Holden Vitamin Caulfield

oh god shes collapsed someone get her a thai iced tea and a bowl of tofu pad see ew STAT!!!!!

i eat your grandads clothes

when you’re having a laugh with your dad but then you suddenly remember that he’s going to hell

(killing with a hatchet) you guys dont think im offputting, do you?

You listen to music regularly? Why? Have you even tried quitting? Could you quit? You get music stuck in your head? Wow. You're so ruined and music brained. I bet you make your partners listen to music with you when you have sex. Music addiction has really ruined a whole generation. You know it's not realistic to expect reverb in real life, right? You're probably so desensitized that you don't even feel anything anymore when you hear a bird singing that it wants some fuck.

love when tumblr does the 'people are liking your post!' and it's just one mutual. that's right my friend counts for a crowd :)

give your intrusive thoughts a name so that when they crop up you can say fuck off Jesse. Or Charlie. Or uhh… Patricia. Idk

No, Word, I do not “want to rewrite this paragraph with copilot”. Similarly, I do not “want to hire a drunk chimp as a chauffeur”, so perhaps you can fuck off?

Is There Any Way To Commit Suicide Without Actually Like Dying Forever Like Any way To just like Make a point

that art would have been sexier if you'd made him fat btw

oh fuck it, i'm not driving. put whipped cream on those strawberries.