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Your hands brushed the saffron silk tunica you had decided to wear for the evening, smoothing the nonexistent wrinkles. It was the first dinner where you would be more than a simple, unimportant guest of the emperor, so your outfit had to be more than just plain. Without little knowledge of fashion, you had tried to coordinate the tunica color with the jewelry set that the emperor had gifted you not long ago after the first gladiator game. All in gold and inlaid with garnet stones. You also put on your new bangle, as you now consider it a lucky charm. You take a deep breath, preparing yourself for dinner, not even sure anymore if you actually wanted to go. Thankfully for you, Flavia was going to be here, which means that the evening was not going to be fully terrible. Walking among wealthy people was a thing; sitting with them for hours was another one. You opened the door of your room and walked in the way of the dining hall, walking at a steady pace. The closer you got, the louder the chatting and music were. 

The dining hall was already crowded, not as much as the first time you had been invited, but still too much for you. Your eyes began to scan the room, trying desperately to find the only face you knew since being at the palace. You probably shouldn’t have stayed at the same place for so long, as an annoying voice and a tug at your arms stopped you in your mission. 

“You’re late! I’ve been here for an hour already.” Why was this woman's first sentence to you a reproach? The evening was going to be long, you thought. 

Entwining your arm with hers like you were friends since out of the womb, she made you walk around everyone. It was uneasy for you; it was like acting like little girls among grown-ups who were talking about business. But she was so much talking about herself that she must not have noticed your embarrassment, or she didn’t care and appreciated putting you in such a situation. One thing, Konig and the commander were right; she was extremely egocentric. Since she started talking to you, you knew where the clothes she wore were coming from, how her day had gone, what she had eaten this morning, what her father had said to the council this morning. She was talking so much your brain wouldn’t even register her words from her mouth anymore. 

Thankfully for you, Konig entered the hall, and the noises toned down immediately as much as Livia's voice, which completely went silent. With a simple greeting, the emperor invited everyone to sit at the table. You noticed Flavia and her husband next to Konig and began to go their way, but sadly, Livia grabbed your hand, making you sit down next to her. Trying to keep your cool and refraining from running back to your room, you checked your left neighbour. A middle-aged woman who bore the same bored expression as you. From what you could decipher, her husband was actively talking to a man next to him, and she was just sitting here. Guess you were not the only one who was in a bad situation. 

The food began to arrive on the table, and everything seemed so appetizing. Bread, meat, vegetables, and it made the tables look so colorful and full. And so much wine. Will you be able to drink tonight? And as if the universe heard your thoughts, a servant put a water jug next to you, signaling to you quietly that the emperor had asked for it to be brought to you. You thanked him mentally and poured a bit in your cup. As you brought it to your lips, Livia had no better idea than to elbow you, nearly making you drop your cup. 

“Look! My father is next to the emperor.” She said, completely ignoring the annoyed look you gave her. 

You watched in the direction she indicated, and noticed an old-looking man, with barely any hair on his head. He did not bear a resemblance to his daughter, you constated. He was talking to Konig and the commander, both men listening carefully to what he was saying. Livia was rather proud of it, judging by the look of superiority sitting on her face. Now, she does have something in common with her father. That same air of superiority that you began to dislike. 

“You know.” She began saying, mouth full of food. “I know you don’t know a lot of people here, so I thought that it would be nice to sit next to you so you wouldn't ridicule yourself.” 

How ironic and childish that sentence was, from a woman who apparently didn’t learn to swallow before speaking to someone. Even you, from your village, learn that. You didn’t want to cause a scene and risk Konig being ashamed of you, so you just nod politely at her statement, eating a piece of bread. 

The dinner went peacefully after that, Livia too occupied between eating and staring at her father and the emperor, though it was probably mostly Konig she was staring at. You even had the chance to talk to the old lady on your left. Not a big talk like the rest of the room was having, but nice enough to cut you off from Livia and her vanity. 

You learned from that lady that her husband was also a senator, and while he loved his occupation and everything that was going with it, she did not really enjoy it. You confessed to her that it was your first time being at a banquet like that, and she looked surprised, stating that you were so well-dressed and mannered that she thought you were a regular and she just never really noticed you. You thanked her, and she just smiled at you, continuing her talk on the food and the weather. While for some, that conversation could have been too plain, you appreciated it. How long has it been since you didn’t have to think about every single detail in your head before speaking it? 

