김미연

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The large door of your bedroom stood before you as you felt the lightweight sparkles flow within the pit of your stomach. It was so magical, you have never felt so nerve wracked in your whole life. You gently reached out and took a hold on the golden handle, pushing it down and creaking the door open.

The room was dark except for the light of the moon and stars that showed through the bedroom window.

“Felix..”  You whispered softly looking towards the closet. You turned your body to shut the door behind you before you inched forward towards the closet where he was. You knocked on the closet door lightly at first and pressed your ear against it.

“Felix, are you awake?” You asked slightly louder. You were afraid of the lack of response and then you quickly opened the door to find the beautiful blonde boy, arms crossed around his chest, legs pulled in close. His eyes were softly closed and he slept deeply.

“How does one sleep on an empty stomach?” You chuckled and you sat close in front of him admiring the softly airbrushed freckles on his pale face. How could such a handsome man be so real? And here, in your presence? He seemed so fictional in your dreams, so far out of your reach. And yet, here he sat, merely inches away from your breath. As rare as gold.

You brought yourself up, leaving the basket of pastries next to him as you retreated to find a quilt for him. You walked over to your bed and you found a soft cream quilt that you had at the edge of your bed. Carefully, you made your way back to the closet where Felix slept and you placed the large quilt over his fragile body. He breathed in deeply at the motion and you smiled softly as he immediately snuggled into the warmth added on him. Your body began to move without a sense of your mind and you reached out your small hand to his face and you grazed the blonde strands of hair that rested on his forehead. The tingles of the eminent spark flowed through your fingertips as your heart fluttered in awe. This was love. You were sure of it. And it was almost a dream in the way that you were unable to explain how this man, whom you had just met, had this unexplainable attachment to you. You were sure of it. This love meant something, and you couldn’t let it leave.

You stood back up and looked at him one last time, smiling to yourself as you shut the closet door.

“Goodnight Felix.”

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Your eyes fluttered open softly at the sound of Adelaide drawing your shades and exposing the sunlight. You breathed in heavily and sat up, stretching your arms out and groaning. You felt so exhausted from the night prior and that’s when it all hit you.

“Good morning Milady! How was the ball last night-” Adelaide began as your eyes grew big and you jumped out of bed an anxious mess.

“Y/N? Are you alright?” Adelaide halted her morning duties walking over to you concerned.

“Yeah.. I mean yes, I am fine. I just drank a little too much, I feel a bit ditsy. Sorry.” You shook your head and nervously chucked as you looked over to the closed closet door, wondering if you had been caught. Adelaide would have said something if you were, so you had hoped Felix was still in there, quiet as a mouse.

“I will go fetch some tea, while you freshen up.” Adelaide smiled and walked past you as you nodded to her and waited for her to close your door before you raced over to the closet door.

You knocked firmly, “Felix, are you awake?”

Silence.

You feared that perhaps your memory did not serve you right, perhaps he was a figment of your imagination. But you did not want to believe that.

You opened the door of your closet and your fears confirmed. He was gone. Not a trace. The basket you had brought had disappeared. Your medicine box sat at the top of your closet and when you thought of the quilt, you turned to your bed and noticed the quilt had been laid on the edge of your bed, where you had rested on days before. Untouched. You felt empty, confused. Has this all been something in your mind?

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The birds above you flew freely amongst themselves as you watched enviously. You wanted so badly to be free from everything. From this wedding, from your fate, from Gregory. Your mind was stuck on last night, and how you had wrapped Felix’s hand and laughed with him. It was such a short time but it consumed your mind. How could it have not been real, when it felt so real?

“Y/N?!” Your name was shouted, only to realize your name was being shouted many times before but you had tuned out.

“Yes?” You looked over to your little sister, Clarissa, who was holding her mallet and looking at you rather annoyed.

“Are you even listening to me? It is like I am talking to a statue!”  Clarissa stated and you sighed apologetically. You two were in the middle of a morning croquet game, but you could not focus at all. Not with the way things are.

