•what if i roll the stone away•

we all got that 1 friend that brings a sadomasochistic vibe 2 the hangout

'i asked chat gpt..' ok well i asked dan howell and he said microwave is onomatopoeia

*sighs dejectedly* okayyy you got me, I care *smashes head into nearest wall with such force my skull is crushed like a beer can*

religion is so fucking funny the world is just too beautiful there must be a higher entity behind all this. lets oppress women

Like to charge, reblog to cast?

Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!

having a headache while hydrated is so unfair. you were supposed to protect me.

I do suffer the american condition of liking to drink huge drinks

Resteraunt servers have the funniest and most surreal workplace stories of any profession. They have the job that mean nurses think they have. The entire world is working against them the entire shift. And then you feel terrible for laughing. It’s not funny that you tripped and spilled an entire ice tea all over a toddler and the kid started screaming at the top of his lungs. Nobody was having a good day, thank God it wasn’t a hot coffee. That’s not funny. I did laugh so hard tears started rolling down my face when you recounted this mortifying ordeal though.

Until death, all defeat is psychological.