As you reach for a piece of fruit, you mindlessly turn your head to where Konig is seated. You thought he would be occupied with someone next to him, but you catch him staring at you. Was he watching you the whole time? You couldn’t help but give him a smile in response to his own. You thought it went unnoticed, but sadly, Livia appeared to have abandoned her conversation with her other neighbour and redirected her attention to you at that precise moment. How much you wished to never turned your head; it would have made you avoid those stupid and hurtful questions. 

“I didn’t know you knew the emperor that well.” She said, the tone of her voice colder than before. 

What could you possibly respond to that? The voices around you felt louder as you tried to think of an answer to give her. One that didn’t involve the fact that he took you out of your village and you technically had no powers or wealth here. 

“I know the emperor had no concubine. Are you a whore?” 

Ouch, this one hurt a little too much for your liking. Does everyone here think this, or just her and her apparent jealousy? 

“I’m not a whore.” That’s the only thing that could leave your lips. Your hands were gripping your tunica so hard that you were pretty sure the non-existent wrinkles you tried to smooth before were actually existent right now. 

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry!” She fakely apologized, the fake smile she kept giving you making you nauseous. “Since the emperor had never seemed to care for a woman, and you’re not from a well-known family, I just assumed that you were one.”

How could someone born into wealth be so ignorant? She continued ranting about prostitutes despite the uncomfortable looks on your face. She complained about them, shared her disgust toward such women, and claimed that if she were the empress, all those women would be thrown into jail. 

“Excuse me to interrupt you, but do you think those women had a choice? Most of them had dreams that got shattered and had no choice but to turn to prostitution.” You said, keeping the anger in your voice low. 

You could remember vividly the women in your village who had to turn to prostitution to feed their family when the husband died and their families wouldn’t help them. Or the young girls whose fathers put them on the streets because they had debts to pay. 

That little bitch didn’t even seem to actually care about what you just explained to her. You sighed as she continued her ranting. 

“So, what are you to the emperor?” She asked you. 

She was actually right; what were you to the emperor? He may have fallen in love with you, but what statue did you have next to him, or next to her? Just when she was about to open her mouth again, Konig got up from his chair, and everyone followed him. The dinner had finally come to an end. You got up and moved away from the table, and everyone, but the unpleasant sensation wouldn’t leave you. You were starting to feel dumb, dirty; how could you even think about having more importance than anyone in this room? You felt a hand on your shoulder and immediately turned around, ready to shout at Livia to leave you alone for one minute. Instead, you were met with a concerned Flavia, and you felt relieved and terrible at the same time. 

“Are you alright?” She asked you, and you felt bad at her worried tone. She was the last person in this room you wanted to worry with your poor state. 

You nodded, giving her a poor smile as you tried to keep yourself composed. Your eyes were searching for Livia, since she had an annoying talent at making herself invited in any conversation. Flavia must have noticed the way your eyes were searching for someone, and she was quick to tell you that she was discussing with her father and the emperor. You let out a sigh of relief you didn’t even know you were holding. 

“She’s annoying, right? My husband said that to me the other day.” Flavia began, her voice as soothing as you could remember. “Since she’s the daughter of a senator, she may think she’s more important than someone else, but please don’t let the things she says worry your pretty head.” 

You wished you could have had a big sister like Flavia; maybe you wouldn’t be so affected by that little shit words. Giving her a half-convincing smile, you nodded again, not really sure of what to say. At this point, you were too ashamed of asking anyone if they saw you as a genuine human or just a plaything for the emperor. The commander joined the two of you, and as he saw the sour expression on your face, try clumsily to compliment your outfit and congratulate you for your talent in this morning training. 

“What do you mean sword fighting?!” Flavia gasped, watching her husband with doubt. 

It lifted your mood a bit, finding it funny that a man like him was looking so scared of his small wife. You watched him stutter on his words, trying to explain to her that he saw a certain potential when he and Konig made you train with them. 

“Potential for what? Getting killed in war? You two should leave her alone. She had made so much progress in her writing; it’s not to be killed in a stupid battle.” Falvia said, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“Dearest, it’s nothing of the sort; consider it a self-defense thing.” The commander explained to his wife. 