“I apologize Clarissa, I am ready.” You gave her a half smile and she scoffed at you as she prepared to hit her ball.

“Are you that nervous about marrying “OH-So-Mr-Perfect?” Clarissa spoked and you rolled your eyes and she looked back at you, noticing the disgust in your face after she had hit her ball.

“Trust me, he is far from perfect,” You began, as you set up your hit and your sister watched you.

“I do not understand,” Clarissa started as you hit your ball and she continued, “if you do not love him, why marry him? I thought marriage was between two that loved each other?”

You paused and sighed as you looked at your sister, almost in an indescribable sadness. Her youth made her so innocent, and naive. The world was showing its brutality to you that you had no choice but to wish for a new world where she could be free of all this pain.

“Sometimes, we must do things for the better of all. In this case, I must do what is best for you and our family rather than what is best for me.” Clarissa looked at you and most likely noticed the hurt in your voice. You knew that she looked to you for guidance and answers. You were her heroine, and she aspired to be you.

“I wish you would do what is best for you.” Clarissa warmly stated and you smiled at her before she grew a big cheeky smile continuing, “Your life almost could be written as a tragic romance novel”

“Oh yeah, and who would be the brilliant author to write a novel about my sad life story?” you asked, setting up to hit your ball again.

“I would!” Clarissa exclaimed.

“Is that right?” you turned back at her and rested your palms on top of the mallet. “And how many romance novels has the great Clarissa read?”

“Quite a bit, actually. My collection has grown rather large, thank you for asking.” You scoffed playfully at her answer and turned back to hit your ball.

“And do I want to know where you acquired these books of yours?” You questioned after hitting, seeing Clarissa walk up besides you and looking at you teasingly.

“Why share secrets when it's more fun keeping them?” She cheekily smirked at you and you laughed together.

You had to admit that sharing these small moments with Clarissa always brightened up your days. She had so much growing to do but was so clever in her own way. You loved her dearly and always wanted to show her a life different from yours. If you couldn’t have the life you dreamt of, maybe she could.

As you laughed, your eyes met over to the side of your home where you saw a figure of a man looking at you and again you felt everything stop. The man with blonde hair and a beautiful smile waved softly at you and your eyes grew wide.

Felix.

“Clarissa,” You turned to her and she looked back, “I’ve got to go and prepare for the afternoon activities.”

Clarissa dramatically sighed, “When will we ever finish a game of croquet?”

You two laughed and you embraced your sister sweetly, before taking off to the home in the direction of Felix.

The steps you took as you neared the corner of your home felt as if they were slower each time. A large bush on the side stood in your eyesight as you noticed the large land expanding to the other side of your estate. Soon you felt a hand wrap around your wrists, pulling you behind the bush.

“AH!” You screamed before another hand covered your mouth and you looked at the eyes of the man that had fallen asleep in your closet.

His freckles had darkened slightly since your midnight encounter, and in the light you were able to see the gracefulness of his eyelashes that fluttered shut when he blinked. You could smell his natural scent, almost sweet as honey and subtle in a way where he came off so peaceful. His nose carved infinitely beautiful on his face. How could one man be so divine and so alive?

“Felix, I-” you couldn’t breathe almost as he had lowered his hand and stood so close to you you could feel his breath. The pit of your stomach flipped in excitement,  “I was beginning to think you were not real.”

He chuckled and you awed in his grasp as he slowly lifted his hand, in an ever so gentle touch, placed his fingertips amongst your temple, pushing a fallen strand behind your ear.  

“Sorry for leaving without notice, thank you for the food. It was most delicious.”  the frequency of his voice rumbled in your ears, and it made you drunk with anticipation.

“I’m happy that you ate,” you smiled brightly, allowing your hand to caress his wrist as well before you felt the thickness of the wrap you had placed on his hand hours before. Your gaze lowered to his wrist and hand where you had spotted that the gauze was developing a dark red hue.

