Tales from the Tower

Updates on Life and Writing

So, I finished my course of ECT, and was doing so well. Now I have a new psychiatrist and we are trying out new medications and combinations. It’s going to be hard going, with the need for regular blood tests and ECGs. But I have high hopes 😀 In other news I got a short story accepted by The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction. That’s been a long term goal of mine! I am over the moon. I also…

So over the weekend I joined in #writerslift on twitter and I gained over a thousand new followers and in turn found over a thousand to follow myself- lots of writers and readers too. I’m so excited and overwhelmed at just how lovely and kind the community is. I am still doing the last wee read through of the novel I got a full request for from a really cool agent. It also got a like from a big…

Today I had a session of ECT. The staff there know me quite well as they’ve helped me over the years a good few times. They are wonderful and they make it do much easier. I was upset, worrying that this time it would not work, that I would no longer respond. The Sister, Joan, really assuaged my fears telling me I said the exact same thing at the beginning of the last course and it was my…

Hello everyone. I know it’s been a good while but I sincerely want to get back to blogging. I’ve been in hospital just over three weeks, and I’m about to start another course of Electroconvulsive Therapy. But I feel inspired to write here because I have survived a difficult few months and I’m getting help now. And I feel like even though everything has slowed down and things I love to do are…

This, Mary, is after your time but I still come here Hoping to divine your expert opinion Sure, everyone knows the story and all good students of literature know (even those who lied and watched the movie) who the real monster is Still, Mary, I devour the tales of you more captivating to me despite my love of sci fi and of horror your life itself pumps my blood faster the loss and…

Long Time, No Update

Well,  I thought maybe it was time to come here again, it’s a bit of a graveyard.  My life has changed so much in the last two years.  Unfortunately my writing hasn’t changed enough, so prepare for a deluge of emotion poems fold.

Say you need a break Time away from me A chance to focus on yourself Let your mind be free Everyday I understand That I am hard to bear Stuck in my pyjamas Or in the bed upstairs I try to be more fun Scrape it from my bones Play the girlfriend puppet Made of sticks and stones She cannot last for long She always falls apart Running through your fingers You see she has no heart The real me reaches…

You cannot help me Nobody can Holding me up Will not make me stand Inflating my lungs Does not mean I’m breathing  Covering my wounds Does not stop them bleeding I tell such lies Say I am bending  I snapped long ago But say I am mending The urge to please Is one of my curses Playing the part To doctors and nurses Making them feel That I’m their success When truly inside I am a mess I know my…

  Once in the asylum They read us a poem We sat around in silence Expressions made of stone   They read it out aloud And asked us what it meant A man was walking on a road That up ahead was bent   The point it made was simple We cannot see ahead All we have is here and now Enjoy the walk instead   They read it out again We got the message clear Stop and smell the roses now And don’t give in to…

Three months on the sofa Spent falling down Then three weeks a dead tree Stuck in the ground Unable to fool them Unable to eat Unable to wash Or get to my feet I can’t bear to stay But can’t even leave Ground down to nothing A body that breathes And now I am stuck here Wondering how long It will take to recover To heal and be strong You battle a dragon But you cannot win Your body gets weary And…

Wherever I go I go alone Even the brittle crack of my heartbeat Belongs to a girl I left behind The feet that I go on Leave footprints to the past And the road stretches empty ahead Wherever I go I bring the blade of a thin smile That severs all connections The downward glance of eyelid- curtains say the scene is done There’s nothing but an empty stage behind this front Wherever I go

I had forgotten what it felt like to be accused of causing someone to attempt suicide Now memories come back full force and I’m a child again Only a burden I am not myself alone I am part of a collection One they call the girls I can be punished for words That don’t come from My own lips She can be silenced For bearing an opinion From her fingertips An irony of sorts Attacked  for criticising…

Hi  readers and writers Due to my illness I am really struggling to stay on top of projects in my life.  Unfortunately this means going on a short hiatus here at Bad Apple. We will be opening again start of February 2017 for submissions with a view to publishing issue 3 in May.  I am so sorry for any inconvenience or disappointment caused.  I hope you have enjoyed the stories we have published so…