i was born in october & it lives inside me still

I feel like Hayden should witness Hollanov but not think they're together but instead, thinks he's uncovered the biggest secret about Ilya Rozanov: that he has a crush on his hockey rival. He can see the way too fond smiles that Rozanov throws Shane's way when he thinks no one's looking, most of all Shane. He can see the affection in his eyes that doesn't make sense otherwise. He also sees the hunger there, the way that Rozanov looks like he wants to devour Shane. Something akin to a lion looking at gazelle. Hayden thinks he should tell Shane. He deserves to know Rozanov has the hots for him, especially when Shane announces he's started to talk to Rozanov a bit off the ice. That they even text now.

Tonight I'm thinking about Shane getting anxious and overwhelmed in a social situation – not enough that it's noticable to most people, but Ilya can see that he's Freaking Out – and Ilya just slowly running his hand up the back of Shane's neck until his fingers are tangled into his hair, and tugging just hard enough that it hurts a bit, like holding a kitten by the scruff of its neck. The message is clear: even if you don't feel like you are, I'm in control and I've got you. Shane instantly relaxes.

Crucially #myshane plays to his twentieth season which is just long enough to have the experience of meeting Ottawa's new draft prospect, also named Shane, and to smile and jokingly say, "Hey nice name," and for the rookie to gulp and say, "Thank you sir I am named after you" and that makes Shane sit in his stall and stare at the floor between his skates for. Significantly too long to be healthy.

STOP THIS IS SO CUTE

My mom and I have a thing I call woke college daughter where she'll say something like "men inherently require less work and drama in friendships" and I go "not to be your woke college daughter but perhaps rather than phrasing this in terms of biological essentialism we look at it from the point of view of men being socialized to avoid discussing their emotions which is not necessarily a good thing for either men or women" and by prefacing it with woke college daughter I am acknowledging that even if I'm right I know I'm being annoying about it. And it works.

it’s the funniest thing in the world to me watching shane make earnest attempts at bratting and missing every time. my little bratfailure. in the vegas bathroom when he tells ilya to suck his dick with that trembling voice and then he immediately turns away from him and wells up with tears. you tried baby. in the hotel room when he throws his underwear and ilya and then we see his life flash before his eyes. you tried baby! cottage roleplay when he’s trying to be all coy only to have ilya spread him out and make him purr like a kitten in 2 seconds. baby we see you trying. phone sex scene where he’s like nooooo stopppppp ilyaaaaaa and then proceeds to climb on the back of the couch for No Reason in his 2” inseam shorts so his dick is eye level with ilya’s mouth for No Reason At All. it’s okay shane baby you can’t be good at everything.

david hollander is the true winner of the idgaf war. he doesn’t know what youtube is. he doesn’t care about shane’s sponsorships. he understands why shane doesn’t wanna go to wimbledon and is just happy to go with his wife. he sees his son making out with his supposed arch enemy and turns 180 degrees, gets in his car, and doesn’t tell a soul. he pulls out the vodka when his newly out gay son is having a freak out at the dinner table. if shane had even 1% of his idgaf powers he would be unstoppable. unfortunately that boy inherited his mom’s gaf-ability, which is constantly set to 150%.