“Your hand!” you announced in concern, “I told you not to put unnecessary pressure on it!”

“I needed an excuse to see you again.” Felix spoke honestly, almost in shame for your concern. You looked up to him and his eyes gleamed at you like two gorgeous suns. You felt his apologetic energy as you sighed at him.

“So you used the tactic of potentially acquiring an infection to do so?” You teased and he shrugged a tad before you laughed to yourself, blushing almost as the heat in your face rose.

“Can I meet you in your room tonight? To patch up the wound?” Felix offered and smiled playfully to which you giggled at. His aurora brought you so much peace and serenity, it was impossible to not want to smile in his very presence.

“And how do I know that you won’t go off to hurt yourself again?” You crossed your arms over your chest in a playful way and he took a step closer.

“Well,” another step.

“If patching up my wound every night means that I get to see you…” a few more steps.

“Then I suppose I’ll have to break every bone in my body.” you inhaled sharply and Felix took a few more steps.

“You are as gorgeous under the sun as you are under the moon.” He spoke deliciously and you felt as if your heart had stopped.

Soon you were against the bricks of your large home, behind the bush, with Felix entrapping you. His body heat was feeding into your skin and you felt flushed. Your heart raced faster with excitement and need. You needed this. You memorized every feature of his blissful face and body. He inched closer into you and your eyes began to flutter close until-

“Y/N!” The sound of the man’s voice jerked both of you out of the trance back into reality. Your cursed under your breath as you peeked over Felix’s shoulder to see the carriage of Gregory in front of your home.

“Shit,” You said and looked at Felix, “I’ve got to go. I’m so sorry.”

You began to leave before Felix grabbed your wrist again and pulled you back into him, chest to chest and you looked at him in confusion as you heard Gregory shout your name again.

Felix leaned in and entrapped you in the most heavenly feeling as his lips landed on yours. Your mind went blank, a sharp bright white as you had removed all barriers of negativity in your life. Because here is what mattered the most. You and Felix, and it was unexplainable. This pull that gravity used between you both. The tension that you two had and you could feel his heart beat with yours in sync. This was love. And even though you had just met this man yesterday, a part of you had known him for years.

Felix pulled back and smiled at you and you giggled a bit. You bit your lip and held your palm to your cheek as you felt the heat rise to the top of your skull.

“I will see you tonight Felix.” You softly said as you turned to walk towards the front of your home where Gregory was, leaving Felix in the bushes, watching you leave to another man.

You walked towards Gregory who was standing by the carriage looking at his watch until he saw the figure of you approach him.

“Ah, finally! It’s about time you came out here. We are going to be late Y/N.” Gregory annoyedly stated and you scoffed at him and lifted your gown to enter the carriage.

Our parents will cause chaos if we are not prepared.” He continued and you looked at him in disbelief.

“Why do you care so much? Afraid I’ll leave you at the altar?” You jokingly remarked as Gregory sat in the carriage and he clicked his tongue.  

You stared out of the carriage as it began to pass by all the land that your family owned, heading towards the town church where you and Gregory will be rehearsing your wedding ceremony. But none of that even mattered to you, your mind was well consumed.

Consumed of the kiss you had just shared with the man in your dreams.  You could not forget the silkiness of the pair of lips that were placed on yours, and the pit of your stomach grew warm. He was peace and tranquility inhuman form. You wanted to be with him every morning, every evening and all the hours in between. But in the back of your mind you had to wonder, why now?

You were to be wed in 72 hours. You looked up to Gregory who was sitting on the other side of you, legs crossed, chin rested on his thumb and finger, staring out as well. It upset you deeply that you had known this man for years, and his reputation. But none of it mattered to your parents. It felt painful that perhaps you were bred for this, to become a pawn of a man’s game. So why did Felix come to you now? What was the reason for making you fall in love with this man, that you had only known in a dream, if it was not to wed to him. Or to be in his embrace. Were you being tested by the gods? When will this unbearable nightmare end for you? Will you ever be free?

