Lonestar's Homestar

It’s easy to forget that among the Umvirate races humans have the least distance from their evolutionary ancestors. They’re charming and friendly, and get along with damn near everyone.

But there are moments when we’re reminded just how animal these newcomers still are. For me, that moment was when our ship crashed.

Smoke clogged the air, pouring from combusting electronics. My ducts wheezed forcefully, trying to force the particles out. Logically I knew it was a waste of effort; no one would be able to lift the section of ship that had me pinned. But every species has some degree of survival instinct in them, and mine wouldn’t let me stop.

Thank the algorithms for that.

A shape burst through the whirling smoke and flames, forcing them to curl around it and snarling as the tongues of fire licked at its exposed flesh. A brief hope swelled within me before my rational mind quelled it. I cannot be saved, it said. Do not drag anyone down with me.

“What are you doing here?” I called, recognizing our human, Ash, whom we’d picked up not two calendars ago. “You have to get out!”

Ash barked in a hoarser laugh than normal, the smoke, I assumed, and said, “And leave you behind? Not happening.” I could see the human’s eyes now, darting about taking in the situation. The pupils widened as it saw where I was pinned and for a moment I was horribly reminded that it came from a predator species. Logic, thankfully, overrode the accompanying worries. Still, it did not have enough strength in its frame to move the metal that had me pinned, not with under this gravity, not even with its deathworlder build.

I tried again to warn Ash away as it approached, but a snarl was the reply I got as the human braced itself against the floor and pinning metal. I closed my ears in grief. We had been warned, of course, how humans will imprint on crew members, treating them as they would family. It was part of what attracted us to the idea of hiring one, after all. But we hadn’t accounted for the bonding working both ways, and now I felt guilt for Ash’s impending death.

I did not hear – as my ears were screwed shut – but rather felt the metal warping as it was bent off of me. Shock overtook me as my brain attempted to make sense of the event. Ash could not have the strength to do that, but somehow did. Thank the algorithms. By the time I could process everything that happened fresh air was assaulting my ducts. Gratefully I inhaled and stared up at the beautiful, grimacing beast that had saved me.

Us, I quickly realized. Several other crewmembers, only somewhat singed, lay in the field around us. I could hear Ash’s ducts working overtime to supply fresh air to its system and my sight returned to it. The human’s eyes were wide and staring at the burning wreckage. Not in fear, I realized, but focus. A focus so intense that I shivered to even be on its periphery. But the guttural roar that burst from the duct of the human shook me even more.

Ash began sprinting back into the burning ship. I lay there in silent horror watching my companion defy every survival instinct it must have and charge back to save more of our crewmembers. And then I saw it happen again.

And again.

And again.

Seventeen members were saved before the fire became too intense for even the deathworlder. It collapsed to its knees at the burning entrance making sounds I recognized as distress. Having recovered enough to move, I drug myself forward and wrapped myself around the human in the manner that I had been told was comforting. It must have worked as the human gripped me tightly – uncomfortably so – as it wailed in grief for the lives it could not save.

I learned later – almost as an aside while giving my report – how it was that Ash was able to accomplish what I had thought logically impossible. Evidently under great stress humans secrete a natural compound very similar to higher end combat stims. This gives them increased energy, further resistance to pain, and unbounded use of their freakish strength. That last thought especially chilled me. It was haunting to know that every feat of power I’d seen until then was subconsciously limited by their brains to prevent their own body from tearing itself apart.