You watched quietly as the two of them argued for your future. Since the training this morning, you did not think too much about it, as Konig didn’t seem fond of the commander’s idea of you swinging a sword more professionally. But the self-defense argument had attracted your attention. It would be great if you were able to defend yourself from a potential danger, and even protect people around you, such as Flavia. You did have enough strength to endure such training after all, so why not ask the emperor? If you were only a plaything to him, it shouldn’t bother him to find another one if you break. 

The bickering eventually died down, as Flavia sighed in defeat and the commander was just happy that his wife didn’t appear to be too mad at him. She held your hands and told you to write her a letter when you go back to your room, explaining everything that happened and what bothered you. 

“I’m sorry I can’t stay longer, but write it down; it will help you clear your mind, and I will see what I can do to help you through that.” She explained, her hands applying light pressure, showing you that she was present and sincere. 

You nodded again, blinking a little too much to suppress the tears trying to escape. She was the only one you knew who saw you as a human being and never made you doubt it. Thanking her, you pulled away with regret as you watched her get away. The commander gave you a small piece of paper, smiling one last time at you before joining his wife on the way out. 

Turning away from the people, you opened the piece of parchment and your heart shattered. 

“Wait for me in my room tonight”

So that’s why you were? Was Livia actually right? You were nothing more than a toy to please him when he felt bored or annoyed? Not even looking around you, you walked hurriedly out of the banquet hall, trying to hold your tears as much as you could. You didn’t want to cry in front of everyone and let Livia catch you in this state. The walk to the royal quarters was quick and silent; you met no one except for two guards standing outside the emperor’s room. They didn’t question your presence anymore, opening the doors for you to enter and closing them immediately as you stepped inside. You felt trapped, just like the first weeks you were here. Approaching the gigantic bed, you threw yourself into the fresh sheets, not even caring about the usual shyness you always felt. If you could meet the you from hours ago, you would break her leg to keep her from living what you did. Sprawled on your back, you watched the white ceiling, thinking that painting it blue and adding golden stars would be less depressing. But who were you to think of redecorating the emperor’s bedroom? Did the commander see you as a whore, too? Did the lady next to you earlier think the same? Of course they did; after all, you just appeared one day and got drowned in lavish goods. You felt depressed and stupid. At the end, it was no better than back at the village. While back then, you were sure that your life had no meaning and you would live in pain and sadness, now it was always being confused about your future and your present. Would suicide be a good option? There must be sharp weapons in this room, and you could probably haunt the palace, teaching them a lesson. It might be selfish, but you refused to let them live a good life while they pushed you to the edge. 

It must have been some time contemplating your death, because you heard the doors open and close, and someone approached the bed. Turning your head lazily, you saw the happy face of Konig in your vision, and you watched him climb onto the bed. You shifted your head away from him when he leaned down to kiss your forehead. 

“What’s the matter?” He asked immediately, a frown visible on his face. 

You could only stare at him with a blank face, not even knowing where to start. But you had no choice; you didn’t want to back down anymore. You let yourself sigh with a certain annoyance before starting. 

“Are you playing with me?” 

The expression on Konig's face was mixed between surprise and hurt. You didn’t know if he reacted like that because of your question or because of the tone of your voice, detached from any emotions. However, he gained back his composure, only asking you why you’d think that. 

“What am I to you? You said you love me, but what actually am I to you?” You began, and despite you wishing to keep your voice neutral of any tones, you could sense the anger showing in your words. “Am I your plaything? Do you have a savior complex, Caesar? That you take me away from my village? Did you want a pure woman that only you could stain? Everyone thinks I’m a whore, but I’m nothing of the sort. If you see me as such, please kill me or put me in jail, even send me back to my village, then I will decide myself to sell my body to feed myself. But I refuse to be a toy for you to play with.” 

You were probably sure that was not the speech you’d made in your head on the way here, but at least something was said. You want to be a human being, not just something that the rich could play with when they were bored. You had suffered enough; now, you refused to let anyone put you down anymore. Be the emperor or anyone else. 

“Took you long enough to realize your worth.” Konig said, rather satisfied with your rant. 

“What?!” You shouted, not even hiding the fact you were about to throw a chair at him.

“You said that you don’t want to let anyone play with you, right?” He explained as he got up from the bed. “I deeply love you, but you have a bad habit of letting people walk over you or letting them hurt you.” 

You watched him pour some wine into a goblet as you sat in the bed, confused and not showing any sign of stopping being mad. He drank a bit of the red liquid before continuing his explanation. 

