#definitely definitely

There are a lot of questions, so, maybe …Questions? (That’s actually a question)

Anyway.

………

So, I’m here. Where I wanted to be.

But something now stirs within me

Can’t quite put a finger on it

Each time I try, it starts to slip

Out of my grasp

Out of my control

Yet, isn’t this wanted I wanted?

Shouldn’t this make me feel whole?

A dip of the toe, into this pool

At first oh so pleasant, and cool

The blue waters beckon

They charm and entrance

And I’m submerged with just a glance

But to revisit later, in the depths of my mind

Now darkness that bubbles, froths and writhes

Just thinking back, causes me to retreat

To turn in on myself, and the paths that I’ve delved

I’m told not to think, to do what feels right

But how to account for this ensnaring hindsight?

Caught in the web, legs broken and trapped

Too far to go home, too close to shout and ask

Because those who are nearest

Are to deaf to my cries

Cause they’re wordless and silent

Why bother, who’d care? I can’t help but surmise

Physically yes, near me they dwell

But so far away, for anything I could tell

What have I done, who have I become?

My actions speak louder than the words in my mind

How have I fallen into this design?

How am I to know, if by me it’s contrived?

Or the surrounding actions of others so close?

Am I just a reflection, of the desires of those?

Am I really that impressionable?

Each thought vocalized, starts to write its truth over mine

Until my words are mangled, battered and bruised

And all I’ve to follow, are your words turned loose

Is this what’s happened

Am I just to blame?

For letting their blood change my life

And run through my veins?

…….