Saitama grabbed the remote and quickly scrolled through title after title of porn, to his horror all the channels were pay per view. Some titles he recognized, most he didn't, but all with outlandish prices. His irritation grew, until finally he snapped, “Give me a break!” and tossed the remote on the bed in a huff.
Genos delicately picked the discarded controller up and surffed through the channel menu, “this one has a free preview.”
“Better than nothing,” Saitama said in his blasé way.
Turned out it was an old black and white Dracula movie, from back when the public believed monsters to be a myth. The budget was low, but high on the melodrama.
On the TV, a coffin opens to show a long fanged corpse, that raised like a stiff board, then the “count” made a sudden declaration to the viewer, “children of the night, Awaken. It is now the hour of the dead,” dramatic organ music played in the background.
“this is so corny, we could make popcorn,” Saitama comments. “really, who talks like that?”
The vampire then wrapped all but his eyes in his cloak and then dashed away. Next you see the long dead count, sneak out the crypt in the most obvious way possible and in the next frame turn into a bat on strings to fly away off camera.
”And why do do movies always show vampires living in the creepiest of place?”
genos can tell saitama is Making a show of being irritated, but is actually making light of the film. As an incubus, genos was good at reading moods and It is obvious that Saitama is the type of guy to make jokes in a tense situation and The more tense he is, the worse the joke.
Genos matched this playful tone out of reflex, “why? Do you not sleep in a coffin, lined with grave dirt in a crypt?”
Saitama gave him the side eye, already Suspicious of the change in tone. For genos this flirtatious social que was learned via survival. The more human he appeared, the more comfortable his prey became, but this seemed to have the opposite effect on vampires.
“no.” Saitama answered, “I live in an apartment and sleep in a bed, like a normal person. why? do you hang from the ceiling to sleep?” saitama smirked and raised an eyebrow toward Genos’s wing.
Genos calculated it would be best to tone down the charm, and just be direct, “my body does not require sleep. ”
“oh…. “ saitama dropped his smirk, “Well my body does.”
Saitama turned his attention back to the movie just in time to watch the Vampire get burned by sunlight. Saitama isn't phased by the low budget death, but it peaked genos's curiosity.
“I've always wondered are the vampire weaknesses really true?”
“Like with sunlight?” saitama turned to clarify, “It burns a bit, but not “turn to ash” kinda burn, more like a scalding burn.”
Genos wasn't expecting an answer, but if he could learn more about this marvelous being, he wouldn’t let the chance slip away, “What about Garlic? I've heard it can ward off vampires.”
“Smells strong, that's about it. Since i can't eat food anymore, i don't worry about buying it.”
“Can you…” genos took a moment to think, he wasn't sure how many questions he would be allowed to ask, “not see your reflection in Mirrors?”
“I wish…” Saitama grumbled, “no, i see myself in the mornings just fine.” he answered.
“Is it true a vampire must be invited in, before they can cross a threshold?”
“that's a thing? Well, i don't really do BnEs, so it hasn't been an issue.”
“Ah!”genos remarks noticing a shared thread, “I too don't enter human dwellings. Only weak and stupid monsters draw attention to themselves with a home invasion. I find it much easier to hunt for prey in public places.”
“Yeah it seems like the only way to meet people is at a club or a bar. I'd rather be home reading Than hang out in bars picking up chicks.”
Genos felt They had something in common, “i see. i too must seek out females to feed on to recharge my magic or risk being exposed as a monster.”
“Magic?” saitama questioned, “Like street magic with cards and disappearing coins?”
“No. I mean real magic.” From the 8 schools of magic; Abjuration, Evocation, Illusion, Transmutation, Enchantment, Necromancy, Conjunction, and Restoration.” genos gives a demonstration by holding up his hand and causing light to dance from his palm.
Saitama was captivated by the display, “Wow! That's so cool! How did you do that?”
“most of my abilities are based in the illusion school of magic; seduction, hypnosis, and charm.”
“Oooh. Can you do others? Other…. schools you said?”
“I can, but to a limited use. For example I used Restoration magic to clean the suits.”
That's super neat. You could save so much on detergent…..” saitama mutters to himself.
‘This is amazing!’ genos thought, ‘It’s like every vampire weakness doesn't apply to him. I am dealing with, truely, an apex predator!!!!’ genos's excited thoughts run away with him, his wings unfold as he full body turned to saitama with both knees on the bed, “Can you transform into a bat? Can you fly?” Eyes big like a kid on a field trip. “And what about Holy symbols like Crosses! crucifixes! and holy water!… what about going into a church?!”
“Whoa whoa, take it easy. One at a time,” Saitama chuckled, “20 words or less. I'm not really religious, so i haven't had those problems and I didn't get any of the cool stuff. I just got your run of the mill vampire powers.”
Genos pulled up his towel and folded his wings back into place before sitting on the bed, essentially curbing his enthusiasm. “What are your run-of-the-mill vampire powers?” he asked cooly.
“oh ya know,” Saitama looks up considering his thoughts, “your basic package;” saitama listed them out as he counted out on his fingers, “increased speed and strength, heightened senses, faster healing, better stamina….. Oh! And fangs.” he points the last one out.
