it was never casual | H.HJ
synopsis: kissing hyunjin was never just casual
pairing: hyunjin x reader
themes: making out (and lots of it), a lil suggestive, slight angst cause itâs me
note: i wonât update my series but i will sit down and write a fic about making out with hyunjinâŚhmmm ok
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The first time it was out of genuine curiosity.Â
Y/n hadn't really been kissed.Â
She had a peck here and there on the cheek, even one on the lips her junior year of High School.Â
But she had never been kissed before.Â
Her eyes lingered a little too long on her best friendâs lips. She thought if she should kiss anyone, it should be him. But would he want to kiss her? Y/nâs cheeks flushed at the thought.
Kissing her best friend was messy.
But she also felt safe with Hyunjin. If she messed up he wouldnât care, heâd just correct her.Â
The thought sent a rush of warmth throughout her.Â
âNo like this,â heâd whisper before adjusting her form during practices.Â
Would he speak soft and demanding if he agreed toâno.
She shook her head, closing her eyes.
Hyunjin was right there. Sheâs needed to stop thinking beforeâ
Y/nâs eyes fluttered open to meet his.
âMe? Yeah, good,â she squeaked out.
His brows furrowed as he sat up straighter from where he had been reclining against her pillows, the controller falling into his lap.
âNothing,â she shook her head, the heat making its way back to her cheeks.Â
âYou look flustered.â
Oh how she wanted the ground to swallow her whole.Â
She couldnât form the words. What if he rejected her? She would never live down the humiliation.Â
âY/n, you can tell me anyâ.â
âI want you to kiss me.â
They both stared at each other in shock. She felt horrified as Hyunjin just blinked at her.Â
âIâm sorry I didnât mean it like that! I donât want to make things weird. I just donât know how it feels or what to do and Iâ.â
Hyunjin turned his head, but she didnât miss the blush on his cheeks.
âYouâŚwant me to kiss you?â
Her eyes looked everywhere but at him.Â
âOnly if you want to. If not Iâm sure someone will somedayâ.â
She couldnât finish her sentence before Hyunjin had her face in his hands and was kissing her softly.Â
Y/n gasped against his lips at the touch. They were soft and hesitant against her own. She let her eyes fall closed at the feeling of Hyunjinâs hands in her hair. She fumbled at first with the rhythm but once his lips slotted against hers, she felt like she was floating.Â
Their lips moved, slow and without rushâfeeling the shape of each other's lips and both secretly doing their best to memorize it.Â
They pulled back, both breathing slow and heavy. Their lips swollen with a kiss that they both worried would change the entire trajectory of their friendship.Â
Neither of them spoke for a moment. Y/nâs cheeks heated as she turned away from Hyunjin.
Hyunjinâs cheeks shared a twin blush as their eyes met once again.Â
They didnât say anything more, just letting the lingering memory of their lips against one another play on loop as they tried returning to the game they had been playing.
It may have been their first kiss, but it wouldnât be their last.Â
Something shifted in that moment.Â
Something that scared them both.Â
Their friendship was still as strong as ever, but the new territory they explored together had never been discussed.Â
Then one day, Y/n and Hyunjin are attending their youngest friendâs frat party. Jeongin dragged them into a mid-formed circle with pouty lips and pleading eyes. The two friends share a look and Y/n realizes whatâs happening all too soon.Â
The bottle spins and her heart grows anxious.Â
She tries not to look at her best friend as her gaze lazily follows the couple making their way towards the closet.
What if she had to watch Hyunjin go in there with someone else?
She shook her head, what was she thinking? Hyunjin could do whatever he wanted to do. Yeah, they kissed but nothing changed.Â
But why did she want to kiss him again?Â
She didnât know if it was because she felt comfortable with him or if it was something more. What she did know was that it felt nice to kiss him. Even if there was no meaning behind it, was it so crazy for her to want that again?
Y/n was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't see the couple emerge from the closet. She didnât see the bottle spin and it wasnât until her shoulder was nudged and Hyunjinâs gaze caught hers that she realized what had happened.Â
The neck of the bottle pointed towards him and the bottom in her direction.
Y/nâs heart stuttered in her chest. She could refuse him. OrâŚmaybe this would be her second chance at getting to feel his lips on hers again.Â
Their friendâs whistle, a low and slurred âmateeee,â coming from Felix who has his arm slung lazily around Hyunjinâs shoulder.Â
Hyunjinâs eyes didnât meet yours as he stood, only holding a hand in your direction to see if you would take it.Â
Her fingers intertwined with his, letting him lead her towards the closet that she had seen multiple couples enter.Â
Her friends cheered loudly and then it was muffled by the sound of the door closing.Â
âSeven minutes you two,â she hears Jakeâs slurred accent call from the other side of the door.Â
The clock was ticking as her and Hyunjin eyed one another.Â
His lips parted and all she could think about was how they had felt against hers.Â
âYes,â she breathed.Â
Thatâs all it took for Hyunjin to press her into the wall and kiss her.Â
It was just like their first time, albeit a little more intense. Hyunjin kissed her in a way she had never been kissed. His tongue gliding softly against hers, his teeth softly biting at her swollen lips.Â
She whimpered and he pulled back, concern etched between his brows.Â
âToo much,â he asked, his breath hot against her lips.