Despite the tragedy, Ash thankfully chose to stay on, though I think it was uncomfortable with the newfound deference shown to it. But there was nothing to be done about it.

like, back in 2008, “Xbox” was synonymous with “video games.” you didn’t say “wanna come over and play video games,” you said “wanna come over and play xbox”

video games is a business where most of the base will ditch you the moment one thing doesn’t happen one minute after it’s said it was supposed to be done

Deep brand loyalty has been ingrained into videogame culture since the days of the SNES and the Genesis. An entire generation of marketing was built on taking potshots across the road at the other company, trying to make them look bad while making yourself look cool. Things got a bit muddied when the aborted Nintendo+Sony deal resulted in Sony entering the console market on their own in earnest, but the folding of Sega and Nintendo’s refusal to stop doing their own thing (the graphical prowess of the Gamecube was kneecapped by their insistence on using weird proprietary discs based on mini-DVDs) meant that we eventually wound up once again with a heated two-horse race between Sony’s PlayStation 2 and Microsoft’s new Xbox. PS2 had the library advantage, but Xbox had superior hardware and much better online support, not to mention Halo.

The tension between the two only grew stronger in the following generation, where Sony fell into the same trap that Nintendo did (weird proprietary hardware in the form of the Cell Processor that wound up scaring developers away) and lost ground to the Xbox 360, with Nintendo not even pretending to compete on account of going for the grandma audience with the Wii. This left the core console market as a two-sided affair, which is the perfect recipe for an “us versus them” brand war. The Blu-Ray/HD-DVD format war also factored into a strengthening of the battle lines, as did the general perceived demographics of the consoles. The PS3 was the Japanese anime game device, whereas the Xbox 360 was the American multiplayer shooter platform. You either picked one or the other, and brand loyalty shitposting hit an all-time high, with arguments about consoles exploding or having no games on them.

As much as I love the PS3, there’s no denying that the Xbox 360 was the clear winner in the North American market. The only reasons the PS3 didn’t crash and burn with its disastrous price and lack of library were because it got Metal Gear Solid 4 and because the early Xbox 360s had a catastrophic overheat failure rate, which made the expensive PS3 a slightly more appealing option once word of the overheats got out. By the time Microsoft ironed out the hardware problems, the PS3 had finally gotten more games on it, but it still wasn’t enough to defeat the 360 in terms of sheer popularity. 360 was easier to develop for and had the killer app of Halo 3, and the rest is history.

The Kinect is partially to blame for Xbox’s downfall, but not just for existing. The Kinect circa Xbox 360 wasn’t a massive success, but neither was the PS3′s Move controller+EyeToy setup. It was a case of both companies experimenting with motion controls after the Wii struck gold, but doing it too little and too late. Where the problems hit was when Kinect was included as a mandatory part of the Xbox One. In theory this was a good idea for developers since they could count on the Kinect being part of every unit and thus develop for it more confidently, but this backfired due to the Kinect itself being unpopular with the Xbox’s core demographic and inflating the price of the Xbox One, making it $100 more expensive than it would be without. On its own, this would have been an awkward handicap, but not insurmountable. The biggest shot in the foot for Microsoft was that they paired it with absolutely anti-consumer policies.

When the Xbox One was announced, the plan was that it had to be always-online to work, and wouldn’t support used games. Always online is a tall order for some customers (especially those with data caps), and always online with a mandatory camera+microphone device is extra skeezy. The used-games lockout was also very anti-consumer, since it would also potentially prevent you from sharing games with your friends. The real kicker though was when consumers asked about an offline option for the Xbox One, they were told that Microsoft already had a product for people who couldn’t have a constant internet connection: The Xbox 360. They essentially told all their customers to fuck off and stick with the old hardware if they didn’t want to be constantly online. The fact that marketing focused more on TV apps, sports, and media box stuff instead of gaming only further seemed to tell the core gaming audience to piss off.

The sum of all this is that Microsoft was announcing a console that was more expensive than it needed to be to accommodate a peripheral that the core audience didn’t want, all the while seeming to actively antagonize the core gaming audience who would buy it in the first place. That’s enough to give people pause about where their loyalties lie.

