress and you didn’t mind being the punching bag this time.

“Ready to go?” he asks.

“Just waiting for my coffee”, you start, but Hyunjin pipes in from behind you at the same time,

“What do you mean, ready to go?” he asks loud enough for all your friends to look up from their various activities.

“Chan is driving me”, you don’t think you need to explain it but Hyunjin sounds actually pissed off for once, instead of just playing it up as his usual funny dramatics.

“No he’s not”

“Yes he is”

“No he’s not.” he puts more emphasis on it.

“Yes he is”, you do too.

“Oh my god children, don’t fight” Jisung pipes in.

“Stay out of it, Han”, and your twin is so close to a growl it makes you take a step back.

You recover quickly, shifting your postures like you would when he started to grow taller than you during your teen years.

“What is wrong with you?” you lower your voice, there is a clear confrontation brewing.

“What is wrong with you?” he doesn’t bulge and you’re genuinely confused, to say the least.

He catches on that you’re not following.

“They’re my friends”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means they’re off limits”

The laughter spills out of you before you can think to stop it, real and bitter. Everyone is tense now, you’re not one to easily anger, at least not for real. But then neither is your sibling.

“Oh that’s rich coming from you”, you see that both Felix and Changbin have stood up, approaching carefully.

Hyunjin says your name like a warning.

“What?”

“I mean it”

“So do I, I will hang out with whoever I want Hyunjin, they’re my friends too”

“Oh fuck off no they’re not”

“Hey, hey, maybe let’s take a breather about this”, Chan interferes, a gentle hand extending to be placed on Hyunjin’s chest, but your brother sweats it away.

“No dude, I told all of you not to mess with my sister so many times”, you haven’t seen him this frustrated since your teenage years.

It only makes you angrier.

What are you? Sixteen again? Needing your brother’s protection to walk out of the house? That’s not fair to you at all, after all you have done to overcome the years of self isolation.

“Hyunjin I am my own person, I can fuck whoever I want”, and that’s playing low but you no longer care.

“But not my friends!” he’s almost screaming.

“I won’t have this conversation with you right now”, you take a hold of Chan’s forearm and tugs it gently.

He follows without any complaints, but not before giving Minho a look you can’t quite read.

You sneak a glance at Changbin as well, but you can’t place the feeling taking over his face either.

Maybe you’re just seeing everything a little red tinted right now, makes it hard to understand the world around you clearly.

You get a text as soon as Chan starts driving.

changbin u okay?

you yea idk what the fuck was that

He doesn’t reply anymore but you don’t think much about it, instead turning up the volume on the radio so you don’t have to make conversation with Chan. As much as your older friend was always busy, and had little energy to engage with most of your silly dramas, he always had time to meddle when something serious happened. You did not want to think about the argument with Hyunjin as something serious, even though you knew it looked that way. Your brother just needs to get his head out of his own ass - and everyone else needs to mind their own business.

The rest of the evening plays out smoothly. You get yourself a few contacts and get to witness Chan’s rare charming side as well.

When he approaches you at the end of the night, with a drink in hand, his neck and ears slightly blushed from the alcohol intake, you’re less frazzled. You were not drinking - having agreed to take the car back for Chan so he could ease his own nerves. But after the many hours engaging in conversation with all sorts of artists and industry people, you half forgot about your twin’s outburst.

“So, Hyunjin”

“Don’t.”

“Are you going to tell him about Changbin?”

“After all that?”

“It will just get worse if you take longer to say anything”

You exhale, defeated.

“Yeah, I know”

He takes another sip of his drink. You wish you could do the same. When you offered to be the sober driver you were planning on staying over at Changbin’s after, knowing your brother had something planned with Felix. The walk from Chan’s to your boyfriend’s was so minimal it didn’t even count. Now you were not so sure. You didn’t want to grab a taxi. You really really wanted a glass of wine. Instead, you reach for a passing tray and gets yourself another glass of water.

The waves of the crowd coming and going captures your attention, so you stay like that, side by side, just watching people be people for a while.

“What did he mean by ‘telling you all I was off limits’”, you make air quotes with your fingers.

It’s Chan’s turn to sigh in defeat, “he never said it seriously but yeah, seems like it was”

“He really warned you off?”

Your friend nods, “when he first brought you over, I think Felix asked if you were single, maybe I did too”

“Did you?” you turn to look at him, but he keeps his focus on the crowd. You study his side profile.

“I think Felix was genuinely just curious, but Hyunjin did not take it that way”

“What about you?” you push.

Chan is quiet.

“Don’t tell me you thought about hitting on me”, your smile grows, this will be a goldmine of teasing.

“That was before you opened you mouth for the first time”

“Chan! You thought I was hot!”

“For like a second” he rolls his eyes.

“Ohhhh you so had a crush on me!”

Chan laughs and you try to not be offended at the truthiness of it.

“You and Changbin really are a perfect pair”

“Are we?” and your voice sounds foreign even to yourself. Dreamlike. Hopeful. Losing all the teasing tone from before.

“Yeah, both of you are loud and annoying”

“You know what? I take pride in that”

He clinks his glass to yours.

By the time you reach his apartment, you feel much lighter. He tells you to park on the street - his parking space was horrible and you appreciate him remembering you hate having to squeeze a car in there. He was also probably worried about you scratching his big nice shiny black car.

“Are you still going over to Bin’s?”

“I should probably call him first, we haven’t really talked all night”, you pull out your phone while both of you get out of the car, walking towards the front of his building.

“What about Hyunjinie?”

You consider it.

There’s no longer anger clouding your mind.

“Wouldn’t it be funny if he found out about me and Changbin by hearing me moan through the walls?” and you actually consider it.

“That’s it, I’m ejecting myself from this conversation”, he turns away from you but only takes two steps before stopping. He takes a breath, lets his head hang back, a frustrated sigh leaving his lips.

“Chan?”

“I can’t just leave you alone on the street in the middle of the night”, it almost sounds like he’s saying more to himself than to you.

It makes you chuckle but you don’t want to push his patience, finding your boyfriends contact on your phone.

He picks up on the second ring.

“Want the bad news or the good news first?”

“Well lucky me, I didn’t even know there were news to begin with”

“I’m full of surprises”

“Okay, good news then”

“You can come over”, he almost sings it and you giggle in response. Chan makes a face of disgust.

“And the bad news?”

“Hyunjin’s in rut”

Oh.

That would explain a lot, you think to yourself. Your next thought is ‘he didn’t even text me about it?’ It’s an unspoken thing between the two of you. His cycle is not as messed up as yours but it’s still inconsistent enough to make it hard to keep track. Ever since moving out of your parent’s house, you were each other’s emergency contact. Even when Hyunjin had someone to help him with his rut, which was most of the time, he’d still let you know what was going on.

“Did he go to Felix?” your voice must give away that the news shook you a little bit, Chan losing his nonchalant mask and raising an eyebrow in concern.

“Yup”

“Is he okay?”

“Well it took like three of us to hold him back once you left with Channie hyung but after that he just buried his face in Felix’s neck and did everything he was told”

“Good boy”, that makes Changbin snort and you relax, at last. If he’s laughing it means everything will fall into place. “So I just dropped Chan”

“I’ll come meet you down, is he still with you?”

You look at your friend, crossed armed and still questioning with his gaze, “against his will but yes”

While you wait for your boyfriend, you relay the information you were given. Chan is equal parts bothered that no had had told him about it sooner and glad to know the rest of your friends could manage it without him.

It takes Changbin exactly four minutes to arrive in front of Chan’s apartment.

You get on your tippy toes to meet your lips to him on a quick peck, his arms circle you waist immediately.

“People would think you haven’t seen each other in weeks”, Chan says, teasing again.

“It felt like it”, you poke your tongue out towards him, childish.

“Thanks for waiting with her, man” Changbin gives Chan a friendly punch on the arm.

The older massages the place he was hit, “well, I am her friend too.”

It doesn’t escape you what was left unsaid.

You’re not one with an insecurity streak, some might even say you have a bit of an ego problem nowadays. But it still hurt for your brother to insinuate that this little group of people you cared so much about were not your friends as much as they were his. You might have started with just Seungmin, but you earned their love just as much as they gained yours.

You appreciate Chan voicing something to ease your nerves. Changbin helps further, by pushing out his scent, a steady flow of cinnamon and clover. You’re lucky.

The walk back to Changbin’s place happens with your hand in his. You kiss on the elevator. Barely make it to his room before you are already undressed to your bra.

“I’ve been thinking about this skirt all day”, he whispers in your ear, pressed against your back with hand firmly on your hips.

He places you on the bed. Well, throws you on the bed. You go down with a huff, looks at him appalled but he’s not even slightly embarrassed about it. You have very little time to react before his hands are pulling your shirt up, before he’s struggling to get the fabric over your chest, freeing your boobs.

He’s already hard. His lips crash to yours and one of your hands wanders down his abs towards the hem of his grey sweatpants. He separates from you to get rid of his white shirt, you hold a hand up, making him stand back so you can run your eyes over him.

You’ve never gotten the meaning of the expression ‘sex on legs’ until you looked at him. Chest heaving, pants hanging so low you could see the lines of his pelvis. Hair a mess, hands twitching, eager to touch.

From where you lay on the bed, holding yourself up by relying on your elbows, you can’t quite place where his eyes are stuck.

He puts one leg on the bed, knee between your thighs, forcing them open. You oblige, happily.

He’s usually gentle, keen on using words, scared of abusing his strength.

You’ve been brainstorming ways to break him for weeks.

All it took, apparently, was a business skirt.

The hem slid up when you spread your knees for him, but he helps you by bunching up more of the fabric on his fist, lifting until he can almost see your panties.

He’s too far away, you start the motion to sit, to bring him closer, but he pushes you back, gentle again.

“No baby, tonight you do as I say”

You gulp, this is new.

You nod.

“Use your words”

“Yeah. Yes. Ok.”

He looks down at your legs. Grabs one of your ankles and lifts it until it is resting on his shoulder.

“Arms up” you obey, hypnotised by the vision of sin in front of you, “good girl”

You start feeling the wetness between your legs. It will start to become uncomfortable soon.

“Do you trust me, baby?”

You nod.

“Words”

“Yes”

He slides a hand over your covered center. It makes you shiver, knees trying to lock back in - but he still has a stronghold on the leg you have up.

He starts drawing circles with his thumb. You wish he could unzip the skirt, the hem is starting to cave into your skin with the position you’re in. You forget all about it the second he stops touching you.

You whine.

“Patience”, he’s unlacing his pants, letting them drag on the floor. He had not been wearing boxers.

He is painfully hard, tip red and dripping. It makes your mouth water but he seems to have other plans.

“Now, deep breath for me” when he pulls you closer to the edge of the bed, adjusting your position, your eyes widen.

He lines himself to you and, as wet as you are, slick is not enough to prepare you for him.

“Shhh, trust me, I’ll make it feel good” he seems to read your thoughts, cooing as he massages the thigh propping you up.

He slides a pillow under your ass, giving you an angle. You’ve been keeping your arms up for him and, with the new position, you can feel the strain on your neck.

He lines himself again, keeps massaging your clit as he starts to put gentle pressure on your entrance.

You moan, mostly in pleasure.

“Good girl, I’ll do just the tip, okay?”

“Bin, I can’t” your voice is raspy.

“But I think you can” the pressure increases, he holds your other knee open, forcing you to arch your back.

When you feel him inside you, you free a noise you’ve never made before. Wild, animalistic.

“There she is,” he praises, hand going from your thigh to your waist, following the curve of your back.

He slides the rest of the way in slowly, thumb back on your clit, gentle kisses on your ankle. Maybe it’s his voice singing you praises but the discomfort turns into pure bliss and you melt under him.

When he stops, all the way in, he places a hand on your lower belly. The skirt is now rolled all the way up, still secured at your waist but no longer covering any of your lower parts. The panties he had slid out of the way and, was it not for the overwhelming feeling of him inside you, it would bother the way the piece of clothing was dragging in your skin.

As things were, however, all you could pay attention to was the slow drag of him, out of you just a little only to press in again.

He could see your tummy bulge out where he’s pressing inside you and the sight alone almost makes him come.

“Told you you could take it baby”, he caresses your skin, you shiver. “My pretty girl is so tight for me”

When he finally starts moving, it’s relentless.

You come first, something closer to a scream than to a moan ripping out of your throat. He doesn’t let you rest, keeps ramming into you, faster.

Your second orgasm starts to build up right after, “want to come on my dick again? C’mon baby, take what you need.”

No longer able to hold your hands above your head, you reach down to touch him, bending forward to the best of your ability. He allows it for a second before his hips buckle. He’s close. You never want this to end.

Changbin lets go of your leg, finding your clit again. Your peak is not as intense this time, but all your strength leave your body, going limp under him. He leans forward, increases his pace.

“My pretty omega, will fill up my pretty omega, make her round and full of me” he babbles, closer to your ear, sweet nothings mixed with wet kisses on your neck.

You’re completely folded under him, out of it.

“Do you like that baby? Want to smell like me for months? For everyone to know you’re mine?”

You shiver, reacting to the words. Something instinctual making you cross your legs around him, not letting him out like so many other times before.

He groans on the curve of your neck, his hips moving one more time before he spasms. You feel him deep inside you, so much it takes a second before it starts leaking out.

He stays inside you for a little bit, you’re almost scared he will pop a knot but he slides out easily enough.

Changbin drops his weigh on top of you, you wrap your arms around him on instinct.

“You okay?” you feel his breath on your neck.

“Are you okay?” you throw the question back to him, tired and amused.

He nods, nuzzling his nose on your hair while doing it.

“That was new”, you lightly scratch his back with your nails, feeling the goosebumps from on his skin.

“It’s this damn skirt”, his hands find your waist, where the fabric is still attached to your middle section.

You chuckle. Of course it was the skirts fault, and not his possessive streak acting up after a day spend with another alpha that was not him.

After a minute, he lets go of you, going to his bathroom and returning with a towel to clean yourselves up. You’re overly sensitive but seeing his release come out of you almost makes you want to go again. You don’t, though, content with receiving him in your arms, naked and spent, for a good night of sleep.

You’re tangled in a mess of blankets, absentmindedly tracing patterns on the skin of his forearms. Fingers lacing together only to untangle and explore each other’s skin. It’s no longer sexual, just gentle on the way you trace the veins under his skin, the way he places careful kisses to the back of your hand.

“So, how was the networking thingy?” he asks.

“It was okay, met some interesting people and a lot of wannabes, as usual, but it was fun, free food and all that”, it makes him chuckle. You had that in common, the appeal of free food could always get you.

“Sounds good, do you think you’ll get some clients from that?”

“Don’t know, I think I’ll probably just bully Chan until he allows me to work with him” you’ve been joking about that more and more lately, to the point where your friends are starting to catch on that it’s not really a joke for you.

Changbin, of course, knew that, “I can help”

You kiss him, softly and smiley, “I’m counting on that.”

It’s quiet now. The sounds of the city have died down, it must be the middle of the night already. Every now and then you’ll hear a distant siren, a car speeding past. But other than that most bars around downtown are already closed, most people fast asleep. It allows your mind to wonder, the up and down of your boyfriend’s chest starting to lull you into sleep. A thought makes you open your eyes again.

“Do you want to perform again?”

He doesn’t startle at your voice, although you know he’s probably close to slumber as well, the movement of his hand on your back is growing slow, lazy.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I like writing, I like producing. I haven’t been on stage much but I do think it’s fun, it’s just-” he sighs. “When I was building up the gym I couldn’t really give music that much attention, I was not a really good friend for Chan back then”

That’s the first you have ever heard of that.

“I don’t think he holds it against you”

“Oh he doesn’t, but that’s just because he’s too good of a guy with a superhero complex”

His chest pulses with a half laugh. You match it with your own. You would never have put it like that but it made sense.

“And anyway,” he goes on, “Chan has Jisung now, I think they’re more aligned to work with each other”

“Have you ever tried doing anything with them?”

“Like, a little?” you crane your neck to see his face, he keeps his gaze on the ceiling. “I hang out at the studio when they’re both there but I’m mostly just watching”

“You should give it a try, maybe with the three of you it wouldn’t feel like the work was not equal?” you suggest and he meets your eyes.

He kisses your forehead, you lean into the touch.

“I might do that”, he whispers.

It grows quiet again. You close your eyes. It’s so warm, it won’t take long for you to fall asleep at all. You inhale his scent, releases all the air in your lungs, snuggle in closer.

“Do you think I’m a terrible friend?” it’s his turn to break the silence.

Your eyes snap open, you turn to him again, “Changbin, no, what? Chan adores you, he really doesn’t-”

“No, to Hyunjin”

That gives you pause.

“Don’t go there”

“I mean, he was not wrong to warn us off, after all”

You push away from him, rest your weigh on your elbow so you’re able to turn your entire body towards him.

“And I am no one’s property to be warned off about” you can’t find it in you to soften the statement.

It doesn’t stop him from pulling you closer again. You let him.

“I know, I know baby, I’m sorry”, he kisses the top of your head, “I just didn’t expect him to act like that”

He’s pressing you so close to his chest your voice comes out a little mumbled, “Hyunjin was in pre rut, he will probably come out of it and apologize, it wouldn’t be the first time we told each other something awful because of hormones”

He seems to consider that, keeping his lips on the crowd of your head. You feel his breath move your hair before he speaks, “it got in my head a little bit, I think you were right to ask us to keep this quiet, we can maybe work him up to the idea a little bit more”

“We can do that,” you kiss the top of his chest, “or, you can fuck me really good when he’s back so he can hear me through the walls”

He laughs and wraps both arms around you, pulling you on top of him to kiss you a little more.

You don’t remember falling asleep.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

> a/n | me: oh I'm not good at writing smut! also me: what if I put in TWO smut scenes on the same chapter? Idk Changbin is driving me a bit mental lately. Also in my perfect abo universe, everyone has an alternative of birth control medication, no matter their gender.

> taglist | @soumyeaig @i-bitch-you-bitch @leeknowsbigtoe @goatsareawesomesstuff @strawberristhings @cyrenescave @chasingxran @binsown @luneviia

Hyunjin had been blabbering about it for a week already. It started out tame, a little comment here and there, a casual drop in conversation, the mention of an idea. It took him a couple of days to ask it straight away. Right now we had reached begging territory. Your personal favorite.

“Please please please it sounds perfect, I have the entire thing thought out”

“No”, you barely lift your lips from your coffee mug to say it.

“On the moon, literally what do I have to dooooooo?”

You can’t lie and say you are not enjoying it. It’s rare that you have such an upper hand against him. And you can tell it’s just as entertaining to your other friends, sitting at the table with you.

Jeongin leans closer to Seungmin, “I thought she didn’t mind people listening to her songs?”

“I don’t think she does, she’s just seeing how har he is willing to go”, your friend replies. Seungmin knows you too well. You have to refrain from smiling, overhearing them but keeping your eyes locked with your twin.

“Can you two shut up?” Hyunjin’s neck snap towards your friends anyway.

“Whoa, calm down flower boy, it’s not that serious”, you knew how much your brother disliked the nickname but, as if on cue, his scent flares up, the predominant whiff of roses hitting your nose alongside the burned leaves he usually sports when his mood has gone sour.

“Well you gigantic fruit salad”, he starts, giving you a taste of your own medicine, “can you just tell me what it would take?”

“It’s an orchard”, Changbin’s voice is small and he keeps scrolling on his phone, it’s like a thought that ran astray, not meant to be said out loud. Every single person at the table turns their attention to him. The quiet makes him look up, “what?”

Jeongin looks from Changbin to you and back, “an orchard?”

Changbin catches on, cheeks going slightly pink. He eyes you and your brother first before turning to your friends, “yeah, the Hwangs have like a grass smell? His is more flowery, like a garden. Hers is fruity, like an orchard.”

“Huh”, is all Seungmin says.

Hyunjin’s expression softens, probably thinking about the same thing as you. Your family all had fresh nature smells, yours was by far the sweetest. Your grandma used to say the same thing about the orchard smell, adding that it reminded her of her childhood on the countryside. But no one else in your closer circle ever reached that same conclusion. It made your heart do a little flip, something light and happy.

You’re afraid someone might say something and ruin the moment, so you turn your attention back to your twin.

“Hmm you know what, little brother?” you have a certain glint to your eyes.

All softness is erased from his face in a second. He squints at you.

“No”, Hyunjin’s entire demeanor changes.

“Well that’s fine by me”, you shrug your shoulders, takes another sip, starts to turn towards your other friends.

“You are SO annoying, dude”, he says, and that’s how you know you won.

A lifetime of actually being annoying thought you that it usually gets you places. That’s part of the reason why you keep it up. It is also very fun.

“Hmm?”, is all you give him, unbothered. You see Seungmin forcing down his own smile. He knows what’s coming too. It’s been a topic of conversation a few times amongst those the same age as you.

Hyunjin takes a deep breath, closes his eyes.

Even Chan looks away from his computer to watch.

You can see Jisung over your brother’s shoulder, leaning in at the counter, trying to hear it too.

“Please noona, can I use your song for the dance contest?” he spits it out. You consider denying it again, to make him repeat it, to say it once more but with a little more heart to it. But you also know your limits.

“Of course, baby brother, you should have asked sooner”, your voice is as sweet as you can make it.

“Wait so you’re the oldest?” Changbin is not phased by Hyunjin’s dramatics, your twin having dropped his forehead to rest at the table, gently but rhythmically pounding it against the wood of the surface.

“We don’t know”, you both say it at the same time. One of those weird twin synchronicities both of you hate but can’t escape.

“Mum never told us” Hyunjin mumbles, his face too closely pressed to the table for the words to come out right.

“But don’t I give off older sister vibes?” you smile triumphantly, trying to ignore Chan’s huff across from you, keeping your eyes locked to Changbin.

“They’ve been doing this for years, how have you never noticed it?” Jisung pipes in, coming closer to bring Hyunjin a sweet treat. A sweet treat your brother had not ordered. A clear show of favouritism. You’re about to point that out when Changbin’s reply distracts you.

“I think I only assumed Hyunjin was older”

“What?” you say at the same time as Hyunjin lifts his head, his smile almost splitting his face in half.

“I don’t know, you just give off ‘needs to be looked after’ vibes?” Changbin seems confused but you are genuinely irritated now.

Hyunjin is almost floating off of his seat.

“What the fuck, that is such a prejudiced mindset”, you know it’s not that deep, but old habits die hard and you had similar discussions all your life.

“What? Why?” Changbin seems genuinely confused. It does nothing to appraise your anger.

“I need looking after? That’s such an alpha thing to say, specially to an omega”

Jeongin and Seungmin start to act out eating popcorn out of imaginary bowls.

“That’s not what I mean!” Changbin starts to smell very gingerly all of a sudden. Chan gets a wrinkle on his nose, clearly sensing it too. You’ve been told that’s what Changbin smells like when he’s nervous, embarrassed, although you had never smelled it properly like that yourself. Good.

“Besides, you know that the person who munches off of you is him, right?” You point to your brother, who has joined the other two youngest boys in their popcorn-eating antics.

“Hey!” Hyunjin breaks the act to protest.

“He doesn’t munch off of me” Changbin tries to defend himself, but the tip of his ears are turning red. You didn’t mean to scold him but it didn’t feel wrong, exactly, to be doing it.

“He does”, Seungmin comes to your aid.

Hyunjin pauses, looks at his friend, relents. “…I do”.

“I, however, am my sole caretaker”, and you’re proud of that.

Your parents would not have had enough to help you through university, so you did it all yourself. You got multiple scholarships to help through your undergrad and was now almost done with your post-grad doing just the same. You lived at a cheap apartment far from everything, but you had furnished it entirely by yourself. The life you led was not one that would have been allowed even as soon as fifty years ago. It was something to brag about.

You open your mouth to say just that but are interrupted by an alarm going off. Seungmin quickly pulls out his phone to silence it.

He then takes out his backpack, fishes a pill bottle from inside and throws one of the little white circles down his throat before storing it away again.

“What is that?” Hyunjin asks. The whole table had watched the ritual in silence.

“Suppressants”, Minho replies, instead of Seungmin himself, having approached to signal Jisung he needed the younger back behind the counter.

“I didn’t know you took those?” Hyunjin is confused but not judgmental.

You knew. Those kinds of talks always came around when it was just the omegas together, eventually. You had always had an irregular cycle and, early into your friendship with Seungmin, he had asked you why you didn’t take heat suppressants to help every now and then.

