An Angry Flower

[actively bleeding out] hold on *coughs* there's a Mountain Goats song about this..... give me my phone. let me just play it for you real *cough* quick

you never see cross-fandom shipping anymore. there should be horrible discourse about chilchuck x karkat

for real though chilchuck would be way better for karkat than dave and it would give dave an existential crisis. karkat needs structure and drive but dave is just like a hang out dude, which karkat is fine with until he meets an adult man who is employed and realizes that being 26 isn't the same as being an adult. dave would be in absolute shambles and move out onto jade's couch and she would be super attracted to him but he's just not looking for that kind of thing right now....

the party meets chilchuck's new boyfriend at an alternian-style bbq and laios becomes obsessed with sampling all the different flavors of grubsauce

fuck people who reblog posts which contradict each other. no! be explicitly clear

admire folks who reblog posts which contradict eachother. exactly! keep em guessing

Trying to get people into webnovels is like I swear once you get past the questionable translation, weird writing style, and strange formatting it gets REALLY good after the first (couple) hundred chapters

I looked the book up. the main character's name is Tookie De La Crème

adulthood involves green bell peppers in some way I think

see the thing about iwtv is that i will always believe louis no matter what unless claudia says something different. then i believe claudia. lestat could tell me that it's raining during a thunderstorm and id need a peer review.

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.

this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun

I feed my white son clear broth

I also think that the strength gap is at least partially manufactured women would in fact be stronger overall if little girls were encouraged to do physically taxing games and activities and eat their fill while they’re growing vs having to constantly diet and be sedentary indoors (or god forbid do intense cardio while under-eating). The amount of adult women honestly afraid to lift weights bc they think they’ll get bulky as though bulking isn’t a full time job that athletes have to spend all their time on and anyone on earth gets shredded from just using their adult muscles for their intended purpose, girl your bone density 🥀

if you say women are intentionally nerfed from birth in 2026 people look at you like you’re insane and start condescendingly telling you about how women are just better at different things (but not during their periods haha) but this was a completely basic feminist talking point I grew up with like “girls can do it too! [shot of little girls climbing and running with boys]” nickelodeon commercial tier base level I hate it how is everyone suddenly dumber than the average 7 year old

this is going around again and the tags are full of people talking about printing it out to put in their breakroom or cubicle or sending it to their coworkers, which fills me with great joy. vast diversity of professions represented also. zoos. labs. summer camps. restaurants. garden centers. libraries. schools. many reports from the brave warriors of assorted retail. a truth universally acknowledged: if there is a sign a customer will not read it <3 and they don't read emails either <3