#wheresmymind

I’m still unsure whether I am dreaming or this is really the waking life, I felt that way ever since I was sixteen, when my light went out on the thirteenth of June.

It was Friday the thirteenth, despite of the weather being nice, everything else seem dark. It was all vivid but I somehow forgotten how that day passed, how she passed.

However, I also think that I am just making an excuse because even before that day happened, I’ve always been this way, I self-destruct, I feel like my very own time-bomb waiting to explode, but it’s been 21 years and I still hasn’t, still bottling it up.

I grew up with a small family, a happy family, or so I believed. I never thought I ever belonged in this world, I never fit in. It was all facade, to everyone, they all think the same.

They think I’m strong, because I help/ anyone who needs help. They think I’m funny, because I always make them laugh. They think I’m independent, can handle being alone, and they think that I am always fine.

Well, who can blame them? They would never think that way if I showed them otherwise right? Or if I will be true to myself and talk to any of them? For what? For them to pity and sympathize me? I know a lot of motivational things, because I also motivate other people. I’m like a go-to person when they need someone who will listen, who will understand and who will tell them to keep going, so I cant break down.

That’s why I’m letting it all out here, where no one I know will be able to read, if not, they won’t know that it’s me right?