She shook her head, a wave of embarrassment covering her, âNo itâit feels good Jinnie.â
Something darkened in his gaze, whether it be the nickname or the way she looked drunk off of his lips aloneâhe kissed her again with more fervor.Â
She gasped into his mouth as his hands found her sides, a noise leaving him as she tugged at the ends of his hair.Â
âYouâre gonna make me addicted to you,â he whispered hotly against her mouth.Â
âThen weâll be even.â
She could feel his smirk against her lips, âI donât think this can be the last time.â
She shakes her head, âI donât want it to be.â
They were so lost in one another that they didnât hear the timer beep, or the door open, only pulled apart at a low whistle.Â
They turned, eyes wide and breaths ragged as Jisung looked between them.
In a flash Hyunjin was separated from her and dragging Jisung away by his ear muttering something about him being a âperv.â
She was thankful for the distraction.Â
Gaining composure after the life had just been kissed out of her came with some difficulty, but the lightheartedness they met in the room afterwards eased the tension.Â
âHe wrecked you,â Yunah laughs as she moves to fix her hair.Â
She flushed as she made eye contact with Chan sitting next to her friend, "Actually I think she wrecked him,â he laughs.
Her eyes canât help but to flicker over to Hyunjin who was still scolding Jisung with an amused Minho sitting in between watching it all.Â
His hair was a mess but he still looked perfect. His lips kissed bitten and red as they curled around the words exchanged with Jisung. She didn't miss the flush in his cheeks, all from her, no alcohol, just the remnants of what had conspired between the two of them.
âI hope you both donât regret it,â Seungmin says casually.Â
Those words make her stomach drop.Â
Y/n wouldnât regret itâŚbut would she?
Seungminâs words followed her for the following weeks.Â
Things between her and Hyunjin hadn't changed.Â
It was as if the kissâkissesânever happened.Â
Which made her feel at ease. There was no awkwardness. Hyunjin was around just as much if not more. They still joked, they still cuddled, they still had pointless arguments over nothing.Â
But nothing shifted in their dynamic.Â
One day, Hyunjin came over, sleepy and frustrated after practice. He used her shower, ate some snacks she always kept stashed for him and crashed onto her bed.Â
She had been sitting at her desk, working on some assignments for her internship when she heard the soft call of her name.
Y/n turned, finding Hyunjin sleepily looking at her with his arms outstretched in her direction.Â
As if there was an unknown string attaching them, she followed the pull from the chair and into his arms. He sighed, holding her close and slipping a leg over hers.Â
She sighed at the smell of him, his body warm from sleep and his fingers drawing lazy circles on her back.Â
Hyunjin shifted his head until they were eye to eye.Â
Then he leaned in, placing a soft peck on her lips.Â
One turned to two, and soon the two were kissing softly. No words uttered between them. Just Hyunjinâs hands cupping her face, his lips lazily moving against hers.Â
It was as if this was normal for them.Â
The way they so easily fell into one another. It wasnât heated, it wasnât slow and careful like their first or filled with heat and passion like their second, it was slow and soft, and Hyunjinâs lips would sometimes miss hers and end up on her chin. Heâd kiss her cheek, her jaw, her neck and then heâd fall asleep and sheâd follow soon after.
If he was tired, heâd kiss her.Â
If he was happy, heâd kiss her.
If he was frustrated, heâd really kiss her.Â
That was the mood Hyunjin had arrived in today. A practice set Hyunjin on edge and the minute the door opened his lips were on hers.Â
He had her pinned to the door, one of her legs thrown over his hips as they arched into one another. Panting and breathless from the bruising kisses. Drunk off of the taste of his tongue in her mouth and Hyunjin wasn't any better.Â
When she pulled back heâd chase after her. His tongue licked so deeply into her mouth that it made her eyes roll. The roughness of it made her toes curl and a spark of heat douse her body.Â
The way he kissed her felt so wrong but so right at the same time.Â
Hyunjin needed her the way she needed him and it just worked.Â
He never failed to check in on her, never forgot to ask if it was okay before capturing her lips in his.Â
He didnât know, but he didnât need to askâ she was his, and that realization scared her more than she wanted to admit.Â
âI just donât know,â Yunah voiced one day.Â
Her dark eyes were concerned as they met yours, âFriendâs donât kiss Y/n. I think you need to be honest with him.â
âI have been. Weâve set boundaries and rules andâ.â
âNot that,â she sighs, âIâm talking about your feelings. You and I both know you donât just see him as a friend. You need to tell him or this borderline friends-with-benefits thing is going to end up hurting you both.â
Y/n sighed as she collapsed against the couch that night.Â
Yunah was right, ever since Y/n had asked Hyunjin to kiss her almost a year agoâŚthings had spiraled more than she thought they would.Â
She knew friends didnât kiss butâŚhad Hyunjin ever really been just a friend?Â
Y/n would never admit it but she had always felt attracted to him in more ways than friendly. But their friendship was precious to her, and if giving up kissing him meant keeping him in her life thenâŚthatâs what she had to do.Â
It was a week later when Hyunjin showed up to her apartment, he wasn't standing straightâa goofy smile on his face and the smell of alcohol on his breath.Â
While normally she didnât mind this side of her best friendâthe one that led to a giggle infested makeout session atop her bedâ her heart had been weighing heavily on her since her conversation with Yunah.
