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In the good ending for Kaido’s cosmic joke you stated that Kaido and Oden were threatened by their wives. When I read it the first thing I imagined they threatened was divorce lol 😓😓😓 ( mostly cause the reactions from their respective husbands would have been hilarious)
Anyways, have a great day/night Gav-San!!!
Hilarious
The porcelain clink of tea cups barely registered beneath the distant boom of impact across the cove.
Toki exhaled softly, steam rising from her cup as she tucked one leg under herself on the tatami mat. “I suppose that one sounded like a boulder strike,” she murmured, serene as ever.
You nodded, though your cup wobbled as a distant whomp echoed again—followed by a crash and the shrill yells of men attempting to not drown.
Outside the open sliding doors, the sea glittered beneath the afternoon sun. Somewhere across the water, your husbands were engaged in what could only be described as a “friendly sparring match” that had already flooded two training pavilions, three gardens, and whatever pride Kin’emon had left.
Mini tsunamis licked the edges of the beach like overly enthusiastic dogs. Somewhere, Raizo screamed.
“I gave them clear instructions not to use haki-enhanced strikes over open water,” you muttered into your tea, before taking a bracing sip. “And yet here we are.”
Toki smiled, utterly unbothered. “They are men.”
“Ah. That explains everything.”
Nearby, Yamato waddled across the grass with a headband tied crooked over her white hair, shouting “To arms!” before tripping over her own wooden sword. Momonosuke squealed with delight at the splash and promptly followed, despite Hiyori’s cautious protests. You barely managed to catch the youngest as he veered dangerously toward the koi pond.
From the corner, Kawamatsu sighed deeply.
"Shall I intervene?" he called, already standing with a towel in one hand and a baby sling across his chest.
"Not unless they summon the Sea Kings!" you called back.
“Or the giant carp again,” Toki added gently, sipping her tea as Hiyori toddled into her lap and clutched her sleeve like it was a life rope in stormy seas.
The wind carried a shout that sounded like "You cheated!" followed by a thunderous crack and another wave that drenched the lower cliffside. In the distance, Denjiro could be seen sprinting across the shoreline, waving a rake like a battlefield standard.
"…Five minutes until they remember they're married men and not teenagers," you guessed, watching a massive splash arc over the rocks.
Toki glanced up thoughtfully. "Seven, if no one breaks a rib."
You both raised your teacups again.
“Mamaaa,” Hiyori cooed, now chewing on a rice cracker shaped like a crane. You gently wiped her sticky fingers with a napkin and tried not to think about the fact your husband had definitely just shoulder-slammed his brother-in-law into a coral formation.
“They’ll be fine,” Toki murmured. “Eventually.”
“Are we talking about the babies or the men?”
She tilted her head, amused. “Yes.”
You heard them before you saw them.
The crunch of gravel. The squelch of muddy footprints. The unmistakable sound of two extremely large men limping with the pride of victorious fools.
Kaido appeared first, shirtless and singed, sporting a spectacular bruise across one side of his jaw and a large sea urchin stuck to his shoulder like a fashion accessory. Oden limped beside him, hair full of seaweed, grinning like he’d just discovered a new sword technique instead of nearly drowning. Again.
“WE HAVE RETURNED!” Oden bellowed, arms raised triumphantly as though returning from war, not a glorified splash fight. “AND IT WAS GLORIOUS!”
Kaido gave a thumbs up, eye already swelling shut. “Best fight in weeks,” he wheezed.
Behind them, Shinobu walked by with a broom and a dead stare. “There’s a crab in your pants,” she said without breaking stride.
Kaido looked down. “...Oh. So there is.”
You stared at them over the rim of your teacup. Toki did not even blink.
“Are you bleeding?” you asked blandly.
“Yes!” they answered together, far too cheerfully.
Toki looked up from adjusting Hiyori’s hair. “Did you resolve whatever it was you were fighting over?”
Oden beamed. “We forgot what it was halfway through and just started testing how far we could blast each other across the bay!”
“It was epic,” Kaido added, wiping blood from his nose with a piece of kelp. “We made a geyser!”
Toki turned to you. “Should we be impressed?”
You glanced down at the babies now playing with a soggy piece of Kaido’s sash. “Not even slightly.”
Momonosuke, in a show of support, smacked Kaido in the shin with his toy hammer and screamed “Boom!”
“Ha! You raise them well!” Kaido laughed, nearly falling over. Oden clapped him on the back, which somehow set off a chain reaction that landed both men flat on the mat with a grunt.
You leaned over slightly and offered one of the unused towels from the basket. “Here. You may cry into this.”
Kaido took it solemnly. “You mock me, but your husband is missing an eyebrow.”
Oden blinked. “Oh. Huh. So I am.”
Toki poured more tea. “You may both sit quietly in the sun and contemplate your choices.”
Kaido sulked, pulling Yamato into his lap as a distraction. She immediately tugged on his hair and began recounting, with impressive sound effects, exactly how the wave knocked him into a tree.
Oden, meanwhile, tried to get Hiyori to forgive him for being gone an entire hour, only to be snubbed for your shoulder instead.
They both looked at their wives, muddy, bruised, and radiant with pride.
And received nothing but unimpressed silence.
“...Still worth it,” Kaido muttered under his breath, grinning as he wiped a smudge off Yamato’s cheek.
“Absolutely,” Oden agreed, as Toki handed him a bandage without looking up from her tea.
Imao, what Oden and Kaido see when their wives get mad:
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