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“Oh the lovely couple is here!” The chirping of Gregory’s mother rang through the chapel as you and Gregory entered the large room that was being decorated with lavish ivory colors as the workers were preparing for what seemed to be the biggest wedding of the town.

“Hello mama,” Gregory embraced his mother as you saw your parents walk towards you. Your father was wearing his military uniform, looking very strict and standoffish, but loosened up as Gregory walked over to him to shake his hand.

Your mother came up to you and embraced you, as she began to fix your hair and face by licking her thumbs and placing it on you.

“Mama!” you cried out, swapping her hands away from you.

“Darling, you must look tidy and prepared, this is incredibly important.” She stated and you scoffed.

“Mama, it is a rehearsal, no one is here to witness. It is hardly that important.” You informed as you and your mother made your way down the aisle to the pews, where you then noticed the Father had entered at the front.

He was a tall man, hair thinning out a bit in his head, so you could tell he was an older man. He cleared his throat before he began, “ Good afternoon, and thank you for being here today. My name is Father Chris and I will be leading our rehearsal! Can Greogry and Y/N please meet me in the back of the chapel where our procession will begin?”

You turned to your mother who nodded as she made her way to your father to sit in the pews as your parents and future in-laws observed the rehearsal. Gregory then walked to your side as you both walked back up the aisle to the back of the chapel. Father Chris walked to the both of you and smiled.

“Good afternoon to you both, how are you feeling?” Father Chris asked, holding what looked like a Bible in his hand.

“Well.” you both responded and Father Chris nodded and smiled.

“Very good,  we will go ahead and begin our procession practice. Gregory, you will process first down the right side of the room once the music begins from the organs. Your groomsmen will follow of course. When you reach the front of the altar, you will bow and walk to the right side and turn to face the audience and the aisle where Y/N will walk down.” Gregory nodded his head in understandment and smiled as the Father turned to you.

“After Gregory has found his place, we will have the audience rise for your entrance. You will walk at a slower pace, as you come down the aisle to meet Gregory at the altar. Normally brides walk on the left side of the room but this is a high social wedding, everyone will want to see you. ”

“Yes, Father Chris.” You smiled and he nodded.

“Very good! After that has been done we will begin the ceremony.” Father John turned to walk back to the altar as you stood by Gregory and sighed heavily.

“I don't’ like this anymore than you do Y/N,” Gregory started and you turned to him as he looked at you, “so why don’t we make this quick, I have important meetings to attend to today.”

You scoffed at his egocentric attitude and you heard the organ begin to play as Gregory stepped to the side to walk towards the altar.

He walked with no care in mind, he was confident, wealthy, handsome. And with that came his snobby attitude and his utmost disrespect. He hated this as much as you did but rather than you, he craved the control he was to have. Control to do whatever he pleased and your lack of ability to fight him. It frightened you and burdened you with images of a future where you bear his children and extend his bloodline. For the sake of whom? Your father.

Gregory approached the altar, bowing at the cross before he made his way to the side and turned to face you. You inhaled a sharp breath as you stepped your right foot forward, looking straight ahead of you and the golden cross that bore your sight. This didn’t feel holy, this was betrayal in the most beautiful form. You wanted to run out of the church, you wanted to run so far away. Back to Felix, back in your bedroom, behind that bush, anywhere where your fate did not end like this.

Your mind went blank in deep thought that you didn’t even realize you had made your way down the aisle. Face to face with the altar as you halted. Gregory stood there smiling, hands clasped at the front of his trousers. You bowed at the altar and made your way next to Gregory.

You looked at your parents. To your father. His face was unreadable, but it spoke a million words. Telling you to speak when spoken to and to do as you were told. You swallowed a bit and turned back to Gregory and Father Chris.