The final nail in the coffin was Sony’s response to Microsoft’s tone-deaf announcement. Having been humbled down from their high-horse during the PS3 days and eager to regain ground, the PS4′s announcement was pretty much a direct “take that” at Microsoft. Their console was announced at a price $100 below the Xbox One with no mandatory motion bullshit, and their presentation on how to share games on the PS4 was a simple 3 second demonstration of physically passing the disc from one person to another. There was no used games lockout, no always online bullshit, and no wasting time on sports and TV to the detriment of games. Hardware wasn’t a limitation either, since both the PS4 and Xbox One were based on x86 PC architecture and had more or less comparable specs. Microsoft couldn’t even rely on Halo to move consoles because the IP got handed over to 343 Industries, who proceeded to shit on the lore and alienate Halo fans. It could also be argued that the popularity of multiplayer shooters had given way to what we now know as the Soulsborne genre, and PS4 had Bloodborne as its killer app for added incentive.

As one might expect, the combined effect of Microsoft pushing their audience away and Sony eagerly pulling them in resulted in many people flipping to PS4, leaving Xbox One in the dust. While Microsoft eventually realized the error of their ways and tried to reverse course by axing the Kinect and disabling always-online via a patch (ironic considering you need internet to download a patch in the first place), the damage had already been done and they lost loads of market share.

To add insult to injury, Microsoft since then seems to have been intent on digging their grave even further. While Halo has lost the draw it used to have, Microsoft still had some tantalizing exclusives up its sleeve, such as the Remake and Remaster of the cult hit Phantom Dust, Crackdown 3, Cuphead, and the Platinum-developed Scalebound. Microsoft evidently decided this gave them too much of a chance to recover, so they cancelled the Phantom Dust Remake after sabotaging it with changing goalposts (reports say they cancelled it BEFORE announcing it publicly, which is extra baffling), released the Remaster for free on Windows 10 (probably to get people to upgrade to Windows 10, which was facing its own consumer crisis), released Cuphead on Steam instead of as an Xbox exclusive after a long status of being MIA and presumed cancelled, left Crackdown 3 also MIA, and most terrible of all cancelled Scalebound and ended their partnership with Platinum only to later announce it was un-cancelled and being developed internally by what we can only assume is a much less capable mercenary crew of devs frankensteining together the existing assets into some kind of shambling mess.

This is entirely wrong. The Wii was in fact #2 in North America and #1 worldwide.

Nintendo won the 7th generation.

Also, I don’t think the above summary realizes just how savage the prie point of the PS4 was. Like, forget the game-sharing demo, that was attempted murder right there.

March, 1995. In Las Vegas, a new trade show is happening, specifically aimed at the video game market. The Electronics Entertainment Expo is a major success, and one of the highlights are the new product announcements.

Sega of America CEO Tom Kalinske is sure he’s got this one in the bag. His company’s doing well, and they have a brand-new console that flat-out outperforms its nearest rivals - and not just on paper. Notably, it’s capable of vivid and smooth colour and detailed shading in a way nobody else can match - and it’s faster and has more RAM. People have been drooling over this thing since it was released in Japan last year, and they’ve got a solid handful of launch titles. Plus a secret weapon.

They do a fairly impressive launch reel, and then he pulls out the big guns: Originally scheduled for launch in September, Kalinske tells the excited crowd that the Saturn is available in stores right now for $399 - less than half what some people had paid for imports, and less than the expected launch price of Sony’s console!

Next is Sony’s launch presentation. It’s unclear how they can possibly follow up on that - this is a new entry into the console market, its hardware is definitely weaker, and it hasn’t shipped yet. But Sony’s representative, Steve Race, has a plan. He steps up to the podium, looks out at the audience… and sets his notes down.

“$299.”

He turns around and walks away.