“I’ve noticed you tend to avoid answering or talk back to people when they ask you personal questions. You need to talk back, dearest.” 

He sat down on the chair next to the table, his elbow resting on the armrest, hand supporting his head as he watched you carefully. 

“You said before you’ll need time to accept the relation, so I didn’t want to pressure you by putting a role on you.” He continued to explain when he noticed the incredulous look you gave him. “If you want me to say you’re the next empress, I’ll do it, if you want something more fitting for now, I’ll do it. You just need to ask me anything, to talk to me, and I’ll do it.” 

Empress? You never thought of that. You were more thinking about something like lovers, something you had seen before, between two adults back then. Could you ever be fit to be the empress of the empire? What did that conversation take a turn like that, you thought. 

“I doubt I would make a great empress, Caesar. But something more soft would be perfect.” You respond. 

He sighed, and you took offense. He told you to speak and ask and dared to sigh? That evening was really beginning to piss you off. 

“See, you underestimate yourself again.” 

“Because I said I wouldn’t make a great empress? I’m sorry, but it’s a more logical approach.” You said, but Konig didn’t seem to hear any of that. 

“Why not? Let me guess: because you’re not born into wealth, because you were not literate until now, tell me.” 

Are you so easy to read? Well, he wasn’t wrong, and you appreciate that he didn’t call you a peasant. Ignoring the nasty stare you gave him, he continued to talk, determined to clarify the situation. 

“Technically, no one is above you since I intend to make you my wife.” He clarified. “Listen, I don’t know what Livia told you since you were next to her, but you have the right to talk back. Don’t let her insult you.” 

“Her dad is a senator and the most beloved one, I cannot do that.” You replied. 

“I can replace him, just don’t let her push you down, please.”

“You will have the whole empire against you. This is not a good idea.” 

“Do you still not understand that I will do anything for you? I told you to ask me anything, and I will do it. I’m not scared of having everyone against me, as long as I don’t lose you.” 

The sudden lump in your throat stopped you from talking back, and for once you couldn’t stop the tears, letting them run down your face silently. You tried to lower your face to hide the mess, but it was in vain, as he never looked away from you since he began talking. 

Getting up from his seat, he quickly made his way to the bed, taking your sobbing form into his arms. Kissing the top of your head, he slowly rubbed your back in an attempt to calm you. This was too much for you, from being called a whore to being told that you will eventually have to be the empress of the empire; how can someone react normally to this? 

“Do you want to sleep here tonight? I asked you to come here so we could spend some time alone and talk about this morning, but I didn’t know something like that would happen.” He confessed. 

So he didn’t want you naked in his bed after all. You felt bad for doubting him. But you couldn’t help it; what Livia had said to you hurt you too much; you needed clarification. Without wasting time, Konig called for a servant and told her to bring night clothing from your bedroom as well as a water basin so you could wash off a little. She was quick to do her tasks, and Konig let you go, telling you to use the bathroom to change. You nodded slowly and entered his bathroom, the memories of when you got poisoned coming back. However, you were too worn out to have any reactions at all, and you just changed quickly, after refreshing yourself. Coming out of the bathroom, your eyes stopped on Konig in undergarments, ready to put on his night tunica. While at first you had to admire the muscles in his back and how broad it was, you were quick to divert your attention to the too many scars that were adorning his skin. Were those stab scars? Or maybe arrows? What that man has gone through, you thought. 

Finally noticing your presence behind him, he invited you to get in bed first, and you happily obliged. You let out a sigh of relief when your back hit the mattress, and covered yourself with the cotton sheets. 

“What did Livia tell you?” Konig asked gently, so as not to startle you, as he was lying next to you. 

“She asked me if I was a whore.” 

“That bitch.” He fumed. 

“She forced me to sit next to her and talk about herself the whole evening; guess you were right about her egocentrism.” You joked, a bit surprised at Konig swearing. 

He didn’t say anything, but it seemed he was thinking about something. Before you could ask him if there was a problem, he talked again. 

“I told you before, stop calling me Caesar, just call me by my name, even in front of people.” He stated. “You can even give me pet names if you want.” 

The last sentence was more said with a sense of humour, but it made you realize you never called him what he called you. 

“Don’t think too much about it, dove.” He yawned. “I have a long day tomorrow, so I'd better wish you a goodnight.” 

“Goodnight to you, dearest.”

End is rushed, reason is on AO3. Thanks for the likes! ♥