Best New Blog 2017

(guy who's not getting anything done voice) I need to learn every skill and all information

I won't ever get over the removal of headphone jacks, or micro sd slots, or cd drives. I won't. Fuck everyone and everything

i assumed this was porn

Do you remember the episode of Spongebob where he's training gary for the snail race and does a coach persona + calls gary a girl and has an aside where he's like "I called you a lady to demean you 🤓" and right after he says that it cuts to sandy and she somehow telepathically feels that Spongebob just did something misogynistic and us like I feel like I need to kick Spongebobs ass for some reason. And then she appears just at the end of the episode to kick his ass.

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

Messing up my customer service hotline job and playing a gunshot sound effect over the phone then coming back with a slightly different accent

i wish i could purr so my friends know im still happy even if m not saying anything

Good to see the autistics are enjoying this one

white ppl with small dogs will go places u never thought possible

my nephew is explaining to me that the crew who will fly his airplane tomorrow are spending the whole day squeezing all the farts out of their systems so that they won’t fart on the airplane and make it a fart plane. learning a lot about how our world works.