Meet Midoriya Izuku, U.A.’s Rising Star

Meet Midoriya Izuku, U.A.’s Rising Star

The mentions below are a combination of beautiful visuals animation movies that had captured an immediate attention due to its fresh and appealing color choices and drawing-styles; yet, still intrigued the audience with a unique plot. Before you check out the list, keep in mind that I did not forget any of Studio Ghibli productions. I think every project in Ghibli is so special that I feel I need to make a separate post, don’t you agree? Plus, I want to give a shout-out to other animes. Some are extremely underrated and need much more love and appreciation!  ❤️  this and enjoy~ 

Hirune Hime: Shiranai Watashi no Monogatari /  Ancien and the Magic Tablet (2017)

Digimon Adventure tri. 4: Soushitsu / Digimon Adventure tri. Loss (2017)

Uchiage Hanabi, Shita kara Miru ka? Yoko kara Miru ka? / Fireworks, Should We See it from the Side or the Bottom? (2017)

Zutto Mae kara Suki deshita.: Kokuhaku Jikkou Iinkai / I’ve Always Liked You (2016)

Koe no Katachi /  A Silent Voice (2016)

Kono Sekai no Katasumi ni /  In This Corner of the World (2016)

Kimi no Na wa /  Your Name (2016)

Hana to Alice: Satsujin Jiken / The Case of Hana & Alice (2015)  

Kokoro ga Sakebitagatterunda / Anthem of the Heart (2015)

Sarusuberi: Miss Hokusai (2015)

Giovanni no Shima / Giovanni’s Island (2014)

Inari, Konkon, Koi Iroha / Inari, Konkon, ABCs of Love (2014)

Tamako Love Story (2014)

Kotonoha no Niwa /  The Garden of Words (2013)

Buki yo Saraba / A Farewell to Arms (2013)

Hal (2013)

Kaguya-hime no Monogatari / The Tale of the Princess Kaguya (2013)

Ookami Kodomo no Ame to Yuki / Wolf Children (2012)

Nerawareta Gakuen /  Psychic School Wars (2012)

Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae wo Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai / Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day (2011)

Hotarubi no Mori e /  Into the Forest of Fireflies’ Light (2011)

Hoshi wo Ou Kodomo / Children Who Chase Lost Voices (2011)

Momo e no Tegami / A Letter to Momo (2011)

“Bungaku Shoujo” Movie / Book Girl, Literature Girl (2010)

Summer Wars (2009)

Byousoku 5 Centimeter /  5 Centimeters Per Second (2007)

Paprika (2006)

Toki wo Kakeru Shoujo /  The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (2006)

Tekkon Kinkreet (2006)

Bonus: A 15 one-minute shorts created by various people from Japan’s animation industry. Be prepared to indulge in 3 seasons of masterworks. 

Ani*Kuri15 (2007)

The mentions below are a combination of beautiful visuals animation movies that had captured an immediate attention due to its fresh and appealing color choices and drawing-styles; yet, still intrigued the audience with a unique plot. Before you check out the list, keep in mind that I did not forget any of Studio Ghibli productions. I think every project in Ghibli is so special that I feel I need to make a separate post, don’t you agree? Plus, I want to give a shout-out to other animes. Some are extremely underrated and need much more love and appreciation!  ❤️  this and enjoy~ 

Hirune Hime: Shiranai Watashi no Monogatari /  Ancien and the Magic Tablet (2017)

Digimon Adventure tri. 4: Soushitsu / Digimon Adventure tri. Loss (2017)

Uchiage Hanabi, Shita kara Miru ka? Yoko kara Miru ka? / Fireworks, Should We See it from the Side or the Bottom? (2017)

Zutto Mae kara Suki deshita.: Kokuhaku Jikkou Iinkai / I’ve Always Liked You (2016)

Koe no Katachi /  A Silent Voice (2016)

Kono Sekai no Katasumi ni /  In This Corner of the World (2016)

Kimi no Na wa /  Your Name (2016)

Hana to Alice: Satsujin Jiken / The Case of Hana & Alice (2015)  

Kokoro ga Sakebitagatterunda / Anthem of the Heart (2015)

Sarusuberi: Miss Hokusai (2015)

Giovanni no Shima / Giovanni’s Island (2014)