As much as you appreciated his concern, you had a bad track with those, so you preferred to stay away. There was a phrase during your late teens when you were constantly on them. It didn’t do you any good, and it only rewarded you with a couple of trips to the hospital. Safe to say your body did not like that and you almost seriously injured yourself.

Seungmin’s cycles were shorter than yours and, for someone who took his routine so seriously, it made sense that he would take the suppressant route that many omegas did, to only get his heat every other month, like doctors considered healthy for someone your age. You sometimes got yours every month, sometimes went without one for three or four months. It would drive Seungmin insane.

“You shouldn’t take those too frequently”, Hyunjin pipes in. He witnessed it first hand what suppressing every single heat for a year could do. That alone kept him away from taking rut suppressants, even when it would really benefit him.

“As long as he’s being safe”, it’s your turn to come to your friend’s defense.

“I don’t know man, why would you even have to take those? They can really fuck you up” Changbin, apparently recovered from you earlier scolding, seems to think it’s safe to butt in again.

It isn’t.

“Well not every omega is lucky enough to only get their heats every once in a while, or not have them for months like her” he points at you and you try to not feel attacked, this is not about you.

“I get taking them every now and then but like-”

“At least I’m not stinking up the place all the time” Seungmin cuts Changbin off, almost snarling at the older man.

“I’m not stinking up the place” Changbin deflates immediately, tries to say it confidently but turns to Hyunjin next, leaning closer, lowering his voice, “am I stinking up the place?”

“No, baby, you’re fine” Hyunjin pats his friend’s thigh and you can’t hold back your snort.

“What?” Changbin’s head snaps to you, ears going red once more.

“Hyunjin is also always stinking up the place so how would he know?” Seungmin provides the answer, voicing your exact thoughts.

“No I’m not”

“Yes you are”, you confirm.

“You can’t even smell me that well, how would you know?” and he’s right.

Although you could read his moods depending on how his scent flared just like you could your own, biology and the whole growing-up-together made his smell a lot more muted for you.

“I have ears and Minho likes bitching about your dance practices”

“That doesn’t count!”

“You kinda overdo it with the territorial thing at the studio, mate” Chan is the one to add, joining the conversation briefly but standing up to head for the register, probably getting himself another drink.

“But that’s the one place I have to!” Hyunjin tries to defend himself, “Minho is an omega and Lix is treated as if he was one too, I’m just keeping it safe for them!”

“Safe for them?” you point over his shoulder, towards the counter, where Minho prepares a drink for Felix who had just came in, both chatting amicably with Chan, “those two over there?”

Hyunjin doesn’t even turn to look at them, “yes, why is that so hard to believe?”

“You mean to tell me that the boxer and the taekwondo black belt need your scent to feel safe?”

And it’s Hyunjin’s turn to visibly deflate.

Seungmin high fives you, childishly.

Jeongin looks between the two of you.

“You’re scary”, he says, eyeing the alphas beside him, suddenly very small on their own frames.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

When Minho is not at the cafe, he is at the gym.

He started going just to lift, maybe do some light cardio, more as a friendly gesture towards Changbin on those early days of the business than anything else. But then Changbin added the boxing ring and Minho started spending more time there after work. That was around the time you first met him, after your brother dragged you and your friends to the cafe, using you as proof that he was a chill cool alpha, when trying to convince Minho to join his dance team. The older later got roped into a dance competition with Felix and Hyunjin. You had the theory that he only did it to get closer to Jisung - who, at the time, was very antisocial and only really hung out with people he already knew, but again, you’d have to find the time to broach that conversation with one of them later.

No matter the details though, years later Minho would still come straight to the gym after closing the cafe, sometimes to box, sometimes to join the dancers. You, however, was never one to be at the gym. Therefore Minho, after hearing your whole ‘I don’t need protection’ speech a few weeks ago, was convinced that you could use with a personal defense class.

You don’t tell him that you’ve taken those before when you agree to come with.

It could be fun and you had been feeling a little anxious lately. A little exercise couldn’t hurt. So you meet him at the cafe, just in time to hear him instructing Jisung on what should be done before closing. You get his last pour of the day, gladly taking the americano as part of the bribe to walk across the street and into the gym with him.

“Ya hyung, you’re late” Changbin is saying, before he spots you besides Minho.

He says your name with confusion written all over his face.

You smile brightly back at him, lifts your takeaway coffee cup in a little cheer, “hi to you too!”

“What are you doing here?”

“Can’t I visit?”

Before he can reply, Jeongin walks in from the back room, “noona? You really made it?”

“Why is everyone surprised that I came?”

“I thought you were joking when you said you were coming by earlier”

You had a meeting with a professor earlier and bumped into Jeongin and Seungmin at the university. You mentioned to the younger that you’d see him again later and both of them joked about it, but you assumed they took you seriously after you kept confirming it over and over again.

Jeongin had his training attire on as well. Minho had been sparing with him lately and thought the maknae could use someone with less experience to practice with, hence you.

“We had a bet going on”, Felix chimes in from behind the front desk. You look at him quizzically and he continues, “we thought you didn’t even have workout clothes.”

You look down to check your own body. Running shoes? Check. A pair of sweatpants? Normal enough. Large T-Shirt you stole from your brother forever ago? Not specially fitness-guru appropriate but you had a gym top on underneath in case you got too warm while boxing as well. Seemed good enough for you.

So you do a twirl and finish it off with a little pose, popping out your hip.

Changbin is standing right in front of you and his eyes follow the line of your body. You half expect him to make a joke about you not having proper clothes to work out on but he locks his jaw and remains quiet, his adam’s apple moving as he forces down a gulp.

Minho nudges you, “stop playing around, let’s fight”

“You know just how to charm a girl”, you say back, but follow him nonetheless.

He makes you and Jeongin stretch and run in place to warm up for a bit, before taking your hand to wrap it up, preparing it for the gloves. He completes your right hand but then Jeongin calls him over to help, so you stay in place, holding the gloves and the tape on the corner of the mat, like an NPC whose turn to interact had not came yet.

You feel a light tap on your leg and look down to see Changbin leaning in on the ropes.

“Need help with that?”

You wordlessly lift the rope to help him step up and in, handing him the tape so he can finish wrapping your other hand for you.

He’s focused on getting it right but you can tell he doesn’t have much practice with it. You could help him but that would blow your cover way too soon. So you just keep your silent watch. It’s endearing, really, how much attention he’s giving to the menial task.

“Is that too tight?”

You shake your head no. Can’t help the small smile that escapes you, directed at the big men holding your hand who’s too scared of hurting you.

His patches have probably already worn out. It starts to smell warm, almost like a chai latte - your personal favorite. All of Changbin’s usual spices, but sweeter. If it was anyone else you’d probably warn him about it. But you knew it was almost closing time for the general public as well, your friends making for the majority of the people still around.

And you knew Changbin had a long day.

And he has such a nice smell, you couldn’t really imagine anyone complaining about it.

“Hey, you ready?” Minho calls you over from the center of the mat.

Changbin steps aside and moves out of the ring again, allowing you to join the other two at the center.

At first Minho goes over a couple basic moves. You control your strength, takes in his corrections, plays it dumb but takes it seriously. He’s a good teacher. Jeongin is also holding back, you can tell. But you think he’s none the wiser about how you’re mapping out his actions with precision because of that.

Minho finally allows you to spar without much guidance, and you can’t help but get a punch in when you see an opening.

Jeongin steps back with betrayal written all over his face. You know your eyes are sparkling with victory right back. You sneak a glance at Minho and he’s already watching you with his eyebrows raised. You don’t see Changbin but you can sense him behind you, too. His scent taking a turn to something you can’t quite place. You tilt your head facing Jeongin, faking innocence. Beginners luck, surely.

He scoffs and adjust his feet. You resume the game, keep going at each other. You go back to holding back and keeps your focus mostly at avoiding Jeongin’s punches. You smell your brother before you see him as well, his patches also having reached the end of their life after hours of sweating through them.

“What are they doing?” You hear his voice behind you, probably having joined Changbin in watching. You keep your focus on Jeongin.

“Boxing,” Changbin says, a distracted sound to the reply.

“Ok, but why?” Hyunjin insists, and Jeongin almost manages to sneak in a punch while your attention shifts to the conversation happening behind you.

“I don’t know, Minho hyung wanted your sister to be able to defend herself”, Changin’s reply comes with more words but keep that aloof characteristic to it. He has probably seen how you barely escaped Jeongin’s touch.

Hyunjin cackles and it almost allows for your attention to slip, but you lean out of Jeongin’s reach again just in time.

“Her!?” Your brothers voice is loud, he wants you to hear it. You feel your cheeks begin to heat up, your cover is about to be blown and you prepare for it, “she’s been boxing for years!”

No reason to hold back anymore, so you choose to square a lethal punch that breaks into Jeongin’s defenses.

“Ya, noona!” the younger boy spits as you turn back to your sibling, already starting to free your hands.

“Why can’t you ever let me have fun?” you throw one of the gloves at Hyunjin at the same time as he’s extending a water bottle to you, old routine, old habits. He used to come watch you practice often enough for the motion to feel natural.

“It’s not fair to them,” he points dramatically at what you can only assume are two very confused men behind you. Changbin is still leaning onto the ropes, staring up at you with his mouth hanging open.

“Yeah noona, what the fuck?” Jeongin sounds winded and you turn to see him also taking off his gloves and passing them on to Minho, who already has his own hands wrapped.

“My turn then”, the older lifts an eyebrow, challenging. A smile takes over your face. Now that would be much more fun.

“That hardly sounds fair either”, Changbin finally breaks his silence.

“Huh, I think I’ll be alright”, you shrug your shoulders, trading the water back for the gloves with Hyunjin, turning to wink at Changbin at the last second.

He blushes, but you’re already focused on the omega in front of you, posture locked in place.

Neither you nor Minho hold back this time. Both sneaking enough hits that you’re sure you’ll have a couple of bruises the next morning.

When he finally gives you a signal to stop, Hyunjin and Changbin are still where you last left them, joined by Jeongin, Felix and Chan.

“That was hot”, the oldest one says, earning himself an elbow to the side from your brother, “what?”

“He’s right”, Jeongin adds, and Hyunjin has to reach behind Changbin to slap the younger boy behind his head.

“Thats my sister, please shut up”

“I was talking about Minho hyung”, Jeongin replies, patting his head where Hyunjin had hit him.

“I was not”, Chan doubles down, with a rare glint of mischief on his eyes.

You blow him a kiss once you have your hands free. Again Changbin’s scent flares, a different smell you never got from him before.

“I recorded if you want to see it later”, Felix adds, directed at Chan but meant for you to hear. Or so you think.

“Don’t”, Minho says, approaching to hand you a water bottle.

“But hyung, Jisung would love to see it”, Felix puts on his best puppy face, the effect being enhanced by the fact that you were still standing above him on the ring.

Minho rolls his eyes but says nothing as he steps down. Felix and Chan exchange a look that communicates more than you are able to decipher. You start to follow Minho out of the ring when you see Changbin’s hand suddenly extended to you, helping you out.

“Thank you”, you murmur, not willing to admit your legs do feel wobbly after all that exercise. It’s been a while since you last practiced and Minho really was much better than you, you could admit as much.

“Same time next week?” your new boxing instructor calls from across the place, where he’s already following your brother and Felix up to the dance studio.

You nod and wave him goodbye, moving the other way behind Jeongin, with Changbin still by your side. He must have taken control of his scent, as you could barely smell him now, even standing much closer. You hate how much you immediately miss it.

“How are you getting home?” He asks quietly, just for you to hear.

“I’ll probably take the bus”, he reaches behind the counter where you had dropped your bag earlier, hands it to you.

“Want me to drive you?” he offers, already grabbing his keys and backpack too, “Jeongin can finish closing up”

“Hey!” the younger complains, but that’s as far as it goes when Changbin looks his way, a whole conversation happening within those looks. You hate being left out of it, again. Jeongin exhales, defeated, “okay, yeah, I can close”

“Than yeah, that’d be great”, you agree, shaking away the odd feeling. You try to dismiss your insecurities about the way you must smell. You probably had sweated through your scent patches too, and your hair is sticking to your forehead and to the back of your neck. There’s an uncomfortable feeling creeping up your spine that you can’t place. Maybe just your anxiety acting up again, so much for exercise helping you with it.

Changbin pulls something out of his backpack before handing it to you, “it will be cold out and you’re still warm, you should put this on”

It’s his hoodie.

You smile in appreciation and immediately puts it on.

The smell is overwhelming in the best way possible. You feel a lot calmer already, the anxiety melting away. You have to hold back a purr, what the fuck?

Trying to play it cool, you follow him to his car in silence but, just as you make yourself comfortable in the passenger seat, your stomach grumbles loudly.

“Oh my god, that’s embarrassing”, you say out loud, an arm crossing over your midsection, the other covering your eyes.

Changbin laughs. It’s not a mocking laugh though, its something different. Familiar, gentle, fond.

“I could eat”, is all he says.

“There’s this pizza place near my apartment that’s pretty good”, you offer back, appreciative of his indirect offer.

So you help guide the way, directing him through the weird twists and turns of your neighbourhood. The restaurant is not full, but you take a seat outside anyway. It’s starting to grow chilly so you keep his hoodie on. If you bring your nose closer to the collar every now and then to sniff it, is nobody’s business.

You have a pretty similar taste in food, is what you find out. You have eaten together before many times, but it was usually more of a group setting. It’s amazing how fast you decide on flavours to share - specially knowing Changbin was not much of a sharer himself.

And it never got awkward.

The two of you could talk for hours and not run out of things to say, which was nice. And you knew that already, of course, but you are glad to find out that it didn’t only hold up when you were all hanging out at the cafe or at a house party, with your other friends around you. It remained just the same when it was only you and him.

“So, how did you become so good at boxing?” he finally breaches the subject, moving from the previous topic seamlessly. You feel a slight awkwardness though, try to mask it as best as you could.

“Have you ever seen my brother? He has such a punchable face, I couldn’t help it”, you joke. Changbin laughs politely but waits for you to continue.

You force your shoulder to relax. This is not a story you like to share, part of the reason why only your brother knew about your early adulthood hyper fixation in fighting styles. When you said yes to boxing with Minho you thought it would be something you could keep from the others. And truth be told, you missed the freedom, the release that fighting allowed you.

“It’s not that interesting of a story”, you start, and Changbin waves his hand, signalling for you to keep going, before picking up the final slice of pizza.

You look around. The restaurant was not particularly packed but there were still enough people around you to overhear.

“It’s not really light dinner conversation either”, you insist. You hope he drops it, but you also know him better than that.

“That’s alright, I could walk for a bit, I ate too much”, and once again, you appreciate the out he gives you, so you nod along.

He asks for the tab and insists on paying, “Minho hyung’s face when he realised you could actually fight was priceless, this is the least I can do.”

He then forfeits his car for the sake of waking you home.

It is a nice evening, the skies are clear and the moon is out, almost full. You can feel your omega happy while you look up at the bright orb during your stroll.

Changbin keeps his hands on his pockets but walks a little bit closer, his body warmth reaching you. Your hands also stay on your pockets but, every now and then, you allow your shoulder to brush his side.

He doesn’t push the subject but you can feel it hanging between you.

“So, the boxing”, you start.

He hums, letting you know he’s listening.

It’s been a while since you last told the story, so you try to not overthink as the words come to you.

“There was this accident, when I was younger”

You give yourself time, Changbin moves a little bit closer.

“I presented a bit late”, you start again, “everyone kinda thought I’d be an alpha like Hyunjin”

Changbin puffs out air in amusement, “I can see that”

“Yeah, he presented almost a whole year before me and when I finally did it, it was a surprise for everyone”, you allow the amusement to show on your voice.

Back then it had been really confusing, but now you could laugh at the expectations, the way everyone had tried to mask their shock when you shared the news of what the goddess had assigned you.

“When was that?”

“I was sixteen, almost seventeen”, you keep going, not giving your brain time to process before you move on, “it was our last year of school and I was having a little bit of trouble keeping up”

“You?” he exaggerates the ask, trying to keep the mood light, probably feeling the switch on your posture.

“Yeah, I know, shocker! I’m the brains and Hyunjin is the looks”, you roll your eyes but it’s in good humor, you don’t really mind the distinction, Changbin opens his mouth to protest but you don’t let him, “it’s fine, I’ve heard that all my life”

He closes his mouth but shakes his head in disagreement. You don’t want to decipher what that means so you move on.

“But you know I have really irregular heats, right?” you ask and he nods his acknowledgment, it was a pretty well known fact amongst your friend group, with you flaking on enough plans last minute for them to notice.

“Has it always been like that?”

“Pretty much, yeah”, you confirm and he nods in understanding, “but back then I couldn’t really tell when it was coming up, I still can’t, a lot of the times, but I got used to skipping pre-heat entirely and nowadays I’m better prepared for it, I can pick up on the signs faster”

You stop in place. Is it weird to be discussing this with an alpha? Even if society has moved to a point where omegas talking about their heats was no longer a big taboo, it was not really something discussed that straightforward. And here you are, sun already long set, out in the open with an alpha, talking about one of your biggest insecurities like it is nothing.

“You alright?” Changbin stops a couple steps ahead of you when he notices you’re not following.

“Is this weird?”

“What?”

“Us. Talking about this?”

He seems to think about it for an instant before lightly shrugging his shoulder, “I don’t think so”.

“Would you talk about your ruts like this?” You’re still not convinced.

“With you?” You nod your head yes, “probably, yeah”

That checks out. You feel comfortable with him, always had. You were glad to know it seemed to go both ways, so you resume your walking. There’s a little bit of extra trust placed there, it feels like a step forward between the friendship the two of you share.

“So there was this one time, right”, you continue as if you had never stopped, “I had to stay late to study because my heats had been making me miss a lot of classes and I couldn’t keep up that well”

He keeps his pace beside you, looking straight ahead instead of at you.

“I really wanted to go to university and so did Hyunjinnie. My parents had already said they could only afford to send one of us, so I was doing my best to try and get some sort of financial aid. I wanted to find a way so that we both could go. We both know Hyunjin never had the grades for a scholarship so I assumed I was our best shot. All of a sudden I present and like, six months in and my grades are already slipping. And! And! It’s my final year, yeah? So the worst possible timing for it to happen.”

Changbin suddenly places a hand on the small of your back, guiding you closer to him so you don’t step on a cracked piece of the sidewalk you didn’t even realize you were heading towards. His hand retreats immediately as you move past it. You have to swallow the urge to ask for the touch back.

“Thank you”, you murmur, shake your head, gets back to the story, “Hyunjin had left already, that day. My parents were still at work and there was some sort of strike going on, so no buses were running. I had been alone at the library for most of the afternoon so I couldn’t really tell anything was weird at first”

You laugh at yourself, thinking back to the day. How you barely had any appetite, how your brain had felt scattered even as you tried to stay focused on the books in front of you.

“It was the fucking librarian that said I should probably go home. She just came up to my table and said, loud and clear, ‘hey honey I think your heat is starting, can you get home safely?’” you do air quotes while remembering it, mimics the tone of her voice.

You had replayed that interaction many times over the years, always reaching the conclusion that it was that moment where something could’ve gone differently. If you had not felt so immediately embarrassed maybe you could’ve sensed the care on her voice, the gentle way she had approached you.

“And I felt so ashamed because I knew she was right, I don’t even know if I said anything back, I just packed my stuff and left as fast as possible. I think it was alright at first”, you pause, considering how to put it, “do you remember how patches used to be back then? And they were expeeeeeensive so I could never afford the really good ones. But I remember thinking it should be alright, it was just a few blocks and the street was mostly empty anyway.”

You can tell Changbin is growing tense, he has stopped controlling his scent a while ago, and you could smell it becoming more and more sour after every word you said. So you decide to cut to the chase, it felt like you were dragging both of you along at that point.

“Nothing really bad happened”, you start and he finally turns to look at you, he does not believe it, not really.

You take a deep breath in, you never like remembering this part.

“There were these guys, you know, I think they were coming back from the park near my house, one of them was carrying a basketball, they must’ve been only a couple years older than me”

A whole group of alphas. Their smell reaching you even before they turned the street corner. You had to urge your feet to keep going because what would they do, anyway? It was the modern world, omegas should not feel unsafe just walking on the street anymore.

But you were a young omega in heat and, when met with bad people, instincts could easily take over.

It had started out with looks. You kept your head down towards the pavement, avoided eye contact. But then one called to you. At first you could ignore it, even as other voices joined him. But when the calls grew more specific, you looked up.

They were right in front of you. One reached to touch your face. You stepped back and noticed every little change of his expression.

Two of them exchanged a look behind the first one. To this day you could not decipher what it meant. A warning? An agreement? A question?

Even if your brain had trouble following, your body knew what to do. And you ran.

You were fast but not that fast. Adrenaline made you sprint at first, but you grew tired way too quickly. You could still smell them behind you, so you took the first turn into an alley and kept going. While jumping over a fence you felt the wire cut into the material of your pants. That’s when your own smell hit you, the pain making it hard for you to control the roll out of your own scent.

That only seemed to entice them more. They kept chasing you, the fence only slightly slowing them down. You reach the park near your house and just as your legs are threatening to give out, you see your brother.

Hyunjin is already running towards you, a mixture of fear and anger written all over his face, an expression you had never seen before, and witnessed very few times since.

The man chasing you slow down, but don’t fully stop. Hyunjin might have been an alpha, but he was a scrawny teenager just like yourself. Not far behind him, however, you recognised the ajumma that ran the grocery shop nearby. There were a few older woman with her, people you had seen around the neighbourhood before but never talked to.

Later you would learn that, in your dazed confusion, blinded by fear, you ran right past the grocery shop - and didn’t even think of coming in, of asking for help. The ajumma recognised you and called your place immediately, having the number from the recurring orders your mom placed with her. Pure dumb luck was the fact that your brother had been at home and picked up, leaving in a hurry. He had detected your scent straight away, so strong he had no trouble tracking you. The other women had been either at the store or nearby, and recognized the smell of a scared omega, coming along to see what was the trouble. And thank goodness for them.

The small crowd dispersed the men. One of the older woman had called the cops, you all had to give out statements. You remember your parents’ hushed voices those following days. How Hyunjin had been, loudly voicing his anger, his words carrying through the door and into your room, where you were locked in dealing with your heat. Because it’s not like it went away. Even after waiting at the police station, even after shaking on the back of your parent’s car.

You had never heard them so defeated. Nothing ever came out of the police search but a little bit of acquired trauma. Hyunjin would go on to never let you walk from school alone again, the habit bleeding into your first year of college. You were the one that had to finally put an end to it, well into your second year at the university you both coincidentally chose. Truth be told, you knew he followed you there.

You had studied hard, the anxiety about going out after the accident ended up helping you in that sense. Of course there were downsides. Most of your friends didn’t stick around, you started to depend on Hyunjin’s social life a lot. He had always been popular and pretty and fun. The rare times you went out, you were always with him. His friends saw you as his weird skittish sister, you knew as much. It took you years to find your sense of humor again.

But you did, eventually.

You went through therapy and picked up a couple of self defense classes, later going into boxing. That was encouraged by your parents, the only way you knew they’d feel okay with you living away. If that was not enough, though, you still had your twin.

When you got in, it took him only a couple of days to convince your mum and dad that the dance program your university offered was the best idea for him as well. Both of you lived at the dorms during that first year, separate quarters, based on your secondary genders, but still close enough.

You kept to yourself, most of the time, but could feel Hyunjin starting to grow tired of that once your first year had wrapped. He had thrived in uni. Well, not academically, that was more your realm. But socially? He was at every party, every event, every club. And he didn’t have as much time for you anymore. He never said anything, but you knew. You had the freakish twin powers, after all. He was tired of having to babysit you. Of having to drag you along.

So you decided you could look after yourself.

And you did.

It started right after summer.

There was a shared class with Seungmin, a professor that had slotted you two together for a project when you didn’t really know each other. The friendship seemed to have grown out of nowhere, you went from bickering and disagreeing to meeting up for breakfast before classes. It had been years since you last had a friend like him. Seungmin knew your brother already - who didn’t? They shared a friend you would later meet yourself, going on to share many post-grad classes with Jeongin years down the line. Seungmin also introduced you to Jisung, another anxious mess, and it was only when your brother took an immediate dislike to the other alpha that you decided enough was enough and that Hyunjin no longer needed to shadow you everywhere.

Little did you know that Hyunjin and Jisung would later become thick as thieves, but only after many years of you and Seungmin bringing Jisung along - partially only to mess with them.

