Why Won't This Cocking Cucumber Behave?

a severe thunderstorm warning that doesnt follow through is worse than orgasm denial

to be honest, kitten doesnt know how many more “ok 💗 yay 💗”s they have left in them

drawings are secretly the enemy because they start off very nice and unassuming but then when they're about 80% done they start emanating a malevolent aura that makes finishing them the scariest activity you can imagine

Getting kicked off love island for trying to poison the men

‘how would other people describe you’ why would i know this

The two wolves inside every writer: "this is genuinely the best thing i have ever written. i am gifted. i am changed. this paragraph alone justifies my entire existence on this planet." and then five minutes later, same paragraph: "who wrote this. who allowed this. this reads like a golden retriever trying to describe grief. i need to lie down and reconsider everything." both wolves are always wrong. the paragraph is fine. you need a snack.

what's the matter honey? you've hardly touched your fleeting experience of time on earth

“I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy” I would, next