Inari, Konkon, Koi Iroha / Inari, Konkon, ABCs of Love (2014)

Tamako Love Story (2014)

Kotonoha no Niwa /  The Garden of Words (2013)

Buki yo Saraba / A Farewell to Arms (2013)

Hal (2013)

Kaguya-hime no Monogatari / The Tale of the Princess Kaguya (2013)

Ookami Kodomo no Ame to Yuki / Wolf Children (2012)

Nerawareta Gakuen /  Psychic School Wars (2012)

Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae wo Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai / Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day (2011)

Hotarubi no Mori e /  Into the Forest of Fireflies’ Light (2011)

Hoshi wo Ou Kodomo / Children Who Chase Lost Voices (2011)

Momo e no Tegami / A Letter to Momo (2011)

“Bungaku Shoujo” Movie / Book Girl, Literature Girl (2010)

Summer Wars (2009)

Byousoku 5 Centimeter /  5 Centimeters Per Second (2007)

Paprika (2006)

Toki wo Kakeru Shoujo /  The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (2006)

Tekkon Kinkreet (2006)

Bonus: A 15 one-minute shorts created by various people from Japan’s animation industry. Be prepared to indulge in 3 seasons of masterworks. 

Ani*Kuri15 (2007)

[Begin Log]

It’s no secret that humans are a barbaric race of S-class superspecies formerly classified as A-1 class apex predators that come from a terrifying death world. However, like their death world, which orbits a boringly ordinary star, humans, in their astounding superspecies rank, celebrate the incredibly ordinary, and even the outright idiodic.

A few cycles past, I was disturbed from my meditation by the sound of what I presumed to be a human in agonizing pain. Upon exiting my chambers, I found a human, Joe, tinkering with a handheld device. When I asked what seemed to be the problem, he angrily told me that he had, “died!” Obviously, he had not, because he was standing right in front of me and was in active conversation. Upon asking him to clarify, he told me that he had failed in a game of something he called Mine Sweeper.

Seeing that it was just a mobile game of little intellectual challenge and of no real life importance, I probed no further and left him to his incredibly simplistic simulation of a life or death scenario. I believe humans call it “gaming.”

Throughout the following cycles, I would periodically come across human Joe on his time off and here him curse at his virtual death in this pointless game. When I asked why he persisted after failing so many times at something so minor, he told me, “It’s true value isn’t in its usefulness or its ability to make me stronger or smarter, but in its challenge of precision guessing, Nerva.” He then proceeded to start another round on what he said was called “Expert Mode.”

Just a few hours ago, I was again disturbed by a loud noise outside of my chambers. It was human Joe, only this time his incredibly loud noise was one of joy. As I exited, I found him, I believe humans call it “dancing,” with the device in his hand and screaming, “YES, YES, FINALLY!! 13 MINUTES, BUT FINALLY!!”

When I inquired of the significance of that length of human time, human Joe informed that he had finally “beaten” the expert mode on this game of Mine Sweeper.

Other humans in the hallway congratulated him by smiling, laughing, dancing with him, and patting him on the back. They all celebrated this stupid and pointless victory over a halfway mindless game, and I noticed that the overall morale of the ship, especially around humans, was higher this day. They all seemed to be happy over the pointless success of their shipmate.

Humans truly are a puzzling race. They have the potential to control the galaxy, and yet they collectively celebrate when one of their pack members completes a challenge in something that is not an intellectual challenge.

I must observe them more in order to attempt to understand why this is so. Perhaps if I play this Mine Sweeper myself I will begin to understand….

••• Three Hours Later •••

I must update this log to inform any who may stumble upon it that this game of Mine Sweeper truly is of no intellectual challenge but indeed possesses an addictive attribute. I must warn you, DO NOT PLAY IT!! You will waste much of your time mindlessly poking your holograms! Don’t do it!

••• Two Hours Later •••

I have completed Expert Mode in 14 minutes and 32 seconds! Human Joe was right! There is a value in succeeding when you guess correctly!

