taylor price
trying on a metaphor
Not today Justin
YOU ARE THE REASON
$LAYYYTER
we're not kids anymore.
todays bird
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
almost home
One Nice Bug Per Day
NASA
Cosimo Galluzzi
izzy's playlists!
Mike Driver
🪼
#extradirty
Kiana Khansmith
official daine visual archive
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@kimoi-boi
My name's Kitsu and this is my personal blog. IDK what I'm gonna use it for, but I figured I should have one? I don't think it'll be terribly interesting but w/e.
My FFXIV blog is here: https://discountdps.tumblr.com/. That one's probably worth following instead of this one.
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yesss im always saying this like sure i can give you logical advice but at the end of the day you can just do what you want to do until youre sick of it. cant move on cant switch gears til youre sick of it so go ahead and indulge
the person that you could’ve been or the life you could’ve lived isn’t real. it’s an illusion and a fantasy that only exists in your head. all you have is here and now
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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is anyone else constantly afraid they’ll be “caught” doing stuff they’re obviously allowed or even supposed to do
uh oh 😖 I’m playing video games 😰 on my computer 🫢 that I own 😨 if anyone sees this I’m going to have to fake my own death
symptom of parents always being negative about everything you do
Folks have got to understand that they probably aren't messed up by some Secret Big Trauma that they just can't remember; but rather by a million tiny microtraumas that they do mostly remember but don't even register as traumatic because nobody actually understood that these things would cause trauma, much less stack on each other over the years.
Whether you're carrying one big rock or a big ol' bucket of sand, it's going to weigh on you just as much.
This is why psychologists have started taking more of an interest in CPTSD in the last 10-15 years. What most people know as PTSD is a response to a single, intensely traumatic event (or even a series of events). However, CPTSD (chronic post-traumatic stress disorder) is caused by living for years in a situation where your nervous system cannot catch a break. Even if nothing huge ever happened to you, you always had to be on guard for a thousand little things that could and did happen.
After years and years of this, your nervous system gets "stuck" in an activated threat response. It never really lets you rest, and if this started when you were a kid, you may not develop a lot of neural pathways that you should have, because your brain was too focused on keeping you safe to bother with little things like "genuine human connection" and "interpersonal attachment."
No lie, Complex PTSD/CPTSD is HUGE.
If you are disabled, if you are queer, if you are chronically ill, if you are the survivor of a toxic but not abusive relationship, if you grew up or lived under the threat of harm but no "actual" harm (or "very little" harm) was done, you may have CPTSD that isn't getting caught because CPTSD looks different from PTSD.
It's been about two weeks since I spoke with my mom. That's the longest it's been since her coma after her first spinal surgery. I spent the last 20 years of my life caring for her. I don't really regret it, but man. I sometimes feel like I gave up the best parts of my life to her. All for someone that never appreciated what I had to give up because it was expected of me.
But then I look at my fiance and know that's not true. I'm here, alive, with him and we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. How is that not going to be the best part of my life?
You’re tired. Burnt out. Exhausted. Stressed.
This lowers your capacity for emotional regulation.
You’ll cry more easily. Get dragged into low moods more easily. Simple little things where you’re like ‘dang, that shouldn’t hit so hard,’ will wallop you.
This will trick you into thinking you’re weak and can’t handle life. A loser.
Not so my friend.
It’s a signal that you need a nap, need to allow for more sleep at night, need to prioritize and scale back on what you can accomplish in a day, need to take a mental health day or even a leave.
Something’s got to give.
But!
It’s not your self worth.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Mom was petty enough to remove me from her Netflix account but didn't bother to change the email or password OR update the payment information after she closed her other bank account, so the whole thing is suspended anyway.
Not that I used it for anything, but you'd think she would at least have updated her shit. But no, she was too busy being mad at me to only mess with superficial shit than to even bother making it useable for her.
I did go ahead and change the email at least. The password is still the same one she uses for everything, but at least I'll stop getting emails from Netflix about missed payments.
The scariest shit I see always comes from people who are quite confident that, being very loving, they could not be doing anything abusive.
THIS. THIS A THOUSAND TIMES. YOU CAN LOVE SOMEONE AND STILL ABUSE THEM. PEOPLE WHO ABUSE THEIR LOVED ONES DON'T AUTOMATICALLY STOP LOVING THEM. THEY HURT PEOPLE THEY LOVE. SOMETIMES IT'S BECAUSE THEY LOVE PEOPLE BUT THEIR MEAN OR SELFISH OR WHATEVER. SOMETIMES IT'S BECAUSE THEY LOVE PEOPLE BUT IT'S A TOXIC LOVE WHERE THEY OBJECTIFY OR ACT OVERLY POSSESSIVE OVER SOMEONE ELSE. THAT ALSO APPLIES TO PARENTS AND PEOPLE WHO AREN'T JUST ROMANTIC INTERESTS BTW. YOU CAN LOVE SOMEONE AND STILL ABUSE AND HURT THEM.
tbh when i hear some people talk about 'breaking cycles of abuse', it becomes clear pretty quickly who has come to understand that phrase to mean 'since i was a victim of abuse/neglect by my parents/caretaker/s i will do everything to be nothing like them' and that is all. its not a completely flawed way of thinking either - something that hurt you would very likely hurt someone else; through empathy we learn to understand not to hurt others the way we were hurt too.
but what 'breaking cycles' looks like is more complicated than just not being your parents/caretakers - it's about recognizing how the things that happened to you changed you and how you can heal so you don't hurt someone else in turn. the survival skills you learned in an unhealthy enviroment often translate to poor if not unhealthy interpersonal skills in an enviroment where things ARE safe.
its a difficult pill to swallow for a lot of survivors of abuse (trust me, i know) because we have a tendency to simply want our pain to be recognized. by painting yourself as "absolutely nothing like my abuser" you can abstain from recognizing your own harmful tendencies and live comfortably in the role of victim hood for the rest of your life. it can be tempting to do this especially when so many people will do their best to deny what you experienced - almost like leaning into a stuck door that just won't budge.
the problem with this is if you never recognize that being mistreated made it so you LACK a lot of what other people learned from a loving enviroment, you can hurt people pretty badly even when doing your best just not to replicate what your parents/caretakers got wrong.
this also hurts for victims because, when it comes down to it - it's not FAIR. you were hurt for no reason, and most of us will never hear an apology or even admittance from the person who did it - so why do YOU have to change? why do YOU, the person hurt unjustly, have to put in the work?
and i mean. that's what breaking a cycle is. it means pushing against what's fair and comfortable deliberately so that you can stop something that's been repeating. it's work. its not just recognition of pain, it's the purposeful healing and treatment of it. but thats scary, and it's not fun, so a lot of people fall right back into it. its a lot easier said than done.
starting tomorrow i will be a real person in this world
oh! i forgot to do this. okay starting tomorrow i will be a real person in this world and i actually seriously genuinely properly truly mean it this time
I truly love how when I'm doing new dungeons as part of MSQ, people will sometimes say "enjoy the cutscene!" and "have fun with [expansion] :D" and it's very sweet and kind, and your heart feels uplifted, and then as you exit the dungeon you remember that the story is in the middle of doom and the cutscene brings much gloom
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Soken banging out the tunes
it is SO EMBARRASSING how obsessed i am with this stupid fictional vampire twink and i hate it lmao