“And thats it, the big villain origin story”, you say, trying to lighten the mood.

Changbin’s jaw is set and you can see him take a few breaths before finally turning to look at you.

“I’m sorry that happened”

You tap his arm a couple of times, lean in closer, “you have nothing to be sorry for, Bin, you weren’t there”

“Still.”

“And besides, because of that I stopped fighting with Hyunjin as much”, you take the liberty of lacing your arm through his, almost resting your head on his shoulder as both of you slow down the pace. You walk like that for a while.

“We’re almost at your place”, he says, quietly, almost scared to break the moment.

At least you think its a moment. Most of your friends don’t know any of that. You think Seungmin picked up on some of it over the years, but it was the first time you told the whole story out loud. It explained a lot about your dynamic with your sibling, about what your friend group meant to you, about why you were always deflecting with humor. You had many years without it, no point depraving yourself of it now. But it was still hard to talk about.

“Could you like”, you start, voice steady but with less of a bite than usual, “not tell anyone about this? It doesn’t really affect me too much nowadays but it ruins my whole badass persona.”

He side eyes you, a glint of humor back in his eyes.

“You have a badass persona?”

You draw back, unlacing your arm from his. He makes a movement to follow you, to maybe keep you where you were? But you’re not sure because, just as soon as the movement starts, it ceases. You pretend you don’t notice.

“Of course I have, why do you think Jisung is afraid of me?”

That drags a laugh out of him, “Jisung is not afraid of you”

“Yes he is, have you seen how he looks at me lately?”

“That’s not fear, that’s jealousy”

And the information surprises you, “what?”

“Yeah, notice how it only happens at the cafe.”

You think about it for a second. He’s right. Whenever the two of you hang out in there, he seems to avoid you, to make himself smaller. But that doesn’t really hold up anywhere else, in the few classes you share or at the studio - where you’ve been spending more and more time.

“Huh?” you fully stop on your tracks, “is it because of Minho?”

“Ding ding ding”, he says, mimicking sounding a bell with his hands as well, “we have a winner!”

“Oh my goddess, why?”

“I don’t know either, you’re clearly into Chan.”

That makes you stop again but this time you hold onto his shirt, making him stop with you, “what?”

“What?” it takes him half a second to notice you’re holding into him, dragging you along for another step before stopping.

“I’m not into Chan?” you say, holding eye contact.

Chan is cool and everything, but too burdened by the horrors of the world to be your type. You’re more into people that are steady, better at keeping things fun. Someone you can chat with and not feel like you’re being bothersome, who can distract you and keep your mind from spiralling even when you’re being sensitive or annoying or dramatic, someone like-

“You’re not?” He seems genuinely surprised, “but you’re always flirting with him”

“No I’m not”

“Yes you are”

“What makes you think that?”

“I don’t know, you’re always invading his personal space”

You look at the way the two of you are standing, your hand clinging into the fabric of his shirt, holding him as close to yourself as the position allows.

“Am I flirting with you?” you ask, genuinely, but the question makes you realize that yeah, maybe you are a little bit.

Changbin’s cheeks turn bright pink, “what, no, what?”

“I invade everyone’s personal space, that’s my whole thing when I get comfortable with people”, and you let go of his shirt, takes half a step back, “I didn’t know people were reading it differently”

Maybe you wanted Changbin to read it differently.

He grows quiet, you resume your walking, he follows.

“I’m not into Chan”, you say once more, as you reach the entrance to your building.

“I believe you”, he says.

But you’re not sure if he means it.

“Thank you for walking me home”, you’re about to open the door when his scent flares, making you think of what you’re still wearing, “oh yeah, I almost forgot…”

You start to take off his hoodie but he places a hand on your arm, stopping your movement midway.

“No, it’s alright, you can give it back to me later”

“Ok”, you won’t insist.

“Goodnight”, he says, voice unusually small for Changbin.

“Night, Bin”

The door closes behind you and you start missing his warmth immediately.

You bring the hem of the hoodie to your nose, it still smells like him.

After your shower, you put it back on. No one needs to know how you’re about to go to sleep wearing your friend’s scent. Something about the way his cinnamon clings to your skin, mixing perfectly with your fresh apples, reminds you of a time before life got in the way. It makes you feel like it could all be simple again.

Sleep is still avoiding you, and you take the time to think back on your entire night. It’s only then that you notice how the subject had shifted. How he went from bothered at your story to joking with you again, bantering back and forth, gossiping, distracting you. He always had a way with making you more comfortable then most.

He is always so kind, but so sturdy.

The memory of the weigh of his hand on your lower back makes your omega feel soothed, protected. You eventually fall asleep, thinking about the sound of his laugh.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

You had been feeling good the entire night up to that point.

It is the end of the semester - and the first time you properly got to dress up in what feels like forever. The university gala was at full force around you.

At first you laughed at the concept of attending. Some fancy event most of the faculty had to go to but despised, with some post-grad and PHD students being dragged along. You had always seen it as just a way for the university to show off their scholarship students - well, the successful ones. To parole them around so that investors could see where their money was going.

That was before you were one of those success cases.

At least you had Jeongin with you too, which made the night less unbearable. Even fun.

Free food, unlimited drinks and even a photobooth that was hired for the event. You could think of worst ways to spend an evening. So what if you had to entertain some old guy in a suit for a little bit, talk about your research, your aspirations, while they pretended to care? You were easily bought, all it took was the offer of a couple glasses of wine.

Jeongin had just stepped out of the photobooth, waiting with you as it finished printing your images. It was four shots, you had your faces pressed together, glasses in hand, pulling faces from goofy to serious. You hold the strip of photos for him to take a picture with his own phone to send it to the group chat, trying your best to avoid the reflection of the light, the tips of your manicured fingers unavoidably staying in frame.

felix  you look so gooooooood

jisung  i should try for a scholarship next semester

you  i think its too late for you buddy

jisung  ☹️

chan  have fun!

You were feeling light, a little buzzed from the alcohol. The night was still young, the party had started before sunset but it was only just picking up. The speeches had been closed, the drinks were flowing and you were happily laughing with one of your favorite people, both avoiding your own professors.

So that’s why it takes you way too long to realize what is happening.

There’s a waiter passing by Jeongin holding tiny snacks, you have barely eaten all day and, although you’re not hungry, you know you should put some food in you, drink some water - otherwise the next day would be hell. You reach to get the waiters attention, ends up getting a little too close to Jeongin. He smells vaguely citrusy, like lemons and oranges mixed together.

Next thing you know, you have your cheek pressed against his neck, eyes closed, drowning in his scent.

To his merit, he only rests a hand on your waist to help hold you in place, completely unfazed by how you are so openly scenting him.

“Sorry”, you murmur, finding your balance again.

“You good?” He keeps his voice down but his expression has changed into something filled with concern.

“It’s my damn heat coming out of nowhere again”, you were not good at noticing the very first signs but, had you not been drinking, you could probably have figured it out sooner.

Your last heat was a little over two months ago, so you should’ve been more in tune with it coming again soon. The rare times you kept a somehow regulated cycle, it would usually be on a sixty-days rotation.

“You should leave, right?” Jeongin was far from an expert, everything he knew about omegas he had picked up from your friends, but an omega openly in heat was far from ideal. That was basic common sense.

“Probably, yeah, if I don’t want to embarrass myself and lose this sponsorship”

“I can go with you”, his hand is still gently on your lower back, you appreciate how it helps ground you.

“No, no, they will notice if the two of us leave, you still have to make us poor smart people look good”

The joke doesn’t have the effect you hope, Jeongin frowns.

“Are you sure? I don’t like the idea of you leaving by yourself”

“I’ll take a taxi, it’ll be fine”, you squeeze his hand this time, bringing it away from your body but holding onto it, “I’d appreciate if you could, like…”

You don’t need to finish, he moves closer, steps into your orbit. Presses his own cheek to yours, rubs your necks together as discreetly as he can. People that didn’t know you would just assume you were dating, people that knew you would not find it weird at all, you were always smelling a bit like each other anyway.

Jeongin’s scent is comforting. It lands somewhere between your fruity one and Hyunjin’s fresh cut grass on an early spring day. It’s not as strong, or as sweet, with the maknae being a beta. But it gets the job done. It’s familiar, fraternal. You try not to cling to it too much.

It takes you longer than you would like to admit to get yourself under control. You gently push him back, he still doesn’t seem fully convinced about letting you go by yourself. There’s a staring contest in place before you realize it, a battle of wills. You win. You usually do. He breathes out.

“Please be safe?”

You nod, kisses his cheek goodbye.

“You know that I can defend myself”, and you punch him lightly on the belly, for good measure.

He lets go of you to massage the place your fist connected to him, exaggerating his reaction for your benefit. It works, makes you giggle. Jeongin has your back.

On your way out you avoid making eye contact with anyone you knew, trying to keep your head down. You don’t have much time before your scent starts giving you away, before it’s so strong not even the recent scenting would be enough to cover it up. You hear a colleague wish you goodbye, you wave back without slowing down or turning back. Someone else wishes you a good break. You don’t respond to that.

Because of course your heat would arrive right before the university break. You were looking forward to making the trip back home for the week. Now you would probably spend at least half of the days off stuck at your shitty apartment, while Hyunjin drives down for days of being pampered by your parents. And then, after having to deal with the hell that was another heat alone, you would have to take the bus home. Hours stuck with strangers right when you were at your most sensitive, just for the sake of being a filial daughter.

A nightmare.

But you had to keep your place as the favorite.

You only have to wait a couple of minutes for the taxi you called on the app to pull in. You slide in already confirming your address to the driver, not really bothering to look up as you are distracted drafting a message to your brother. You had just hit send on the text letting him know he’d have to drive by himself tomorrow when the smell hits you.

The man is not wearing blockers at all. His scent is so strong you physically recoil. It smells metallic, rusty, wrong. It feels like a punch to your senses, and it’s unmistakably alpha.

He seems to sense a shift, looking you over the rearview mirror. That look is all it takes to set off all your internal alarms.

You have to get out of this taxi.

But it’s already moving and the guy knows where you live. This is not good.

You look down to your lap again, unlocks your phone, swipes into the group chat.

you  where is everyone?

chan  studio

seungmin  home

jisung  hell

It all comes in quick succession. You sneak a glance to the man again, try to keep your breathing steady, control your scent. Your phone buzzes again.

jisung  i mean the cafe

Ok. That’s good. You can figure something out with that.

you  can you meet me at the door?

jisung  ughhhhh i’m closing up will you take too long?

Jisung probably thinks you want a free coffee. You should not have been taking advantage of that. There’s no time to clarify what you mean before your phone starts ringing. It’s Minho. You pick up, hating how you know what you should do immediately. Hating that you’re put in that situation at all. You make your voice saccharine sweet, pitch high.

“Hey baby!”

Minho says your name back, confused. You can imagine him pulling the phone away from his ear to check if he has the right person. It’s not like you could explain it. You hope he catches on.

“Yeah, I’m almost home, just got in the taxi”, you start, as if your friend had asked you a question. The driver looks through the rearview mirror again, you look away fast but try to play it cool, push the next words out as confidently as possible, “should I come over?”

Minho does catch on, voice as serious as you ever heard, “are you safe?”

“I don’t know, maybe?” you keep your tone light.

“Can you make it to the cafe?”

“Yeah, sure, it’s on my way home anyway”, you guard you expression and holds in your scent as much as possible when you direct your attention to the driver, “sorry, do you think you can drop me off at a different location?”

He does not look pleased, his scent sours, “I don’t know, miss”

“You don’t have to change the route, just drop me off a little earlier”, you play it naively, “I’ll pay for the full ride anyway”.

The driver gives you a short nod but keeps his face stone cold, starting to look at you through the rearview mirror at every turn. You pretend that you don’t notice.

“Is it the driver?” Minho’s voice drags your attention back.

“Yeah”, you reply as you would, tone slightly off, you recognise the trace of fear in your own voice. You recover, remembering that you must keep the facade up, relax your face, ”I should be there in five minutes, babe”

“Can you stay on the line with me?”

You know you are about to run out of battery. Jeongin and you really took a lot of pictures during the few hours at the event. You don’t want to say any of that out lout though, don’t want to risk having your phone turn off while you’re still inside the taxi.

“Love you too, see you in a bit”, and you hang up, still hearing Minho’s voice protesting on the other side.

The streets are already familiar, you’re close enough to the cafe to be able to get there by yourself already. Your heart starts to calm down.

“Was that your boyfriend, miss?” the driver asks.

You fake a smile and nods your head yes.

“Why was he not with you at the party?” he presses.

You look at the darkened screen of your phone. 2% left. You can make it.

It lights up again.

hyunjin  home, why?

And again.

changbin  just leaving the gym

jeongin  did you make it home noona?

You shouldn’t text back. Can’t risk your battery running out.

minho  she’s coming to the cafe something’s wrong

The texts keep coming. Your battery flashes 1%. You lock your phone and flips it on your lap. You should say something back to the driver. You look up to see him already staring at you.

“He had to work.”

He doesn’t seem phased by the late reply, “if I had an omega like you, I’d never let her out of my sight”

You keep your lips pressed together, as close to a smile as you can muster.

“Is that so?”, your voice is light.

You’re almost there.

“You could find a better alpha if you tried”, his scent grows stronger, he’s one push away from choking you to death with it.

You can’t take it anymore.

“Hey you can drop me off here”, you try to not sound panicked but is not sure if it worked.

The cafe is close enough. It’s dark out but some places are still open, even if there is not a lot of people outside. You can make it, Minho should be waiting for you, probably Jisung too.

The car slows down. He doesn’t seem pleased by your request, but pulls over anyway. You undo the seatbelt before the vehicle has fully stopped, reaching for your purse, fishing for your wallet. All as fast as you can while trying to remain natural.

You hand him enough to cover two times the trip, hoping it will distract him for long enough to allow you to step out. He seems to sense something is off. Instead of reaching for the money, he holds onto your wrist.

Hand open immediately, the bills fall to his lap and instincts kick in. Years of practice for moments like this, paying off. You turn your arm, a swift but forceful motion, setting yourself free. Your other hand is already pulling the door open, feet hitting the floor.

You force yourself to walk. Don’t run, don’t run, don’t run. Because that’s basic safety knowledge every omega learns early in life. You had learned it through experience. If you trigger their chase instinct, specially when you know your scent smells like it does now, you’re as good as gone. Don’t turn yourself into prey.

But then his smell reaches you, because he also stepped out of the car.

And suddenly you’re a teenager again, the ugly scar on your leg, long healed, aches as if it is brand new. Your scent flares rotten, like fruits that dropped to the floor and had been taken over by maggots. But it seems like he doesn’t care, because his scent turns stronger, a direct reaction.

You run against your better judgement.

The chase is immediate. Are you about to become a statistic? You are wearing a long dress and strappy heels, coming back from a gala, for fuck’s sake! It feels so unfair, you never even had a chance.

You can already see the police report. The line about how you were drunk. How you were in active heat at a public place. How you pretty much asked for it.

He’s close. But the cafe is right around the corner. One turn, two more blocks. You could make it.

His smell is overpowering you, it almost makes you slow down. You can hear him too, now. His breathing is steady, a raspiness to it. If he decides to voice that growl building up on his chest, you don’t know how your body would react. You know your omega feels cornered, but would she make you stop if commanded by an alpha?

Your legs are starting to tire, your stomach is starting to cramp. You’re about to give up and fight, before he can do anything else. Maybe the surprise element will give you an advantage. The basic forms are running through your mind when someone runs past you. You hear the moment their bodies collide, but doesn’t dare to stop and look back. A path of black pepper guides you forward.

When your eyes focus, Minho and Jisung are running towards you. Minho opens his arms and you thrown yourself on his chest. You’re shaking but he circles your form and holds tight.

Safe. safe. safe. safe.

He screams something but you can only tell because of how his chest vibrates. It feels like you’re drowning, already too far away from the surface to understand what’s above it.

“You’re okay, I got you”, he whispers right on your ear, not a trace of the anger. It feels like a hand reaching out to pull you out of the deep end, “can you walk?”

You nod faintly and tries to take a step, your knees almost give out.

“I’ll pick you up, okay?” He doesn’t wait for your reply, lifting you in one swift motion, one hand under your knees, another behind your back.

You hide your face on his neck. You’re scared and hurt and embarrassed, but Minho smells like caramel coffee and bourbon. It had aways been considered strong for an omega but to you it is comforting, familiar, safe.

He starts walking towards the cafe, you look over his shoulder in time to see a police car approaching. Both Jisung and Changbin are holding the man down. Changbin looks up at you for a second, as if feeling your eyes on him. You can’t hold his gaze, the concern it holds almost makes you gasp, so close to the surface but not there yet. You hide your face on Minho again.

He keeps a steady pace, you should be only a block away from the safety of his cafe. But, when you hear Jisung’s voice calling, Minho freezes. You look up to find that your goofy producer friend has a black eye. It breaks your heart and Minho’s entire posture shifts.

You want to tell him to put you down, you know he wants to tend to Jisung, but you’re selfish - and too scared that your legs won’t be able to hold you up still.

“Here, can I help?” it’s Changbin, stepping closer to Minho, arms already held out. Minho hesitates until you nod, and then he passes you over as if you weigh nothing.

The effect is immediate. You can finally breath. Minho’s arms had felt safe, but now it feels like nothing could ever touch you again.

Changbin doesn’t straight out react at all when you rub your cheek to the soft spot on his neck, needing to be rid of any smell remaining from the driver. But his scent flares. It’s all black peppers for a moment still, pure anger. But the cinnamon slowly creeps back in and, as you stay longer, it mixes with the overly sweet apples of your heat.

He turns his head so you can have more access and you hungrily takes it.

It smells like the late afternoon on the countryside. A cozy night in, disconnected from the world. A freshly baked apple pie at the end of the summer, when the cold breeze makes your body shiver after a day laying in the sun.

You make it to the cafe. You feel the vibration of Changbin’s throat as he explains to Minho what has happened, but you can barely focus on the words, too busy lost in the mental image you have created.

All you care about is that your safe, that his arms are holding you, that his smell is enveloping you.

You’re sure that if anyone were to look, your eyes would be flashing blue in that unique way they do when your omega is too close to the surface. It has happened before. She’s in distress still but biology is letting her take over and all she cares about is her alpha, to keep her alpha’s scent close to-. Not an alpha. Changbin. Changbin’s scent. Changbin, who’s your friend who just happens to be an alpha.

The bell over the door of the cafe chimes again, Hyunjin’s voice calls for you with a tone so unlike him it forces you away from the farm during nightfall, back to the real world.

Your cheeks are wet but you have no idea when you had started to cry.

Changbin tenses for a moment, as if caught between what his body and what his mind wants, but he puts you down, gently, just in time for your brother to reach you.

Hyunjin holds you closer than any time recent memory can recall. You feel his heart thrumming on his chest.

“I’m okay”, you don’t sound convincing, but he nods.

“You’re okay”, he says back. You nod.

None of you fully believe it.

You feel Minho’s presence behind you, he’s purposefully letting out calming pheromones and you are so grateful for it.

“Come, I’ll take you home”, his voice is gentle but commanding.

Hyunjin does not let go of you for a second, going as far as climbing into the backseat, leaving Minho in the front to drive alone. The older looks back at every red light to check on you. Your brother is the one to help with the directions to your place, besides yourself, he’s probably the only one that has the path fully memorised.

Your body feels too warm. You know you are about to hit a peak on your heat but your nervous system is too fried to care.

When you park in front of your building, Hyunjin stays in the car while Minho walks up with you.

You appreciate the silent care, another omega on your space has never been an issue. Your brother wouldn’t usually be a bother either, but this time around you would rather play it safe. You don’t need to say any of that, though, both man falling into their roles unprompted.

“Go to your room, I’ll make you some food so you can have that in hand”

You nod weekly and goes in.

When you look at your bed, it is already halfway there to a perfect nest. Maybe this time there were signs, after all, you were just too dumb to notice them. You don’t dwell on it, instead making your way directly to the shower. There are too many smells clinging to you and it’s slowly building up to a sensory nightmare.

As you start to undress, however, you catch another wave of Changbin on your dress, and think twice before putting it away with the rest of the laundry.

You ride the first wave of your heat in pain, more than anything else. Your body is trying to recover from the chock while also experiencing all types of early heat effects. So you curl on the floor of the shower, switches from the cold water helping with the burn of your skin, to warm water, helping alleviate the stabbing of the cramps.

When you finally make it onto the kitchen again, your phone has been plugged in to charge and Minho had left you enough food prepared for a few days. There’s a note stuck on your fridge, his small handwriting letting you know he’d be back on the next day to check on you.

And he does, but you don’t really see him, only noticing his presence after he is gone, when food is waiting for you at the counter and water had been left on the other side of your door.

You text him and the others in between waves, letting them know you are okay - even if you are far from it.

It’s a weird heat. You’re skittish, anxious, sad, mopey and mostly in pain for the better part of it. The cramps never give you a break. You use your toys but your brain is attached to the whole being chased thing, and the mixed messages confuse your omega. So you are never satisfied, but never really needy either. You just feel like something is missing, most of all.

By the end of it, you’re just glad it’s over and you can forget the whole thing.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

Once the door swings to a close after Minho and Hyunjin leave with you, Changbin feels like he is about to go insane.

He is so angry.

He had managed for a little bit there, when you were pressing your face to him so hard he thought for a second you might merge into him. Move in inside his chest. Live where he could always make sure you were alright.

You’re out of danger and Minho did the right thing by calling the cops before you even got there, they had seen what happened while it happened, so not a lot of explanation was required on their part - much less from yours.

Changbin kept thinking about how this time it should be different.

The driver had other offences under his name, he would definitely be behind bars for a little while and the cops said they’d be in touch if they needed any more information from anyone involved.

But it didn’t feel like enough.

Changbin had managed a couple of hits before they had the guy pinned down.

Jisung got the short end of the stick by having a lot of strength but zero coordination. At least the black eye got him pity points with Minho immediately.

But Changbin still feels the adrenaline coursing through him.

His alpha is like a trapped animal.

He smells like you. You scented him so thoroughly he can’t really move without getting a whiff of apples drenched in syrup.

Hyunjin and Minho are pack, his alpha has never seen either of them as threats. It still took him all of his willpower to let you go with them.

Why couldn’t you stay with him?

He would make sure you were safe.

He would cover you in his scent so no other alpha would ever dare to even look your way again.

He would -oh

He is about to go into rut.

It is at least a fortnight too early but the signs are all there.

“Dude, you okay?” Jisung asks and Changbin realises he had been quiet for too long. He unclenches his fists.

“I think I’m going into rut”

“What?” Jisung eyes widen.

“Do you know if Minho has suppressants over anywhere?”

“His won’t work on you”

Changbin knows Jisung is right, omega suppressants and alpha suppressants are very different. But he’s about to lose it, he is willing to try anything.

“Fuck my life”, Changbin starts pacing back and forth.

He didn’t want to go into rut, he couldn’t go into rut. What if you needed anything? He needs to be ready, to be available if you need him. If only he could go to your place, only to make sure-

Get a hold of yourself.

“Chan has suppressants”, Jisung blurts out.

It makes Changbin stops his aimless walking, “what?”

“He has them, I’ve seen him taking it before”, and Jisung is already moving towards the door.

Changbin tries to remain calm, work on his breathing. If he allows his body to overheat it will only speed up the process.

Chan lives nearby, closer than Changbin’s own place.

When Jisung makes it back, Changbin is halfway through becoming a monk with how deep he has been breathing.

“Here”, the younger hands over the prescription bottle.

Changbin does not bother trying to remember what his recommended dose is. He shakes what looks like enough onto his own hand and throws it back, swallowing without water.

It’s quiet but he can feel Jisung’s eyes on him.

“That was intense”, his friend breaks the silence.

Maybe it’s a placebo effect, but Changbin can already feel the pills starting to work, his mind becoming more grounded.

“Yeah…”

“Are you okay? What was that?”

“I don’t know, I think it was the scenting, it drove me over the edge”, Changbin can only guess.

“Minho hyung should not have passed her to you”, and Jisung looks regretful, as if he knows it only happened because he got hurt.

“No, I’m glad he did, I think it would drive me mad if he didn’t”, a truth he had known before.

He studies it in his mind. Even if you were not in heat, even if biology was not pulling him in, he would still feel the need to hold you, to make sure you were not hurt.

“You like her.” Jisung says it as a statement, not a question, so Changbin doesn’t feel like he needs to respond.