••• Three Hours Later •••

I must admonish myself. I have wasted my time on this foolish game for 8 hours and accomplished none of my work. I failed to heed my own warning.

On the bright side, I have managed to get my Expert Mode time down to 7 minutes!

I now understand the humans’ celebration of such a pointless victory.

Imagine a human leaving her kid with an alien friend because her SO is sick and none of her human crewmates are able to act as babysitter and she’s got an important meeting. So she goes to the meeting and the alien takes her kid to one of the rooms in the ship that acts as a sort of play area.

Then, when the human comes out of the meeting, she picks her phone up and sees that she has some missed calls…

1st call: “Hey, Katie, it’s me, Grit. I know you’re probably in the meeting by now and can’t answer your phone, but I was just wondering… Jackie’s been chasing the other kids a lot, is she hunting them? Is that part of the whole predatory instincts thing? They all seem to be having fun— at least I think so, they’re all making that weird noise you guys make— but I just thought I’d let you know. And, um, listen… she’s not going to try and eat the ones she catches, is she?”

2nd call: “Hi, Katie, Grit again— look, I know that you guys are descended from tree climbing mammals and so your offspring need climbing equipment to satisfy those instincts— but there’s no way she’s supposed to be that high, right? None of the other parents are doing anything and I can’t go up and get her down because my hooves can’t get a grip on the frame. She’s right on top and— NO!<incomprehensible noises that sound like a cross between the moo of a cow and the bray of a donkey>— okay, so she’s swinging from the bars. One of the other humans just explained that that’s normal. He’s offered me some coffee, but I said no because I’m pretty sure that stuff’s toxic. I’ll try not to call again unless there is an emergency.”

3rd call: “I’m so sorry, Jackie’s been injured. She tripped over and seems to have lost a layer of skin from her knee. She’s making these noises and there’s liquid coming from her eye sockets and I don’t know what to do! Please pick up! There’s blood and the coffee offering human keeps saying she should suck the blood out or something. Is that a thing? Does your species’ saliva have healing properties? Shoud I call a medic?! Please pick up!”

PSA animation assignment: Packbonding With Your Human Coworkers

this PSA can also be used by humans trying to get along with other humans

song: crepe suzette

also big thanks to my siblings for helping out with the hand poses

“I don’t understand,” Chuul’s mandibles clicked nervously, “why not simply take the tool from the human.” 

Minxx’s antennae stood straight up, a sign of shock, fear, or surprise, “You don’t simply take something from a human. If you do they will either turn the ship upside down trying to find it again, or they will replace it with something else that will lead to more destruction.

“I speak quite literally by the way. Human-Mark used to have a tool he called an “Hex Key” he used it to remove the doors to the clothing storage areas in his quarters because he was bored. When he lost it he literally turned the ship upside down by reversing the gravity.” 

Chuul’s tentacles curled up defensively, “Gravity controls are locked, how-”

“No one knows how.” Minxx shook her small wings as the memory of suddenly falling upwards returned to her. “but his reasoning was that the tool would fall out of whatever hiding place it had come to rest within. He had not considered that all tables, chairs, equipment, and personnel, would also fall. It took weeks to clean.” 

To be fair to the human, Mark had only intended to reverse the gravity in his own quarters but had, quote, “pushed the wrong button.” A sentence which would send fear through any intelligent creature in the known galaxy. To be completely unfair to the human, there were still stains on the ceiling in almost every room of the ship from dropped food, chemicals, various other liquids, and even a couple of empty bowels. Some races just didn’t find the idea of resting comfortably in their sleeping quarters, only to be suddenly awakened as they fell ten feet toward a ceiling which had now become a floor. Mark was no longer allowed near environmental controls. 

Minxx continued, “He did not find this “Hex Key.” However, he did find the screwdriver and it seemed to please him when an owner was not located. The captain let him keep it since it seemed that it would keep him from doing any more strange things to locate his original lost tool. We did not consider-” she trailed off as her wings quivered again. 