“Excellent job! Around this time we will have the audience sit down and begin our service and ceremony as normal. I was told that the bride and groom would be practicing their wedding vows. Gregory and Y/N, if you may.” Father Chris ushering you and Gregory to hold hands.

His hands, cold as ice, rough and ridged. Nothing compared to the soft and gentle touch Felix offered you. But, this wasn’t Felix. Because you knew very well that where an angel is, a devil is not too far.

“I, Gregory,” Father began.

“I, Gregory,” Gregory responded, looking at you in deep concentration. His eyes are as dark as coal, Expressing every malintent.

“Take thee, Y/N, to be my wife…”

“Take thee, Y/N, to be my wife”

Breathe, Y/N. You thought.

“To have and to hold from this day forward..”

Inhale…

“To have and to hold from this day forward…”

Exhale…

You blinked once and then you were gone. Around you was a field of grass, and the sound of a lake. You turned your head to the side and back to the front and you saw his face. Felix.

There he stood in a black and white suit, hair brushed back, face portraying more beauty that the world could produce. You wore a beautiful ivory dress, one fit for a bride. You were holding hands, and he recited back to you.

“I, Felix, take thee, Y/N, to be my wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; and I promise to be faithful to you until death part us.”

Your throat burned as you choked a tear through your eyes, looking at the man who you knew that your heart belonged to. You felt the tear fall from your eyelashes and you closed your eyes to let it fall. You opened your eyes again and there stood, hand in hand with Gregory.

“Y/N are you alright?” Father Chris asked you and you looked at him and back at Gregory.

“Will you excuse me for a moment?” You mumbled softly and you turned to run down the aisle and out to the chapel doors. Finding the nearest room you could, you pushed the door open before your heart began to break before you could catch a breath. Tears flowed from your eyes and the pit of your stomach. You couldn’t do this. You knew you couldn’t. It wasn’t fair, none of this is what you wanted. You knew where your heart lied and who it belonged to, and it wasn’t the man you left standing at the altar, lying through his teeth.

A few knocks at the door startled you as you wiped tears from your face. “Who is it?”

“Darling, it’s Mama.” You sighed as you heard your mother call out gently from the other side, “May I come in?”

You trembled and shook as you reached your hand out to pull the handle on the door, revealing your puffy and blotchy face.

“Oh my darling, what is the matter?” Your mother stretched out her arms and embraced you as you continued to sob into her arms.

“I cannot do it, Mama. I cannot.” you wailed into her shoulder as she stroked your back comfortingly.

“Shh, calm down my love. What can you not do?” Your mother pulled you back to face you as she wiped your tears.

“I cannot marry Gregory, Mama.” You started and your mother gasped.

“Y/N! Why would you say such a thing?!” Your mother was clearly upset and you kept going.

“Mama, I do not love Gregory. I do not wish to be entrapped in a marriage where I am not happy. He is awful and cruel, and I cannot-”

“ENOUGH!” Your mother snapped at you which made you quiet rather quickly.

“Now you listen to me, your father has worked too hard for too long for this moment and I refuse to let you ruin it.  All of this is to provide for our family. We have been planning this wedding for years and we will not allow this, foolish feeling to be in our way–”

“But Mama I do not lo-”

“Love him? Darling, those who marry for love, do not live the lives we do. Love doesn’t exist, It's a distraction for those who cannot believe in becoming better for themselves. So they believe that finding someone will make everything better. It's childish. And you, my pet, are no child.” Your mother turned away as she left you standing there in disbelief, feeling crushed and disposed. She reached for the door handle before she turned her head slightly to speak.

“Now, you will wipe up your tears and go back out there. And you will marry Gregory.” Your mother opened the door before finishing her last statement.

“And you will speak none of this nonsense to your father.”

A/N : Hello everyone! Thank you immensely for your patience. This was a hard chapter to write after everything and I hope it served well. I cannot express my love and gratitude to you all. Enjoy!-KMY