“Have they said anything?” Changbin doesn’t know where his phone is. He is pretty sure he left it at the gym, after calling Minho to understand what was going on once he read the texts that had been sent to the group chat. He sprinted over as soon as the call disconnected.

“Minho hyung told me they dropped her off, he’s just making her some food while Hyunjin waits in the car”

“Good, good”

The silence stretches.

“Do you feel better?” Jisung is not one to pry, their dynamic is usually one of banter, not heart to heart.

“Yeah”, he doesn’t want to elaborate.

“Have you ever taken those before?” Jisung points at the pill bottle.

Changbin nods his head yes but the younger man is waiting for more, so he continues, “when I was younger, I don’t get many side effects besides my next rut being absolutely miserable”

“Why did you take them now?”

Changbin considers lying but ends up giving up, it’s been a long day, he’s tired. Hiding his feelings is too much of a hassle right now and Jisung has already guessed close enough anyway, “in case she needs me, I want to be around”.

“Oh you really like her”

This time Changbin acknowledges it with a nod.

Jisung pats him on the shoulder and fishes his keys out of his pocket.

“Let’s go you big softie, I have to put these back in Chan’s studio before he notices it. Then we’ll get some food, my treat”

And it’s so unlike Jisung that Changbin just follows him out of the cafe on a daze, still wondering if you’ll really be alright.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

> a/n | This is the one actually angsty chapter of this fic, promise! Also, I'm having so much fun writing the bickering parts I sometimes lose track of how long the chapters turn out lol

> taglist | @soumyeaig @i-bitch-you-bitch @leeknowsbigtoe @goatsareawesomesstuff @strawberristhings @cyrenescave @chasingxran @binsown

Your heat was early.

Of course it was, you shouldn’t be surprised about it anymore but still. When even was the last time you got it when you were supposed to, anyway? It didn’t make it any less embarrassing when you had to run out of class at the first spike of your temperature, your mind catching up on what was going on quick enough, at least. You truly envied other omegas with their regular cycles. Couldn’t be you, thought! While every other omega you knew had two to three days of pre-heat to prepare, you had something like two to three hours on a good month.

Thank goodness your scent patches were still fresh, it had not even been two hours that you applied them, so you trusted that they would hold until you made it home. Even so, your eyes were still restless scanning your surroundings, better to be safe than sorry. You attention was torn between every person who came in or out and your phone, where your fingers were working overtime to type out a few e-mails to your professors, putting on your heat leave last minute as usual. The bus was almost at your destination while you send out the last of your messages, only to be remembered of a very crucial detail.

During your last heat, barely a month ago, you made a bargain with your hard-to-please music theory professor, saying that you would make up for an assignment you missed by having the next one worth double what it was supposed to. What that meant was half of your grade riding on it. That assignment. The one you had spent weeks working on, annotating tirelessly by hand during classes, when said professor forbid the use of computers. The one you were showing Jisung right before you had to leave abruptly. The one you had to send in finalized and revised in two days. The one you had left behind.

It was not all lost. You had digital copies of it, you were the smart twin after all. But that one had literally all your notes. It would be a nightmare to go through all that again, specially knowing you’d have to be doing it during your heat. And there was no way you were asking for an extension. You shouldn’t even be in that class, for fuck’s sake! It was supposed to be just an easy extra curricular to help you meet people interested in music that you could work with in the future. Damn you and your need to fulfil your childhood dreams!

you  please please please tell me you picked up my notes

jisung  i picked up your notes

you  can you bring them to me when you leave?

His lack of a reply should worry you but your stop is next and you’re eager to get home and hop on the shower, maybe some cold water will help with how you are starting to feel.

The tiny apartment greets you with a wave of stuffy air. It was too damn warm. The building is old and has poor ventilation, with half of your windows being stuck shut with no way to pry them open. The morning sunlight that hits your living room directly, and is usually very much welcomed, now feels like an utmost betrayal.

At least the water on your shower is cold, and you use your hands to scrub off the rest of the scent patches from your neck and wrists, freeing your overly ripe scent. Your usual sweet apples are now mixed with peach, all drenched in sugar. You won’t start cramping for a few hours, and the uncomfortable horny waves would start hitting right after, but for now you just feel your brain a little scattered. It’s becoming harder for you to keep your attention on a single thing, your skin starting to overheat. When you feel your hand unconsciously slide down the front of your body, you turn the water colder and shake your head, trying to clear your mind.

You still need to figure out the notes problem before your first wave hits, otherwise you would never get it done with. The time had slipped by you and when you finally step out of your bathroom to find your phone, you see that Jisung had finally replied.

jisung  i took your stuff to the cafe but i already left the guys were all still there tho i’m off to my parents for the weekend

A curse slips from your lips. You should’ve seen this one coming, everything always ends up at the cafe. You open the group chat.

you  who’s at the cafe?

In mere seconds you get a few reactions to your message. Seungmin, Changbin and, of course, Minho, thumbs up your question. Felix also adds a little raised hand emoji. You decide that Minho is your best chance.

you  can you bring me the notes Jisung left there?

minho  jisung decided to take a break on the busiest week of the year so no

you  pleaaaaaase I really need them

minho  no i’m busy

you  then why are you texting me?

minho  felix is keeping the clients busy

You knew that was code for ‘Felix is flirting with the clientele’. Fair enough, onto the next one.

you  hiiiiiii

seungmin  no

you  i didn’t even ask yet

seungmin  you know i was at the same class as you, right?

you  please min I’m running out of omegas to ask

seungmin  1- i have the same paper as you to hand in 2- just stop being stubborn and just ask for an extension 3- you live too far away

You know that’s another dead end. You consider texting Felix, but he’s much closer to your brother than to you, and to ask him a favor like this seems weird for your dynamic. Changbin, however, has a car - and you knew Jeongin was taking care of the gym during the afternoon, so he was probably free. You guess they were all probably communicating in real life because you don’t go any further than a inconspicuous “hi” before he’s saying no.

you  whyyyyyyy?

changbin  i’m literally an alpha this is a terrible idea.

you  please binnie you’re my last resort

changbin  no dude i’m serious

you  so am i i can’t fail this class

He takes a minute to reply, you grow restless. You know the first wave would hit any minute now, can already feel a slight ache on your back, the tiniest cramps taking root. Your mind focusing on that one word. Alpha, alpha, alpha. Maybe he was right.

changbin  i’ll ask felix to drop it off

you  yeah that works thank you

You’re not even sure you typed it right, hitting send before jumping straight into the comfort of your bed, already halfway to a nest. Fully naked and feeling as ready as possible to ride out the next few days with the company of your toys. Hopefully this heat won’t be too bad and you’ll have moments of clear headedness to work on your paper.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

Changbin is waiting for Felix to get back to his car.

The younger man was a bit offended that you didn’t ask him straight away. It also ticked Changbin as a little weird. He thought you were close to the dancer, specially considering how attached Felix always was to your brother. But people could say the same about him, considering he literally lived with Hyunjin, so you probably just texted whoever’s name came first on your contact list.

Felix was taking longer than he expected, though.

Changbin had offered to drive him. He had the afternoon off anyway and could tell that Minho was growing annoyed by their antics at the cafe. Usually their hyung didn’t mind that they hung out there, even if they were not really ordering anything. But it was unusually busy and, besides Seungmin, who had spent the last few hours with his nose stuck in a book, Felix and Changbin could become quite loud and were probably toying with their luck by remaining there while Minho was clearly overworked.

And he didn’t mind waiting in the car. Besides the obvious point of Felix being a beta - a much safer choice to go closer to an omega in heat than himself, Chan had also sent him some songs he had been working on and wanted Changbin’s opinion about. It was the perfect use of his time (and of his car’s sound system).

So his mind was far away, hands tapping the steering wheel to the beat of the music, when Felix opened the passenger door and slid in. The blond boy looked okay, distracted if a little winded.

“Were you wearing that before?” Changbin starts the car as he asks. He was sure Felix had something blue on, and now he is in a short sleeve white t-shirt.

“Nope”, the younger reaches for the radio, switching back the connection to his own phone so he could choose the music. Changbin doesn’t mind.

“Then what…?”, he drifts off, focusing on the road, the turns near your place were quite confusing, he often got lost.

“She needed my hoodie”

“Why did she need your hoodie?”

“Hyung, seriously?” Felix voice is humorous. When Changbin remains clueless, he continues, “she’s an omega. In heat. She asked. We don’t question such things, I just handed the hoodie over.”

Changbin can’t help the small tug of jealousy. Alpha instincts, of course, but still annoying.

Felix had a nice scent and all, something akin to almond cookies, freshly baked oats. But he was still a beta and his smell was not even that strong. The older man can’t help but lean closer, try and get a sniff, maybe his friend was smelling particularly good today, that’s why you asked him and not one of the alphas of the group. Felix scent patches should’ve worn out by now, after the morning of dance practices he just had, much like Changbin’s did, hours ago, after an intense work out.

What Changbin gets, however, is none of Felix’s usual faint nutty scent. What he gets are apples and peaches and oranges, the whole orchard encompassed, ripe fruits at the beginning of summer, a spoon of sugar to enhance the taste.

Felix smells like you.

Damn, he smells so much like you.

Changbin tightens his hold on the steering wheel and drives the rest of the way home in silence.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

You open the door of the cafe like a hurricane. Not unusual, but still far from an everyday occurrence.

It’s the middle of the week and the place is empty, save for the usual suspects.

Minho is behind the register, tablet in hand, probably not doing any real work considering Jisung is also there. The younger boy seems to be making something, probably finishing off whatever it is that Felix, standing in front of him, had ordered. On the only occupied table sits Chan, not even looking up from the computer when you make your dramatic entrance.

“Guess who passed all their exams?” You smile brightly, even if no one is paying you much attention.

“Jeongin”, Chan deadpans from his place, still not lifting his eyes from the screen.

You point at him like an old school game show tv presenter, “try again!”

“Seungmin”, he guesses next, this time sneaking a look up at you before returning to his work.

You take a second to consider that, “I mean, probably?”

It sounds like a question but your fairly certain that he did. You didn’t really check anyone’s grades but yours.

“You know I have other customers, right?” Minho puts his tablet down and looks over to Jisung, pointing where the boy should move next to finish the latte.

Felix, in front of them both, stares at Minho and pointedly looks around to the rest of the people at the cafe - your closest friends.

“Ok not right now, but they do exist!” Minho concedes.

“I’ll believe it when I see it”, you still hear the dancer murmur as you turn your back in favor of annoying Chan.

You sit right beside him, “’what’chu doing?”

“Working”

“On what?” you try to get closer, take a look at his screen.

“Music”

“Oh wow so intriguing thank you for the reverting conversation”, you rest your chin on your hand.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” he’s still not even looking at you.

You move closer, dangerously invading his personal space, popping your lips when you say it, “Nope!”

The door swings open again to reveal Changbin, Jeongin and Hyunjin, all sweaty and in their usual work out clothes.

“Congrats noona!” Jeongin says unprompted the minute his eyes land on you.

You beam at the younger boy, “See? Someone appreciates my efforts”

“Did you pass?” Hyunjin asks, moving to stand closer to Felix near the counter, signalling to the drink that has just been handed to him.

“Yes I did”, you smile brightly, sincere even if your brother is no longer really looking at you.

“Damn there goes my chance of becoming mom’s favorite”

“In you dreams, babyyyyy”, you exaggerate the word, knowing it bugs him.

“Can you write my paper then?” Jisung pipes in from behind the counter.

“You know it was due last week, right?”

“The professor loves me”, he gloats and you try to not get too annoyed at that. That same professor took a disliking to you from the get go.

“Han was helping me with something, I got him an extension”, Chan adds, finally looking up to pay attention.

You look between the two. Chan had graduated years ago, before either of you even entered the post-grad program. How he remained close with so many people on the faculty always baffled you.

“That’s not fair”

“Find yourself an internship then, princess”, Jisung winks at you and you have to fight the urge to escalate your complaining. You were usually very good friends but for some reason, whenever the two of you were at the cafe, he was either ignoring you or antagonising you.

You decide it’s not worth the fight, instead turning to your producer friend again, leaning closer.

“Chan?” you bat your eyelashes at him. Chan could definitely use some extra help at the studio.

He leans in too, close enough that you even get a whiff of his fresh linen scent. It’s later in the day, who knows how long since he put on his patches? Long enough that it’s wearing off, and you know he uses the really good expensive ones, like Changbin and Seungmin. He rests his own head on his hand, even goes as far as betting his eyelashes and wetting his lips.

You recognise he’s mimicking your previous antics just as he says it, “nope”.

There is no time to react, though.

“Actually”, Changbin pipes in, “I might have something for you”

That catches your attention. You know that Changbin used to produce with Chan, that’s how they became close. Or at least that’s what you heard, it was long before you all started hanging out. Chan just dragged him to the cafe one day and the rest was history.

“Are you working at the studio again?” Felix is the one to ask.

“Yeah, a little bit now that the gym is stable. It kinda left me with some extra times to get back into that”

“He means now that I work there he has time while I slave away”, Jeongin adds.

Changbin ignores him, turns to you again, “you play guitar, right?”

“Amongst other things, yes”

“Do you think you can take a look at a track for me? Jisung is too rocky for what I need”

“What do you mean I’m too rocky, I- OUCH” Jisung burns himself.

“Pay attention”, Minho scolds, already directing the younger man’s hand towards the open faucet.

“I honestly don’t know why you hired him”, your brother directs it at Minho when he finally gets his drink, the same one Felix had gotten.

“He’s cute, I like looking at his face”, Minho replies straight away and you see how Jisung blushes.

Huh, you should ask someone about that later.

“Anyway, do you think you can meet me at the studio next week?” Changbin gets back on track as if nothing has happened.

“My studio?” Chan asks, appalled, “I don’t want her at my studio”

“First of all I’m a delight to have around”, you twirl your hair with your fingers, “and second of all-”

Before you can continue, Hyunjin pulls the empty chair beside you, takes the seat for himself.

“Second of all I’ve bee trying to get rid of her since the day I learned how to talk, good luck trying to get her to stay out of something”, he sounds bored but you know he is saying it in good humor. And it doesn’t make him any less right, either.

“Love you too”, you say sarcastically, playing along.

His response comes almost rehearsed, well repeated throughout the years, “mum found you in a dumpster”.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

Changbin has been feeling weird all day.

It started with his usual coffee at home before leaving, it tasted too bitter even though he did it just the same as every other morning. Then it was Hyunjin taking too long to shower, making them both a little bit late. Changbin couldn’t stay still while he waited, pacing back and forth across their shared living room. The younger at least apologized, but was still applying his own blockers on the way out, making his scent linger in the corridor of the building. Annoying Changbin further.

He didn’t mind, most of the time. Truly. Over the years he started seeing the man as pack, just like with Chan. To have another alpha share his space was not that big of a deal. But every now and then he could feel a little extra anxious energy over it. Maybe they were getting close to the full moon, he was always sensitive about that.

It’s the middle of the day and it hasn’t gotten any better, though.

He had already finished all his appointments for the morning, oversaw the switch in personal trainers working, made sure the rooms upstairs had been cleaned and did his own workout session. So now he was locked away in the backroom, taking care of some unavoidable paperwork.

But he just can’t keep his attention on the letters across the page. He’s so focused in trying to stay focused though, that he doesn’t listen the first time his friend calls his name.

Hyunjin has to knock on the open door to get his attention, and Changbin finally acknowledges him with a quick look up.

“Hey dude, are you going straight home later?”

Felix and Hyunjin had been renting one of the upstair studios at the gym for years now. It started right after Minho introduced them to him, one of those times Chan dragged him to the cafe. The dancers had just finished their undergrad and were looking for a place to work, hoping to start their own dance academy. Changbin had opened the gym not that long before and was still having a hard time filling up all the space and time available. He had already hired some people, but could use with more help.

One thing led to another and now, besides himself and his sister - who sometimes used the gym for her pilates classes, Hyunjin and Felix were the ones that held the keys to the place. Well, them and Jeongin, although the younger was just a part-time worker for now. Friend-group perks (or, as Felix usually says, friend-group nepotism).

Not long after that, Hyunjin was evicted from his shitty apartment and had to find somewhere else to live in a hurry. Moving in with you was not an option, apparently, so Changbin offered his own place for the younger to crash for a little bit. That had been over a year ago. Hyunjin still didn’t pay rent - but did most of the grocery shopping, so Changbin considered them even. It’s not like he needed the money, anyway.

Changbin is still lost in thought when the question registers, so he just nods, trying to bring his wandering mind back to the letters in front of him. The words keep blurring together and everything looks the same.

“So can Felix and I take the studio for a few extra hours?” Hyunjin asks. Changbin did hear him, really. But the schedule was right there on the wall, surely his friend was not that dumb as to not have checked? He had the damn keys, as long as no one was using it he could do whatever he wanted with the space.

“Yeah, yeah, sure”, Changbin replies absentmindedly, instead of saying what he was truly thinking. Were there usually this many words on a single paper?

Hyunjin can tell the second his hyung is no longer listening.

“And can I order some food on the company card?”

Changbin has stopped paying attention entirely, so he just makes a non comital hmmm and leaves it at that.

Hyunjin takes every opportunity he gets.

“And can I borrow your car later?”

That makes Changbin look, annoyed, “no, the fuck?”

“Dude what is wrong with you?”

“I don’t know, I think I’m near my rut”, it downs on him as he says it.

He had lifted a lot more than usual that morning and it didn’t even phase him. And if Hyunjin’s light scent after his shower that morning had annoyed him a little bit, now that his friend had sweated away his blockers it was really getting under his nerves. And they were in opposite sides of the room.

Hyunjin is clearly taken aback. Changbin can’t blame him. Amongst their friends, Changbin was the most reliable when it came to having awareness about his own cycle. Not once had he not warned everyone, sometimes weeks in advance, that he would be off for a few days because of his rut. And this time it was a little over ten days before schedule, nothing to worry about health-wise, but still weird.

“Oh, okay, I’ll make you some food prep later and talk to Felix”, Hyunjin was kind enough not to mention how early it was, though.

Changbin usually took care of that himself. No matter if he was spending his ruts alone or with someone else, he’d meal prep a little bit, schedule some food and water deliveries, let Hyunjin know with enough advance so that his friend could find some place else to stay for a few days. He prided himself in taking good care of his body and of his alpha. Hyunjin was usually the one who needed the extra attention. Even if the younger usually spent his ruts with someone else, casual or not, it would usually lend on Changbin’s shoulders to figure out the rest. To switch the dynamic like this was also throwing him off.

“Will you have anyone over?” Hyunjin asks again, when Changbin had gone quiet for a bit too long.

“Nah, not this time”, Changbin waves him off. He didn’t like to spend his ruts with a random person from a hook up app like some of his friends. Nothing wrong with that, but he knew he could be a little intense when he allowed his alpha to take control like that and he had not been seeing anyone for long enough to feel comfortable lately.

“Do you want me to close up here, then?” Hyunjin offers and, once again, Changbin is grateful.

“Yeah, thanks man, I might leave a bit early”, he sighs, knowing he won’t get any more work done today, “I’ll text Jeongin to see if he can pick up some extra hours this week”.

“I don’t think he can, my sister said they’d be studying together before oh-” Hyunjin pauses mid leaving the room, “were you not meeting her at the studio tomorrow?”

“Fuck me,” he massages the crease forming on the center of his forehead away, he can’t believe it slipped his mind like that, “I’ll text her too”.

He had been excited about it. It had been a while since he last wrote anything he liked and hanging out with you was always fun, he had been anticipating the studio time all week. Him forgetting about the whole thing today was just another proof of how off he was.

Hyunjin leaves to figure out the new schedule without Changbin while the older starts packing his stuff. He opens your contact first to let you know you’d have to postpone your studio trial.

You have changed your profile picture.

The new one showed you at the cafe and, just based on the filter of the photo, it was probably taken with Minho’s camera. The two of you had a weird friendship, his hyung seemed to like you more than most people, and tolerate you better than literally anyone in your little group. Good thing he was clearly interested in Jisung - wait, what?

It didn’t matter who Minho was interested in. Or you. Oh my goddess his rut was turning him into a knot-head. It was definitely time to head home.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

You are doing laundry when you get Changbin’s text.

There’s no denying your disappointment. There were only a couple practical music classes in your curriculum - and you were doing miserably in all of them. Mostly due to a lack of practice, it’s been a minute since you could dedicate your time to playing any of the instruments you said you loved so much. Your under-grad path led you more towards a behind-the-scenes type of work. You wanted to be the person who put events and festivals together, who helped artists achieve what they were longing for, who bridged the way between art and the people that needed said art the most.

But you couldn’t help but long for the times you were the one creating something.

Hyunjin followed that path already though, and you couldn’t afford two artists in one family, it would be too much on your poor parent’s hearts. So you played it safe. Still close to music, but never solely depending on it.

You missed playing though, and you had been wanting to sneak into Chan’s studio for forever. So you text Changbin back saying that you might pop into the studio anyway, even if just to annoy your older friend.

And then you text Jisung.

you  what time are you going to the studio tomorrow again?

jisung  around 4ish, i have class until 3 when r u and hyung going?

you  soooooo that’s the thing changbin’s not coming anymore

jisung  what did you do?

you  why do you think i did anything??

He doesn’t reply.

you  ok this time it’s not my fault he got his rut but i still wanna go to the studio

jisung  isn’t that too soon for him?

you  idk dude its not like I keep track

A lie. You absolutely kept track. And it was a liiiiitle bit too early for his rut. You don’t think about the fact that Jisung also kept track, your little friend group was weirdly attuned to each other’s lives. Jisung is taking too long to reply.

you  so can you get me in?

jisung  no i don’t wanna get in trouble with Chan

you  he’s not your dad jisung

jisung  ok then tell him that yourself

you  pleeeeeease I promise to behave

jisung  doubt that

You’re still thinking how to convince him when he texts you back.

jisung  i’ll let you in if you bring me coffee

you  dude you literally work at the cafe

jisung  so?

you  don’t you get all the free coffee you want?

jisung  what gave you that idea?

Maybe the fact that Minho definitely likes Jisung and would never made him pay for coffee - or anything else, probably. You shouldn’t tell him that, though.

you  well, don’t you?

jisung  yes but it’s the principle of the thing.

You roll your eyes and don’t reply. He knows you will get it. He doesn’t need to know you’ll absolutely tell Minho that it’s for Jisung. To test your theory that Minho won’t charge you for it.

Changbin never replies either, which is weird but you know how alphas can get during their ruts, so you pour some metaphorical water over yourself and try to not feel too bothered by his disregard.

The washing machine is almost full, you reach for the final piece of clothing you’ve been avoiding dealing with.

Felix’s hoodie.

You said you’d give it back this week, the clothing overextending its stay at your place. So you need to wash it. It only smelled like you now, way too sweet. But you still think about how you buried your nose in it through the roughest parts of your heat, dazed and in pain, only to get a whiff of Felix’s baked almonds blended with Changbin’s mix of spices. Felix’s had always been muted, just a note. But Changbin’s was so intense, the strong cinnamon, the hit of cardamom, the sprinkle of black pepper. It kept your entire sanity in place and you held it accountable for how clear minded you felt in between your heat waves. Enough to finish up you paper and hand it in time.

You knew it was all biology. Your body was yearning for an alpha and then your body smelled an alpha.

But you never had such a reaction before.

Well, too bad. The hoodie smelled like nothing now.

So even if your omega still despises the idea, you throw in the piece of clothing in the wash.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

So there was a loop hole for getting free coffee, you just needed to tell Minho you were grabbing something for Jisung. You walked into the studio victorious, proudly relaying your finds to the two alphas already waiting for you there.

None of them were impressed.

You are having fun nonetheless.

They were both working on different things, but together, bouncing ideas off of each other. Changbin had not sent you his own track to work on, even after all the back and forth you did about it the past few days via text. So you’re just trying to make yourself useful to the other two. Chan, as annoyed as he seemed when he first figured out you were there to stay and not only to drop Jisung his coffee like the younger one said, seemed to be okay with having you there now.

You even helped him with the strings for a song! It was still barely a demo, but you were proud of it anyway. The piece was elaborate and you couldn’t wait to see where Chan would take it. And then you helped Jisung with grammar on a different song, trying to find words long or short enough to fit the rhythm he had built before.

Maybe if you kept making yourself useful Chan would also offer you a job. Not that you were desperate for it, but it would still be sweet to have an income other than the financial aid from the university and the odd project with a too-small-to-matter musician. Chan could be your too-small-musician. You were sure you could make him matter.