There was silence between them for a few moments, Minxx was almost unwilling to continue and Chuul was almost too afraid to press for more details. Slowly, but surely, Minxx calmed herself enough to speak again. “we did not consider what he may be able to do when armed with a leverage optimiser.” 

“We were given shore leave while the ship was being fixed after the gravity incident. Thank goodness the captain took out act’s-of-human insurance or it would have cost the profits from our next five cargo hauls.” The premiums were high, but it was worth it. “After 14 rotations, human-Mark began to complain over the lack of stimulation, he called it “bored.” On the 15th rotation he disappeared for some time and he had hoped he had found some new activity to occupy his time.” 

Chuul did, but at the same time didn’t, want to know, “Had he?” 

Minxx waved her antennae in confirmation, “he had. He was located in one of the cargo holds, using the screwdriver to dismantle one of the mining probes. To, quote “see how it worked.” It was almost 90% deconstructed.” 

Mark had claimed it was almost 10% REconstructed, as he was trying to put it back together again, but couldn’t quite remember where all the parts went. In Mark’s words, the captain was a “glass half-empty kinda guy” (whatever that meant) and wrote DEconstructed on the claim form for a replacement probe. 

Chuul’s natural camouflage kicked in and they took on the colour of the chair they were sitting on. “Those probes have no screws for the leverage optimiser to use, how did he-” 

Minxx’s wings shivered again, “no one knows how. He just did.” 

Chuul was silent for a moment. He’d never served on a ship with a human before. He’d heard they made things “interesting” and if you ever got into trouble, a human was the very best thing to ever have on your side. It was why they were so many job opportunities for humans in the alliance. All the same…the thought of a human causing such damage and destruction just because of a lack of mental, or physical, stimulation was a more than a little frightening. What if the human wanted to see how the engines worked, or the weapons?!!  “Maybe I should transfer to another ship.” 

Minxx’s antennae curled, a smile to her race. “You are safe. The captain has found a way to occupy our humans free time. During our last stopover, he commissioned a shiny orb be constructed.” 

Chuul coked their head, “what is a shiny orb?” 

Minxx’s curled antennae moved up an down; a sign of mild laughter. “It is nothing. A sphere made of shiny metals, humans do like shiny things, roughly two feet diameter made of a collection of gears, levers, screws and switches which appear complex and should have a function, but do entirely nothing. The captain handed it to Human-Mark and stated: “see if you can fix this.” and Mark has been “tinkering” with it during his off-duty hours for almost 24 rotations now. He can take it apart and rebuild it as many times as he likes, but it will never perform any task.”

Chuul was just thinking about how their captain must be a genius, when the door to the mess hall opened and Human-Mark entered. He was carrying the shiny orb under one arm, and his screwdriver in the other hand. He looked around, seemingly not noticing any of the crew members. He smiled when he spotted an empty liquid container and sat down at the table with the cup. 

Chuul and Minxx watched curiously as Mark set the orb on the table in front of the cup. He used the screwdriver to tighten one small screw and flipped a switch. At once there was a whirring and clicking of clockwork, a blinking of lights hidden in the depths of the machine and even a TING from a small bell. Then a small funnel-shaped piece of metal opened up in the side of the machine and poured a small amount of hot, black, liquid into the cup.

Mark jumped to his feet, pumping the air and yelling loudly enough to send Chuul’s camouflage reflex off again. He grabbed the orb, abandoning the cup of steaming hot liquid, and moved to the door. 

Minxx stared after them, “Human-Mark?” 

Mark only paused for a second in the doorway. He was prominently displaying his predatory teeth. Chuul had read about these “smiles” but it was still disturbing to see. “Can’t stop Minxy. I gotta let the captain know I fixed his coffee maker.” 

With that, he left. Leaving Chuul and Minxx frozen in place, dumbfounded.