Lara Croft

There are a lot of questions, so, maybe …Questions? (That’s actually a question)

Anyway.

………

So, I’m here. Where I wanted to be.

But something now stirs within me

Can’t quite put a finger on it

Each time I try, it starts to slip

Out of my grasp

Out of my control

Yet, isn’t this wanted I wanted?

Shouldn’t this make me feel whole?

A dip of the toe, into this pool

At first oh so pleasant, and cool

The blue waters beckon

They charm and entrance

And I’m submerged with just a glance

But to revisit later, in the depths of my mind

Now darkness that bubbles, froths and writhes

Just thinking back, causes me to retreat

To turn in on myself, and the paths that I’ve delved

I’m told not to think, to do what feels right

But how to account for this ensnaring hindsight?

Caught in the web, legs broken and trapped

Too far to go home, too close to shout and ask

Because those who are nearest

Are to deaf to my cries

Cause they’re wordless and silent

Why bother, who’d care? I can’t help but surmise

Physically yes, near me they dwell

But so far away, for anything I could tell

What have I done, who have I become?

My actions speak louder than the words in my mind

How have I fallen into this design?

How am I to know, if by me it’s contrived?

Or the surrounding actions of others so close?

Am I just a reflection, of the desires of those?

Am I really that impressionable?

Each thought vocalized, starts to write its truth over mine

Until my words are mangled, battered and bruised

And all I’ve to follow, are your words turned loose

Is this what’s happened

Am I just to blame?

For letting their blood change my life

And run through my veins?

…….

I’m not quite sure what it is. But everything about listening to music feels so deeply personal. So if an artist pops up after it’s gone through a whole Taylor swift or Hayley Williams record, it can be so disorienting. And I feel a bit like I’m intruding, like I’m at an event or party where I don’t know anyone, and I’m regretting the moment I walked through the door. You know??

Even if the song intrigues me, I have to switch to someone I’m familiar with and have a connection to. I sometimes wish I could be a bit more casual about things, as it seems rather silly to be so affected by a new artist popping up, you know?

If you relate at all to this I’d be quite curious to hear about your experience as well!

Is it almost Christmas or

Okay, three songs on repeat!!

This is so good and I need the mastered version immediately !! Paramore has a way cutting into my soul in the most brutally honest way. But not mad about it.

“Do you ever feel so alone, that you could implode, and no one would know?”

Um yes? Why are you bringing this to light?? Hello?? You think I can actually handle this?? Absolutely not. But so good. So so so good. Like, sooooo good.

I’m going to be so honest and say that I’ve tried to avoid Midnights since my first few listens, because it just put me in a really dark headspace, you know? I loved the songs, but I just felt way too exposed and shadowed after. Does that make sense?? Anyway! I have returned. I think something about being in a city makes me want to feel moodier and misunderstood, like armor as I walk amongst hundreds of people. It’s a bit spiky, but makes me feel a bit safe. Does this make sense? Perhaps not!

I know this one isn’t a deep track by any means, but it just hits so close to home. Umm “starved my body like I’d be saved by the perfect kiss”. Ow! Just ow. I don’t need that reminder. But! Then it’s like, yeah, you’re on your own kid. And at the end it culminates in but you can face this!!! Holy cow. Emotions! But really, it’s haunting and empowering and terrifying and sobering all at once. Taylor Taylor Taylor what are you doing to me!!!

Hold on, this may be the most beautiful thing I’ve read in a while. Who are you??? Definitely not Batman.

I don’t often hear people mention Bulgaria, so that makes you even more fascinating.

I think that’s the best kind of beauty. It’s simply there, it simply exists. Doesn’t try to be any more than that, and doesn’t shrink itself down. They’re there, and you can choose to pay attention and appreciate them, or not. Their beauty and worth isn’t defined by how many people fawn over them.

For the question…What are your three most-used words recently?

Oh my gosh, hello! This is so exciting. I’ve never gotten one of these before. Wow. Wild stuff.

Oh I love weeping trees! How I wish I could make a home amongst the branches. Seems like the perfect shelter. That’s a very good pick.

This is a very good question, unfortunately, the answers will not paint me in the best light. But I digress (this is one of them).

1. Digress

2. Alas

3. Sorry

I wish I used three or four syllable words more frequently, what a shame. I might have to work on that.