Kristen Natalie

“You’re a Hooker.”

“You’ve been spending our rent money on fillipino hookers?”

They’re not hookers, they’re massage therapists.“

"You’re getting a lion?”

“Dude you can get past a dog, nobody fucks with a lion.”

“Your bed is a car.”

“Yeah but it’s a fucking sweet car.”

“My cock is lost in the jungle and it’s up to you to find it.”

“I can’t believe you came on my mom.”

“I didn’t wanna disturb you, you were balls deep in that turtle with a thumb in your mouth.”

“Ugh my doll is a whore.”

“What’s up douche bigalow you sleep well last night?”

“No but I’ll self park it in your ass hole.”

“SHITS WEAK!, SHIIIIIITS WEAK!”

“How much do clothes cost in the matrix?”

“Don’t take the red pill.”

“Adios turdnuggets.”

“Why so you can jerk off on my mom?”

“How many people did you tell about the incident with me and your mom?”

“I’ll call you later, let you know which bed I end up in.”

“Yes and possibly shitting his pants.”

“Maybe because I was with three chicks last night, something you’d know nothing about.”

“Hey look it’s Bono’s brother.”

“I wanna get you a black cobra, to go around the neck.”

“Please. get. on. top. of. me.”

“You play a demon who’s been summoned from hell to clean out this meth lab.”

“Space shuttle!”

“Take that you dirty dopers.”

“I can’t believe there are people in this world who still don’t have cable.”

“I don’t have antlers do I?”

“Chicken cutlet, spaghetti with garlic bread, oh, my God, the wings to go with the breast, I don’t know what you are but I’m gonna fucking eat you too.”

“COCKSUCKER ASSFUCK OH GOD DAMNIT!”

“Let me guess, was your dick on fire?”

“Yea it was my roomates, they tied me up.”

“And just when I was about to scream for the police, I came.”

“Oh my god, Are you serious? I think he fucking shattered it.”

“Because you’re a woman and you’re swimming in a sea of virgins.”

“I know you think I’m really hot and you wanna have a drink with me but my boss gave me this serious deadline.”

“I hate your face.”

“I wanna eat the TV.”

“Thanks, maybe tomorrow you can introduce them to Heroine.”

“Shh, go read your playgirl or something.”

“What’s going on shit lips?”

“You’re not jerking off on my dad.”

“You’re dead to me, over.”

“Yea lose the Woody Allen jacket.”

“What does high score mean? High score, is that bad? Did I break it?”

“You would if you had robot ears.”

“You’ll have to wake him up out of his sex coma first.”

“All those stank ass ho’s.”

“Cool I hope it’s a naked guy with a boner.”

“Jerking off on my mom is one thing.”

“You can stay as long as you like and love any man you choose.”

“Alright! Who wants a piece of the grey bush?!”

“Hopefully that will help with the bad energy troll.”

“I had a dream last night, I dreamt I was a dove flying over the sea, and then I dove in to the ocean and swam with the Dolphins. I was two animals joined as one…Which meant good things are coming, good things.”

“I just got the new season of Buffy on DVD and I’m gonna stay at home and watch the bonus features.”

“Behind this awesome, I’m simply a human. But I’m working on that.”

“That’s cool, if you wanna be sober and vomit.”

“Do you have bathrooms here or do I have to shit in a plant?”

“Go eat a hamburger and choke on a cow dick.”

“I tried to tell you that was a piece of dry dog poop but you didn’t wanna believe me.”

“There is absolutely no way you could beat me at any video game.”

“I have to pee out of my ass.”

“Chi chi choo choo no co co.”

“If I knew you were bringing people over, I would have trimmed my antlers.”

“I can hear my hair growing.”

“My grandma drank all my pot.”

“Hey easy pothead I’ll get you your fix.”

“By girlfriend do you mean that piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick every night?”

“Hey does anybody have a light I found some weed….I wanna smoke it.”

“You want an ice cream sandwich? They’re on whole wheat with lettuce.”

“I once gave Charlie Chapman a hand job.”

“What’s the matter nana’s boy? Can’t hang?”

“Someone’s ass getting laid tonight.”

“My beef strong.”

“Your beef wrong.”

“I FUCKING LOVE THIS GIRL!”

“Are those Leopard spandex?”

“I should have worn a condom.”

“I am a robot, I like robots, I have a robot vagina.”

“Almost as hilarious as your face.”

“So who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era?”

“This chicks pussy smelt like the great depression.”

“Maybe it’s a fireman stripper.”

“This guy’s not gonna rip my heart out of my chest and show it to me is he?”

“Don’t tell me your grandma beats you.”

“It invaded my mind with such force I thought I was going to explode in to the atmosphere.”

“I want you to take the Frankenstein shit, the deer shit, the bling and the bling bling and roll it all in to one joint.”

“I’ll smoke it with you, we’ll go to the looney bin together.”

“i’m video taping this for scientific research, this shit will be on the discovery channel.”

“Don’t judge me monkey.”

“Backstreet for life.”

“I started a fight club.”

“What is that ringing? Do I have a tumor?”

“Phone’s for you I think it’s the devil.”

“He kidnapped your grandma and he’s going to eat her soul through her head.”

“I’m way too baked to drive to the devil’s house.”

“Dude where do you get your weed?”

“You’ll get so stoned you’ll shit your pants.”