He could probably use with an assistant anyway, the guy was always doing too much.

You had probably been staring off into the distance for too long when Jisung pokes Chan and you follow the movement, seeing the youngest look up from his phone.

“Do you think you can pass by Bin’s later?”

“No, why?” Chan replies, as always not looking away from his monitor.

“If you already said no, why are you asking?”

Chan just stares at him, blank faced.

“He forgot his charger here and Hyunjin’s don’t work on his phone”, Jisung clarifies, turning his phone so Chan can read through the messages.

“Isn’t he busy with other things?” you ask, hinting at Changbin’s current state.

Jisung swerves the wheels of his chair towards you, a swift but still dramatic motion.

“Sweet summer child”, he starts, “how do you think one gets through a rut without someone there to help them?”

You stare at him, probably a similar expression to what Chan just had on, but your blank face was one out of genuine confusion. They probably used toys, right? Was that too weird to imagine? It’s what most omegas did, anyway. But you had never talked about it with any alpha, really, and it’s not like the ones around you were usually unaccompanied during their own cycles for you to even think to ask before.

Chan is the one to give you an answer, “porn, baby, we watch a lot of porn.”

Oh.

You blush.

Jisung laughs out loud. Your scent probably gave it away that you got embarrassed, it had been a long day and you are definitely not using patches as good as theirs. You can smell the mango on yourself, the note that only really made itself known when you had your ears turning red too - a knowledge you wished your brother had kept to himself instead of sharing with the whole group, who sometimes made it into a competition to make your scent flare that way. You are desperate to change the subject.

Jisung doesn’t seem keen on making it worse though, for once, “I can go but my shift at the cafe started like ten minutes ago and poor dude is almost all out of battery”.

Chan takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a second, pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Why can’t he take his laptop home with him like a normal person? I really didn’t want to leave before I finish this but-”

“I can go”, you cut him off. This could be your chance to be helpful, prove you can help Chan lower the load he carries, show off your manager potential.

“No.” they both say in unison.

“What, why?” you look between the two.

Jisung says your name like you are a child, “have you forgotten you are an omega?”

“So?”

“He’s an alpha in rut, there is no way you’re going near him, that’s basic common sense. I know you don’t have much of that but-”

“He won’t do anything to me”, you stop him from actually starting to irritate you, “besides, that’s such an outdated mindset, since when are we not helping our friends based on such a trivial thing as our secondary genders?”

And then you bite your tongue because, truth be told, you wouldn’t offer that to anyone else, safe for your brother, maybe. You had your fair share of bad experiences with alphas, just like most omegas you knew. You could see both Jisung and Chan considering though, so you double down.

“Dude, it’s Changbin, he couldn’t hurt a fly if he wanted to”

“Are we talking about the same Changbin?” Jisung says, “a little short, very loud voice, can probably lift both of us together with a single arm?”

Could he really? He probably could, right? You take a bit too long to reply, lost with the image of Changbin’s arms, trying to do the quick math of how much he would have to lift to be able to hold both you and the mouthy friend in front of you up. You eventually remember the conversation.

“I kinda want to prove him a point”, is your weak reply, thinking about a few weeks back, when you asked a similar favor off of him.

“What point? That you are crazy and lacks a sense of self preservation? I think we’re all on the same page about that already”

“Just let her go”, it’s Chan’s turn to interrupt.

Jisung turns towards his friend a bit too quickly, “are you serious?”

Chan shrugs his shoulders, “she’s right, it’s Bin, he won’t do anything”

You smile triumphantly at Jisung. Again. This was turning out to be a great day.

“It’s only the first day anyway, his ruts are usually pretty chill, it’ll be fine”, Chan adds, already turning towards his monitor again.

You pick up Changbin’s charger from Jisung and lifts it like a trophy. Before closing the door you stick your tongue out towards him too, when Chan can’t see it. You feel a bit childish but you know it gets on his nerves so why stop?

When you close the door you can hear him whining, saying something about Chan handling Hyunjin if he ever found out. Nooooot your problem - and it wouldn’t be your brother’s either.

Changbin lives nearby, just a few blocks from Chan’s apartment-turned-studio. It was all fairly close to the gym and the cafe as well, all kept apart by no longer than a five minute walk. You have the path memorised from the many trips there to annoy your brother. Thank goodness Changbin had always been a good sport about your uninvited appearances. You lived way too far away from anyone else, when you needed to kill some time and the cafe was too busy, you saw no reason to not go over.

Hyunjin was crashing at Jeongin’s for a few days. Most apartments nowadays are pretty well isolated for heats and ruts, specially a fancy place like Changbin’s. But his home was also supposed to only have a guest bedroom besides Changbin’s own room, key word being guest, so although it was not terrible on a daily basis, it was not as good as a more permanent place would be. So Hyunjin usually just came by to drop some necessities but stayed out of the place for most of it.

And you can understand why. The elevator opens into a very small hallway-like area, only Changbin’s front door on the entire floor. And it already smells like him.

The cinnamon hits you so hard you feel a little dazed. It’s mixed with cardamom and clover, as usual, but it also has the traces of black pepper that make your nose begin to itch, your throat to go dry. The barely-there trace of ginger. Changbin has the type of scent that feels cozy to you most days, reminds you of some place with low light, warm, inviting. Only this time it also felt sensual, alluring. You have to take a second to find your wits again.

You had texted him that you were coming over but, like your previous text, it had gone unanswered. Jisung, however, had texted you, telling you to just leave the charger by the door and head back. But how would Changbin know it was there if he had ran out of battery before getting any other texts himself?

So you knock.

And when you don’t get a reply, you call out to him. A few times.

“Changbin?” you still don’t hear anything, so you press your ear to the door and focuses, “I’m leaving your charger here, you there?”

Faintly you can hear something. Maybe. Some breathing?

You press against the door a little harder.

And then you hear something. Very clearly. Not a shadow of a doubt about what the sound is. You hear him moan.

You panic as the blood rushes back to your face, warm enough that for a second you’re scared of it boiling to the point of melting your skin. You step away from the door as if it burned you.

The charger is left right in front of the door, more dropping out of your hand than being let down gently, you try to keep your voice steady.

“hey-I’m-leaving-your-charger-here-good-luck-see-you-next-week” and you’re inside the elevator before the doorknob even threatens to turn.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

At first, Changbin thinks he is imagining your voice.

He is not too bad yet, his head is clear enough and he had been texting his friends just fine. But his phone had finally died and Jisung had not replied to his latest message yet the last time he checked it.

He had tried every single charger he could find already. His patience was already wearing thin and he was trying to stay calm enough to figure out how he was supposed to order food for the next few days if he didn’t have a phone.

Going out for one now was no longer a possibility. He had been half hard for an hour already, and was doing his damn best to not give into what his body, his alpha, was asking of him. Once he started there was no going back.

So now, alone with his thoughts, battling his inner demons (aka his inner wolf), it didn’t come as a surprise when it was your voice that his brain conjured.

You are an omega. A pretty omega. Of course he had noticed. It didn’t make you any less off limits.

But then, was that not part of the appeal too?

Over the past few days he had been texting you more and more, first it was just to send you references for the type of sound he would want for his song, but then those messages started to feel like just an excuse to talk to you.

Whenever you bumped into each other at the cafe, which was often enough, he could feel himself leaning a bit too closely, trying to get just a little bit of your scent, maybe leaving some of his behind. It was unfair that, most days, he had already sweated through his blockers and yours were still fresh. He would give anything to have even just a little bit of you to cling onto.

He is trying not to overthink those urges. His rut was early, so the symptoms started before he could catch them. It would not be the first time he started to feel so strongly about an omega near him when his rut approached. Never mind that it hadn’t happened since he was a teenager. He could still write it off as just instincts.

The delirium of his rut is starting to get so strong he can almost catch your scent. Apples, at first, but then all the other fruits that usually surround you. Most of your friends only get that, but to him you smelled like staying on the countryside during the summertime. Fresh and fruity and sweet.

He really hoped Jisung didn’t give you too much trouble at the studio. Where he knew you were with his younger friend. His younger friend who was an alpha. And where both of you would be with Chan. His other alpha friend. Who Changbin was pretty sure was also his pack alpha, as far as his inner wolf was concerned. So he shouldn’t feel jealous. He is not jealous. His wolf might be, a little bit, but he is completely normal about it.

No regrets at all about threatening Jisung into letting you in.

He hears a knock at the door, your voice calling his name.

You are calling his name.

His brain is going too far. He can’t avoid it any longer, he lets his head fall back on his sofa, a hand reaching down into his pants. He needs some relief.

It’s instantaneous.

Changbin’s barely starting to get into it, eyes closed, hands still at a slow pace, when he hears it again.

But this time he’s not that sure he’s imagining it.

It’s muffled, he barely makes out the words, his mind already far, far away.

You’re leaving his charger there? Something about good luck?

He sprints towards the sound, his body reacting before his mind could. It’s only on that last second that he finds his control again, slowing down, taking a breath, leaning his forehead against the closed door.

Your smell is unbearable.

It takes him all his might to not pull the door right out of its hinges. But instead he waits, listens for your steps carrying you away. You’re in a rush, he can’t really blame you. Who thought it was a good idea to send you of all people? He hears the elevator door closing but still waits a full minute before braving the entrance.

He looks down to see his charger on the floor.

His damn charger and your scent, taking over the entire hallway.

It smells like you, but sweeter.

It smells like you, he thinks, but aroused.

He is such an asshole. A huge knot-head, letting his hormones get the best of him.

Changbin steps back into his home, throws the charger wherever, tries not to dwell on the fact that for the next couple of days, every time he closes his eyes, the only image he is able to summon is of you.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

> a/n | I beg of you to not look too closely at what season it should be, if it should be warm or cold out, or even at what time of the day something is happening. Just assume every day could go from warm to freezing, everyone is bi and every place has random working hours. When revising I started overthinking all that and just gave up eventually, so enjoy it for what it is, pleaseeeeee!!! (can you tell i needed a break from that after basing an entire fic after the changing of the seasons? lol).

> taglist | @soumyeaig @i-bitch-you-bitch @leeknowsbigtoe @goatsareawesomesstuff @strawberristhings

There was a lot to celebrate.

Stray Kids had just completed another year together. Over the past few months, 3Racha had their debut as a unit, all of the members took some time off to work on side projects or just relax and do nothing for once in their life. Relationships had started and ended, but that’s a completely different story. Miseol grew strong and healthy and was reaching all her milestones in stride. Minho had joined the group back to release a special song as a thank you to Stay and also perform e few special concerts to mark their anniversary.

The reception to his family news was mixed at first but, as time went by, with the continued support of the rest of the group, fans slowly but surely weaned out the bad people. Now fans would always ask him about Miseol under Minho’s posts, calling her Bun too as the nickname was accidentally shared by a - very regretful - Jeongin. You were not the happiest about it but, as long as her true name and face were kept from the public until she could have the discernment to make those decisions for herself, you were okay.

As for you, you were starting to feel restless at home, and had started working on some side projects whenever you had the time. Your own friends at your company had kept you updated on your old team’s ups and downs, your presence being greatly missed. You would go back, eventually, but maybe just as a stepping stone for a possible career change. Something you could maybe have more autonomy and not feel so drained all the time. You had different priorities now in terms of where to spend your energy.

“You ready?” Minho calls for you, Miseol already on his arms, hands reaching out trying to snatch the sunglasses he has pushing his hair back.

They were doing a small get together at Chan’s and Jeongin’s place. Just the members and significant others - when applied. Chan had recently found himself single but Jisung was finally bringing his girlfriend for everyone to properly meet - having the dorm for himself really did wonders for his love life. Their place had a nice balcony and Minho suggesting getting a grill out to enjoy the sunshine. You had spent the better part of the last hour convincing him Miseol had enough sunscreen on to handle being outside for a little bit.

He had gotten better at driving with her in the backseat though, behaving like a sane person again and not driving you insane with his slow pace. You took turns meddling with the radio, discussing where to start food prepping when you got there, sharing gossip you got recently from your own little pockets of friends. It was comfortable, like life had always meant to be like that.

Hyunjin was on the underground parking lot with Changbin when you pulled over. They were bringing coolers with some stuff Chan had forgotten to order. When Hyunjin spotted your car, however, he dropped the heavy box he was helping Changbin unload immediately, to the older member’s displeased murmurs.

“Hi pretty girl!” he had his arms open wide, ready for Miseol as he approached. You free her from her car seat but she hides her little face on your neck when she sees the man coming towards her.

Miseol was generally a happy giggly baby, but she was very fussy about who could hold her - to Minho’s delight.

There was no point discussing for so long who the favorite uncle would be, that decision landed completely on her tiny hands, and she had a very strong opinion about it.

“Aigoo, who’s here?” Jeongin steps out from the elevator nearer to the cars.

The change to Miseol is immediate. She lifts her head away from you, searching for his voice. When she finds him, her arms extend to reach him, smile already gracing her features as you allow the younger member to take her from you. He babbles to her and she giggles in response, Hyunjin’s shoulders drop down in defeat.

“You’d think he’d be used to that by now”, Minho joins you, carrying Miseol’s bag with him.

“I still think it’s a bit unfair but even I got over it”, Changbin adds, after finally getting the help he needed unloading the cooler.

Jeongin doesn’t even look back as he starts for the elevator, your daughter completely unfazed by your distance too. You try not to feel hurt at that and do a better job at it then Minho.

“Are you sure he didn’t talk to the bump while you were not looking?” your boyfriend asks you, but starts to follow the other members nonetheless.

“Absolutely”, you nod emphatically, “maybe that’s exactly why she likes him best, less of a fuss”.

It was funny, from the moment the members were first able to visit and meet your daughter, her attention seemed to gravitate to the maknae. When she started to be able to hold her focus, when she started to interact with the world around her, he was the one that would get her grabby hands. It was ironic, considering how much of a distance he kept from your pregnant belly, but your baby knew who she wanted to reach for and the favoritism still remained. Chan and Felix were the other members she was comfortable with, most of the time. The rest were a roll of dice.

“It doesn’t count if she can’t speak yet, for all we know this is her great scheme into inheriting IN’s expensive clothes”, Changbin is voicing as you all step out of the elevator and into the apartment, already bustling with life with everyone else that was invited.

The attention turns to your arriving party at once, with everyone else slowly approaching to say their hellos and try to catch Miseol’s eye. Jihye stepped out victorious, with your daughter accepting her offer of outstretched hands, hopping from Jeongin’s embrace to hers.

It was organized chaos, some were busy in the kitchen while other remained at the balcony. Chan was already looking blushed with a beer in hand, Changbin quick to join him. Hyunjin did his best helping out Minho with the food, while you took turns between everyone, trying to coordinate who should be doing what. Miseol sometimes made her way back to your embrace, but you looked around and realized that everyone present held your trust with your little girl. A relief and something you were very much grateful for. So you allowed yourself to relax.

Food was served and drinks of all kinds went around. Sunscreen was reapplied and sunglasses were stolen. Laughter filled the air, mixed with non stop music ranging between the tastes of everyone present. Photos were taken and shared, some with glimpses of Miseol’s back as the boys held onto her, the reception online positive with the new set of “boyfriend pictures”, as Stay called them. The afternoon turned into evening, the day lasting longer but not forever.

Miseol had long ago fallen asleep, tucked on a corner of the sofa where you could keep an eye on her while still hanging out with your friends. No one really wanted to leave. Why should your time together end when you were having such fun?

You stepped in for a second, only to find Minho already with your daughter. You approached them gently, he was adjusting a few pillows around her and you tapped his butt to let your presence be known. He finishes his action before turning to you, arms wrapping around your waist, a peck on your lips that tasted like orange juice.

“We should probably head out soon”, he says.

You hide your face on his chest but nods your agreement. You don’t really want to go but it was growing late.

“If we leave the rest of them will start heading out too, we should help clean”, you murmur, not wanting to leave the two guys with all the work.

“I already cooked most of the food, they can handle it”, he tickles you lightly and you wiggle to avoid it, containing your laugh as to not wake your baby.

“She will cry if we try to take her now”, you reason again.

“I’ll send Jeongin in then”, is his alternative.

“We should probably wait to make sure no one needs a drive though, I think-” you stop when you see his expression, amused with a glint of humor.

“Just say you don’t want to leave yet”, he tickles you again, you yelp and your baby stirs. You lightly hit his chest in reprimend.

“I don’t want to leave yet”, you roll your eyes.

He chuckles, kisses you again, makes his way out first while shaking his head. He knows you too well.

Miseol stirs a bit more but doesn’t wake up. You readjust the same pillows Minho had just arranged, just to do something with your hands, to allow yourself to take her in, to appreciate that she’s here and happy and safe. To appreciate the man you had loved all your life. To appreciate your friends, your family.

When you rejoin the group you take a second by the door, just watching everyone.

You don’t remember the last time you felt lonely.

> a/n | So this is it, the end. How is everyone feeling? I started to write this fic around November of last year so it’s been quite a journey, I’m usually a fast writer so I had my ups and downs when the story started to drag me to a much fluffier path than I had anticipated, it was quite a challenge - but one I’m very grateful for. Most of all, I’m so so so thankful for your support over here and on AO3, I’m not the best at staying online but I see and appreciate every single comment and like you guys drop me, it means the world and encourages me to keep using writing as a creative outlet <3 Not to repeat myself from last week, but I am working on two other stories already - and hope to get them to you as soon as possible. One of those may or may not be a spin off inside the universe of ttots, and I may or may not have plans to keep expanding this little timeline, you will have to wait and see. I don’t know which will be posted first, they’re both already way longer than I wanted them to be but I will give you little WIP sneak peaks soon so you can help me decide on what do you guys want to read first hehe I think this is it for now, I promise not to be a stranger and to come back soon, but I’ll probably take until the end of the month to work on those side projects before I commit to posting again. Oh!! and let me know if you want to be tagged when I post those WIPs hehe Thats it for now, thank you for reading, I’ll see you sooooooooon :))) > taglist is closed.

The first time you had to be alone with Miseol - for longer than thirty minutes at a time - comes sooner than you expected.

Not that you didn’t know it was coming, you have had access to Minho’s schedule for months now, but it still catches you off guard when you’re in bed the night before he has to actually go to work again.

“Are you sure you don’t want to call my mom?” it’s not the first time that he asks.

“I have to be able to look after her by myself eventually”, is the reply he’s been getting from you.

You have your head resting on his chest and he’s running a hand down your back. Miseol is asleep on the next room and the soft electronic hum of the baby monitor is the only sound besides your own voices.

Minho drops a kiss on the top of your head, “I’ll call every hour”

“I know that you will”

“And I’ll come home straight away once we’re done”

“Never questioned that”

“And if you need anything I can leave early”

“Minho, we’ll be alright”, and at that point you don’t know if you’re comforting him or yourself.

It’s been nice having him by your side for the past two weeks. His parents have come and gone but other than that no one has stopped by to visit yet. Not that they didn’t want to, but your doctor had recommended minimum outside contact for the first month, since Miseol was premature and still recovering from her traumatic birth. You all were, to be honest.

Your friends had called. Your team at work had called. Minho’s managers had called. Everyone had sent gifts and well wishes but, for the most part, it was just the three of you in your little bubble.

The first statement the company released had been well received, with the fans worrying online but a majority wishing Minho to take his time to be with his family. He still had a few schedules ahead before their official vacation time, so he would be going to the company for rehearsals and some recordings over the next couple of days, and then had the comeback showcases and a few full days of music shows.

You were more nervous about the time after the music shows, though, because that’s when the Minho-is-a-father statement would be coming out. The bright side to that is the upcoming couple of months out of the spotlight for the both of you, with the entire team taking time off as well together for once.

The next morning Minho is out before you are awake. You have no ideia how he had gotten up without the sound of an alarm waking you up, but he was magical like that sometimes. His side of the bed is still slightly warm when you roll over though, so you must’ve just missed him. Miseol is still sound asleep when you check the baby monitor, and before getting up you grab your phone to check the time. It’s almost 9AM, probably the latest you’ve been able to sleep in a while. There’s a few texts waiting for you, shining under Minho’s new contact name, changed by himself a few days before.

[8:23AM] lee minho (love of my life): didn’t want to wake you up

[8:23AM] lee minho (love of my life): Bun has been fed and changed before I left

[8:23AM] lee minho (love of my life): let me know when you’re up

[8:24AM] lee minho (love of my life): love you

There was no way he had reached the company yet but you text him anyway.

[8:46AM] y/n: you should’ve said goodbye :(

His reply comes instantly.

[8:46AM] lee minho (love of my life): sorry baby

[8:46AM] lee minho (love of my life): next time Bun has a dirty diaper right before I have to leave I’ll wake you up!!

[8:47AM] y/n: nevermind

[8:47AM] y/n: i love youuuuu

By some sort of miracle, your daughter sleeps through most of the morning and, by the time she finally demands your attention, you had managed to get breakfast and have a shower. You’re just sitting with her on the sofa, your legs pulled up so she can rest in your thighs while facing you. This is your current favorite activity. You could spend hours just staring at her, talking about everything as she babbled back to you. It wouldn’t last long, every time she would start drifting off to sleep, specially after being fed, but you still managed to get a quick little video to send to Minho.

Only you accidentally sent it to the big group chat with all your friends.

[1:12PM] hyunjinnie: cute!!!!!!

[1:12PM] seo changbin: it’s crazy how much she looks like Lino hyung

[1:12PM] kim seungmin: don’t say that to the poor kid

[1:13PM] bora-bora: I think she looks like me :)

[1:13PM] lee minho (love of my life): stop trying to steal my child

yongbok is calling you on facetime

Miseol is still wide awake on your lap so you see no reason to decline the call. The sounds come before the video loads, and you barely have time to lower the volume before a few faces make themselves known.

“Noona, how are you?” Felix is smiling front and center, with both Jisung and Hyunjin hanging from his sides.

“Turn the camera around. I want to see Bun”, Jisung pipes in, moving Felix’s hand so he can take center place, completely cutting Hyunjin from focus.

“Ya! Is that how you greet me?” you fake annoyance but that’s just how Jisung had been since Miseol was born, he couldn’t care less about you or Minho.

“Why am I still seeing your face, show me my baby” he whines and you have time to roll your eyes before double tapping the screen to reveal your sweet babygirl.

Hyunjin takes hold of the phone and seems to walk away just as the image loads for them, Felix and Jisung’s complaints following through the speakers, with the screen now showing just a close up of the dancer’s eyes and forehead, “Aigoo is that the onesie I gifted her?”

You consider lying but ends up telling the truth, knowing full well it will annoy him, “actually, Bora gave her the same one in a smaller size, yours is still too big”

He hangs up on you. Your laugh is loud enough that it startles Miseol a little bit, her eyes growing big on an expression that so closely resembles Minho your heart melts immediately. You coo and bounce your legs so it stops her from crying.

lee minho (love of my life) is calling you on facetime

“Did Hyunjin hang up on Miseol?” his voice is venomous even if you know he’s being playful.

“I think that one was on me”

“Too bad, I’m making him run the chorus by himself until he can do it with his eyes closed and mouth filled with tissues”, he smiles angelically at you, his voice shifting drastically to a sing-song tone, his focus then moving to somewhere over the camera before he flips it so you can see.

Chan is holding Hyunjin by the waste while Changbin holds onto the front of the younger member shirt, on a play-fight you can only assume was instigated by your wonderfully protective baby-daddy.

“Remember you still need him for the comeback”

“Do we though?” Jeongin’s voice comes through first, before the camera is flipped back to reveal him next to Minho, “hi noona, can I see Miseol-ah?”

“See Innie, that’s why you’re my favorite”, you say as you flip the camera to reveal your baby again, this time already fighting to stay awake, you can tell her eyelids are growing heavy.

“Hi darling”, Minho coos, bringing his face closer to the younger member as well, and you can hear the commotion in the background as more members shift closer. One by one they give space to the next, so everyone can see and say hi to your daughter.

“She looks bigger”, Chan says, in awe.

“Don’t say that”, you pout even if they can’t see you. You do feel like she’s growing too fast already, time slipping you by.

“She will always be tiny for us”, Minho corrects his only hyung, to which Chan replies by just squeezing your boyfriend’s shoulder.

“I can’t wait to have one”, it’s Changbin’s time to pop up.

“And just how would you do that?” Jisung says from somewhere you can’t see, his voice teasing at the idea of Changbin being the one member perpetually single amongst the group.

