it's been a year so i feel more comfortable talking about it..
when you're atheist and you lose someone, religious people don't really know how to interact with you. it's fine, we have different worldviews.
'He's in a better place, now.'
Sorry auntie, but I don't believe that. I believe that his brain stopped working at 5h55pm on december 11th 2022, and that's it. Nothing after that.
It makes grief very difficult, because not believing in god or the afterlife also means accepting that you will never, ever see that person again. That's it. The end. Nada mas.
But, back to the aunties and other faceless people gravitating in the grey blurry waters of your awareness.
They tell you 'He's with god now' and you tell them 'Yeah I don't believe that' and.
they. get. annoyed.
Here I am, gutted open, the worst day of my life, barely holding myself together, and they! Get annoyed that I won't smile and entertain their point of view!
Another faceless person tried to heal me with cristals. She also got annoyed when I told her I didn't believe in that.
I usually don't really mind religious people. It's fine, we have different worldviews. I think I'm right but so do they. As long as they're good people, I don't judge them for their faith.
I'll even be grateful for them trying to console me. I get that you're trying to give me strength and love. Thank you.
But I'm going to be true to myself, yes even when I'm mad with shock and grief. And I still can't believe they got annoyed that I didn't play along to placate them, on the worst day of my life.
(I wanted to share because I've never heard anyone talk about atheism and grief, and the loneliness that comes out of it.)
I have not lost anyone recently, but I purchased this book some time ago and found it helpful: Comforting Thoughts about Death that Have Nothing to Do with God.
Because as you say, there's very little discussion of how to think about death and handle grief as an atheist, when you don't have the comfort of thinking they're in an afterlife, they're just gone.
Please folks, whatever your own beliefs are, when you are comforting someone, you must align with *their* views and beliefs. You're religious and they're atheist? Maybe talk about how their loved one isn't suffering anymore, or remind your friend that they have a community around them who will support them as they grieve. You're atheist and they're religious? Go for that "they're in a better place" language, or that God is with them in their grief.
This is not a time that's about you. It's about the person that's grieving and you need to use the language that will connect with them! If you're not sure what to say, just tell them you're there for them and be present with them.