Genos thought the list seemed short. “only a true master in the arcane arts would not bother to consider even basic abilities like mine, important enough to mention.”
“Dude I don't have anything like that. I can trance and erase memories a little, but nothing like, magical. it's More like just a suggestion.”
Genos was aghast, “how can you possibly hunt like that? I would never feed without seduction.”
“What kinda girls do you go for?” Saitama asked seemingly changing the topic.
“any that are alone and that I can easily isolate.” Genos answered quickly.
“i go for the ones I can make laugh. It's the only way a guy like me has a chance.” Saitama smiled, but seemed rather down on himself, “I'm the “lie and wait, funny pick up line” type of guy.”
“What do you do if no one approaches? Or if they don't laugh?”
Saitama rolled his shoulders in a Shrug, “i guess i don't eat, but it's fun to tell puns. I find it a challenge coming up with new ones.” Saitama changed the topic again, “What about you? What's your style? i bet you neg.”
“I don't need to.” Genos says a little smug, “I find that genuine kindness is enough to get what I want.”
It was about then the free preview ran out.
“i can pay for it,” genos offered.
“Don’t you dare!” Saitama chastised.
The channel was changed and there was another free preview, also an Old monster movie.
“What's with all the monster movies? Must be that time of year again.” Saitama stated mostly to himself.
After a moment of watching a mummy slow chase after the female lead saitama asked, “can I ask you a personal question?”
“i don’t see why not.” Genos replied with his full attention.
“Are incubus like succubus?”
“succubus appear in dreams and seduce men through sex…. that results in death. Sooooooo, is it true?” saitama pauses waiting for genos to pick up the hint, which he did not, “the Death by sex part?”
Genos is cool as he answered, “it is possible. if i were to drain a woman of all their essence they would surely die, just as if a vampire where to drink all the blood.”
“And if i hadn’t interfeared, would you have drained that girl dry?” saitama’s tone was remarkably serious.
Genos sighed, “I have no interest in leaving a trail of bodies. It draws investigations and I wont do anything to compromise my way of life here in the human realm. I take extra precautions to keep a low profile. It’s why i have a job, an apartment, and bills. All of it is to keep up the appearance of normalcy and I keep a tight schedule, so no one can assume otherwise.”
Saitama seemed satisfied with the answer, and turned his attention back to the tv, but Something was bothering genos, “Now many I ask you a personal question?” genos brow were set in a hard scowl.
Saitama was nervous, but it was only fair. He got to ask a personal question. No reason to deny the same courtesy he was given, “shoot” he finally decided on.
”would you have taken her to this love hotel?” genos's eyes did not waiver, and stared into saitama’s soul.
“Hu?” saitama saif off guard.
“that girl. If she was here instead of me, would you have brought her here to this love hotel?”
Saitama blushed, “NO,NO, I'm not like that! i'm not into pushing down women i've tranced…..” he was holding up his arms in an x shape. Talking fast he added “And i don't usually grind on people like that either. i normal just duck into the shadows, but we were getting pretty heated” saitama gave a snaggle tooth grin and rubbed the back of head in a nervous way, “and i didn’t want someone catching us and break the mood…”
‘since i haven't eaten in a month!’ Saitama thinks to himself.
“would you have killed that girl if i hadn’t interrupted?” genos asked completely serious, “would you have drained her dry?”
Saitama stopped, all embarrassment gone, “no. i don't kill…” he dropped his hand and became very grey. “Something about your blood is just different.....” ashamed he adds, “i'm not like…that. that's not what I'm about. I only take what I need because I have to. I don't want to be this.” the mood dropped to the floor.
“sorry for tricking you….” He added
‘almost killing you’…. The dark thought corrected.
“I usually don't take that much or makeout with…. Or fondle-er groupe the women-erm people i bite…..sorry for all that.” saitama
Clutched his towel, all at once feeling naked and exposed. His skin goosebumped like a chilly wind blew past.
Genos softened understanding this was Not a willing vampire. Much in the same way devils like genos were summoned not of their will.
“I understand…” genos began, “i never let passion take control and I also won't needlessly force anyone into intercourse. A deep kiss is enough to sustain my magic, but with you it was… different. I didn't want it to stop. Even when i felt teeth in my flesh, i wanted more. If you hadn't have bit first i don't know if i could have stopped.”
Genos sounded very serious and a little frightened to saitama. It felt like The atmosphere was heavy but clear. They needed something to lighten the mood.
‘Perfect time for a joke’ saitama thought. “Why do vampires need cold medicine?” Saitama asked suddenly, “For their coffin!” and answered just as fast with a fanged half smile.
At first genos was confused, but saitama didn't stop “wow this movie Sphinx!” Referring to the black and white monster movie.
“Oi, Why do mummies have no friends?” this time saitama paused long enough for Genos to answer.
"Why,” genos stated, playing along with whatever this game was.
“because they’re too wrapped up in themselves!” saitama was Laughing loudly with fangs exposed.
‘He's being funny,’ genos realized and smiled at his laughter.
Someone dies on screen and genos decided it's his turn to play and made fun of the special effects, “That’s obviously a dummy and not a body.”
Saitama didn't miss a beat, “they call that blood? More like syrup.”
This was Fun and relaxing. It was like they had a theater all their own.
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