“Look at that, he gets himself a girlfriend and suddenly he’s brave”, Minho comes to Changbin’s defense and you laugh alongside them, Jisung’s unintelligible whines sounding further away.

“Is he still saying they’re not together?” you ask, happy to have some gossip that doesn’t revolve around yourself.

Jisung had been secretly seeing someone for a while, the only proof being evidence left behind at the dorms. Minho was quick to tease and even quicker to spread the word. Specially during those first few days after Miseol’s birth, when everyone could use a little teasing to lighten the mood, the entire group had attached to the idea of Jisung finally commiting to someone, even if the boy had not admitted so himself yet.

Changbin, still perched on Minho’s shoulder to see the phone, is about to say something when a manager calls out that they should resume practice if they want to leave on time. A couple of hands wave at the camera but you can’t really make out who’s, and Changbin makes a kissy face to your baby before also slipping away, leaving just you and Minho again.

“Appa will be home soon Bunny, be good to mommy, okay?” Miseol is almost fully asleep and Minho lowers his voice to say it. But to no avail, there’s an echo of his words already going around the room as the rest of the boys tease his dad voice - something you have just recently realized he developed.

He rolls his eyes and step outside as you flip the camera back to you.

“Are you doing okay?” he just wants to make sure, one more time.

“I took a shower and drank two full cups of coffee before she even woke up”, you gloat, “I’m doing wonderful.”

“Oh so you get the extra sleep and the caffeine and I get the dirty diapers?”, one of his eyebrows flicks up in mock annoyance.

“You had your time being her favorite, now it’s my turn”, you double down on the teasing.

“I’ll remember that when she cries in the middle of the night”, but you know those are just empty words, so you smile at him, no malice.

“I love you, you know?” and he must be able to tell you are no longer joking as his face melts into that look he’s been giving you more and more lately.

“I love you too”, he whispers, probably anticipating what his rehearsal would look like if they boys heard him, “I’ll be home soon, call me when she wakes up again?”

“I will” and you hang up, happy to know that, for the next few hours, Minho will be back to doing what he’s best at.

—

The boys were about to go on stage. That’s not what was scary to Minho. He’s done that hundreds of times - and loved every single one of those. But that time he knew that, after the showcase, his entire career would be at stake.

He’s not that naive. He knew what the statement could mean for him and his team. To you, to his daughter.

But he goes through with it anyway. He’d have roughly a week between the recording of the showcase and the video coming out. Tonight the company would announce their vacation, alongside with 3racha’s unit album that was already deep into production - to soften the blow.

And then, in a week, the same day the comeback videos start coming out, they’d also drop the announcement of Miseol’s existence.

The guys had been so supportive about it, it almost overwhelmed Minho. The company still had their concerns but couldn’t really push against the united front of their artists, so it was all going as smoothly as possible.

It didn’t make it any less scary.

When they finally go on stage they have a bit of time to joke around with the Stays that had been waiting since before dawn, while the crew does camera and light adjustments. Minho does his best to act normal. He teases the fans, threatens his team mates, give away little choreography spoilers - even if it doesn’t mean much, they’re about to see the whole thing for the first time anyway.

And then they get into position. They run through the recording once, twice, three times. They take a break, they eat, they go again. It’s all routine, all part of what he has been so used to these past few years of his life.

But then it’s time to leave the stage, and Minho has no idea what his life will look like the next time he steps on it.

And it is scary but also, maybe, just a tiny bit exciting.

Miseol will be almost six months old by the time he performs in front of an audience again. He might even be able to bring her to some recordings, show her all the cool things her appa do while he’s away from her. He could maybe bring her to work with him some times when you have to go back to the office. The rest of the boys would certainly love it.

And it is with those thoughts in mind that Minho signals Chan over.

He puts his mic away, gets closer to his friends ear so that only he can hear what he asks of.

“Can I spoil the statement?”

“What?”

“Not everything, just tell them there’s a statement coming, that they should not worry about it”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea”, his leader keeps his face guarded, expression normal, but Minho has lived with the guy for long enough to see the worry on his eyes.

“Trust me on this?”, and Minho is not insistent like that. Chan has known the man just as well.

So the leader relents, a short nod in approval, “I don’t know if they’ll keep it in the broadcast”.

“I know”, and Minho also know how to make them keep it.

Changbin is watching, sensing something is off. Minho smiles at him, reassurance, he needs his family to trust him.

A couple of the boys are nearer the boarder of the small stage, interacting with the fans. Minho sees that the cameras are on, filming behind the scenes content for their socials, for sure. He takes his chance, brings the mic to his lips.

“Stay, hi!” he calls for their attention brightly.

The crowd cheers, the boys look at him confused.

“I wanted to say thank you”, and Minho is sincere, he keeps his eyes bright, his expression light, he needs everyone to know this is a good thing, he doesn’t want them to worry. “I appreciate you waiting for me, I’m sorry I missed some of the fun but I’m thankful to the members for covering for me”

He looks pointedly behind him, makes eye contact with every single one of the boys. Some are confused, some are smiling back. None make any movement to stop him.

“I don’t want you to worry about me so I want to say something but you have to promise not to tell anyone yet”, the crowd cheer their agreement, “but later, if they cut this off, than you can talk about it, okay?”

Another cheer, a little louder. He sees the movement on the side stage, managers and producers alike all confused but what was going on.

“I can’t say much yet but a few statements will be coming out soon”, a worried sound goes through the crowds, “it’s nothing bad, I promise, but I just wanted you all to know from me first that I am sorry to have worried you, I’m sorry if I ever disappointed you, and I hope you will keep loving Stray Kids just the same”.

Someone in the crowd screams, “are you leaving the group?”

Hyunjin laughs behind him, it takes Minho off guard but he looks back to see the younger boy bringing his own mic to his face, “do you really thing we can get rid of him?”

“Ya, he’s stuck with us forever”, Changbin adds, voice loud and bright.

“Stay doesn’t need to worry, you just need to trust us”, it’s Seungmin’s turn.

And Minho is so grateful.

He bows deeply before leaving the stage. Gets an earful of his managers but the members give him little pats in the back as they walk backstage. And they’re the most important part of this whole thing anyway.

“How are you feeling?”, Jisung is beside him on the waiting room. They still have to shoot a couple dance challenges and behind content before they’re able to go home.

“Tired”, Minho says, honestly, allowing his body to slide down the chair a little bit, “ready to go home”

“How are Y/N and Miseol?”

That makes Minho smile, “they’re good”

“Oh my god you really do get the look”, Minho turns to look and Jisung has that little sparkle of mischief in his eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“The appa look, they were right”

“Who’s ‘they’?” he rightens his body to do the air quotes, not following what Jisung is saying.

“Literally everyone, dude” he moves his arms around for emphasis.

“What is everyone doing?” Jeongin pipes in, having just walked into the waiting area.

“Saying Minho has an appa look” Jisung clarifies.

“Oh, he does” the younger agrees.

“No, I don’t?” Minho is starting to question his own certainties.

Jisung and Jeongin share a look. Minho hates that he is not in on said look.

“Than can you talk about Miseol for like a minute for me?” Jeongin requests, pulling out his phone while at it.

“Why would I do that?” Minho crosses his arms.

“Just entertain me, hyung” Jeongin presses record.

Minho takes a deep breath and stares pointedly at his maknae, but complies.

He doesn’t really know what to say at first but, as he starts, he finds out the words come easy to him. He talks about how you’ve been talking to the baby so much that he sometimes hears your voice even when you are not there. The two of you were still calling Miseol by her nickname of Bun, but that had also evolved into Bunny, Bunbaby and, more recently, BobaBun - coined by you because her eyes look more and more like boba balls everyday. You joke about how Miseol will end up getting Minho’s expressive eyes just based on how she stares at you when you can’t figure out what she’s crying about. Minho mentions how much easier it is for him to get Miseol to fall asleep, while you always end up with her in your arms for hours. But then, how bath time ended up being mostly your responsibility - Minho is too anxious about letting her slip into the bathtub, shoulders way too tense the entire time. It’s just that she’s so small? And water can be so scary? He should probably sign her up for swimming lessons as soon as possible, right?

“And there it is”, Jeongin pulls Minho out of his monologue.

Minho shuts his mouth as stares at the younger members before him. Jeongin shows his phone screen to Jisung first before turning it to Minho.

Oh, okay.

It’s just final bit of the video. Minho doesn’t need the sound to see what they mean. He has never seen that expression on his face before.

Huh.

The members will keep teasing him about his appa look. He will stop denying it but will never concede that he has such a thing either.

He doesn’t mind it, really, it’s more about sticking to the principle of the thing. Minho is an appa, after all, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

—

Hello, this is JYP Entertainment.

We would like to express our sincere gratitude to all the fans who continue to show their love and support for Stray Kids. We understand that the fans have shown concerns regarding Lee Know’s recent absence from official content and performances.

We would like to inform you that Stray Kids member Lee Know will be taking a short break from group activities to focus on his personal life.

Lee Know has met someone precious to him and together they have recently welcomed a baby girl into their lives.

As his girlfriend is a non-celebrity, we ask for the fans and media reporters to respect their privacy.

We sincerely apologize for any concern this news may cause to fans who have been looking forward to Stray Kids new album activities.

Lee Know will continue to work hard as an artist and will be back shortly with the full support of Stray Kids and JYP Entertainment.

As this decision was made with the artist’s well being as our top priority, we kindly ask for your understanding and continued support.

We ask you to send Lee Know and his family lots of blessings and messages of celebration.

Thank you.

—

On the day that the showcase would air, you were taking a nap with Miseol while Minho was on the sofa, reading over the statement that had just came out.

He had a handwritten letter ready to go as well. The company insisted on it. He thought the whole thing a bit archaic but did it nonetheless. You thought it was sentimental and said he should post it on his own social media, instead of the group’s official accounts. Something more personal. Minho kept the letter pretty close to what he had said during the recording of the showcase - and knew that video would be coming out too, after being reviewed by a team of managers many, many times.

When deciding on how to post the letter, you were the one to suggest him doing it alongside a few photos - images that didn’t show your daughter’s face, but still enough that everyone knew she was an actual, real human. Someone innocent on this whole thing that meant a lot to a lot of people.

He scrolls through the hundreds of photos from the past few months, trying and failing to pick the perfect ones.

It took him almost the entirety of your nap, but he hit post just as he heard you coming down to the living room.

“What time is it?” you ask, hair messy, hands still brushing sleep out of your eyes.

“Almost dinner time”, he replies, making space on the sofa for you to join him. You do.

“My sleeping schedule is so fucked, I’ll never be able to get it fixed”, you whine into his chest, closing your eyes again, taking in his comfort.

“Yes you will”, he starts, hands soothing down your side, “it might just take until Bun is in school”

You groan. Because you know it’s true. Because you can’t think about her going to school. Because you just woke up and want to go back to sleep already. There’s a lot to groan about.

“Did the statement come out?” you ask, thinking if there’s one more thing to add to your groan-list.

“Yup”, Minho fishes his phone, unlocking it to you, “I also posted this”

It takes a second for your eyes to adjust to the light. You see that there are notifications popping down non stop. From the members, from managers. So you set the phone to do not disturb so you can look at the post before you think about the repercussions of it.

The first picture is Minho’s classic black square.

The second is Miseol’s little feet, wearing the bunny socks you had used to gift Minho the ultrasound. It was a favorite of his and, whenever he was on duty to dress her up, nine times out of ten you would find your daughter wearing them. You should probably look into getting a larger one soon, she was growing fast.

The third was a close up of Minho’s face, his eye bags taking center stage. Neither of you had been getting much sleep. You let out a little snort at that and looks up at him, he’s so proud of himself and his whole expression shows it.

“You think you’re funnier than you actually are”

“Well, you laughed” and you roll your eyes because you hate when he’s right.

The fourth photo is, surprisingly, the bump. It was taken during one of your visits to Minho’s parent’s place with him. You had just eaten lunch and were all hanging out at the living room. Soonie had taken a liking to your belly from the very first time you visited them after finding out you were pregnant. On that day, already far into the pregnancy, while you rested on the sofa, the cat had decided he should take a nap on top of your bump. He was too big to fit properly, so his front legs were just hanging from the side. He fell asleep with his eyes half open, fully relaxed. Minho was only able to snap a couple of photos before your giggles disturbed Soonie’s slumber. That being one of those.

The next photo slide was Miseol’s little fist holding onto her big Leebit through the ears.

And then, finally, her hand again, wrapped around Minho’s finger.

The photos of the hand written letter followed, and you scrolled down to see the caption of the post.

t.leeknowsaurus Hi hi, Stay~

I have not been sleeping much but I am really happy

Don’t worry too much!

I’ll be with Stay again soon, but right now I need to be with this little dancer, she’s growing too fast already

I love you

It is very him. You look up and meet your lips to his.

“I love you”, you say. You can’t stop saying it now.

“You know that 'I love you' was for Stay, right?” He teases.

“And since when am I not a Stay?”

He smiles and kisses you again, “you’re right, you are my very first fan”

“Don’t disrespect your mother like that, I’m okay being second place”

“Do you think Miseol will like music?”

“With you as a dad? How could she not?”

“Then we will be her first fans.” He sounds dreamlike. You smile at the thought.

You can almost see it. Years from now, whatever it is Miseol decides to do, having Minho by your side to cheer her on.

You wouldn’t have it any other way.

> a/n | one final little chapter to go, everyone……. I'm feeling so bittersweet about the end of this story. On one hand I'm so proud of myself for seeing it through and so happy that many of you seem to have liked it but the other side to that is the truth that this little piece of writing meant a lot to me and was very much an escape from the chaos of real life. So yeah, bittersweet. I'll come back with an epilogue and a longer note next week, I ammmmm working on a couple other things for you that I'm very excited about, but I also need to take some time to let those stories simmer like I did with this one before posting it. Anyway, this is already too long. Thank you for reading, see you very soon :) > taglist is closed!

It’s late.

You should not have been awake at 4 AM and yet.

It’s not even as if you were sleep deprived. Truth be told, ever since going to bed the night before, this was the first time you were the one to get up. Minho was out the door the three previous times your daughter did as much as whine. You heard her cry while already up - your bladder was still not back to normal and kept waking you up at unreasonable hours. So you were quick to assure Minho you got her this time.

You had fed her and changed her. She had stopped crying, that is, until you tried putting her down. So you were doing laps around your small living room, going from the kitchen to her bedroom, holding her close and humming quietly, in hopes she’d be sleepy enough to be transferred to the crib with less of a fuss.

The sad thing was, you were already fully awake. You knew that, even if you managed to free your arms eventually, there was not way you were going back to bed. So you were in no rush. You took your time holding your baby. It’s not even been a week with her home and you felt that she had already changed so much. Her eyes were attentive to everything and she looked like she was filling her newborn clothes better.

It would still be night for quite a while, it seemed like the real start of winter. The rain was constant but looked like it would stop at any minute now, maybe turn into snow. The weather made you think of times when you were up at this hour as a young girl. Back when you were too big to need looking after all the time, but too small to know any better.

The alarm went off too late.

The bus would be coming in less then 15 minutes and you had not packed you bag properly the night before.

You were up late washing the dishes from dinner - you left the stove on for too long and half of the food was burnt and stuck at the bottom of the pan. Mom would be home the next morning and you didn’t want to leave the mess for her to handle. You still had homework to get done and needed to find a change of clothes to take with you for later in the day.

The dance lessons were expensive. It took you two years to convince your dad to allow you to sign up. You saved every last bit of your allowance to help out, and the ajumma at the nearby convenience store would always sneak you a couple of bills when you helped her with the delivery boxes.

Deep down you thought your mom was happy you’d start spending your afternoons after school out of the house. She had been taking on night shifts and would use the afternoons to catch up on sleep, so with you out all day that was one less thing to worry her. Dad had been traveling for work a lot - part of the reason why you were allowed the dance lessons was probably his guilty conscious at being away all the time.

But all that would only work if you could manage it yourself.

And you would manage, eventually. Over the years you would become a pro at juggling all sorts of responsibilities. You would dance until the very last available opportunity, and when those stopped, you would fill your time with other interests, other abilities, other lessons. You would keep dancing at home but, most importantly, your time at the dance academy would teach you about having a team behind you, people you could count on.

But that’s later.

So with less then five minutes to figure it out, you just stashed the first clean clothes you came across in your bag and grabbed an overly ripe apple on your way out. You could probably steal a bit of one of your friend’s lunch later in the day.

Your winter jacket was getting too small. The sleeves no longer covered your wrists and the padding didn’t feel that comforting anymore. Just as you stepped into the bus, barely making it, did you notice the soles of your shoes had also seen better days. You knew those sneakers were reaching the end of its life but you’d be out all day and boots were not the best dancing shoes. Your socks were wet, the bottom of your pants too.

But you made it to school, managed to dry yourself off, attended all your classes as expected. When lunch came by, there was a new face at your table. You had met Bora the week before, when you first visited the dance academy. She was brought in by the dance instructor, who knew she attended the same school as you.

It felt almost like a prank, at first. A little jab of the universe at you. Your mom had signed all the papers, sent in her authorization and the first payment for the lessons. But you went in alone, shaken to your core at the prospect of being denied entry. It was unusual timing, the middle of winter. But there was an opening, your math teacher was the one to let you know about it.

She knew you danced, casually. When you stayed late at school following dance videos on the cafeteria’s little TV while you waited for someone to come pick you up. She lost track of how many times over the past few years she escorted you home while you were still too small to get on the bus by yourself. Her sister was teaching at the studio, she might have mentioned something to you mom too, one of those rare times she managed to catch her.

And then you got there, and they bring in this girl, bright eyed and quick to laugh, to help show you around the place. You liked her immediately. Bora said she’d find you at school the next day, and she did.

You’ve been inseparable ever since. She caught you up on all the drama at the dance academy, who were the good instructors, the cooler classes to take. What to wear to fit in, who to avoid if you didn’t want an accidental sprained ankle. It was brutal out there, it seemed, and to have someone so nice given to you so easily? It felt odd, nothing ever went like that for you.

So you didn’t question when the rain turned into a downpour on your way out of school. That you were used to. Bora had left first, she had a dad that picked her up so she could change at home before classes. You didn’t know it yet, but over the next few years, many would be the times when you’d join her. Play around with her siblings on the back seat, reply to questions about school coming from her parents, who actually cared and wanted to know.

But that’s later.

At first you’d kill time at school. Take another bus. Walk a few blocks. Pace around until your wrist watch told you it was okay for you to go in.

One day a tutor would see you waiting outside, right as the days started to grow colder, and invite you in early for tea. She’d help you with homework and braid your hair for lessons. Many times over the years you’d think about her, whenever you could smell green tea brewing. Because she never asked you why you were waiting outside, she just took a look at your scrawny figure, your unfitted clothes, and the way you kept repeating the same movements to a choreography she had crafted, even without any music to be heard.

But that’s later.

When it was finally time for you to go in, that first day, you were soaked. The rain was a burden - but not unexpected. It didn’t exactly catch you off guard. You had time to hide your backpack under your coat, to try to keep your school work safe. But your hair was wet. Your legs were wet. Your shoes, specially, were absolutely drowned.

But you changed into what you brought. You ignored the splash sounds following you around as you walked. And you took the damn class.

You were surprised at how easily you followed along. The many hours spent in front of the TV paying off. Bora helped you with the steps you had trouble with and introduced you to her friends. You were happy. But then it was time to go home, and it was already dark out again, and the rain had came back. Bora left and you changed back into your - still wet - coat.

While you waited for the sky to stop crying, maybe just a little bit, enough for you to run to the bus stop, a little boy popped up beside you.

Bora had pointed at him earlier in class. 'That’s Minho, he’s a little weird'. You had seen him dance, a little jealous of how easy it came to him. It was a new choreography for everyone, so why did it look like he’d been practicing it for months? He was holding in a good puffer jacket. Something old, maybe second hand, but cared for and, most importantly, warm.

“Can you hold that for me?”, he says. Not a hello, not a nice to meet you. Just a request. You extend your arm mindlessly, taking the coat from his hands.

He kneels down, looks for something inside his bag and takes out a little pen drive. The little red device is attached to a cat keychain. He swiftly slides it off the wire holding it together, stands up and extends it to you.

“I had the teacher make me a copy of the songs”, you gawk at him, not fully understanding what’s going on, “you can have it until tomorrow.”

You start to feel ashamed, am I that bad of a dancer he’s doing all that to tell me I need to practice? But you also feel a little grateful, you had been wondering how to get your hands on the songs so you could keep training at home.

Before you can say anything, he keeps going.

“You can also borrow my coat, it will probably snow soon, my mom is picking me up”, and as if spoken into existence, a car pulls up in front of the dance academy.

Minho goes down the few stairs in a hurry, and hops into the car that had the car already pushed open by the woman sitting inside. He waves at you quickly before shutting the door behind him, avoiding the heavy rain still pouring down.

Once the car leaves you find yourself stuck in the same position, struck by the kindness of a kid you had never seen before. You slide in his coat, grateful for the extra warm it brings. It’s the perfect size for you and you consider stealing it forever, wonder if he will actually ask it back tomorrow.

He doesn’t. And he never will again, for any of the clothes you end up keeping of his.

But that’s later.

Back then, the rain gave you a break and, just as you were reaching the bus stop, little white specks started to fall from the sky.

It was the first snow of the year.

The bus took way too long to arrive and by the time you made it home it was way later than you expected it to be. Not that anyone noticed it, your mom had already left for work, your dad would not be back for another week. But you didn’t mind that much for once. You took a minute at your front porch. The snow had become a steady gentle companion. It had stopped raining, the street was starting to become slippery with ice. It was beautiful.

Because you had made new friends. You were dancing, for real. A boy had landed you his coat. It was snowing.

Through the years, you would spend many first-days-of-snow with them. You never forgot how your friendship had started. Minho and you would exchange that one pen drive for years, sharing song ideas for dances. It would break, eventually, but by then you already both had access to computers and, not much later, phones. And then you would text non stop, from serious to silly. Everything that life threw at you after that day, you managed to tackle.

It’s later.

You had slightly turned the chair at the nursery so it faced the window. The sky was starting to lighten and your baby was finally asleep in your arms.

“Is she down?” Minho is standing at the door, leaning on it, arms crossed over his chest as if he had been there for a while. He keeps his voice down, his usual bright tones disappearing and giving space for the low notes he only reaches on the early hours of the day.

“I think so”, you take her in for a second and suddenly you know it.

You look back at him, just as he’s coming closer. He leans down and you transfer her to his arms, she fusses for a second but settles easily. You think he’ll put her on the bassinet but instead he takes a step towards the window, looking outside while cradling her body close to his chest.

The step you take after standing up is the easier one you took your entire life. Almost like a magnet, you’re supposed to be right by them.

“Miseol” you say, quietly.

It doesn’t look like he heard you at first. His posture stays the same, he keeps looking out.

“It’s snowing”, he says. He looks down at the baby asleep on his arms. He repeats the name, “Miseol”

“What do you think?”, you wrap your arms sideways around his waist, rests your head on his shoulder to also look down at the baby.

He kisses the top of your head, “it’s perfect”.

Somewhere, on a different room, an alarm sets off. Soon the day will be here. The quiet will be replaced by the sounds of the world outside waking up.

But that’s later.

For a little while, it’s just you, Minho, Miseol and the first snow of the year falling outside. Time does not exist.

> a/n | ok so baby Bun finally has a name!!! I am not Korean so I had to trust good old baby-name sites to find one that made sense with the story, so Miseol meaning comes from the Sino-Korean 美 (mi) meaning "beauty", and 雪 (seol) meaning "snow". As always, thanks for reading, see you sooooon > taglist is closed!

If Minho had been quiet when he was last with you, now he could not stop talking.

Even if he tried, he just kept rambling on and on about his baby. Your baby. How she looks like you but also like him. How she looked like both of you but also like a completely different person. How tiny she is, and how mighty. How she held onto him the entire time he was there with her.

“So you have to wake up to meet her”, is a common phrase he’s been uttering.

You had not even decided on a name. Had you even discussed that? Mentioned it at all?

He had been so caught up in calling her Bun, he never even asked you if you had a name you called the baby in your mind. Did you have names that you liked? Were you keeping a list?

How could the two of you talk so much all the time and still have so much left unsaid?

“I can’t imagine my life without you”, Minho doesn’t want to talk in between the lines anymore, “you are more than a friend, you have always been more than a friend”.