Y/n needed to confess her feelings to Hyunjin, or she needed to put a stop to the kissing.
It wasnât fair to Hyunjin, not when she was harboring feelings for him.Â
Hyunjin leans forward, his blonde hair falling into his eyes that were glistening brighter than the stars, he brushes his lips against hers and it takes everything in her not to fall into the rhythm.Â
âHyunjin,â she says softly, placing her hands on his forearms to stable him, âWe need to talk.â
Hyunjin seemed to sober up at that, his smile dropping as he took a step back from her.
She nodded, moving further into her apartment. Her palms were sweating, the words feeling heavy on her tongue. But she didnât want to ruin this. She didnât want to lose him as a friend, but she also didnât want to lose the feeling of his lips on hers. Didnât want to lose the breathy sounds that he would make when he kissed her or the soft moments after when he held her.Â
He followed her quietly to the couch, his eyes wide and curious as they never left her. She felt like she wanted to cry, he looked so genuinely nervous that it made her heart ache.Â
âHyunjin IâI donât think you and I should kiss anymore.â
Hyunjin regarded her for a moment, his eyes widening and then a deep frown settled on his lips.Â
He leaned back against the couch, running his hands through his hair as he looked everywhere but at her.Â
âI meanâŚif thatâs what you want Y/n Iâll respect it butâŚwhy all of a sudden?â
She stared at her hands, unable to look at the sadness seeping into his features any longer.Â
âIâm justâŚsomething has changed and it wouldnât be right to continue to be with you like that. Itâs not fair to you and it wouldnât be appropriate.â
She risked a glance at Hyunjin, his eyes on her shifting over her face at her words. As if he were waiting for her to say that it was a joke.Â
âSomething changed? Do youâ,â he stopped himself, âDo you have feelings for someone?â
âIâ,â she didnât know what to say.Â
But her silence was an answer to Hyunjin, his head hung between his shoulders before he stood defeated.Â
âHyunjin donâtâ.â
âI just need some time. I thoughtâI guess I donât know what I thought,â he mumbled the last part before making his way back towards the front door.Â
Y/n had a split second to make a decision. Either she came clean, and risked their friendship entirely, or she let him leave. The thought of not knowing when she would see him again was too scary. She had already done horribly with her words, she had hurt the man she loved andâ.
And before she could think, the confession came tumbling from her lips.Â
âI love you, Hyunjin.â
Hyunjin froze, the door cracked slightly. He didnât move and thatâs when the weight of her words crashed down on her.Â
âThatâs what changed,â she whispered, âThis wouldnât be fair to you because I have feelings for you and I know this is a casual thing for you butâ.â
âIt was never casual for me.â
She looked up then, catching the glisten of unshed tears in his eyes. He opened his mouth, but for a moment no words came out.Â
âWhen you asked me to kiss youâthe first timeâI didnât know what to think,â he confessed, âI had been feeling different towards you then. I didnât know what it was. I think I even tried to convince myself that it wasnât love.â
Her eyes widened as he stepped closer, âBut you made it so easy to fall for you and knowing what your lips felt like against mine and the way you reacted when I was so close to youâyou donât know half the war I went through not to tell you that I love you. Not only the first time,â he whispered as he closed the space between them, âBut every time after that.âÂ
She felt a tear slip from her eye, one that was kissed away by Hyunjin as he cradled her face so delicately in her hands. âI donât want to kiss you as âjust a friendâ anymore Y/n, because youâve never been just that to me.â
She wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling their bodies closer to one another, âThen kiss me like Iâm yours Hyunjin, because thatâs all Iâve ever been.â
Their lips met, soft and hesitant at first and then all of the yearning began to pour into it. Hyunjin held her impossibly close, an arm around her waist and a hand cupping her face as he kissed her deeply. Her hands fisted his shirt, pulling him as close as she could to her.Â
He swallowed the sounds she made, letting his tongue glide past her open lips. A soft sound left her as their lips danced.Â
âYou donât know what you do to me,â he whispered hotly against her mouth.Â
âI have somewhat of an idea,â she half teased, but her breathing was just as heavy and the heat in her cheeks matched that of what was creeping onto Hyunjinâs.
âIâm never letting you go,â he spoke softly, his finger trailing softly down her cheek.Â
âI donât want you too.â
And with that their lips met again, over and over as sweet âI love yousâ were passed in between breaths taken before their lips met once more.Â