And wasn’t that true? You had took residence in a much larger portion of his heart than any other person in his life. Safe for his daughter, maybe, but she lived with you so it just felt like he extended your mansion to fit a little bit more. You had been his first thought for as long as he could remember. Even when life made the two of you drift away for a bit, he could always trust you’d pick up when he called, he would always text you back as soon as he could.

The members used to tease him about it, how he’d drop everything for you. But he was in denial for so long. If only he had listened to them, maybe he could’ve figured it out sooner.

“Even calling you my girlfriend seems like too little”, he laughs at himself, at how true it sounds coming out of his mouth, “I don’t even think wife gets close to what you mean to me”.

His eyes widen. That was also true. Huh, guess there’s that.

“Not that I don’t want you to be all that”, he corrects himself, his little laughs turning more deranged, his nervousness getting the best of him, “I really want to call you all that. That is. If you want it. It’s okay if not. I will have anything, as long as I have you by my side. I can do friends, if that’s what you want.”

He cuts himself off. He thinks he could do friends. Friends who have a baby together. Who know the shapes of each other’s bodies. Who maybe kiss a little, sometimes?

“Yeah, I could do friends, but that’s the thing, I don’t think that’s what you want either”, he didn’t want to sound too presumptuous, but now that he had started talking about it, his brain going a mile every second, he couldn’t stop himself, “I think you like me just as much as I like you”.

Minho didn’t believe in soulmates. But if there ever was such a thing, he was pretty sure you were his. And wouldn’t it be too cruel of the universe to put you in his life, gift him with this person that felt like they were made just for him, allow him to love them, and not let them love him back? When he thought back to life before you, those few years of being a child, it all felt like it was moving in slow motion. And then you. And everything started moving very fast.

“It feels right to like you”, his throat is closing up again, his eyes a little teary, “it feels right to love you.”

He looks at your hand in his, traces the lines on your palm, rubs his thumb on your wrist. You are here. You will be okay.

“I just love you.”

You squeeze his hand. At first he thinks is his wishful thinking making him feel things that are not happening, but then he looks up at you and your eyelids are fluttering open, only to be closed again.

A frown graces your features and he stands up, maybe gets too close. He doesn’t care.

“Baby, can you hear me?”, he squeezes your hand back and you open your eyes and looks straight at him.

Minho could tell you were having trouble understanding where you were, he tries to keep his voice level, keep himself calm. He hits the button that calls for the nurse, never letting his eyes drift away from you.

“You’re okay, everything will be okay”, he keeps repeating it, both to you and to himself, he knows. He has no idea if it was registering but you kept looking at him too, so he hoped it was.

The door flew open behind him, a couple nurses and your doctor coming in. They’re gentle with him when they ask him to move, someone holds onto his bicep, slowly dragging him away.

He felt desperation starting to hit. Because you were awake and looking at him and he had so much to tell you. Someone is telling him they’ll be quick. They just need to check if everything is okay, run some quick tests. But his feet refuses to move, so he untangles himself from them, stepping closer to you again. Just one more thing, he pleads, and is allowed.

Minho takes your hands and places another kiss there, whispers, “I love you”.

You look at him like you don’t understand him, so he says again, looking at you, “I love you”.

And once more, just as he’s about to be shut out of the room, for good measure, louder than the previous times, “I love you”.

The corridor is empty. Quiet. The doctor is saying something inside the room but it’s muffled and he feels like gluing his ear to the door to try and hear it would not be the best look on him. So he waits.

Minho paces back and forth, five steps on one direction, turn, five steps on the opposite direction, turn. He keeps count at first, trying to occupy his brain. It must’ve worked as he has no idea where the nurse talking to him now came from.

“Would you like to visit your daughter again?”, she doesn’t even have to finish the question before he’s excessively nodding, barely following her this time. He had memorized the way there already, how could he not? He had to know where his little girl was.

She still looks tiny when he sees her, but why does it feel like she has already changed? It’s only been a couple of hours but he feels like he already missed so much.

The nurse accompanying him doesn’t even have to explain what he should do this time, he goes through the entire routine unprompted, and pulls the chair for himself.

“Mommy will be with you soon”, he starts by saying, “she just needs a little bit more time, but I know she’s so excited to see you”.

He’s a little braver with his hands this time, he maps out her features, carefully runs his fingers through her little legs, counts her toes. Minho’s not aware of what he’s even saying anymore.

Maybe exhaustion was catching up to him.

But he can’t will his mouth to stop, he must keep talking. Otherwise he might just combust. Explode with unsaid things.

So he tells his daughter about her mother. And then about her grandparents. About their friends. Even about the cats. And the baby is quietly asleep but, when his hand reaches hers again, she holds onto him just like before. A reflex, his conscious mind tells him, but his heart fights it with all its might. That’s his daughter, holding onto him for comfort.

“You can go back if you’d like”, the nurse’s voice is gentle, “she’s asking about you”.

And Minho is conflicted again, he looks from the baby to the nurse and back again. Couldn’t he bring her with him? Before he could ask, though, your doctor steps in.

“Minho-ssi”, she starts, and he stands up, careful not to disturb the place where his daughter has her fist wrapped around his finger, “they’re both out of danger now”.

And the relief hit him so hard his legs felt a little bit like jelly, but he held on.

“We’ll try and see if baby can breathe on her own and as soon as possible we’ll bring her to you”, and she looks at Bun with so much kindness that Minho realizes that some people are really meant to be certain things. He trusted her with his daughter.

He tells his baby he will see her soon. He promises. And that next time, mommy will be with her too.

And then he’s allowed back into your room.

You were sitting up in bed, drinking water from a cup with the help of a straw. Half of the equipment surrounding you had been pushed away, no longer in need, and you smile softly at him.

The nurse keeping guard beside you steps away and lets him switch places with her, you drink a few more sips before he helps you by taking the cup from your hand and placing it on the side table that has been moved closer.

“Hi”, your voice is hoarse.

“Hi”, he says back.

Minho hears the door close behind him, signaling that they have been left alone for now.

The two of you just stare at each other for a bit, he sees the emotions taking over your face one at a time. Joy, grief, worry. You open your mouth again but before any sound could come out, he’s putting your mind at ease.

“She’s alright”, he says, and sees you visibly relax. You close your mouth, smiles at him again.

Your arm reaches for the cup once more and he helps by taking it to your lips, helping you with small sips, until you are almost done with the water.

He’s so so so glad to see you awake. To recognize your movements, your expressions. He could not stop talking not that long ago, but now he didn’t know where to start. So he foregoes of filters. You’re his best friend, he had always known how to talk to you.

“Can we never do that again?”, is where he settles.

“Have a baby?” you ask quietly, a little amused glint in your eyes.

He laughs despite himself, “the whole almost dying thing”.

“Not planning on it”

Quiet again. He grabs your hand, pulls the chair closer to the bed, takes a seat. Minho brings your hand to meet his lips and just stay there for a minute. Taking in the contact. This is real. You are alright.

“I just love you too, by the way”

He releases all the air on his lungs at once, “you heard all that?”

“Not all of it but I think I got the gist”

“Ok, good”

You keep smiling at each other. Two fools, is what you are.

He knew you meant it like he did, there’s no longer space for doubt. Life is too short, everything feels too big, Minho loves you and you love him back. Just like that.

A nurse knocks on the door this time, so it seems like you are finally allowed enough privacy that people are no longer just walking in. Minho reluctantly lets go of your hand to give the medical team some space. They need to change your bandages and the doctor wanted to speak to you about what you should expect.

Minho stays in the room with you this time. He doesn’t flinch when he sees the cesarian scar, but he does look a little panicked when you hiss over the pain, with the doctor showing the both of you how to better care for it. Minho forces himself to pay attention to every single little detail, and you deter your reflex of rolling your eyes at him, knowing he’d follow every instruction to a T.

After everything has been taken care of, you’re offered a wheelchair to go see your little girl. You had been informed that she was now breathing on her own, but had to stay at the NICU for a little bit longer so they could monitor her.

The doctor was optimistic though, saying that if she kept going like she had, they could all be going home in no longer than a few days.

Minho is careful picking you up to help you onto the chair. You circle your arms over his shoulder and has to hide your disappointment at the need of letting go.

Would the doctor allow him to sleep in bed with you? It would be a tight fit but you had had your fair share of sleeping in couches together, so you thought you’d manage just fine.

--

Nothing could’ve prepared you to see Bun for the first time. For the first real time. You had seen her briefly as they took her out of you, but you couldn’t study her features, take in the reality that she was actually here.

“I love you”, is the first thing you tell her, and Minho allows you your moment with humor in his eyes. The fondest expression seeing his two girls together at last. You complete your thought, “I will always love you”.

And Minho can’t help but chuckle at that.

You force yourself to look away from her, to see what was so funny about what you said, but are disarmed as you notice that Minho had gone misty eyed.

“What?” you question, your free hand reaching out to him.

“That’s what I said too”, he replies, voice barely above a whisper.

You keep your eyes on him for a beat longer, taking in this new expression you had never seen before. How lucky for you, to keep getting to know new parts of Minho after all this time. Would that be his look as a father?

Your baby whines, the tiniest sound, and both of you coo at her, reaching together to soothe her. Her hand curls around your fingers this time, and you have to fight your own tears. You would not let your vision go blurry, you had to take in every moment. You needed to remember this. This was the best day of your life.

“She really does have your nose”, you chuckle as you notice it, thinking back to every ultrasound image you had seen of her profile.

“And your mouth”, Minho adds, while brushing her cheek carefully.

“We made her”

“Yup”, he lets out a little laugh, almost in disbelief.

The two of you stay by her for as long as you are allowed but, eventually, a nurse comes to collect you, saying you’d be able to be with her on your own room soon.

As Minho pushes your wheelchair away, you feel your heart start to crack.

Rationally you knew she would be okay. She was under the good care of the doctors. You’d be together again in no time. But your chest felt tight, your mind wondering into dangerous places.

You managed well enough until you were inside your room again, but as soon as the nurse left you, a sob escaped you unannounced.

Minho was by you in no time, his hands cupping your cheeks, his thumbs catching the tears that had started to fall.

You hiccup into him, holds onto his arms and feels the stretch on your lower belly where your stitches were placed. The physical pain meant very little.

“Hey, hey, baby, talk to me, what’s wrong?” he sounds frantic but his hold on you is kept tight.

You can barely talk through your hiccups, but you feel like you need to say sorry, so you try, “s-sorry I- I don’t- I can’t-”

“Should I call the doctor, are you hurting?” the worry in his voice makes your guilt deepen.

You force yourself to take deep breaths, focusing on the feeling on Minho’s hands on your face. You owned him an apology, an explanation.

“I should’ve gone home sooner”, you manage to push out, and saw as a little wrinkle take place on his forehead.

“What do you mean, baby?”

“I should’ve called the doctor, it’s my f- fault-”, and your breath catches again, more tears coming out.

“Oh no, no”, he takes a seat on your bed, bringing himself as close to you as possible, he scans your entire face, trying to decide what to do first, “It’s not your fault.”

“But it is”, you whine, “I should’ve called you, Minho, I almost lost her”

You hiccup and he brings his forehead to rest on yours. He closes his eyes and you follow, but the tears still escape through your eyelashes. He keeps wiping them away. You feel as Minho starts taking deep breaths himself, maybe trying to keep composed, maybe helping you regulate your own breathing. It works, either way, and you had no idea how long you stayed like that, forehead to forehead, breathing together.

“I would not be able to live with myself if I lost her”, you admit, barely above a whisper.

“We didn’t lose her”, is his reply, “and even if we had-”

He pauses then, as if considering his next words, as if being faced with the possibility is a bit too much.

“If we had, it would still not be your fault”, he completes, “but we didn’t, she’s here, she’s okay”.

And it’s almost as if he’s calming himself as much as you, but it works.

“I’m so sorry”, you start, but he stops you by separating your heads, making you open your eyes to look at him. He looks more serious than he had all day.

“I’m sorry”, he starts, and you open your mouth to protest but the look on his eyes holds you tongue-tied, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here, I’m sorry I didn’t check in before, I’m sorry you had to go through this alone”

Your breath threatens to quicken again, how dare him apologize for that?

“No, listen to me”, he keeps going, “I am very sorry about all that, and I can’t promise I’ll always be here but I’ll try my damn hardest. If anything, anything were to happen to either of you while I was away, that would be it for me too. But it didn’t. And it won’t.”

It sounds like he is reassuring himself.

“I love you so much, I’m so proud of all that you did for Bun, I can never thank you enough for bringing her into my life”

You still felt guilty. You still needed time to process everything, the aching was too new, too raw, it needed time to scar - and you knew it would. But for now, you could handle that. You could accept Minho’s love and mirror your own. You could step into the role of a mother, and try your damn hardest to be there for your little girl too.

He reaches for your water that has been refilled and helps you take a few sips.

“I love you”, you say, once more, for good measure.

“I love you”, because he hasn’t said it enough before.

--

It is only the next day that you are allowed more visitors.

The doctor had turned a blind eye on you and Minho sharing your bed and, just like you expected it, it felt like nothing out of the ordinary to squeeze into the space with him. You fell asleep to the sound of his voice babbling about what had happened while he was in Japan, at your request. You grew tired fairly fast and only woke up a few times during the night with the nurses coming in to check on your stitches.

The baby was brought into your room during the late hours of the next morning, and allowed to stay there with you. The nurses helped you with breastfeeding and changing her for the first time, Minho’s parents were allowed in too, at some point, and provided their own tips and tricks about looking after a little Lee.

“It’s just like riding a bicycle”, Minho’s mom joked, while disposing of a diaper for you, good humored and featherlight, her presence a soothing addition to your new orbit around Bun.

Bun, who still lacked a proper name. Minho and you had been brainstorming some ideas, finally, but nothing had stuck yet.

It was only when Minho’s dad insisted he was starting to smell bad that he agreed to step away to shower and gather some things you might need. He was too tired to drive himself though, so Bora, who also needed a shower and some rest, offered to take him.

The first stop is the dorms. Minho finds his bags already there, searches his wardrobe for a few changes and takes a shower that probably should’ve been longer. He’s eager to go back though, so he paces back and forth while waiting for Bora to be back, his friend having gone to her own place to also clean herself and pick up some cheesy balloons for your room. You deserved all the cliches that came with birthing a new human, and she’d be damned if she didn’t get you and Bun your flowers.

The next stop was your own apartment. You had never finished packing your maternity bag, but Minho knew where you kept most of the things and, with some helpful instructions from the nurses, he felt confident about completing your bag for you. Your phone was also still there and, as much as you kept going on and on about taking everything in and living in the moment, you had been asking everyone for their own phones to snap pictures of the baby’s tiny fingers and round cheeks. As much as he didn’t mind the quick growth of images on his camera roll, he knew you’d be happy to have them for yourself as well.

What neither Minho or Bora had accounted for, however, was stepping in into your apartment for the first time.

It took him a minute to understand why Bora seemed frozen when he knocked into her, about to curse her out for stopping.

But then he followed her gaze and landed on a small dried stain, only to keep following the stain into bigger patches of red. He felt like throwing up.

Bora turned around already hiccuping and it was instinctual to open his arms to receive her weigh. Minho and Bora were not the type of friends who showed affection towards each other often. He could count on a single hand the amount of times Bora had said something nice to him throughout the span of their friendship - she could probably say the same about him.

They had, however, a mutual understanding when it came to you. Both had always been softer, kinder towards you. Minho knew what Bora was feeling. Bora, who had mad light of the situation. Bora, who had been there for you countless times when he couldn’t. Bora, who was the one to find you, bleeding and in pain on a place that should’ve been safe. So Minho allowed her to cry first, for as long as she needed, soft pats on her back while he ignored the wet feeling growing on the front of his nice clean shirt.

He avoided to look at it for as long as possible.

Only when Bora finally calmed a bit and excused herself to wash her face, did he find the courage to understand what his eyes were informing him.

Glass was still on the floor, the vegetables on the counter making it so the entire place smelt a little funky, the bloody knife.

He started with the glass. Picked up the larger shards with his own hand, fetched a broom for the smaller bits. The blood had dried on the floor so he had to find some rags and wet them first, before he could tackle that. While it soaked, he threw the food on the trash, scrubbed the cutting board clean, wrapped the knife with plastic to throw it out - he couldn’t trust it anymore.

When Bora came back, not even 15 minutes later, having recomposed herself, she found Minho on his hand and knees, on the verge of a panic attack while trying to clean the stain on your kitchen tiles.

She calls his name a couple of times before he finally looks up, eyes red with the threat of tears.

So it is Bora’s turn to be there for him, sinking on the floor, holding onto her friend even if he refuses to hold back, shoulders tense, eyes shut tight.

“She needed me”, his voice is barely above a whisper but Bora is holding him so close, she hears him loud and clear. Would’ve even if he had made no sound. Her thoughts had been pretty similar.

“She has you”, she tries to comfort, but know it’s not enough.

She starts patting his back and feels him tense more.

Bora sucks at this.

“You suck at this”, and she chuckles, because it’s true. And he chuckles back because it is probably the fourth time they hug like that. Ever.

It’s loaded but Bora takes the rag from him and keeps scrubbing, wordlessly. He appreciates her more than ever before.

It takes him a minute to regain feeling on his legs, and he paces around the small space until he spots the back of your phone, your metallic phonecase with the little stickers barely holding on. It’s dead, he expected as much, but it helps with giving him a new purpose, an excuse to leave the kitchen.

Between the two of them, it takes a couple of hours to clean the entire place and get everything you need. Minho keeps pushing away guilt spirals and every time he looks at Bora without her noticing, it looks like she’s doing the same.

He will need some time, they both will.

But then his phone dings with a new incoming message from his mom, but he knew it was you texting as he opened the notification to a new zoomed in picture of his daughter’s tiny little cute ear.

He needed some time, but he’d be okay. Because his daughter had tiny little cute ears. And because his daughter’s mom was you, who sent him a photo with a tiny little cute ear and a follow up text, I could eat her whole!!!!!!

--

To leave without your baby was probably the hardest thing you have ever done. You had been discharged, but she had to stay behind for a couple more days so the medical team could make sure she was completely healthy and ready to be taken care of by just the two of you. And of course that was a scary concept. Something both you and Minho had been grappling with for months. Once she was born, she was your responsibility. Forever. But even if it was scary, what was even scarier was being kept apart, even if just for 48 hours.

Not even that long, actually, since most of that time was spent with the two of you with her at the hospital. The car trips were not kind to your healing body, but you insisted on them. So every day Minho would drive the two of you to stay the few hours that the hospital allowed.

However, when the day came that you could all drive home together, as a family, Minho was a pile of nerves.

After the fifth horn blasted your way, you had enough, “Minho, please, for the love of god”

“It’s not my fault they’re impatient,” his knuckles were holding so tight around the steering wheel that they had turned white, “I’m not going any faster”

“I’m not telling you to floor the pedal”, you plead from the backseat, where you have your hand gently placed on your baby’s stomach beside you, over the baby chair, “just enough so the horns stop scaring me half to death”

You are also dreading the noise waking up the baby. If she whined even just a little bit, you were afraid Minho might collapse.

The speedometer barely increases. You follow a bead of sweat travel down Minho’s forehead, his eyes still firmly on the road. He insisted on having the heater all the way up, just to be safe, he said, after checking she was bundled up enough to go the few meters from the hospital to the car. The higher temperature inside the car mixed with Minho’s own body overheating on nervousness made it so his hair was already wet and sticking to his forehead.

“We’re almost there”, he reassures himself, so quietly you barely understand him.

You make it in one piece, of course. Did it took you thrice as long? Sure, but Minho steps out of the car like a soldier coming back from battle with a victory, so you decide not to tease him about it. This time.

The apartment had been cleaned before you even stepped in yourself, first by Minho and Bora and then by Minho’s mum, who insisted on dropping by before you were released from the hospital to stock up your fridge. Of course she ended up doing a lot more than just bringing you food, but you were so drained when you finally made it back the first time, you barely took notice of how spotless the place was.

Minho had brought in enough of his clothes to fill out all the empty space on your wardrobe. You’d have to rearrange eventually, but for now you made it work. It’s not as if you had a proper conversation about it, it just felt natural that he’d live with you for the time being.

You’d work out everything else eventually, probably find a bigger place for the three of you. There were plenty of conversations to still be held but, for now, it felt like you had all the time in the world to get to them.

[2:51PM] kim seungmin: are you home yet?

[2:51PM] kim seungmin: photos?

It was not the first message like that you’ve gotten that day. Maybe the most direct but still. All your friends had been spamming you for updates, some more than others. While still at the hospital, only Minho’s parents were able to meet the baby. Felix, Bora, Jihye and Seoyun were allowed to see her through the maternity glass when they stopped by to visit, but everyone else was only getting photos and videos still.

The rest of Stray Kids had wrapped up the Japan promotions and were already back home, finishing some shootings from which Minho was allowed out. The general public was still unaware of everything. How his team had managed you’re not sure - but you were grateful nonetheless.

You went through the process of taking the baby out of the carrier and moving her to the bassinet. Every time you had to move her while she slept still felt like defusing a bomb. It’s not even that she was much of a crier, she was the easiest baby to care for. But she was So Very Small, and even with all the drama around her birth, she carried some powerful lungs. The pairing of small+mighty was fitting for a child made by Minho and yourself, but also made you always nervous of setting her off.

As she settled on a sleeping position, you snapped a quick photo of her. You had imagined this moment for months, your perfect baby, cozy and safe at home. Maybe time had slipped by you again, as you didn’t even hear Minho coming in before you felt his hand at your waist.

“Hi”, he whispered, bringing his body closer to you so he could have a better look at the bassinet too, caging you with his arms.

“I can’t believe she’s here”, was your reply.

“Me either”

It was quiet while the two of you admired her. Minho’s touch keeping you in place, his warmth rivaling the heater at the apartment. He had his face turned towards the sleepy little human but you allowed yourself a minute to take him in too. His expression soft, his eyes holding more love than you have ever though possible. Your phone buzzed again, demanding for your attention. You sneaked a little peck on Minho’s cheek before checking the device.

[3:06PM] bang chan (skz leader): did Lino survive the drive home?

[3:06PM] bang chan (skz leader): I hope you are all alright!!!

[3:06PM] bang chan (skz leader): texting to let you know the statement should be up in a few hours, just need your final ok

[3:07PM] bang chan (skz leader): and also to ask for baby pictures

[3:07PM] bang chan (skz leader): please

You show Minho the texts, to which he rolls his eyes before grabbing his own phone and nudging your waist, signaling that the two of you should step out.

The company was set to release a statement regarding Minho’s current absence from Stray Kids activities. He’d still do the Music Shows and the comeback showcase in a couple of weeks, before a much needed vacation break for the entire group. The first announcement would only state that he had a family emergency that pulled him away for a few weeks - which, to all accounts, was the truth. Because of that, there would be some content coming up that did not include him, but he’d be back for Stray Kids upcoming comeback, the rollout to which had started happening a few days before, just as you were about to leave the hospital.

That piece had been long reviewed and approved, the final ‘ok’ being more of a formality than anything else.

The second statement, however, was still a hot topic of conversation between the two of you.

Minho insisted that you didn’t need to divulge anything. You insisted that if people were to find out anything somewhere else, it’d be much worse.

Of course you didn’t want to pop your little bubble. Life was good with only your small inner circle aware that the world had forever changed with the coming of your daughter. But you loved Minho. And Minho loved performing. So you wanted to follow the company’s suggestion, a simple announcement, stating that you were his girlfriend - which was also true, now, apparently - and that the two of you had welcomed a babygirl together. That Minho would take a break to enjoy time with his new family but would come back soon as normal. Asking for your privacy to be respected and for the fans to wish you and the baby well. You knew there’d be backlash, the company had been preparing for it for months now. But the group was behind him and you were sure that, if you kept it simple and honest, not much could be held over him by the fans either.

On Minho’s side, however, worry was eating him alive. He had so much of his personal life scrutinized already that the concept of putting you in any sort of harm’s way was a bit too much to his liking. If it was up to him, the three of you would disappear to a far away island, never to be seen again. And he told you as much, many times, only to wonder on the next breath how he’d be able to live without food delivery. So you knew he was only postponing the inevitable.

He made it to the couch first, making himself comfortable and opening his arms in an invitation. You took your time adjusting your weigh onto him, the stitches still uncomfortable and making you move with care. Once you settled, Minho pulled up the e-mail with the notice on his phone, silently reading through the first one and sending a quick ok back to his manager.

He eyed you for a minute before pulling up the second one. The two of you had gone over it many times already, with only one final details to be added.

“What are you afraid of?” you ask, once you realize he’s just staring mindlessly at the writing on the screen.

He pushes out all the air in his lungs before replying, “I don’t know. Everything.”

“What is everything?”, his fingers start to run through your hair and you close your eyes, taking in his touch.

“You receiving hate”, he starts and you nod along, “people leaking your information”

“We have prepared for that”, is your response, “there are no traces of me online anymore, we went through a security verification, the company made me sign so many papers my hand has not recovered from the cramps yet”

He laughs weakly.

“I’m still scared of it, something happening”

Me being away, is the part he doesn’t voice but you hear anyway.

You push your body away from him so you could see his eyes, “Minho, baby,”

He makes no efforts to hide his smile and you take advantage of that.

“My love”, you draw in closer.

“My sweet”, you kiss his cheek.

“Caring”, his nose.

“Darling”, his lips.

“Baby daddy”, he laughs.

“Anything can happen at any moment”, you start, keeping your tone light, “we can only try our best to make our now as okay as possible. And that’s what we are doing. I’m so sure about us, about you. And the you I’m sure about is the one that belongs on the stage, just as much as the one that drives so slow when our daughter is in the car I might as well have walked home.”

He takes that in and you know he’s just being stubborn at this point. You had won this argument days ago.

“What if you grow tired of me?” you open your mouth to interrupt but he keeps going before you can, “and then you are forever tied to me by this very public thing?”

It’s then that you bring your own phone up, unlocking it to reveal the picture of your daughter sleeping at her bassinet that you had just snapped. You shove the screen closer to his face, forces him to look at her.

“I think I’m pretty tied to you forever already”, you try to keep the amusement out of your voice, but really, what was there to fear on that front?

You would be in Minho’s life forever. That has always been the plan. Even before your baby. Before the kissing. Before you finished growing up at all. From that very first cold day you met him as a kid, you knew there was no life of yours without him in it.

He stares at the photo for a little bit longer before a sigh is purposely pushed out. So he unlocks his phone again, reading through the statement one final time before finally sending it back to the company, so they could put that into motion next.

“Happy?” he kisses your temple as you snuggle back into him.

“Very”, you hum, content, “I am worried about something, though”

“A bit too late for that”, he draws back to search your face, but only finds that glint of mischief you reserve specially for him.

“I’m worried about Bun being a week old and still not having a proper name”, and at that he has to laugh. Fully.

“I thought we agreed we’ll just call her Bun until she’s old enough to decide on a name for herself?”

“Changbin has been texting me ideas”, you relax back onto him, the movement of his fingers on your hair returning immediately, “I’m afraid that if we take too long he might take matters into his own hands”

“Bora has been doing the same with me”, he admits, “and I’m afraid she might have already started on some paperwork”

You laugh with him until the sound dies off. It’s quiet outside, the buzz of the early winter afternoon not reaching your windows. The sky is turning grey and you think first snow should come any day now.

A thought pops into your head at that but, as soon as you open your mind to voice it, a tiny cry breaks through.

Minho is at his feet in an instant, his body reacting to the sound on autopilot.

You let him through and waits as he goes to pick up your baby, maybe he will be able to put her back to sleep by himself, maybe he will bring her to you and the three of you will sit together until she quiets down. You’ll have to wait and see.

Maybe that should be your new life motto.

Just wait and see.

> a/n |  Bad news is that we're oh so close to the end I can already taste it. Good news is that I have like three different WIPS that I'm so excited about I'll probably speed run the writing so I can get them to you soon hehe As always, thanks for reading, see you sooooon > taglist is closed!

“Congrats, dad”, and the world halts to a stop.

Minho had been aimlessly spinning at the speed of light for the last however many hours, but it all turned frozen solid just as fast.

The doctor’s expression was solemn as she explained what had happened. He felt like his brain has turned into mush, but this was important, he needed to focus. He tried not to read too much into her body posture, the way she was wording her speech, but it was impossible. His entire system was in overdrive, he needed a nap. He needed to punch something. He needed to see you.

You had just gotten out of surgery and had been awake for most of it. You had seen your baby, because your baby was born.

His baby was born.

But she was in distress, there were fluids in her lungs and she did not cry on her way out. He listens as the doctor explains how your heart rate had spiked then and it made it so you started losing too much blood.

Minho’s own chest was about to burst open.

The baby was a bit premature but her weigh was good and her heart strong. Of course she had a strong heart, she was half of you, after all.

They’d need to keep an eye on her because of the fluid on the lungs, but they were positive she’d make a full recovery and be out of the hospital in no time. She was taken to the NICU so the doctor could keep a close eye on her, and they’d keep him updated on when he’d be able to meet her.

You, however, had given them a bit more trouble. The medical team managed to get you stable, but you were still unconscious and under a heavy dose of anesthetics. They couldn’t really access any further damage until you woke up, so everyone was now playing the waiting game. The doctor would keep monitoring you, but you were being taken to a private room soon, where Minho would be able to go in and see you if he wanted to.

As if there was even a chance he wouldn’t.

He looked around the waiting room, at the people surrounding him. His parents were as close as they could be, his dad’s hand hovering over his back, not touching but making sure Minho knew they were there. Bora and Felix had both stood up, but were still by the chairs, quietly listening. Jihye was with them, but who knows when she had gotten there. One of his managers was also there, and a couple of security guards. Again, who knows for how long.

Minho had no idea how much time had passed from the moment he stepped out of the plane to the time he was following the nurse through a corridor, being led to you.

He felt the moment he was alone, his friends and family left behind. The comfort of their presence missed immediately. But you were right on the other side of the door, by yourself. The nurse guided him in.

You were lying on the bed, eyes closed, hair pulled up. You had so many cables connected to you that Minho couldn’t fix his eyes on a single place. The monitor beeping beside the bed indicated how your hearts was beating. It was steady but he couldn’t help but follow the lines as they moved, willing them to remain that way.

He took the few steps to reach you carefully, as if any harsh movement could make you disappear.

It’s too much to see you like that. You looked pale and even though he could clearly see the rise and fall of your chest as you breathed on your own, it was eerie to see you so still. He noticed when the nurse brought him a chair. He took a sit but never allowed his eyes to drift from you.

And Minho stays there.

At some point he decided it was okay to take your hand, and did just that. He’s so careful, afraid you might disintegrate under his touch. He uses both hands to hold onto you, tracing the shape of your fingers, the veins underneath your skin.

It’s so quiet. Even with the beeps of the machines, the drip of the IV. He had hectic days, even before the last 24 hours, his time had been filled with people and music and screams and joy.

And now it was so quiet.

Being quiet beside you was not usually so quiet. Is was silent, yes, but never this quiet. There was always the drum of his heart, your gentle movements. He could hear when you were thinking too loud, and eventually you would make a sound, hum a song, say something silly. And the quiet would turn into laughter.

Quiet with you had always felt like the early hours of the day, when the sky was still dark but already showing traces of blue on the horizon. When the city was still asleep and you could barely hear to the first chirps of the birds. When the wind was enough to carry sounds from farther away, before the sounds nearby took all the attention for themselves. Quiet with you had always felt like the beginning of something.

Minho had no idea how long he sat there. Hoping, praying to a power he wasn’t sure he believed in, willing for you to open your eyes. He hears when the door opens again, a nurse coming in to check on you - and also on him.

She doesn’t tell him to move, so he doesn’t. He can’t even make himself pay attention to what she is doing, reading the charts, pressing buttons. He only really looks at her when she rests a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Do you want to meet your daughter?”, is the question she poses.

And somehow, that’s when he remembers he has a daughter now.

Minho has no idea where his mind has been, filled with thoughts of you, you, you. So much so he almost forgets the reason you were even there. And then he feels guilty and angry at himself and disappointed at his own brain. He looks at the nurse, then at you. He didn’t want to leave you. You would never forgive him for leaving your little girl alone. He would never forgive himself for not thinking about her, just hours into this world and having spent all of that by herself.

So he nods. He stands up. He lays a gentle kiss to your forehead, careful not to disturb anything. He follows the nurse out, as she leads him through a different set of corridors, passing through multiple doors before the walls start to look more colorful.

The last door opens to a smaller room with a couple empty incubators. And right there, on the center, an occupied one.

He doesn’t need anyone to tell him who that is.

He’s glued to the white bassinet in a second, just watching.

She’s so small.

He knew babies were small, but have they always been this small?

She also had some cables and machines attached to her but, just like you, her chest was moving up and down, air filtering through her tiny lungs.

“We have drained all the liquid, it should be a few hours before we let her try to breath on her own, but she’s doing good”, the doctor appeared by their side, also looking at the tiny baby while laying out the information to him, “do you want to touch her?”

He nods, not trusting his own voice. She helps him disinfect his hands, gives him a mask and brings a chair from somewhere behind him, before lifting the sturdy barrier of the incubator. And then she walks to the other side of the room, allowing him as much privacy as possible.

Minho didn’t know what to do with himself so, instead of reaching out to his baby, he just looked at her for a long time, trying to memorize as much of her face as possible. The shape of her nose really did resemble his own, but there was something of you on her too. Every time he focused on a different part of her, he could see you, and then he could see himself, and then he saw her, in all her individuality. The mix of her parents taking the passenger seat as her own uniqueness was allowed to shine through.

She fusses and he almost loses all his ability to function. His hand goes to her on instinct, trying to calm her? Trying to calm himself? He runs over her cheek with a single finger and the baby turns her face towards him, as if seeking the contact. He allows his knuckles to touch her arm, a finger to find her hand. And she holds onto it.

The tears come fast after that. Quietly but merciless. He feels his mask getting wet but does nothing to stop the flow of water coming out of his eyes. His baby keeps holding onto him, he stills his hand and ignores the cramping of his arm at the position he’s holding. He’s not letting go of her.

“Hi”, his voice comes hoarse but he wills himself to keep pushing the sound out.

He should introduce himself. He should apologize for leaving her alone for so long. He should tell her she’s the prettiest thing he has ever seen. He does none of that, instead choosing something else entirely, an absolute truth no one could take away from him.

“I love you”, he all but whispers, “I will always love you”.

And maybe it was wishful thinking, but he could swear that her hold on his finger grew tighter. It only encouraged him further.

“Mommy really wants to meet you”, he goes on, “I really wanted to meet you, too. So you have to get very strong very fast so we can all be together, otherwise mommy will be very mad at me, I can’t hog you all to myself.”

He hears something beep behind him and only then Minho remembers the doctor was still in the room too. She steps closer and carefully tells him he needed to go now. Before he can protest she assures him he’ll be able to come back in a couple of hours, they just need to run some more tests on her. She asks if he wants her to take a picture of them and he nods yes, remembering his phone on his pocket for the first time in what felt like hours.

Once she hands his phone back, the very first picture of him and his daughter, he also snaps one of her tiny hand holding onto his finger, before fighting his every instinct and gently letting go. She fusses for a second and his heart breaks, but he knew he had to tell you all about her, so he needs to go back to you.

While following a different nurse back to your room, he quickly texts his parents and the member’s group chat the photo of his baby’s hand. He can’t be bothered to say anything else then, so he silences the phone and puts it back on his pants, avoiding the unavoidable question a while longer.

—

Mrs. Lee was not sure what she was expecting when she noticed the text from her son.

The doctor had told her that Minho had gone in to meet his daughter. She offered Mrs. Lee the chance to go see you while he was away and she took it gladly.

She spent a few minutes fussing over your unconscious figure. Adjusted your pillows, fixed your hair, held your hand. The doctor had to explain everything to her twice, she knew you were safe for now, just needed to wake up. So she told you about how Minho was already there, waiting for you, how he went in to meet your little baby, and that you needed to be up soon to join them.

Mrs. Lee couldn’t wait to see you be a mom. She had seen so many different versions of you over the years, you went from a quiet girl to a passionate dancer to a dedicated student to a more than capable office worker. And all those versions had one thing in common: you always gave them your all.

So she expected you’d do just that as a mom.

It would be hard, of course it would, it always was. But she’d be there for you, and so would her husband, her son, your friends. You had a whole village to help you out. And that village needed you with them. She did her best to translate that to you, to remind you of how wanted and loved you were. Because that’s what mothers do.

They love and love and love. And hope that the person they are loving grow healthy and happy. Grow knowing how special they were. Mrs Lee regretted not making herself more clear about that. You were never just another stray Minho brought home, as he sometimes liked to joke about. You were her baby too, even if you came to her a little later in life. And now you had given her a granddaughter.

A granddaughter that she had just seen for the first time, through a little hand wrapped around a single finger.

She told you about it, a mess of words that meant nothing and everything. Something to encourage you to wake up fast. You needed to see it with your own eyes.

When a nurse came by to tell her she needed to go, that Minho was coming back to stay with you soon, she was slow to stand up and even slower to let go of your hand.

A mother’s heart split in half, torn between so many people she wanted to hold and protect. But doubling in size as well, to make sure there’s always space for more.

—

Felix had waited for as long as he could.

He sat on the waiting room for over an hour after Minho went in. It felt like longer but also like just a blink of an eye. But to no avail, the doctor came back to give them a few updates, to say that Minho was sitting with you - and no one wanted to rush him.

So as his manager started to point out they should be going soon, Felix did his best to push his worries to the back of his mind, he had a shoot to attend, a couple of interviews to promote the brand he was representing.

During the shoot he kept taking little breaks to check his phone though, the only action able to ease his mind. The members had asked for updates a couple of times and Felix created a new group chat, adding Bora and Jihye, to help keep them all on the loop of what could be happening at the hospital.

He even added Minho to his emergency contacts, just in case. If he texted or called, no matter what, Felix would stop to check.

So it shouldn’t have surprised him when, in the middle of an interview, with the cameras still rolling, his phone alerted him loudly of an incoming text. He had the decency to feign embarrassment as he explained himself to the crew around him, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

“I’m very sorry, I just have to check this”, he unlocked his phone quickly, seeing the photo Minho had sent to the usual Stray Kids group chat.

It was his hyung’s hand, one finger out towards the tiniest fist Felix had ever seen. The baby’s own fingers wrapped around her dad’s. He couldn’t see the little girls face, just a little bit of her arm and the few wires attached to her. Even so, he felt a happiness beyond belief.

The interviewer cleared his throat and the sound brought Felix back to the moment. He sent a heart to the chat before storing his phone away again.

“A friend is in the hospital, I just got word from them”, he explained himself, not wanting to seem rude and unprofessional, but not wanting to give anything else away. The presenter was understanding and the interview went on as it should have.

It would be over a month before it aired, but Felix was surprised when, later, that part remained in the final video uncut. Fans praised him for his care, the way he was able to balance out his professional and personal life.

The members used his face as a meme for months. He had all his walls down for a second, the exact moment his eye landed on the photograph. Felix had looked worried and happy and coy and in love, all in a matter of second, the quick succession of expressions a whole banquet for editors on the fandom to run with it.

Minho said nothing about it but, when he first met Felix after the interview was online, he held his friend’s hand wordlessly for a little bit longer than necessary.

—

Hyunjin was not one to cry easily, really.

As much as he was a soft, romantic, sensible guy, tears were rare to rise.

But as he checked his phone and saw the notification for a text from Minho, he could feel his throat closing even before he opened to see what it really was.

He prepared himself for every possible outcome. Good, bad, terrible and wonderful.

Before he could muster the courage, however, he heard Changbin gasp beside him.

Stray Kids were all at Jisung’s room at the hotel. Jeongin had fallen asleep and Chan had stepped out to fetch something from his room, but everyone else was just laying around, in various states of stand by. Their recording had been pushed back and their flight was only late the next day, but no one felt like going out.

They were desperate for news. Bora had, surprisingly to Hyunjin, been serious about keeping them in the loop as much as possible. But still, it didn’t feel like enough.

So when Hyunjin looked at Changbin, he also noticed how every other awake person in the room was glued to their phones. Seungmin was nudging Jeongin awake, shoving the screen on his face. Hyunjin took that as incentive to finally look at his own device.

His eyes were wet before he even fully processed what he was feeling. Chan bursted through the doors.

“Have you seen it?”, he was panting, phone in hand as well.

“What is going on?” Jeongins voice was thick with sleep as he grabbed onto Seungmin’s wrist to adjust the phone away from his face, finding his focus, “is this…?”

“Hyungggg I wanna go home”, Jisung whines towards Chan, “we should be there”

Their leader pats Jisung’s head lovingly. The big eyed boy worded what everyone else had been thinking, and even though Hyunjin knew they had to finish their job before they could fly back, he also felt the same. Everything else seemed pointless as he looked at the tiny human’s hand.

Changbin’s hand landed on his shoulder and he looked up to see his hyung also had misty eyes.

“Ya Hyunjin-ah, are you crying?” and the question made Hyunjin cry harder.

As he heard the other member’s laugh in disbelief and also sniff alongside him, Hyunjin had set his mind on a new goal: to be the absolute best uncle to that little girl.

—

Bora didn’t know what she was feeling anymore.

Powerless had been a constant answer. Sad, worried. Angry at herself. For all that talking of being a good dad-uncle-aunt for the little girl you were carrying, she really felt like she fucked up.

If only she had checked in earlier. If only she met you more frequently. If only she had memorized the code to your door. If only she had paid attention to those CPR classes.

If.

If.

If.

What if you never woke up?

What if something horrible happened to the baby?

She could feel Jihye’s hand on her knee, a comfortable pat that had been going on for hours, but Bora couldn’t focus her attention anywhere.

As tiredness took over, all her will to make light of the situation dissipated. Minho’s mom had went in a few minutes ago, she had registered as much. Jihye had asked the nurse a couple of medical questions, using medical words Bora could not decipher by herself. Minho’s dad had stepped away to fetch everyone some coffee with one of the bodyguards and there was another one quietly typing on his phone nearby.

Her own phone buzzed but she didn’t check. Couldn’t do it. She knew it was probably the new groupchat Felix had created, one or multiple of the members asking for updates. Updates she couldn’t give them.

But then Jihye’s hand slipped away and the lack of contact made her turn to look. Her friend was misty eyed starting at her own phone. And Bora was not good at feelings but she was surprisingly perceptive.

Jihye did not look sad or worried. She looked in awe.

And Bora dared to hope.

So she fetched her own phone, unlocking it to reveal the groupchat straight away. The buzzing kept coming in rapid succession, and she had to scroll back a bit to see what everyone else was reacting to.

A tiny hand wrapped around one of her oldest friend’s finger.

There was suddenly a surge of energy running through her body. All that nervous energy coming back in the best way possible.

Bora was still worried. Still angry at herself too, a little bit. But now she really was an aunt-uncle, and she decided the best she could do was try to be a good one.

As for the dad part? She guessed Minho had that one covered.

—

Your consciousness came back first in sounds.

There was beeping, a some sort of dripping going on on your left.

The consistent hum you associated with a heater turned on.

And, most importantly, Minho’s voice. Going on and on about so many things you couldn’t keep track.

Minho was a talkative man only once you got to know him. He could go on for hours when something peaked his interest. But it was not a usual thing. Not a daily occurrence. So it felt odd to hear him go on for so long.

He sounded happy and sad, all at once. Excited about some things, coy about others. Most of all, you could tell he was talking straight at you.

You started to map out your own body. You were laying down, your legs were tingling, something hurt but you couldn’t point out where. You felt numb on most of your body. Someone was holding your hand.

Minho was holding your hand. You could tell as much.

You decided to focus on his touch, the way his fingers were tracing your palm, your wrist.

That helped with understanding. With remembering.

You have always loved how Minho held onto you. Casual, firm, careful. How he’d always run his hand down your arm before intertwining his fingers to yours. How he’d brush your hair back, tuck it behind your ears, free your shoulders from the strands so he could rest his head there, plant kisses too, later. How he’d be so gentle with your bump.

Your bump.

Your baby.

You had seen her, she was so tiny, she was screaming and then she was not and then there was a rush around you, a change on the was the doctors were speaking, their attention splitting between you and her.

That’s when everything went dark.

Minho’s voice pulled you away from your panic. He was calm, so she must be alright too. Right?

You made yourself focus again, maybe if you tried to follow his voice?

There was something warm on your hand, and then something cold.

If only you could open your eyes.

It was so bright, even with your eyes closed, if felt like the light was right above you.

You want to complain about it, but something is blocking your throat.

Your eyes flutter open, it’s harsh and you have to blink fast as they well up with tears.

Now more of you hurt, you can tell something doesn’t feel right, but everything is still too numb.

Minho calls for you, his face comes into focus.

He looks so pale. He had always sported a fairer complexion, but not like that. His hair is a mess, you want to help him fix it. You squeeze his hand and it draws a gasp out of him. Minho looks frightened, but you are on the ground, so there’s nothing to be scared of. You want him to let go of your hand so you can wipe his eyes, but he keeps holding onto you tight.

He calls for a nurse and you want to scold him, you want it to be just the two of you, you have so much to tell him.

But then they are pulling Minho away, and you wanted your hands free but now they are so cold. And he looks so sad as he’s escorted out of the room. Your brain registers he keeps telling you something, but you are having trouble putting meaning the in the worlds.

It sounds like I love you.

> a/n |  every comment on the last chapter was so kind!!!!! you guys are wonderful, it makes it hard to stick to a posting schedule because I just want to give you everythinggggg <3 as always, thank you for reading, see you soon! > taglist is open!

Maybe it would’ve been better to call off work.

But you were not even a week away from your maternity leave, and already working reduced hours, so it felt unfair to the rest of your team to start lacking now.

So even if you had barely slept the night before, with the baby being overly active - completely ignoring her father’s request, by the way - you pulled yourself together and drove to the office.

And then, as soon as you got there, damn relentless braxton hicks. The first time you had felt them was so early in your pregnancy you couldn’t even panic about the fake contractions, just flagging your doctor who advised you to stay hydrated and take the chance to practice your breathing.

You had already downed more water over the past hour than you had the past two days, and the deep breaths suddenly seemed to make the pain worse. So you tried to hyper focus on the task at hand and make through the day.

The worst thing is that it caught you off guard every. damn. time.

You’d be perfecting a presentation and then have to double over on your chair when a new wave of pain hit.

A couple hours would go by and during a tea break you’d almost collapse with your knees giving out at the sudden discomfort.

It was only when Seoyun noticed you gripping your table a second time, knuckles going white, that she decided to take action.

“Please just go home, honey”, she had brought you another glass of water, and stared you down until you drank it.

“It’s just braxton hicks, you know how it is”, it was one of the many maternity talks the two of you had shared.

“Yes, and I know they’re a bitch, specially later on”, she chuckled, and then discretely pointed towards one of the new intern’s desk, “you’re making the kids uncomfortable”

You rolled your eyes, “it’s a completely normal thing and those kids are literally like, twenty-five”

“Remember how you felt about pregnancy literally like a year ago?” you knew she was right, as you were one of the people that would visibly cringe whenever she overshared any weird pregnancy quirk. Good thing Seoyun was a better human than you were and had always took it lightly.

“Does this feel like karma?” you frown your nose at her playfully.

“Just a little bit”, she winked, “but seriously, honey, go home”

You looked at the clock to see that you still had a couple more hours before you could leave, so you settled on a middle ground.

“I’ll just finish this and I’ll go, promise”

“I’ll come check on you!”

And she really did. Almost an hour later, you had just hit ‘send’ on the e-mail with the presentation you had been working on, and she spawned out of nowhere by your side again, scaring you out of your train of thought.

“Can you drive home?” she asks, and you see she will not relent so you slowly start packing your things and turning off your work computer.

“Yes, mom”, you sound annoyed but she knows you mean it with affection.

“Are you sure?” she had been watching you, noticing how you seemed to be in more and more pain as the times you had to stop to take a deep breath became more frequent.

“I’ll drive slow and be very safe”, and she seems convinced enough to let you go.

She was right though, the drive home proved a bit of a challenge but you managed, silently thanking Minho once again for allowing you to keep his car. Public transport would’ve definitely killed you today.

The thought makes you want to text him but then you remember that he had back to back interviews all day, and then some recordings going into the evening, so instead you decide to take a shower, eat something, and resort to finding some silly videos later on to spam him, something he could watch during his small breaks to decompress, instead of making him worry about you some more.

A few hours pass by in a haze of discomfort before your phone notifies you of a massage again. You pick it up expecting it to be Minho and scold yourself at the disappointment you feel when it is not.

[6:51PM] bora-bora: managed to finish a bit early!

[6:51PM] bora-bora: can I pick you up or do you need a little bit more time?